Post by helenahhandbasket on Feb 12, 2015 14:43:30 GMT -5
stellabunny the people that I have heard say negative things about the book have mostly been to say that is wasn't very well written. Again, I have no idea and have no opinion on the actual writing, since it didn't interest me.
I like erotic fiction, but something about everyone and their grandmother (literally, in some cases) reading this book leads me to believe that it's a bit to mainstream for my taste? That probably comes off as a little bit pretentious, but I am not editing it out.
I think if it makes a few people a little more open minded about sex or gives them the motivation to try something new with a willing partner, it's done it's job.
stellabunny the people that I have heard say negative things about the book have mostly been to say that is wasn't very well written. Again, I have no idea and have no opinion on the actual writing, since it didn't interest me.
I like erotic fiction, but something about everyone and their grandmother (literally, in some cases) reading this book leads me to believe that it's a bit to mainstream for my taste? That probably comes of as a little bit pretentious, but I am not editing it out.
I think if it makes a few people a little more open minded about sex or gives them the motivation to try something new with a willing partner, it's done it's job.
I haven't read them because people say they were poorly written. I read the Twilight series with more enthusiasm than I'm willing to admit. However, I also feel like after doing so I've read enough poorly written fiction for a while.
Post by BostonKisses on Feb 12, 2015 14:52:51 GMT -5
stellabunny, a big reason why I hate them so much is because of the writing. The "plot" is atrocious, the grammar is atrocious, hell the whole thing is atrocious! I had to force myself to read past the first sex scene, and it was a massive chore to accomplish that, considering I wanted to throw my Kindle against a wall. Not in frustration over something happening with the characters (like when I get mad at GRRM for killing off an awesome character in GoT), but in frustration over how appalling the writing it.
And the descriptions? OMG, heinously cheesy. Like way worse than your typical cheesy romance novel that's packed full of slits, secret gardens, throbbing manhoods, and orbs.
Also I'm a big feminist, but I love FSOG. It's horrible, abusive, degrading, and a terrible love story but I am down for reading about some kinky shit. I just feel for people who idolize the relationship between Christian and Ana after reading it.
Please forgive me because I have not read the book, but it's about a couple that partakes in S & M/ submissive & dominant stuff, right?
Not saying I know *a ton* about S & M, but I do believe for that type of relationship to work (sub/ dom) you actually have to have a lot of trust and respect for the other person. Like, there are all sorts of rules and principles that people that are part of that commuinity adhere to. There are even contracts that people sign before they get into relationships like this.
I mean, between two consenting adults, there's no such thing as degradation, right? One is degraded if they feel degraded, not if we think they should feel degraded.
ANYWAY-- I might be totally off base and you might be talking about a completely different thing then the sub/dom relationship, and I might have just outed myself as a dominatrix.
J/K.
There's a lot of talk in the feminist community about the dynamic of their relationship beyond the S&M aspect (spoiler: they do have a contract in the book). Outside of their sexual relationship, there's a huge control factor (Ana has to go to a specific doctor and be on specific medication/birth control, she has to eat what and when she's told to eat, if not Christian will shout yelling and derogatory things at her, etc.) and he basically stalks her. It is between two consenting adults for sure, so you have a valid point.
Post by helenahhandbasket on Feb 12, 2015 15:14:35 GMT -5
@emmaswan- got it. I figured there was more to the story.
If it was a real relaionship and Ana was a real person-- so long as she wasn't being beaten, fearing for her life, raped, etc it's all our perception (degradation, and what's considered derogatory I mean).
Words only hurt you if you let them hurt you, right? So if he calls her a "slut" or something (not sure if that's even close to what goes on or anything) but she doesn't find that word degrading, we can't be degraded for her. It's on the two people in the relationship to decide what's comfortable.
Obvioulsy I consider myself part of the feminist community as well (as I hope most HUMANS would consider themselves). This doesn't feel like a feminist issue to me, since in some sub/ dom relationships the sub is the male. I mean-- it's an interesting topic and makes for great debate and conversation, but surely one could make the same points if the roles were reversed and Christian was the sub.
Post by stellabunny on Feb 12, 2015 15:19:50 GMT -5
So I feel like maybe I should read the FSOG trilogy so I have a better idea what the discussion is about. They're not terribly expensive on the Kindle but they are all over 500 pages! Ack. I don't mind reading long books, but I don't want to commit to that.
Since I saw it mentioned elsewhere I don't really like girl scout cookie.
But cookie, thou?
I mean yea cookies but I maybe biy 1 box a year. I see people that follow the troops trying to stock up for the year I don't get it. I think their a little over priced as well..
I mean yea cookies but I maybe biy 1 box a year. I see people that follow the troops trying to stock up for the year I don't get it. I think their a little over priced as well..
Yeah-- I only bought one box this year. I do think they are pricey, but the proceeds go right to the Girl Scouts, right? I think that's a worthy cause.
Since I saw it mentioned elsewhere I don't really like girl scout cookie.
None of them? I like them, but I think they are quite expensive, plus the seasonal aspect annoys me. If someone I know asks me to buy, I will, but I no longer buy them from the store-front stands now that I can buy the equivalent of caramel delights for like $2 in a store year round. I am disappointed though that GS caramel delight ice cream is either no longer made or no longer carried in my store (not sure which is the case).
I feel like a shocked face button, similar to the heart button would be very useful on this site.
@emmaswan- got it. I figured there was more to the story.
If it was a real relaionship and Ana was a real person-- so long as she wasn't being beaten, fearing for her life, raped, etc it's all our perception (degradation, and what's considered derogatory I mean).
Words only hurt you if you let them hurt you, right? So if he calls her a "slut" or something (not sure if that's even close to what goes on or anything) but she doesn't find that word degrading, we can't be degraded for her. It's on the two people in the relationship to decide what's comfortable.
Obvioulsy I consider myself part of the feminist community as well (as I hope most HUMANS would consider themselves). This doesn't feel like a feminist issue to me, since in some sub/ dom relationships the sub is the male. I mean-- it's an interesting topic and makes for great debate and conversation, but surely one could make the same points if the roles were reversed and Christian was the sub.
That's the interesting thing, too, because at one point he was a sub (not to Ana, in a prior relationship, when he was a teenager with an adult woman so...yuck) and he's painted to be the victim whereas she's painted as deserving of the treatment. Again, perceptions. You do make good points and to a certain extent I agree.
There is a pretty in-depth chapter by chapter analysis here, if you have time and don't mind spoilers
I mean yea cookies but I maybe biy 1 box a year. I see people that follow the troops trying to stock up for the year I don't get it. I think their a little over priced as well..
Yeah-- I only bought one box this year. I do think they are pricey, but the proceeds go right to the Girl Scouts, right? I think that's a worthy cause.
They do -- our troop gets a certain percentage of the proceeds, and some goes to the council and service unit we belong to.
In the past month, I have been invited to 2 "sprinkles". I absolutley hate this trend.
One is for a mom that already has a little girl that is not quite yet 2. This time she's having a boy. I can't imagine she's gotten rid of all of her big ticket items? Her older one is in a toddler bed already. Maybe she will need to buy clothes and a double stroller? So go buy that shit yo'self.
The second is for a woman having her 3rd boy. Her older kids are I think 4 and 6? What am I supposed to bring her that she won't have? Diapers? Wipes? How does this woman not feel ridiculous?
I thought diapers and wipes was what you were supposed to bring to a sprinkle? And clothes maybe? I don't know, I've only been to one, and it was a very small gathering in a close friends home, and she was having a girl after having two boys. She had no registry, and didn't receive any big ticket items.
My UO is that I don't mind "sprinkles". Unless it is someone going all out inviting every person they know and registering for big ticket items just to have new things... I think every baby should get a little celebration!
Since I saw it mentioned elsewhere I don't really like girl scout cookie.
None of them? I like them, but I think they are quite expensive, plus the seasonal aspect annoys me. If someone I know asks me to buy, I will, but I no longer buy them from the store-front stands now that I can buy the equivalent of caramel delights for like $2 in a store year round. I am disappointed though that GS caramel delight ice cream is either no longer made or no longer carried in my store (not sure which is the case).
I feel like a shocked face button, similar to the heart button would be very useful on this site.
I like the samosas, but im a die hard Oreo girl so maybe thats why. I like that the proceeds go to something worth while which is nice so I do grab the occasional box like I said usually 1 a year. But they're not my favorites.
Yeah-- I only bought one box this year. I do think they are pricey, but the proceeds go right to the Girl Scouts, right? I think that's a worthy cause.
They do -- our troop gets a certain percentage of the proceeds, and some goes to the council and service unit we belong to.
Now that I know the troops get a percentage maybe I'll up my one box to 2
In the past month, I have been invited to 2 "sprinkles". I absolutley hate this trend.
One is for a mom that already has a little girl that is not quite yet 2. This time she's having a boy. I can't imagine she's gotten rid of all of her big ticket items? Her older one is in a toddler bed already. Maybe she will need to buy clothes and a double stroller? So go buy that shit yo'self.
The second is for a woman having her 3rd boy. Her older kids are I think 4 and 6? What am I supposed to bring her that she won't have? Diapers? Wipes? How does this woman not feel ridiculous?
I thought diapers and wipes was what you were supposed to bring to a sprinkle? And clothes maybe? I don't know, I've only been to one, and it was a very small gathering in a close friends home, and she was having a girl after having two boys. She had no registry, and didn't receive any big ticket items.
My UO is that I don't mind "sprinkles". Unless it is someone going all out inviting every person they know and registering for big ticket items just to have new things... I think every baby should get a little celebration!
You know-- I don't know what I am supposed to bring.
The one that already has a girl does have a registry. The other one, I don't think so, and since she already has 2 other boys I am not sure what to bring. It seems weird to bring diapers/ wipes to a "shower" but maybe that is because I don't usually go to second showers.
I totally agree that every baby should be celebrated-- but showers celebrate the mom. The baby isn't usually born yet (though I know in some cultures showers are only held after the baby is born.) Baby doesn't care if he's wearing hand me down PJs or in brand name diapers, but mom might.
Anyway-- this is why if you want to have a little party to celebrate a new baby, IMO a meet the baby party is a great option. Gives eveyone a chance to actually see your LO-- possibly hold him/ her if you are comfortable with that. Most people bring a small gift when they visit a new mom anyway, so seems like a great compromise.
I thought diapers and wipes was what you were supposed to bring to a sprinkle? And clothes maybe? I don't know, I've only been to one, and it was a very small gathering in a close friends home, and she was having a girl after having two boys. She had no registry, and didn't receive any big ticket items.
My UO is that I don't mind "sprinkles". Unless it is someone going all out inviting every person they know and registering for big ticket items just to have new things... I think every baby should get a little celebration!
You know-- I don't know what I am supposed to bring.
The one that already has a girl does have a registry. The other one, I don't think so, and since she already has 2 other boys I am not sure what to bring. It seems weird to bring diapers/ wipes to a "shower" but maybe that is because I don't usually go to second showers.
I totally agree that every baby should be celebrated-- but showers celebrate the mom. The baby isn't usually born yet (though I know in some cultures showers are only held after the baby is born.) Baby doesn't care if he's wearing hand me down PJs or in brand name diapers, but mom might.
Anyway-- this is why if you want to have a little party to celebrate a new baby, IMO a meet the baby party is a great option. Gives eveyone a chance to actually see your LO-- possibly hold him/ her if you are comfortable with that. Most people bring a small gift when they visit a new mom anyway, so seems like a great compromise.
I'd never heard of "sip and sees" or meet the baby parties until I joined here (or the other place, to be exact). They aren't common in my area. So maybe it depends by region?
I was also totally unaware how many people brought presents for babies after they were born, until we had LO. I didn't expect to get gifts after the shower at all!
Post by helenahhandbasket on Feb 12, 2015 16:38:54 GMT -5
allydncr-- I think they are popular in the south. I haven't been to one ever (I am a NYer), but they seem like a pretty decent way for a bunch of people to meet your LO (and sort of get that first introduction out of the way).
I thought diapers and wipes was what you were supposed to bring to a sprinkle? And clothes maybe? I don't know, I've only been to one, and it was a very small gathering in a close friends home, and she was having a girl after having two boys. She had no registry, and didn't receive any big ticket items.
My UO is that I don't mind "sprinkles". Unless it is someone going all out inviting every person they know and registering for big ticket items just to have new things... I think every baby should get a little celebration!
You know-- I don't know what I am supposed to bring.
The one that already has a girl does have a registry. The other one, I don't think so, and since she already has 2 other boys I am not sure what to bring. It seems weird to bring diapers/ wipes to a "shower" but maybe that is because I don't usually go to second showers.
I totally agree that every baby should be celebrated-- but showers celebrate the mom. The baby isn't usually born yet (though I know in some cultures showers are only held after the baby is born.) Baby doesn't care if he's wearing hand me down PJs or in brand name diapers, but mom might.
Anyway-- this is why if you want to have a little party to celebrate a new baby, IMO a meet the baby party is a great option. Gives eveyone a chance to actually see your LO-- possibly hold him/ her if you are comfortable with that. Most people bring a small gift when they visit a new mom anyway, so seems like a great compromise.
A meet the baby party sounds terrifying to me. I was such a mess after DS was born, I can't imagine throwing a party and having all those germy people in my house all at once. I'd much rather have a small gathering pre-baby, but only if my kids were really far apart, and only if someone wanted to throw it for me. I'd never throw one for myself (ick!) and I'd wouldn't throw one just because I was having a girl (girls are cute in blue!).
Post by helenahhandbasket on Feb 12, 2015 16:53:02 GMT -5
@rocknrollfriend-- me too. I was barely functioning for at least the first 3 months. I had terrible PPD/ PPA-- so this is one of the reasons I fantasize about having another-- becuase I was so out of it during the newborn phase that I would sometimes like another go at it.
Anyway-- It's not my style either-- I wouldn't do it, but I feel like if you are they type of person that had a great birth/ feels great as a new mom that it's preferable to a second shower. You can always "baby wear" if you don't want your LO passed around.
3 years TTC, 15 cycles w/ RE(med & med/IUI), one angel 2/2012, and a cycle break rainbow 8/2013 born at 32w2d.
Severe Pre-E, HFpEF, PE, AMA & IF= OAD not by choice
Our little rainbow is finally walking at 20 months! w/ hypotonia, developmental dyspraxia, and SPD
You know-- I don't know what I am supposed to bring.
The one that already has a girl does have a registry. The other one, I don't think so, and since she already has 2 other boys I am not sure what to bring. It seems weird to bring diapers/ wipes to a "shower" but maybe that is because I don't usually go to second showers.
I totally agree that every baby should be celebrated-- but showers celebrate the mom. The baby isn't usually born yet (though I know in some cultures showers are only held after the baby is born.) Baby doesn't care if he's wearing hand me down PJs or in brand name diapers, but mom might.
Anyway-- this is why if you want to have a little party to celebrate a new baby, IMO a meet the baby party is a great option. Gives eveyone a chance to actually see your LO-- possibly hold him/ her if you are comfortable with that. Most people bring a small gift when they visit a new mom anyway, so seems like a great compromise.
A meet the baby party sounds terrifying to me. I was such a mess after DS was born, I can't imagine throwing a party and having all those germy people in my house all at once. I'd much rather have a small gathering pre-baby, but only if my kids were really far apart, and only if someone wanted to throw it for me. I'd never throw one for myself (ick!) and I'd wouldn't throw one just because I was having a girl (girls are cute in blue!).
I was thinking the same thing! But then, my family is huge, so even something with "just family" is a 50+ person event.
I saw that the other day and was tempted to try Breyer's version. I ended up getting Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Mint with Chocolate Cookies. It didn't disappoint.
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