Hair pats, please

[Deleted]

I know I don't post here often. I was active back on TD, but since the move haven't really been around. Sorry for being a stranger.

I don't know where else to go, though. I'm having a really hard time lately. Jackson's birthday is coming up on November 02. He would have been 10 this year. I miss him so much. All the what ifs that I'm missing out on. All the things he could have been doing right now. It's just too much to handle sometimes.

LC TW

Now that I have my rainbow I was hoping it would help close some of those wounds, but it seems like it only made them surface more. Now it's not just me that's missing out. She's missing out on his life, too.

End TW

I finally ordered a Molly Bear a few months ago. I can't wait for it to get here. I wish I would have known about them sooner.

Every year I celebrate his birthday by making a cake and thinking about what he might have been like. This year I'm making a cheesecake and celebrating a few days early so I can have my friend come over and be with me. We plan to take all of Sunday to binge on cheesecake and cry.

I don't know what I'm expecting from this post. I just need a place to talk about him. I miss him so much. Thanks for letting me barge in. I promise to be around more often.

[sandj918]

I'm so sorry. I'm just at the beginning of our loss road (she hasn't passed yet but will at birth) but I can't imagine the pain ever goes away. Hair pats are just needed sometimes.

[aprilz81]

I'm also new around here but you have endured so much loss that I would think it would be more unusual for you NOT to still feel grief and sorrow, especially around special days. Having your rainbow doesn't make your other losses go away (not that you said that it would) or lessen the "what ifs" that are normal to think about.

I'm sorry you are are feeling so down.

[professormcgonagall]

I am so sorry. That's nice you will be able to have your friend with you to eat cheesecake and cry. My loss was also very recent so I cannot understand everything you have been through but what I can say is we are here for you whenever. If you want to talk about him or just need some internet hugs.

[iheartbroccoli]

So many hugs @led. I am so sorry Jackson isn't with you.

I don't have any LC, but I can imagine how that can bring up more hurts. Especially with her not being able to get to know Jackson. Having a LC doesn't make your loss any less.

I am glad you will have a friend there to support you and Jackson and your family. I will be thinking of you this upcoming week and on his birthday.

We are here for you anytime, you are not barging in. If you would like to share more about Jackson, please do.

[Deleted]

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it.

[heartpresidents]

So sorry @led, sending hugs!

I know we all miss our babies all the time, but I understand the need sometimes to get it out and say/type "I miss him".

[rslh10]

LC mentioned*

((Hugs)) @led. I relate very much to the LC missing out. My son is 5 and talks about Kenley every day, and it breaks my heart. It's different because she was my second child and He my first, but I relate.

[Deleted]

With Halloween just a few days away all I can think about is how I should be getting ready for some epic Halloween birthday costume party today for a bunch of kids to come over and go crazy and instead I'm sitting here alone, crying into a glass of wine at 9:30 in the morning. It sucks. I just want him back. I wonder what he would have wanted to dress up as this year. If my h had anything to say about it it would possibly be something nerdy. Maybe he and h could have fine as Rick and Morty. That would be hilarious. Ugh.

[fknhostile]

Although I don't know your story, and you don't know me as well, I want to say how sorry I am that you're going through a rough time. I can relate. Everyday I think about where I would be, what I would be doing, etc. Hugs

[Deleted]

The cheesecake is slightly overdone and it's killing me. It shouldn't even matter. I'm the only one eating it. But it's really getting to me. Like it's not good enough for him somehow. I know it's stupid but ugh.

[professormcgonagall]

Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you today, led.
Hugs

[iheartbroccoli]

Thinking of you and Jackson today. ❤️ hugs.

[heartpresidents]

Thinking of you today @led, and wishing Jackson a happy birthday.

[peaseblossom55]

This is late, but I am so very sorry. I hope the day passed without too much heartache and sadness. I wish Jackson a belated Happy Birthday.