rnchloe This is my eternal struggle too. I once had a lady in the parking lot of a grocery store give me crap for buckling A into the car and then walking 30 feet to return the cart. In the pouring rain.
IMO as long as E is secure (car locked), safe (very short timeframe, no chance of overheating), then it comes down to risk management every single time. I don't think it's neglectful, and it's sometimes just the reality of being by yourself with a baby. But, everyone weighs risks differently and is going to have their own opinions (like every other aspect of parenting).
Post by andtheheartbreakers on May 24, 2016 9:15:10 GMT -5
We're heading over to someone's house this morning to interview her as a potential day care provider. I'm so excited at the prospect of going back to work and using my brain, but I'm so nervous about meeting someone that I trust with my daughter all day.
And tomorrow is Layla's echo so it's gonna be a long day.
I'm pretty annoyed at my mom this morning. She is a nurse practitioner in a family physicians office. I am borrowing her laptop for a project I'm working on because all I have now is an iPad and I need a laptop to make a photo book for MH for Father's Day.
I have a bunch of errands to run with Emily today and she's going to miss her morning nap. So I asked my mom if she could just leave the laptop at the front desk with the receptionist so I could just run in and get it in case Emily has fallen asleep. Her office is literally 20 feet from the parking lot I would just be going up to the first window in the building, getting the laptop and turning around and walking back out it would probably take me 30 to 40 seconds max.
My mom tried to tell me that I can't do that. She said it's neglect in that they have called the cops on people who leave their kids in the car. I am beyond pissed that she would ever compare me to someone who would leave their kid in the car for more than a minute. They recently had someone leave their kid in the car while they went in and saw the doctor at the after hours clinic. The police were called it was a big deal. Yes I absolutely agree that that's wrong and I would never do something like that. The fact that she would compare me to somebody who would really bothers me.
Apparently she was perfect and when my brother and I were growing up in the early 90s she NEVER did that. So she says. I have a hard time believing that if she needed to get gas and my brother I were in the car she really took both of us out to go in and give the clerk money for gas.
Recently I had two packages that I needed to return and I did it at the UPS store. It was literally impossible for me to carry the two packages and Emily into the store I obviously wasn't going to take Emily in the store and set her down and go out and get the packages. So I had to take the packages in set them on the counter run back out and grab Emily. It probably took me about 45 seconds maybe a minute. I had no other option I was by myself. Was this wrong?
I just want to know what other moms think… I'm specifically talking about leaving kids in the car for a very quick run into a building that would take less than a minute. I think we can all agree that it's neglectful and wrong to leave a kid in the car to get groceries or something.
Eta: thanks to credit cards I never even have to go into gas stations anymore. But if I needed to pay for gas with cash I would probably not leave Emily in the car to do this. It would make me nervous. You never know how long you might have to wait in line etc...
Ugh I struggle with this so bad. I always take the kids out for fear that someone will call CPS on me if I don't. It's a huge pain especially if I'm running into the gas station to pick up milk or a pop or something. I read way to many stories online lol. I see no problems with it especially if it's going to take you less than a minute and can see the kid in the car (or even if you can't) but I worry that the hassle of possibly dealing with someone calling the cops is more than the hassle of taking the kid out of the car.
Post by southernpeach89 on May 24, 2016 9:17:39 GMT -5
UGH the struggle is real this morning. Thankfully we are getting our new phone plan this afternoon. I can't wait to get that over with.
charliefox, I can't wait to hear about all your trips!
Fearsy, That's so awesome! I've heard about those type of things but I've never actually gotten out of the house to go to them. They weren't for babies, they were for different things like "come tell us your opinions about such and such product and we will pay you". I need to start signing back up again to see if I get anything interesting.
Post by andtheheartbreakers on May 24, 2016 9:21:36 GMT -5
rnchloe I leave Layla in the car when I'm running up to someone's house to deliver a bib, so I consider that along those same lines as you grabbing the laptop and it's never even seemed wrong to me. She's in there less than 2 minutes without me.
I would never leave her in the car and go into a grocery store, or anything else.
I took O to the doctor yesterday since he had a fever that just kept coming back all weekend and Sunday night he broke out in a rash all over his chest and tummy. The doctor said he has roseola so no big deal. I'm glad I took him in because the rash was getting worse and was starting to worry me. I'm working all day today and I realized I left my coffee on the kitchen counter when I was too far to turn back to get it. I set up a meeting for tomorrow to request a drop in some hours at work. It's what I've always wanted to be able to do, and now that H has started his new job I finally can. I'm just nervous to ask though. They could always tell me no and if they do approve it there really won't be any going back. If I ever decide I want those hours back it won't be easy. I'm hoping as H makes more money over the years I will just be able to continue to slowly drop hours until I'm only 2 days a week!
rnchloe I leave Layla in the car when I'm running up to someone's house to deliver a bib, so I consider that along those same lines as you grabbing the laptop and it's never even seemed wrong to me. She's in there less than 2 minutes without me.
I would never leave her in the car and go into a grocery store, or anything else.
I guess it's one of those things that where do you draw the line? It's OK if it's only for 30 seconds or a minute or less than two minutes. But 3 minutes is definitely way too long. And you have to be able to see them if you can't see them then it's wrong... But if you can see them you can leave them for 5 minutes... I can see where the lines get blurry
Maybe it's wrong that I judge parents who leave their kids in the car to go into the grocery store but I think it's ok for me to run into a building for 1 minute.
Im mostly just irritated at my mom for throwing around words like "neglectful" and "wrong" towards my parenting.
rnchloe, here's a great article and a link to each state's laws on leaving kids alone. I've contemplated leaving C in the car to run and do something really quick (like UPS) but haven't for fear that someone will freak out, not fear that he won't be okay. That last time I was at the post office I just needed to drop a package in the bin, he was asleep, it wasn't hot, and I would have been able to see the car for the whole 30 seconds it took me but I chickened out. If I had been in H's car with tinted windows I totally would have done it because no one would have been the wiser. FWIW, I think your mom totally overreacted.
rnchloe This is my eternal struggle too. I once had a lady in the parking lot of a grocery store give me crap for buckling A into the car and then walking 30 feet to return the cart. In the pouring rain.
IMO as long as E is secure (car locked), safe (very short timeframe, no chance of overheating), then it comes down to risk management every single time. I don't think it's neglectful, and it's sometimes just the reality of being by yourself with a baby. But, everyone weighs risks differently and is going to have their own opinions (like every other aspect of parenting).
+1. It's such an American thing to freak out about leaving your kid in a secure place for a few seconds.
I texted H that the first one on the board was pregnant and I was surprised we (as in the board) lasted this long and his response was: "Wanna conceive in France?"
You know what's awkward? Pumping and a winder washer suctions himself to your office window 4 feet in front of you face!
I face the window because I'm on the 20th floor and I figure more private than facing the door and accidentally having someone walk in. Also, easier access to the outlet.
I have left both kids in the car while I drop my water, trash & sewer bill at the town hall mail drop box. There is only street parking, I can see my car the whole time. I walk up to the front of the building drop it and go back. I'm friends with the chief of police in my town and one time he stopped me to talk. I told him I was dropping a bill off and the kids where in the car. He was ok so he walked back to my car with me to see the kids since he never met Val before.
I would never run into a store and leave them for anything more than a few seconds. I have a keyless car, so I leave the car running with the a/c or heat on depending on the weather & lock the doors. I wish all stores could have drive thrus!
I agree with charliefox that my reasons are more motivated by not wanting to get into a confrontation. I am confident enough in my own judgement to know that A would be safe and secure and content for whatever finite period of time we are talking about. But a passerby might not assume I am also making a sound judgement call.
A few years ago I was at a post office and saw a toddler in his car seat in the parking lot. I fully lingered by the vehicle just to make sure he wasn't super alone. His mom was back within 30 seconds, she had gone to stick mail in the box. She thanked me for "keeping him company". Translation: thanks for not being a dick and calling the cops.
rnchloe This is my eternal struggle too. I once had a lady in the parking lot of a grocery store give me crap for buckling A into the car and then walking 30 feet to return the cart. In the pouring rain.
IMO as long as E is secure (car locked), safe (very short timeframe, no chance of overheating), then it comes down to risk management every single time. I don't think it's neglectful, and it's sometimes just the reality of being by yourself with a baby. But, everyone weighs risks differently and is going to have their own opinions (like every other aspect of parenting).
+1. It's such an American thing to freak out about leaving your kid in a secure place for a few seconds.
As much as a non-American can agree with such a statement, I do.
txshep, Sam is one of the babies that hair pulls, grabs faces and knocks over babies. He thinks he is tiny, but his giant baby brute strength is too much for the older babiea.
DC teaches baby sign language and so we worked to really get him to learn gentle. So whenever he is being too rough, we do the sign, say gentle over and over and now that he learned it he stops. And then he does the sign too. So he seems to be getting it and it's helping cut down on his gleeful grabbing and pushing.
We don't sign, but she does know "gentle" thanks to our dog. That's why she no longer tugs his hair, and just pats him instead. They tell her gentle at school when she is being a beast, but either she doesn't make the association there, or she doesn't care (I'm going with doesn't care.) I don't know how an 8 month old can be that strong willed, but she apparently is. I know they're babies, but I don't want to have the "bad" kid as she gets older.
txshep, but she is so cute she will get away with it. My big was the class biter, and sometimes still is. But he is so adorable that none of the other parents have ever given me grief about it. And he bit A LOT.
At least you know she will always defend herself.
That is what my DH keeps saying! "She'll always defend herself and won't do something she doesn't want to do." Sure, that's a great quality for a girl to have, but I'm going to get reallllly tired of the incident reports when she's older. lol I know her teachers cut her some slack because she is so tiny and cute though. My little beast.
rnchloe I cannot physically carry both of my babies into daycare, especially since the big one can't sit up completely independently yet. If I tried, all it would take for one of them to get hurt is to see something interesting on the ground and lunge for it. They are far safer sitting in the car alone for a minute while I take the other baby in. Your case is a little different, but if my baby is okay waiting, yours should be too.
lilylove31 I wish I could do that, but anything extra I earn gets us out of our current town sooner. I've been trying to leave for years.
Why would he whine at home and be fine at daycare?
O is the same way. He is always all smiles and happy at the sitters but anytime he's home with me he is a fuss bucket. I've been told it's because he is more comfortable around me so he doesn't feel like he needs to hold back because he knows mommy's love is unconditional. I'm just tired of everyone else getting the happy baby and I have to work my ass off to get the tiniest smile out of him.
txshep My tiny one is a bully to my big one, too. She steals his toys and makes him cry. Daycare tried explaining to her that she can't steal her brother's toys, took the toy away, and gave it back to the big one. Then the little one started crying too.
ntaylor989 I like your idea of calling to have someone come out. I need to remember that!
I'm just fuming now. My boss has made a habit of calling me "Kid" or "kiddo". Are you f'ing kidding me? I didn't correct him the first time and now I feel weird about it. I don't know why. How unprofessional can you be?
Some guys seriously have no clue about how idiotic they sound. Then they act like you made a big deal about it when you tell them it's super inappropriate.
rnchloe This is my eternal struggle too. I once had a lady in the parking lot of a grocery store give me crap for buckling A into the car and then walking 30 feet to return the cart. In the pouring rain.
IMO as long as E is secure (car locked), safe (very short timeframe, no chance of overheating), then it comes down to risk management every single time. I don't think it's neglectful, and it's sometimes just the reality of being by yourself with a baby. But, everyone weighs risks differently and is going to have their own opinions (like every other aspect of parenting).
+1. It's such an American thing to freak out about leaving your kid in a secure place for a few seconds.
I think it can be much more dangerous in the USA in the south where temperatures can be in the high 90's low 100's by 9 AM. Even a few minutes could be dangerous. And there are a lot of stupid ass people out there.
For me, I leave them in the car and always have based on my judgement of the situation. If someone called the cops on me that would be crazy but I don't think i'd ever be gone more than a minute or two to warrant a call. I always strap them in, return the cart and come back. I would do it less frequent in the summer because I would be more concerned with leaving the car on and someone jumping in and stealing the car. But I wouldn't want to leave the car off with them in it with high temps and direct sun.
As much as a non-American can agree with such a statement, I do.
I totally meant North Americans
Haha and to some extent that is true as well. I am pretty much certain European moms don't worry about such things to the same degree. Same way they sipped wine their whole pregnancy and just generally exude calm, confident fabulousness.
Report back on the status of French moms you see and either confirm or debunk my mental picture
evanda, Having 1 LO sucks, I cannot imagine having two. Hope they feel better soon!
ntaylor989, I love the idea of using the sign for gentle, we have been doing this for soft and it definitely helps.
rnchloe, I feel like you're mom's comparison to neglectful parents was definitely overkill, but I have to admit, I always put Mila in a carrier even if I have to run in somewhere for just a second. Not because I think it's neglectful, it is just habit. When I get out of the car she is basically like "alright, lets do this!" and if I don't take her out, when I pump gas for example, she scream cries.
rnchloe I cannot physically carry both of my babies into daycare, especially since the big one can't sit up completely independently yet. If I tried, all it would take for one of them to get hurt is to see something interesting on the ground and lunge for it. They are far safer sitting in the car alone for a minute while I take the other baby in. Your case is a little different, but if my baby is okay waiting, yours should be too.
lilylove31 I wish I could do that, but anything extra I earn gets us out of our current town sooner. I've been trying to leave for years.
I am a twin and my mom accidentally locked one of us in the car with the keys as babies. The other baby was locked inside the apartment on the second floor. She couldn't get to either of us and was freaking out. Cops came and got car baby out. She was so hysterical it took them a bit to figure out there was another baby upstairs. She never told us who was where, but we were both in a super safe 1970's car seat/carrier/chair thing. No way I can see a twin mom going out with both babies without leaving one alone for a minute. I stress about it with a toddler and a baby!
Post by eliza040502 on May 24, 2016 10:41:27 GMT -5
charliefox - so looking forward to updates. I'm taking notes for our trip.
@cocpuff - try a neti pot for allergies. That and flonase are saving me right now.
hovenb - you are not doing a bad job! J will whine going to daycare and coming home. But once he gets to daycare (and before he sees me at pickup) he's happy as a clam. I contribute it to (a) he's so stimulated at daycare that he doesn't realize he's hungry or tires and (B) he knows he can whine to me and get what he wants.
rnchloe - I've definitely left J in the car in front of my house when I cant carry him and the stuff. I don't see the differrnce in doing it in a parking lot except for nosey people. That would make me nervous about doing it. Dnw child services called on me.
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