Post by ugotstarbucked on Jun 22, 2016 14:18:27 GMT -5
Yesterday I spent a lot of time getting documents together for our new mortgage. Unfortunately the seller accepted our offer too late on Monday to close with the company we wanted (USAA requires 35 day minimum). We decided to go with the company that holds our current mortgage because they will give us a great rate and some closing cost discounts. We sent in everything they needed and more and got sent to underwriting already - the guy said it was the fastest he'd ever opened a mortgage and sent to underwriting.
Hugs cowplanet, euphony pretty much said my exact feels. You deserve better.
andtheheartbreakers I have friends who do this right now (except he works near Labrador) and even without kids, it is putting a lot of pressure on their relationship.
One this that is hard for him is that since he has nothing to do there other than work, he often does 15-16 hours days just because and it's making him so tired and lonely (he works mostly alone which doesn't help).
As a temporary situation, sure, it's a great way to make money. But you will need him in though moments which will not always happen when he's home.
Part of his asshole-ness is passive aggressive BS, because this weekend he completely overrode my saying no to taking Anna on a golf cart ride (um, bad road, no safety seat, drunk people driving around, hell no). Since he ignored me and went anyway with FIL, I calmly told his parents afterward that this will not happen again. Yes, I went behind his back, but he went behind mine first and when I asked if he valued a golf cart ride over his daughter's safety and life, he said yes. He should know better. His aunt overturned a cart that killed someone. She can ride when she's older.
TL;DR: H is being a contradictory asshole, and I'm not tolerating it.
Post by crystaleyes138 on Jun 22, 2016 14:32:56 GMT -5
I am having a rough day with Jacob. His first nap was meh - he got himself to sleep after a little fussing. Slept for about 1.5hrs. Yay! I decided to skip the 2nd nap since he slept so long. Bad idea I guess. I tried to put him down around 1:30pm and he fussed and then full out cried. I tried rocking him and putting him back in and it just revved him up. I finally gave up and we played until 3 and he did the same thing for the naps. I finally got him down now He's never been this bad for naps. Maybe it was his hep B shot yesterday? Or teething?
Question: when dropping the 3rd nap, do you normally put LO down at the same nap times? Jacob naps around 845am, 12pm, and 3pm. If I drop the 12pm, can I move the 3pm earlier, or stick to the 3pm nap?
I am having a rough day with Jacob. His first nap was meh - he got himself to sleep after a little fussing. Slept for about 1.5hrs. Yay! I decided to skip the 2nd nap since he slept so long. Bad idea I guess. I tried to put him down around 1:30pm and he fussed and then full out cried. I tried rocking him and putting him back in and it just revved him up. I finally gave up and we played until 3 and he did the same thing for the naps. I finally got him down now He's never been this bad for naps. Maybe it was his hep B shot yesterday? Or teething?
Question: when dropping the 3rd nap, do you normally put LO down at the same nap times? Jacob naps around 845am, 12pm, and 3pm. If I drop the 12pm, can I move the 3pm earlier, or stick to the 3pm nap?
We've been doing 2 naps for months now but it adjusted itself pretty organically.
He usually wakes up around 7, go down for a nap at 9:30 then another one around 2:30-3
ugotstarbucked, congrats are getting to underwriting to quickly! that's awesome!
andtheheartbreakers, two weeks of solo parenting for an indefinite amount of time would be a big no for me. If it's only until you go back to work, then I could see making it work temporarily. Babies thrive on routine and him being away for two weeks and then home for two weeks runs a big risk of screwing up her routine. There's a reason they pay a lot more for that kind of work, because it's really hard to maintain such a schedule. Since he's already getting feedback, can he wait a bit to see if a more acceptable opportunity come in? I'm sorry you're going through this, I imagine its quite stressful!
crystaleyes138, we have been on a (mostly) two nap schedule for months. I would move up the PM nap if you drop the midday.
So MH got laid off on Monday and has applied on a lot of jobs. He got a call today about a position in Nunavit that's fly in fly out, with travel allowance, for 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. The pay is outrageous and they work 12 hour days. The money would be good, it would mean I can continue my mat leave, and we would be still approved for our new house.
But it would mean he's gone for 12 days + 2 days of travel each way, but also home for 12 days straight.
With my job I get 8 days off every 3 weeks so everytime his stretch off lined up with mine we could take Layla on vacations.
But 16 days solo parenting. I have such mixed feelings.
Post by andtheheartbreakers on Jun 22, 2016 15:47:32 GMT -5
Thanks for all the thoughts. Where I live it is SO common for the husband to be gone up to camps. We're an oilfield province and so almost all my friends do it, and it's just normal for them. I never wanted to be an "oilfield wife" with a husband who wasn't home, but I guess right now we're kind of in a anything goes situation.
He did meet with someone today that is doing the hiring for a big shop that's opening this summer. It's local, comparable to his previous wage, and sounds like a perfect fit. Except they want him on evening shift which is 3pm-midnight Monday-Friday. I feel like he would miss more taking that job, plus then I have to find overnight care for Layla since half my shifts are 7pm-7am.
I'm starting to feel like we just can't win.
The positive though is that all the people he has spoken with so far say that he has more qualifications than any of their other applicants. I guess lost of the lay offs have been happening to apprentices so the fact that he's a red seal journeyman does help make him a bit more in demand. Hopefully something comes of that.
Post by canadiansciencegeek on Jun 22, 2016 15:56:11 GMT -5
andtheheartbreakers, if it were me, I'd push for the local job. Yes, you'd need overnight care but at least you'd all see each other every day. And he could keep looking for something with better hours, at the same company or another, which would be hard to do if he wasn't in town a lot of the time.
Post by ugotstarbucked on Jun 22, 2016 15:58:52 GMT -5
crystaleyes138 I moved morning nap a little later and the second nap in between the old afternoon naps. We used to do 9, 12:30, and 4. Now I do 10 and 2-2:30 depending on when she last woke up. We do about 3 hours of awake time now.
Post by charliefox on Jun 22, 2016 16:14:33 GMT -5
Well Cal loved his swimming lesson, no surprise there. I wasn't a huge fan of the teacher but it seems like that might change week to week (it's a parent-tot class so I'm in there with him anyway).
Met with the potential babysitter that lives around the corner. She seems nice enough, maybe a little nervous but she lives so close and her parents are right there, so it might be perfect. Plus she's starting university in the fall so she'll still have daytime availability if all works out. I can't believe we might get to go out to a restaurant baby-free!!!
Headed to Top Golf tonight with H's work people. I can't decide if I'm excited or bummed. We've been home less than a week and this will be the 3rd night that we are out past Cal's bedtime, I'm trying to get him back to a routine while night weaning and this isn't helping.
Post by charliefox on Jun 22, 2016 16:16:03 GMT -5
andtheheartbreakers, I know you guys feel lost and are scrambling a bit but it does sound like he's super qualified and there are jobs out there. Hope something that is a better fit comes along asap!
andtheheartbreakers, if it were me, I'd push for the local job. Yes, you'd need overnight care but at least you'd all see each other every day. And he could keep looking for something with better hours, at the same company or another, which would be hard to do if he wasn't in town a lot of the time.
I would actually see him more if he took the out of town job. I work 12's that turn into 14 hour days with the commute. So I would only see him mornings when I'm off, or the two weekends a month I'm off. My schedule makes it so hard. I would need childcare for 10 days a month, 5 of those overnight.
With the out of town I would only need care for the days he's actually gone which would be 3-7 shifts depending on where my rotation falls with his time off.
andtheheartbreakers, if it were me, I'd push for the local job. Yes, you'd need overnight care but at least you'd all see each other every day. And he could keep looking for something with better hours, at the same company or another, which would be hard to do if he wasn't in town a lot of the time.
I would actually see him more if he took the out of town job. I work 12's that turn into 14 hour days with the commute. So I would only see him mornings when I'm off, or the two weekends a month I'm off. My schedule makes it so hard. I would need childcare for 10 days a month, 5 of those overnight.
With the out of town I would only need care for the days he's actually gone which would be 3-7 shifts depending on where my rotation falls with his time off.
I'm hoping more options pop up.
Like others have said, the fact that he has now 2 opportunities in what? 24 hours? Would make me want to wait a little and see what else is out there for him.
Whatever you guys decide to do anyway will be okay. You are both young and still moving things around (hello medical school) and sometime you have to take a so-so temporary situation to get to a better one.
Post by eliza040502 on Jun 22, 2016 19:45:11 GMT -5
andtheheartbreakers - how long can your H wait to find something? It might be better to see if something comes up locally then take a job he doesn't want elsewhere. Sending positive job thoughts your H's way!
Post by eliza040502 on Jun 22, 2016 19:50:17 GMT -5
I had a shit end to my work day. I've shifted my schedule from 7:30 to 4:30 and everyone at my firm seemed cool with it. I've had very specific discussions and stayed late when needed. My H had a dinner tonight that he couldn't miss. At 3:15, I had a "30 minute" research assignment dumped on me. An hour later, I was still looking for the needle in the haystack case. I gave my research to that point to the partner. He told me that what I found wasn't sufficient. I told him I could keep looking tonight but that I had to go for pickup since my H couldn't do it tonight. The partner said fine, look tonight. Then I told him I needed until 8 between pickup, commute, bedtime, dinner. He freaked again and started mumbling at me and said forget it.
This research was (a) known about for weeks, (b) on a case that I'm not on, but four other attorneys are, (c) was unnecessary per another attorney on the case, and (d) is a fact intensive research question which would take hours to sort through. He wanted black letter law on a point that doesn't exist.
caitost21 my mom has had both knees replaced. If she has the option to go to a rehab facility, I highly recommend it. It really helps make sure she continues the PT even through the pain, and helps them transition to being home and caring for themselves while they heal.
andtheheartbreakers so hard to have to choose either job. I would definitely allow a little more time. I hope something better schedule wise comes up.
I've bee so busy this week I haven't had much time to come around. But I do my best to read and hand out LT.
Post by andtheheartbreakers on Jun 22, 2016 22:53:15 GMT -5
I love you all and all your advice and thoughts.
We don't want to wait too long, because at this rate I might not have to go back to work, and if he gets a job quickly we can use his severance to pay off the appliances for the new house as we won't need it for bills.
The other option that my parents mentioned is for me to go casual at work after we have the house which is an option I totally forgot about. It would allow me to pick when I want to work which would make either case much more doable.
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