I am so sorry you're going through this. It's so frustrating and scary when you have no idea/ you question how you're feeling. *hug*
There are the different stages of grief, sometimes you hit all of them, sometimes you don't. As Mistabinx said, just let yourself feel what you're feeling. There is no right or wrong, it's really important to understand that. If you try to understand everything you're feeling and try to make sense of it, you will go crazy.
I am a very emotional person and I felt detached during my 1st loss. I was actually working during the MC, I was at home but I still worked through it. I still had my conference calls, I still went on like nothing had happened. I rarely talked about it. To be honest it wasn't until my first AF came post loss that it really hit me hard.
It helped me tremendously during my next 2 losses to be more open with MH.
My heart hurts when I hear people going through this and I wish I had magic words to make it all better, but I don't.
Last Edit: Feb 10, 2015 14:18:08 GMT -5 by nikolie93
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Post by xxkimmy8xx on Feb 10, 2015 15:59:09 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC in January w/ DNC. I was feeling the same way as you were. Grieving would mean that it was real. I agree with PP. Feel how you feel, numb, detached, sad. Don't ever feel guilty for your feelings. I'm slowly processing what happened and coming to terms with it day by day and I agree with nikolie93, letting MH in and talking with him has made things so much easier. I thought he would get tired of me talking about it all the time, but he reassured me that if it was bothering me that he wanted to talk about it, no matter how often.
Post by jumpingpuddles on Feb 10, 2015 20:39:34 GMT -5
My grief came in waves. I'd have a few days of crying, a few days of feeling numb, back to crying, etc. I still feel like I haven't 100% faced it, but I don't know what else to do. It has been a month.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, and wish that there was something I could say that would make it better. I really enjoyed reading Miscarriage: Women Sharing From the Heart when I was too raw to open up to friends about it. It made me feel less alone. Hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss. I think what you are feeling is somewhat normal. Some days I cannot stop the tears and other days I feel like a zombie just going through the motions. It's helping me a lot by talking about it with you ladies on here and reading stories - I just feel less alone.
So terribly sorry you are going through this. Sending you lots of ((hugs)).
I just want to hug you and all the people with such beautiful responses.
There's no one correct way to react to a loss. I agree with the "waves" idea. I would have days where I was ok and very hopeful, only to wake up with such sadness, for no apparent reason (what would have changed when I was sleeping??). I learned to just let my emotions do what they want. Sometimes that meant crying on the couch all evening, sometimes that meant snapping myself out of it and going out and doing something, and yes, sometimes that meant feeling numb or detached.
It's just so different for everyone, even from loss to loss. With this second loss I was more detached. Maybe because I'd been through it before, maybe trying to protect myself, not sure. But I still have times it hits me and I lose it. I'm pretty sure it will be something I cry about at odd times for the rest of my life. Just take it one day at a time and know that you just have to grieve in the way that's right for you.
PS - I noticed that you mentioned conferences. What grade do you teach? I teach 5th. The job, as stressful as it is, has been a good distraction this time. Last time I was on summer break so I had plenty of time to dwell.
I'm late to the party, but I don't think that's an unusual response at all. I remember after one of my losses seeing that there was no heartbeat on the screen I just stared at it. I couldn't even make myself cry or get emotional. It is what it is. I eventually got through it and coped with it in my own way and now I'm able to look back at it. I'm so so sorry you're having such a rough time with this.
I totally get where you are coming from. I've gone days at a time feeling, not happy, but content and as if I've grieved and started to move on. Then, of course, something will get me and I'll be back to grieving. But I don't think what you are experiencing sounds strange at all. There are so many teachers on this board! I teach 8th grade. I've actually found work really comforting. The kids are just so involving and entertaining. They make me laugh 20 times a day.
If you continue to feel like you aren't yourself and it is causing you stress, you could find a therapist to talk it out with. I think everyone grieves differently, and sometimes that grieving process can be easier with a professional who can help you make sense of your emotions.
Post by grannypantiesrock on Feb 14, 2015 10:55:11 GMT -5
I felt that way with my second loss. The first one was just a giant wall of grief that just crushed me. I never saw it coming and all I could do was sob. The loss I had in November was different. I was just as excited for that baby, but I reacted totally different to the loss--I was able to just go about my day without losing control. I feel just like you. The hurt is there, but I can't get to it. After my first loss, I was sure I'd go mad if it happened again. Maybe this is how we keep our sanity.
Post by ronniesgirl on Feb 17, 2015 14:10:41 GMT -5
The best way that I've heard it described is that grief is a spiral. Sometimes I feel pretty good...I can talk about what happened and feel hopeful for the future. And then out of nowhere I turn into a puddle. I'll cry while making dinner or need to get my hands on our ultrasound. It's tough and weird, but I think you are totally normal.
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