Choosing a donor...is this hard or easy?

[hero7]

Hi All,

I'm looking for some insight on selecting an egg donor - we have access to our clinic's online donor database as of yesterday evening.  I'd been given temporary access prior so had been able to see donors prior to this, but now it's serious  

We know what we are looking for as far as characteristics, personality, etc...but should we also be getting that "this is THE ONE" feeling?  I am so conflicted by this...I mean, this whole process is a bit strange...

We saw a donor last night that we both liked and agreed she was a good fit for our family, she 'checked all the boxes'...but neither of us thought we HAD to pick her right then.  Part of it was because it was the first hour we'd looked (for real) and part of it was well...are we sure?  How will we know if we're sure?

Part of me just wants to pick her and move to the next step - but I'm hesitant for some reason - anyone have advice?

Thanks!

[dukegirlsc]

hero7 , I am not the best person to answer this because I searched for my donor and then chose where to cycle dependent on what part of the country she was in. Meaning I wasn't limited to one clinics donor pool. I will say that we were adamant about certain things, medical history, the donors and her families, then we looked at education and overall well roundedness and finally I wanted someone that looks like me. I looked through 5 different databases to find our donor and to cut down on her travel costs we are cycling far away, but I found an amazing state of the art clinic close to her.

All that being said I think you have to decide what pieces of the puzzle are very important to you and when you find one that checks all your boxes then that's you person. I gave myself a couple of days to think about it/her, DH took one look at her profile and told me I'd found the perfect person that she looks like she could be my sister! I do think you "know" when you've found the one. Good luck to you! 

[dream2be3]

***lurking grad***
hero7 hope you don't mind me jumping in. DH and I used donor eggs within the US. The facility we worked with had a limited number of donors, rarely over 50, so I was a bit nervous. DH and I went through the donors separately and each wrote down our 3 favorites. We hadn't even discussed characteristics or anything. We then compared to see if we had any that matched. We didn't. We went through each of our lists together and talked about characteristics and medical family history. I was persistent that my first choice was the best candidate but DH wasn't convinced that having a baby from a different ethnic background was the right choice for us. I didn't have a "this is the one" feeling. We took a couple days to think on it and during that time 3 more candidates popped up. 2 of the 3 were better then any of the previous choices. The one we ultimately chose had the best family medical history, had the most characteristics similar to mine, and had kids. It was important to me to have someone that had had a successful pregnancy. We reserved her immediately. I was excited about our choice but I can't say I had the "this is the one" feeling with her either. But I also didn't have any hesitation in picking her.

Feel free to ask me questions you may have. Best of luck!

[trytobearunner34]

No advice, but will be watching this thread closely as we are in the same place.  Wishing you the best!

[RN1175]

****grad warning*****

We waited four months to be matched with a donor from an anonymous donor pool at our clinic. We were matched by a donor nurse and a panel of other people who do various screenings on the donors.
We had the option to say no to her but she was the right fit for us. A 26 year old RN with one child who had a very good family health hx with no problems besides being near sighted. We did but see a picture of her but our nurse said she and I looked very much alike.
I would not change anything about how our journey went and where we are today.
I'm not sure if this helps you but I just wanted to share my experience!
Good luck and keep us posted.

[hero7]

Thanks all! Just like everything else, everyone's experiences are so unique. I appreciate the input - and welcome any/all from the "grads" too of course.

We still haven't decided - I don't know what the 'hang up' is...I think it will be good to give it a little more time to see if there are other donors that come through to either confirm we like this 1st one or not.

[Maansi.42k]

I am not sure if I’m the right person to answer this. I might have a basic suggestion regarding this concern. As far as donor selection is concerned. It’s good that both of you have met the volunteer. There needs to be legal advisory involved. Try to be specific with the rights of the surrogate as well. If the surrogate is healthy. She needs to be attached with the clinic you are consulting. If the candidate is independent it causes a lot of confusion. There can be more than one donor. It’s good to know that the person has good genes as well. Knowing about her background and lifestyle. I’m glad that you are happy with her. You should go ahead with the procedure but she will be confirmed with the clinic or doctors consent. If the donor is suitable medically then there is nothing to worry.

[Maansi.42k]

I am not sure if I’m the right person to answer this. I might have a basic suggestion regarding this concern. As far as donor selection is concerned. It’s good that both of you have met the volunteer. There needs to be legal advisory involved. Try to be specific with the rights of the surrogate as well. If the surrogate is healthy. She needs to be attached with the clinic you are consulting. If the candidate is independent it causes a lot of confusion. There can be more than one donor. It’s good to know that the person has good genes as well. Knowing about her background and lifestyle. I’m glad that you are happy with her. You should go ahead with the procedure but she will be confirmed with the clinic or doctors consent. If the donor is suitable medically then there is nothing to worry.

[jenifer777]

hey dear.hope you are fine. I am very happy to know that you are going for surrogacy.as you mentioned, you are looking for a donor.so I want to give you a suggestion that, there is a clinic in eastern Europe.they have a lot experience in surrogacy. they provide donors.they can also provide surrogate mother to you.they are best. their staff is experienced.they are attached to me as my family.they had a doctor named as Anastasia.she is very cooperative. she will give you the best facilities. I suggest you contact them.they will solve your problems.

[envtw]

for us it was really easy. we were given a few profiles of donors, we went through all of them and chose the one that met all of our wishes if that makes sense. we are having surrogacy in Ukraine and hee egg donation is completely anonymous, we can't have any important information about the donor. i.e her name and address. but we were provided with those details that we needed in order to make the decision. and we chose a woman. we do not hope to see her, but WCOB said that they'll make sure she does great!