Name Dilemma

[kemdupuis]

Hi Ladies- I know this is a little obnoxious, but DH and I have no idea what to do as far as naming our LO. For the longest time, we have loved the name Beckett McRae D----- (we've been referring to LO by that name, talking about the nursery as "Beckett's room") but some things have transpired recently, and I feel like this name has been completely ruined for me. DH's lovely, considerate (and I say that with a heavy dose of sarcasm) mother and grandmother continuously joke that we can all call the child "Bucket" for a nickname. This drives me up a wall, and DH hasn't/won't say anything about it (because he never says anything to his family). I also know that regardless of what we do/say, "Bucket" will stick because DH's family can never let anything go. I feel like this is such a terrible nickname, and would be awful for the kid.

Additionally, the middle name, McRae, is a family name on my side. I really wanted to include something to represent my side of the family, since DH's family will be represented in the last name. It has a lot of meaning for me, and when I told my parents about that decision months ago, they seemed to be really touched. However, my cousin just had a baby a little over a week ago, and lo and behold, she named him Rowan McRae C----- (I have not announced the name to the rest of the family- she just chose that name on her own). I know it is just a middle name, but it is so unique that I feel like it would be weird if we used it too. 

My other issue is that I am a teacher, and finding a name that does not remind me of specific students is difficult. We like unique, spell-able, and pronounceable names. Our last name is French-Canadian in origin, but I am not really wanting to go that direction in terms of first names. Not really into names like "John" or "David". We liked the name Parker for a while, but I nixed it because SO many people are using that name right now.

I am seriously panicking. I cannot seem to connect with another name the same way I've connected with Beckett McRae, but I feel like we can't use either of those names anymore based on the reasons stated above. We have been through an entire baby book, searched online, I even asked the baby name board (they were not super nice. Haha!), etc. and nothing just seems to click. 

Would it be weird if we just named our LO Beckett McRae anyway? Or at least kept the McRae part? Any thoughts on first names to go with McRae? 

[nicolec78]

I would stay with the name picked out already. We have a hard time picking names because my DH is a school teacher. If you love it use it.

[Girlymama79]

I would keep McRae just tell your cousin what's going on. Middle names are not used that often so to me it's no big deal.

Amos and Zane and Zephyr where on my boys list but I'm having a girl.

Names are hard! DH and I can't agree on anything this time. I'm starting to panic that this LO isn't going to have a name.

[megeliz1]

I wouldn't worry about using the same middle name, especially when it's a family name and has meaning.

As for a first name. This is your child, not your MIL/GMIl's baby and if that's the name you love, they will get over it. Just be firm from day 1 about the nickname.

[carolyngrace]

We teased my sister that we were going to call her son Asher something like "asher the basher" or "crasher" etc... But even though the joke comes up now and then, no one would seriously consider doing that all the time. I think once your in-laws meet the real baby with that name they'll let it go...

That being said, just sit with it for a while. You sound like you strongly love your name, but maybe just don't get anything monogrammed, etc, for a while

[tatersalad]

I like Beckett. I say go for it.

[tiffbot]

Go for it, you love it. The middle name especially, I don't think is a big deal at all to repeat. At the same time, 4 months is still a long time to think about it if you want. H is a teacher and we live in a very small town that we really don't want to repeat first names if we can avoid it, so I completely understand falling in love with a name and not wanting to change it on that level.

[girpipley]

I agree with most and think you should use the name. My mom told me she would call my Piper "Piper Diaper" if I kept the name. She said it once in the recovery room, I said what I needed to say, kicked her out of the room for the day, and it hasn't been said since.

For the middle name, I think it's perfect. Middle names are only important when he has his first girlfriend and she teases him about what it is. If he likes it, it will make him proud. If he doesn't, it will make him stronger, and he'll like it one day for its meaning.

One of the twins middle names is going to be Fievel... Like, "goes west", and IDGAF what anyone has to say about it.

[Deleted]

i really like the name Beckett. i say just stick with the name you both already chose together and go for it.  also, if you come up with your own nickname first then your inlaws might just follow suit with it. 

[Deleted]

I think duplicating middle names is fine. This one's first name is already a cousin's middle name. They will be called by completely different names. And if you like Beckett then use it. The family needs to knock it off.

[Deleted]

One of my best friends just named her baby Beckett and it is an adorable name! Name your baby what you want... He's your child and no one else's!

[neongreen]

I don't think sharing the middle name will be a problem, as that's a good place for family names to go. If you still love Beckett, I say use it, and if anyone tries to bestow a stupid nickname that you don't approve of on him, shut it down real fast. It would be better if you got DH on your side, but there are still plenty of ways to know it won't be tolerated from you.

(For what it's worth, if you're still questioning Beckett and want something similar, I do prefer Bennett to Beckett, but mileage varies, of course.)

[baileybaileybne]

It's so hard to move on from a name once you've picked it. I started to have a minor panic about the name I chose for my little girl because in an Australian accent it can sound a bit ugly if people don't annunciate properly. But the more I thought about it I just decided screw it, you can't make such big life decisions about something other people might do or say.

I agree with PPs about putting your foot down about stupid nicknames. What are they, 12? They would be directly hurting his feelings if they continued it when he could comprehend what was being said and it needs to be nipped in the bud right now. girpipley I would have loved to see you lay some smack down about the silly nick name for Piper!

So if it was me, I'd stick with the name you picked. I really like it.

For what it's worth, if I was having a boy, he would have been Lucas.

And the middle name is a lovely idea and I actually think it's nice that cousins share it. Very special meaning to it for the family.

I hope you don't feel like we're unhelpful saying to keep the name but I think you will regret not having it and any substitute will feel wrong.

Good luck.

[kemdupuis]

Oh, you ladies are so fantastic. Thank you for all of the encouragement. I've been wrestling with this for a while now, and even though my mom says to still use both names- it's so good to hear it from others. I knew I could count on you guys to make me feel a bit better!

I think we'll still keep searching, but if nothing else seems to make sense, we are planning on going with Beckett McRae.

[Deleted]

I think you should just use the name. You've already connected with it and been using it for your LO, and you will probably regret not using it in the long run. As for your MIL, just tell her to STFU! I like how girpipley handled her similar situation and I suggest you take the same approach.

My MIL already gave our baby a nickname that I hate and I almost punched my husband in the face the one time he said it. This is our baby and if I have to be a bitch so people call my baby by her actual name, then so be it!

Also, FWIW my cousin and I are the same age and we share the same first name. So I think the middle name thing is a non-issue.

[leenziepops]

Keep the name you have chosen. I don't think your cousin can get too sensitive over you both choosing the family name as a middle name. But might be nice to chat to her first about it. If anything, it's sweet and the kids will have that name connection. Any jokes about calling your kid "Bucket" can cop a cold stare.

[gilder40]

Almost every single girl on my hubby's side of the family has Elizabeth as a middle name. So if we have a girl, Elizabeth it will be. Lebby is also a family name, and one of his cousins named her little boy Owen Lebby. We will also have that as a middle name if we have a boy. Name your kiddo what you feel is best and what you love the most. I adore Beckett and McRae is cool too. Rae is my momma's middle name.

[mrskblack11]

If you love it, don't let your family members deter you away with their nickname. I would just have an honest conversation and tell them that you don't appreciate them calling your LO "bucket" - just put your foot down. I would also keep the middle name since it has meaning to you. I see nothing wrong with multiple family members with the same middle name.

[Deleted]

Andplusalso, my DS is Niko Gregory Lastname. Seven months later my cousin named her DS Nicholas Gregory Differentlastname. No one cares at all.

[ladysif]

Keep it. Your DH has to step up and you have to be more affirmative and nip the nickname in the bud if they're like that about it. You love the name, but it will grate on you every time if you don't nip it and they need to take you seriously. If this is the first major stance you have to take against them, so be it... there will be others. And next time, if you have more kids, don't tell them. I am a firm believer in the don't tell until after the baby is born; it does create an insta-filter for most people, unfortunately not in girpipley's case but then you just do what she did.

[billyhorrible]

Beckett - I'm not a fan of the name in the slightest, but if you love it, then use it. But quit talking about. The only mistake you made was telling anyone the name before the kid was here. If you had announced that his name was Beckett McRae at his birth not a single person would ever call him Bucket. But telling a name ahead of time makes people feel like there's wiggle room for change. And if they don't like it, they're going to tell you. And come up with reasons you shouldn't use it. Once a kid is named, no one does that. So if anyone asks, tell them you're not discussing names.

McRae- I think it's super awkward for cousins to share first names, but sharing a family middle name is kind of cool. My middle name is my grandmother's first name. My cousin's first name is a derivative of my grandmother's first name. I have always loved that connection my cousin and I shared.

[PurpleIris]

If it's the one you love, go for it. And if your DH can't stand up to his family, you'll just have to give them a look like they're morons when they mention the Bucket nonsense and firmly say "it's Beckett" and move on. Shut them down and let them know it's not going to be a thing.

I think cousins sharing a middle name isn't a big deal, and actually kind of sweet (assuming you like the family that used it!).

[ombradellarosa]

Everything billyhorrible said. I think you should stick with the name if you really love it and make the nicknamers knock it off. I think having a family name shared between cousins is cool and not at all weird. But since I went to the trouble to go get my Baby Name Wizard book and look up Beckett, I'm going to go ahead and tell you the names she says match in style.

Maddox, Burke, Baldwin, Faulkner, Eliot.

I'm not sure how similar they are, but there you are. I looked up the "brother" names for the boy's name we are considering and I didn't love them, so I think there's more to it than style. Anyway, that's my two cents.

[honeybunches101]

Stick with the name if you love it. Sharing family middle names is no big deal at all and I think it's great.

Your ILs sounds like they are annoying and will come up with a stupid nickname for whatever name you choose. If you decide to go with beckett, which I love btw, shut down the nickname ASAP. That would piss me off, but hopefully they will stop with it by the time he is born.

[theBeeMama]

Several girl cousins in my family share the same middle name--granted, they're all spread far apart in age, but still. I don't think it's weird.

We kept our name a secret with DS but my in-laws squeezed the initials out of us. The initials are JAB, and they said to get back at us for keeping the name a secret, they were gonna call our baby "Jab" forever. (Dumb) lol BUT they didn't do that. Because once he came and they were so in love with him that they called him by his name and forgot all about their "Jab" idea.

[mnp48]

I would stick with your name and make sure to put your foot down about the nickname. Like other PPs, I would just give your cousins a heads up. I think it's sweet to have this new name tradition.

I totally know how you feel! This whole naming situation has gotten me on edge. I've heard unwanted opinions and nicknames for our baby name so we decided not to say anything about it anymore. Lesson learned.

[bookninja]

I think as long as you are happy with the first name, then go for it. Hopefully the in laws will grow up. (On a side note, this is why we won't be telling the name until after birth... I just don't think I could handle someone poking fun or disagreeing/ disliking right now... I might snap. Or ugly cry. Plus, I want to give us the ability to change our minds, even though we probably won't.)

I see NO problem with the middle names matching... It's a family name, that's what they do. I'd probably just mention it to the cousin at some point, like "great minds think alike!"

[blasto!]

I'm with PP, stick with your name if you love it. FWIW, I used to teach with a guy who named his son Beckett and everyone absolutely loves it. It's perfect for his family, his son is adorable, the name is perfect.

As for the middle name, I think your boys will grow to love having the same middle name, especially as it has family meaning. My grandmother's middle name is Marie. So is mine and at least 3 of my girl cousins, and probably some of my cousins kids (I have 20+ cousins; it's hard to keep track). We all love it, and I know that makes me feel like I'm connected to that side of my family in a special way.

[Widget123]

Team keep Beckett even though im not a huge fan of it personally. My IL have jokes about DDs name and im sure theyll have jokes about this LOs name. I just let them say the joke nickname and dont react to it and then they move away from it quickly. Reacting to a joke nickname promotes contined use. If you change the name it should be because you want to, not because of them

[jcprn]

If you like them keep the names. Like PP'S have said, if the middle name is a family name then it has meaning to both you and your cousin.

And as far as the nickname "Bucket" goes you can casually say that anyone who calls Beckett by that nickname will not be allowed to see the baby for a while. Kind of like a grown up time out. Them saying that is obviously meant to discourage your name choice. They had their chance to name their own children and now it's your turn.