Yelling into the void

[euphony]

This board up and died, and I still have so much left I want to talk about. I feel like I need to get the feels out. If you are in the same boat and still lurk around, please join in with whatever feeling you are having.

I have been sleep training, and it has been really hard on me. It is not just the crying, which is awful, but it is the loss of closeness I feel with my baby. I miss sleeping beside him and nursing throughout the night. My milk production has gone way down too, and I am feeling sad at the thought that I might have damaged my breast feeding relationship. 

I miss him at nights so much. I did this because I thought it was the loving thing to do, as his sleep was so bad. But I feel regret now as well. I feel like I have lost something special and that I broke something between us.

I also really want to try for a second, but haven't gotten my period back. I am not sure what I want to do. The thought of weaning right now is too much for me, but I always wanted my children really close in age.

One last thing... I feel like he is still really slow and picky when it comes to solids, and between that and the sleep problems, it just feels like I am not managing this older baby thing that well.

That's all I've got. I miss you guys. 

[britbratjf]

I still check in a couple times a day!! I'm sorry you are having a hard time with sleep training. He was waking up a lot right? I know it's sad but you can still get in cuddle time during the day! And it goes in spurts my 4yo loves to sit and cuddle with me!

[xcrissx]

I check in a few times a day! I'm sorry you're having a hard time with sleep training. Could you cuddle after a MOTN wake up?

[euphony]

Aug 1, 2016 20:31:31 GMT -5 xcrissx said:

I check in a few times a day! I'm sorry you're having a hard time with sleep training. Could you cuddle after a MOTN wake up?

The sleep plan we were given requires that he fall asleep on his own, so I can't really. I do feed him at 4am against her advice, but I can't let him pass out on the boob. Maybe in a few weeks I can be more lenient? I would love to have mornings with him again. But I don't want to undo the work we have done either. It was a lot of crying to get him to be able to sleep without being held.

[sandj918]

I still check in frequently too!! And, I felt the same way when we sleep trained C. So many hugs to you. You're doing a great job mamma, raising babies ain't easy.
Teaching him how to sleep IS the loving thing to do, but it's not always that cut and dry. Nursing brings in a whole other dimension that tugs at our heart strings. You and he will ALWAYS have something incredibly special between you, that can never be lost.

[euphony]

I check this board all the time. I should have been less of a lurk loo, because I am actally very active in my non active way. I feel way more adrift with an older baby then I did with a newborn, strangely.

[xcrissx]

Aug 2, 2016 7:59:16 GMT -5 euphony said:

I check this board all the time. I should have been less of a lurk loo, because I am actally very active in my non active way. I feel way more adrift with an older baby then I did with a newborn, strangely.

Haha, me too. Are you not on Facebook?

I only sleep trained DS1 for going to slee initially. I'd bring him to bed with me if he woke MOTN. But that was once he didn't eat MOTN anymore.

I need to sleep train DS2 but I haven't stiffened my resolve yet.

[eliza040502]

Huge hugs! Sleep training is so so hard. My kid never cuddles (and never did before training) so the rare moments are something special. You'll find your moments again too. Sleep is so so important for both of you so you are doing the right thing. Good luck. It will get easier.

[London]

Hi! I am still checking too, just not keeping up with randoms here as much.

I totally understand how you feel. As others have said, once we finished the "training" aspect and I trusted her sleep habits, I definitely continued to nurse her to sleep in the evenings. And offer dream feeds when she didn't really need them, just to hold her. And hold her a little longer once she was done. I am certain you will find a happy medium.

[uclameghan]

Life is crazy hard and busy right now - it's just been a lot for me to catch up with honestly.

euphony I had a lot of the same feelings since we had been cosleeping but he is so much better of a sleeper on his own now. I feel the loss of my 'baby' too - he suddenly feels much older overnight.

[euphony]

Aug 3, 2016 5:00:53 GMT -5 uclameghan said:

Life is crazy hard and busy right now - it's just been a lot for me to catch up with honestly.

euphony I had a lot of the same feelings since we had been cosleeping but he is so much better of a sleeper on his own now. I feel the loss of my 'baby' too - he suddenly feels much older overnight.

I feel like I have a little boy now instead of a baby. It is weird.

We are both just going through growing pains I guess.

[cowplanet]

We've had starts and stops with sleep training due to work trips, sickness, and MH just arguing with every decision or choice without bothering to educate himself (and only getting on board with DC started talking about it). Graduated CIO hasn't really worked for us, at all, but when she's healthy and gets to bed at the right time, she does sleep better. So our quasi-sleep training has been okay, even if it'd make a sleep coach cry.

Our current hurdle is getting her off the bedtime bottle (formula) for the sake of her teeth. After LOTS of reading and then discussing with H, we decided to first switch to the sippy (she only bottles at night) and then start watering down the milk, so it no longer appeals (and making sure she gets the milk intake she needs before bed and teeth brushing). The gentle method. But H gives into switching to the bottle after one or two sippy refusals (she's fine during the day), so I think the only way this will work for HIM, is to go cold turkey this weekend. It's probably going to be hell and we'll have to rock her to sleep at first (now we can put her down as soon as she pushes the bottle away). But once we've got that done, we'll work on the pacifier at bedtime. Pediatrician wants her off by one year, but we'll see.

[nomnom]

How do I join the FB group?

[cowplanet]

nomnom, PM me your email and I'll add you.

[sandj918]

Aug 4, 2016 12:59:16 GMT -5 nomnom said:

How do I join the FB group?

Yay!!!

[evanda]

I still lurk. I actually got a new phone and couldnt figure out my password to get back on. Now that I got it I will check in more often. Sleep training isnt happening in our house. She's still in our bed and I'm to lazy to sleep train. Ive attempted a few nights when she just would not sleep but usually after 10 minutes of crying I pull her out of her pack and play and she goes right down cuddled up. Good luck mama.

[mommytoone]

How to join FB group.. If you ladies would have me? I know I haven't posted a lot here.. My oldest is a S'13 baby and my youngest is a S'15 baby

[euphony]

Continuing my thoughts now that I am done with the worst of sleep training, it has destroyed my ability to breastfeed and I am really struggling with this aspect. I was told the body just regulates to get used to less nighttime feeds but I guess with that and with him finally being willing to eat some solids it sent a "pack up shop" message to the boobs. I saw the pumping output drop the first week, and now the only breast milk I seem to have is in the mornings. When I lose that I think I will ugly cry because bringing him in to bed and feeding him in the mornings is one of my biggest consolations.

I want a second soon and haven't gotten my period back yet, so I guess it is not without its upside, but I feel a bit cheated and wish I had known that this would be part of sleep training for me.

[sandj918]

Aug 16, 2016 5:21:29 GMT -5 euphony said:

Continuing my thoughts now that I am done with the worst of sleep training, it has destroyed my ability to breastfeed and I am really struggling with this aspect. I was told the body just regulates to get used to less nighttime feeds but I guess with that and with him finally being willing to eat some solids it sent a "pack up shop" message to the boobs. I saw the pumping output drop the first week, and now the only breast milk I seem to have is in the mornings. When I lose that I think I will ugly cry because bringinger him in to bed and feeding him in the mornings is one of my biggest consolations.

I want a second soon and haven't gotten my period back yet, so I guess it is not without its upside, but I feel a bit cheated and wish I had known that this would be part of sleep training for me.

I'm so sorry. I know how tough that is. When my supply plummeted from this unexpected pregnancy I cried and was very frustrated. I wasn't ready to stop at all. I hope you're able to grieve the ending of something you enjoy with your son. Just wanted you to know that I was in your shoes a few months ago. I will say that after I grieved I felt at peace with stopping.

[sdfonz619]

Aug 16, 2016 5:21:29 GMT -5 euphony said:

Continuing my thoughts now that I am done with the worst of sleep training, it has destroyed my ability to breastfeed and I am really struggling with this aspect. I was told the body just regulates to get used to less nighttime feeds but I guess with that and with him finally being willing to eat some solids it sent a "pack up shop" message to the boobs. I saw the pumping output drop the first week, and now the only breast milk I seem to have is in the mornings. When I lose that I think I will ugly cry because bringing him in to bed and feeding him in the mornings is one of my biggest consolations.

I want a second soon and haven't gotten my period back yet, so I guess it is not without its upside, but I feel a bit cheated and wish I had known that this would be part of sleep training for me.

So many hugs. I'm sorry this happened well before you are ready. 

[mowkey]

euphony I know exactly how you feel. I am so sad that my nursing relationship is basically morning only at this point. I wasn't ready to stop, but DD had different plans. Work got in the way. My body outright stopped responding to the pump. She is too distracted. My hormones were absolute hell, although that is getting better finally.

Hope you feel better soon!