Post by mustloveerica on Oct 26, 2016 15:46:13 GMT -5
So I'm already up almost 10 pounds and starting to have serious anxiety about it. I know I need to gain weight for babies. But a couple years ago I worked very very hard to lose 80 pounds and the thought of gaining anything back gives me an incredible amount of anxiety. I've always struggled with my weight and body image emotionally. My goal is to stay under 200 for this pregnancy (midwife wants me to gain at least 40-50 pounds). But I feel myself dying a little every time I get on the scale and the number is higher.
How do you deal with these emotions? Is there something I can do to make this task of gaining weight less traumatic for myself?
I don't have many suggestions, but I do want to offer commiseration and hugs. I've struggled with disordered eating in the past, and (as much as I wanted to be pregnant) was also very afraid of what the weight gain would do to me.
I'm still early on, but so far I try to really, deeply focus on the fact that it's all for the baby. I am doing the best I can to be the healthiest I can be. And, in this case, that means gaining weight. This is one of the first ways I'm caring for my child, by giving them the nutrition necessary. That seems to be helping.
Also, if your doc has ok'd it, are you staying active (within reason)? I know that, for me, I'm able to mentally accept a lot if I know I'm still active and doing the "right things."
Good luck, and know that you're not alone Body image can be such a mindfuck, but you've got this.
Post by mustloveerica on Oct 26, 2016 15:56:46 GMT -5
icedtea I like the way you look at it. About how it's the first thing you're doing to care for your child. I'm trying to stay somewhat active. I cancelled my gym membership the other day because I'm just not using it enough. But I do get out and walk my dogs about 3 miles every night. I need to get my eating under better control tho. I've definitely been allowing myself to splurge too much. And then afterwards I always get this over whelming feeling of guilt. I just want to enjoy being pregnant but the damn body shame is getting in the way!
mustloveerica, remember that doctors aren't shy about telling people when their weight is a problem. If your doc says you're good, then you are (easier said than believed, I know).
Post by jubilantsquirrel on Oct 26, 2016 16:00:48 GMT -5
I have a hard time seeing the number on the scale go up as well. Is it possible to not look at the scale at the doctors? It is important that they know your weight, but would it help if you just got onto the scale backwards or something and the nurse wrote down your weight without telling you what it is? I'm not sure if not knowing your weight would make things harder or easier.
All I can say is that you're pregnant with twins and you will gain weight and that's a good thing. I know after trying to lose weight for so long it's incredibly difficult to switch that flip from "weight gain is bad" to "weight gain is good". I wish I had better advice for you, just know that you aren't alone in these feelings.
mustloveerica, remember that doctors aren't shy about telling people when their weight is a problem. If your doc says you're good, then you are (easier said than believed, I know).
Yep! She told me I was right on track last week. But I think the thought of having to re-lose all the weight is what terrifies me. And I tried to shove myself in a pair on non maternity jeans the other day and really had to force them up past my thighs. So then I had a sobbing breakdown because obviously weight is going places other than my belly.
mustloveerica , remember that doctors aren't shy about telling people when their weight is a problem. If your doc says you're good, then you are (easier said than believed, I know).
Yep! She told me I was right on track last week. But I think the thought of having to re-lose all the weight is what terrifies me. And I tried to shove myself in a pair on non maternity jeans the other day and really had to force them up past my thighs. So then I had a sobbing breakdown because obviously weight is going places other than my belly.
Aw, I want to wrap you up in a blanket for an HGTV marathon (that is my ultimate comfort mode). I totally get those feelings, and I'm sorry you're hitting them.
Post by LadyNymeria on Oct 26, 2016 16:32:23 GMT -5
mustloveerica - If you can, don't look at the scale at dr appts, and don't weigh yourself at home. If weight gain ever became a concern, the dr would tell you, so maybe it would help you to not even know the number?
Otherwise your body will put on the weight it needs to take care of the babies. Continuing to do long walks with your dogs is great so you should be proud of yourself that you've kept it up!
Also remember there is more water retention than you are used to when pregnant. When you leave the hospital, you'll probably be down about 10-12 lbs (it seems small and insignificant compared to what is gained but it's a lot of water). The water weight subsides about 1-2 weeks after birth, regardless of feeding route you go with the babies.
There was a breakdown I saw a few years ago that showed where the weight for a singleton pregnancy went and only about 10 lbs of the 25-35 lbs went to fat. Everything else went to other things. It was kinda cool to see the breakdown and to understand that it isn't all fat
The body image struggle is real. I really hate being pregnant and a lot of it has to deal with my body image. Just try to eat healthy and stay as active as you can.
Post by mustloveerica on Oct 26, 2016 17:40:12 GMT -5
@wineandcupcakes thanks for the advice! You are right. I definitely know I look wider in the hips which doesn't help at all. Damn pregnancy! And as for normal jeans I only have one pair of maternity so far. My mom offered to take me shopping this weekend to help fill out my maternity wardrobe. Definitely trying to shove myself into my normal clothes at 16 weeks growing 2 babies is not helping at all.
Another part of my problem is I didn't have healthy eating habits to start with. So I lost 80 pounds through exercise and calorie counting but I was definitely only eating like 800-1000 calories a day. Not good right. Then I got married and slacked off and gained a bit of weight and started counting calories again. Then the IVF meds put another 10 pounds on. So it's been years of me being in this bad binge and diet cycle. And I feel like I still do that pregnant. Which is where my guilt feelings come from. So I definitely need to work on portion control and then not skipping meals when I feel guilty.
Post by mustloveerica on Oct 26, 2016 17:42:26 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for helping me put a more positive look on it. I told H to hide our scale (since I weigh myself everyday). I'll probably look at the scale at the doctor but I think not weighing at home will be a good start. And I'm going to go maternity clothes shopping too this weekend. So maybe some more bump flattering clothes will help me not feel so gross.
I definitely have things I need to work on but it's good to know I'm not alone and this is normal and it will come off eventually.
Thanks everyone for helping me put a more positive look on it. I told H to hide our scale (since I weigh myself everyday). I'll probably look at the scale at the doctor but I think not weighing at home will be a good start. And I'm going to go maternity clothes shopping too this weekend. So maybe some more bump flattering clothes will help me not feel so gross.
I definitely have things I need to work on but it's good to know I'm not alone and this is normal and it will come off eventually.
Yes to maternity clothes! I know a lot of people (just in general, not here specifically) tend to poo-poo maternity clothes for various reasons but I'm very pro maternity clothes. They're designed to fit your changing body in a way regular clothes can't. In my experience it's much more comfortable to wear maternity clothes and I think it really does help with self confidence also.
Thanks everyone for helping me put a more positive look on it. I told H to hide our scale (since I weigh myself everyday). I'll probably look at the scale at the doctor but I think not weighing at home will be a good start. And I'm going to go maternity clothes shopping too this weekend. So maybe some more bump flattering clothes will help me not feel so gross.
I definitely have things I need to work on but it's good to know I'm not alone and this is normal and it will come off eventually.
My BFF shoved all of her maternity pants in my face at 15 weeks and demanded I start wearing them right that second. It felt weird because I still fit in my jeans, but once I started wearing them, I never looked back. Invest in some maternity clothes to accentuate the bump (I also highly recommend maternity underwear) and go for it.
I know I had mentioned this but from week 15-16 I popped. I went from being afraid I was too small, to now being shocked at how big I am at 22 weeks. It's such a mind game. I just try to remind myself that my most important job now is to gain weight and create healthy babies. Everything else can wait until after I've met that objective.
I think hiding the scale is a great place to start. This could go either way, but, I have MyFitnessPal to track my protein (I have a metabolic disorder). Would tracking calories and trying to hit a health calorie goal be helpful or harmful to you? I can see it going either way.
I think probably harmful. I'm so used to tracking calories on MyFitnessPal for the opposite reason that I think I'd have a hard time changing that mindset. I definitely need to up my protein intake tho. I did great increasing my water. I had SIL steal one of the big hospital water jugs (32 oz) for me from her work and I carry it around all day. I can drink 4 of them a day!! So that was a huge change for me and a step in the right direction.
Post by LadyNymeria on Oct 26, 2016 18:56:00 GMT -5
I know there's a while before you have to worry about this, but after the babies are here don't try to get back into non-maternity pants too quickly. I'm about 10 lbs up from pre-pregnancy weight so I tried wearing a pair of regular jeans a week ago and they didn't fit. It didn't feel good.
Some people get back into pre-pregnancy clothes quickly, but a lot of moms don't. If you think emotionally it would not be good for you to try them on and not have them fit, give yourself a while before you try.
On the pre-maternity clothes- the best place for them right now may actually be out of sight. I left my clothes in their normal places throughout my pregnancy with DS and it made everything harder because I would look at them and get upset they didnt fit anymore. This time, they're all in a bin at the back of the closet and I can't even see them (partly due to the fact that we just moved and I needed to pack them anyway). It's made accepting that I can't wear them easier because I'm not constantly seeing them
On the pre-maternity clothes- the best place for them right now may actually be out of sight. I left my clothes in their normal places throughout my pregnancy with DS and it made everything harder because I would look at them and get upset they didnt fit anymore. This time, they're all in a bin at the back of the closet and I can't even see them (partly due to the fact that we just moved and I needed to pack them anyway). It's made accepting that I can't wear them easier because I'm not constantly seeing them
I think that's why mat clothes will help. I have one pair of maternity jeans that I love and 2 shirts so far. But I think they're really cute. So if I have some clothes that I think are cute and flattering I don't think I'll be bothered with seeing my old clothes. But I will keep that in mind and pack them away if it does become a problem.
Hugs mustloveerica! I know it's mentally hard but these babies need us to gain early so they can grow. It took me about 6 months to get all the weight off after having DD but I did it and I'll do it again. So will you! Your body will shift and change too. Focus on eating well for the babies.
Also remember there is more water retention than you are used to when pregnant. When you leave the hospital, you'll probably be down about 10-12 lbs (it seems small and insignificant compared to what is gained but it's a lot of water). The water weight subsides about 1-2 weeks after birth, regardless of feeding route you go with the babies.
There was a breakdown I saw a few years ago that showed where the weight for a singleton pregnancy went and only about 10 lbs of the 25-35 lbs went to fat. Everything else went to other things. It was kinda cool to see the breakdown and to understand that it isn't all fat
The body image struggle is real. I really hate being pregnant and a lot of it has to deal with my body image. Just try to eat healthy and stay as active as you can.
This!!!!!
You double your blood volume pretty quickly, the uterus grows and weighs more, the placenta, the amniotic fluid and of course the baby (in your case babies).
For a single pregnancy the breakdown is roughly: 7-9 pounds - baby 2 pounds - placenta 2 pounds - amniotic fluid 2 pounds- uterus growth 3-4 pounds - fluid retention 1 pound - breast enlargement Remaining weight gain is most likely actual fat deposits
I'm not sure if everything doubles with a twin pregnancy, but hopefully this will help you visualize where that weight is going and that most of it will come off pretty easily after the babies are born.
Everyone has given such great advice already, I can only echo that. Be as healthy as you can for your babies, eat well (and treat yourself when you need it!) and exercise while you're able. You'll do great.
The body worries are real, but you'll adjust post partum. It may happen quickly or take a little time but you'll get to where you want to be. And you'll know you brought two tiny humans into the world which is just amazing.
I highly recommend putting away (out of sight!) clothes you out grow as you out grow them. After, as your maternity clothes start feeling too loose, pull out the last clothes you put away etc. That way you'll go down in sizes when you're ready and not be tempted to try on clothes only to feel bad about it.
Oh, and the fluid retention can be unbelievable. I put on over 20lb in the last 6 weeks with DS1 (half of my total of 40lb!), almost all water, and I was horrified at the time. I peed most of that away within 2 weeks and the swelling was gone by 4 weeks at which point I was down 30lb.
I didn't gback to normal jeans until I KNEW they were going to fit at around 3mo post delivery. At which point I learned my body shape had changed and went out to buy new clothes (same size, different styles). It was fun to splurge!
Everyone has such great advice. I can only add I have similar anxiety about weight gain. I've gained weight over the past five years and struggled to even attempt to take it off. So I'm starting out pregnancy way past where I wanted to.
I love everyone's thoughts around getting maternity clothes which fit and flatter and not attempting to get into pre-pregnancy clothes too quickly (didn't even think of that!). For me, looking at the weight breakdown of where it actually comes from keeps it in perspective.
I hope everyone's replies help! I know it's an insane mind game and not easy to push aside the anxiety.
Post by ThankfulSnail on Oct 27, 2016 12:06:54 GMT -5
You've already gotten some great advice so there is not much to add. I just want to share that I started this pregnancy right after losing 45 lbs and while it was exciting to have an excuse to go off my diet, it was not so exciting to realize the other day that at 15 weeks, I've already gained enough weight that they'd call it a healthy weight gain for my BMI for the entire pregnancy. Oops.
I'm just trying to focus on making healthy choices, limiting treats- ourcrazynavylife said she follows the 80/20 roll for healthy food vs. extras and I've been trying to stick to that better- and when I do step on the scale, I look more at whether I'm within the amount I'm supposed to gain per week, and not at the number.
Big hugs. I know this is hard. I hope getting some new maternity clothes that make you feel cute helps!
I'll also add that you should take the time to find maternity clothes that make you look and feel your best. I was trying to stick with the baggier styles, as that's what I tend to like in my non-maternity clothes. However, baggier styles over my growing bump just made me feel big and frumpy. I got some fitted shirts from Gap, Old Navy and H&M, and showing off the bump makes me look and feel so much better!
All that to say, what you like or what works in pre-pregnancy clothes may or may not work with your pregnant body. Figure out what makes you feel good, and buy that!
Everyone has given such great advice here, but I think it's also helpful to make sure that your DH knows how you're feeling and how he can help. I gained weight quickly at first and was really struggling with looking heavier vs. pregnant, and my DH would get really irritated by my complaining about it. They need to understand what you're feeling in order to be supportive in the way that you need them to be.
Maybe just make sure he knows what you really want/need to hear when you're feeling down, or what kind of compliments would make you feel really good. We all know that sometimes those 'compliments' can be unintentionally painful, so it's good to make sure he knows exactly what you want to hear
Otherwise, I really hope that this transition time for you will pass and the coping skills you'll put into practice will help you embrace the changes. I know I felt a lot differently as time went on, it was the most difficult in 1st tri/early 2nd tri. ((hugs)) lady.
Such great feedback, there's not alot I can add to this. But I'll try because I feel like you deserve to know that there a lot of us are struggling with this, as much as I wish it weren't true and hopefully one day it won't be.
I have a history of disordered eating/overexercising/body image issues also.
So prior to getting pregnant, my BMI was *just* short of normal and the nutritionist at my RE wanted me to gain 10 lbs. That was the scariest thing ever. You want me to gain weight and I don't even know if I'm gonna get pregnant, it could all be for nothing. But I did it. I wanted to cry every day but I did it. And the cycle I reached +10 lbs was the cycle we had success interestingly.
So now we find out I'm pregnant with twins. She wants me to gain 40 more lbs during the pregnancy with 20 by 20 (+20 lbs by 20 weeks) since "studies show" that this gives the babies the best outcome and least likely to be pre term.
The scariest. But I did it. Not for me, but for them. I was taking on a new role and I looked at it as "preparation for this role, part of the job".
Now here's where things got hard. Third trimester. I'm not going to lie, it is freaking hard. You will probably gain a fair share of water weight and have swelling that makes you look bigger than you really are. I am struggling with this today and every day for the past few weeks. I try to remind myself that this is all temporary. That my babies are healthy and full term and that I am a hard worker and will get the weight off later (in a HEALTHY way).
I have cried once or twice. When I see my thighs in the mirror. When I have to step on the scale every were at the OB and find myself up another 3 lbs and do the math and realize that I'm up 60 lbs overall. I die a little inside, I honestly do. But then I step off the scale and walk in that room and either see their wiggling bodies or hear their perfect heartbeats or feel them kicking me and I think "today my job is to grow babies, not to be the hot girl with the great bod" - and I try to remember that I'm doing a DAMN FINE job at that.
You lost it once, you will get it off again. Today your job is to grow healthy babies!
I want to hug everyone here, and I am not a hugger.
I really like the idea of hiding away the clothes that don't fit anymore.
For some reason, the jeans were the thing that really got me. I hid those away, and it made me feel much better. The other clothes, fine. Jeans, not so much. I also took the opportunity to get rid of a bunch of things I didn't like, so I'll treat myself to some new things once I get back to my pre-baby weight.
I want to hug everyone here, and I am not a hugger.
I really like the idea of hiding away the clothes that don't fit anymore.
For some reason, the jeans were the thing that really got me. I hid those away, and it made me feel much better. The other clothes, fine. Jeans, not so much. I also took the opportunity to get rid of a bunch of things I didn't like, so I'll treat myself to some new things once I get back to my pre-baby weight.
Yes! I wear a lot of flowy tops and skinny jeans for work. So my tops are mostly still ok but my skinnies? Nope. My stretchier ones I can get away with still wearing with a belly band. But the not stretchy ones and any not flowy tops are done.
Post by moutonrouge on Oct 27, 2016 19:54:19 GMT -5
mustloveerica I like the gap full-panel maternity true skinny jeans. They're a good replacement for my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans and very comfy over the bump.
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