WWA14D? Birthday party invite

[inaya]

So, my MIL watches J one afternoon a week, and her next door neighbor has a son that's almost the same age so they've played together before and all that. My MIL sent me a message this weekend saying that J was invited to the neighbor's 2nd birthday, and she would pick her up, take her, bring her back home, and even buy a present.

That seems really weird to me. I'm not sure if MH or I were invited or not (communication with my MIL is notoriously fuzzy), we've never met these neighbors, and neither MH or I are comfortable sending her to this party without us. Do we just tell my MIL no? Ask if one of us can come along (potentially inviting ourselves to something we weren't invited to)? What would you do? Is this not really as weird as it feels to me?

[peachesncream]

The weird part to me is that your MIL is expected to be the one who accompanies J. I don't think it's weird that she was invited and maybe your MIL was just trying to make it easier on you but I would tell your MIL that you would love to accompany J to the party.

Making social arrangements for my 2 year old makes me incredibly uncomfortable so I would let the whole interaction slide as social ineptitude and/or awkwardness on behalf of the parents but yeah, the MIL part is the weirdest to me.

[briarrose]

With my MIL, this would be a no-go, but I don't like her.
However, it doesn't sound super, super weird to me. Your MIL already has a relationship with the neighbor, and so does your child. If you want to go, then I would ask if you would be welcome to tag along, but otherwise, I would be excited for the opportunity to have a kid free afternoon.

After writing that, I reread your statement and I see that you are not comfortable sending her without you. In that case, I would just ask if you are welcome to come along too. Are there any particular reasons you are uncomfortable?

[brachysira]

It doesn't sound weird to me. They invited your MIL, right? It's just like grandma's friend is having a party for 2 year-olds and so grandma and the 2 year-old they know to be associated with her are invited. If you trust MIL to watch your DD and take her to the neighbor's on an ordinary day, then what is the difference with the party? The neighbor is probably just being neighborly, and so didn't think to invite you, but I'm sure doesn't want to exclude you. If you want to go or feel uncomfortable for some reason, just tell MIL you want to go and she can ask or you could just go with them. I feel like 2 year-old parties have adults present and no one is really clear on whether a spouse, etc. would come so as long as you don't eat up all the cake or something, I'm sure it's fine if you go.

[gratefulgirl]

I get the weirdness. I can't imagine either my 4 year old of A14 kid on the home of someone I hadn't met. I wouldn't like it even with MIL, who I trust a ton. With my parents, who can be rather flaky though they are well intentioned it would be a definite no. Same with it being a no with our nanny.

The best analogy I can think of to how it feels for me would be like a date with someone from an online dating service. I'd meet that person at a coffee shop, not their house. I am fine with my kids hanging out in public with new friends they met through a caregiver. I find it odd to imagine them going to that new friend's house. I know DH is on the same page on this since we have talked about it.

I would probably bow out of the party entirely, citing an excuse. But I am awkward and introverted and would not want to meet these people for the first time at the party.

[hoosiermama76]

I think it's fine if you go. It wouldn't be that you didn't trust your MIL, but just that you don't know the family.

[skylark002]

It doesn't seem weird to me. I'd be happy to send DS. I'm a little bit more laid back than most though.

[inaya]

I'm just not comfortable sending my kid to someone's house that I don't know. MH is a definite 110% no on that, too. And like gratefulgirl put it, my MIL is well intentioned but flaky. It's one thing to have her watch J at her house, doing their normal routine, it's another for them to be in a different place with extra people and distractions around and all that. But I wouldn't really want my mom to take her to a stranger's house, either.

I'm also not clear on just who was invited. I'm not sure if the neighbor said, "Hey, we're inviting J to our son's birthday party, here's some info" and left it open-ended, or if they specifically invited my MIL, or what. I would never, ever NOT invite a 2 year old's parents to a birthday party, but who knows. I think we'll either make other plans that weekend (we were thinking of going camping anyways) or ask to bring J over myself and attend with them. brachysira, that's a good point about never knowing just who is invited! I'll be sure to leave a few crumbs of cake for the other guests.



A kid-free afternoon does sound amazing, though!