Anyone have plans...

[GOmamab15]

...for another kid?

I know a few of us were done, some would be waiting a while and I also remember some of us were thinking maybe no birth control and just start trying again right away.

Is anybody trying for a sibling already?

Or have plans to try?

[GOmamab15]

The other day DH said
"We should have another one" and I barely heard the rest of his sentence. It's both terrifying and exciting to think about. I've made a conscious effort to not think about having another kid yet and just focus on the baby but when DH said that it definitely made me think.

Right now I'm on the mini pill, but I need to reorder my Rx because I'm almost out. Or maybe not? It's not like we're DTD very much anyways!

[chriskoo]

We've talked about it - ideal timing for me would be to start trying for another baby in about September 2017. I want to try to keep nursing DD until she's 1, so until the end of June. Then (maybe selfishly) I want my body to myself for a couple of months, and take the summer off from ttc, pregnancy, breastfeeding etc.
Impossible to plan because who knows how long it will take to conceive, but in a perfect world this would give a 2ish year age gap.

[frecklesnbrains]

I'm going to be 40 next year so we're getting down to business as soon as my period returns. Right now we're NTNP.

[txmommy14]

We do want a third but having two has rocked our world so much, we will probably wait a few years and have a bigger gap.

[pbandj714]

Not for a long while! DH is happy with just the 2, but I've always wanted 3 and can't shake the feeling of wanting to experience a normal, singleton pregnancy. That being said, I'm waiting on insurance to approve my IUD. I'd like to have a 3 or 4 year age gap ideally.

[vivela]

I'm thinking we will start in June. In terms of saving up my sick days for another mat leave, in a perfect world I'd get pregnant next September and do the June baby, 30 days off in the following Sept-Oct again exactly the same way. I'd like kids fairly close together and two is my max, though I'm pretty sure DH will try to talk me into more and I'll be tempted.

[sandandsea]

We are done unless there is divine intervention. I got an iud last month. Our hands are full with the two boys and I don't want to be outnumbered. . Also daycare, college, cars, weddings, vacations are expensive and I want to be able to help my kids with those without giving up our retirement and other savings.

[bighair12]

Oh hell no. Tubes removed and we are done with two!

[greysonsmom]

We are done with two unless we win the lottery. A third would mean we need a bigger house, bigger car, whole different lifestyle. I've finally found a good balance (most days 😉) handling two kids, I think a third would sent me over the edge.

[manybellsdown]

I can't decide where I come down on this, but I've been thinking about it more and more. We always said 3. But now it seems like it'd be very difficult to be outnumbered. And childcare costs a lot of money, but I'd like to be done before I am that much older.

I had about 4-5 months between the end of extended bf'ing and pregnancy, and the "body to myself" feeling is real.

[packerfan4life]

We're undecided. I want 1 or 2 more. H thinks he's done (although used to want 4). I want to adopt the next if we have one. But honestly this would be years down the road. I need to do something about BC. So far children who don't sleep is working pretty well though

[microworm]

Probably done at 2. But we aren't doing anything permanent to prevent. It's unlikely but if we do then it would be after DS1 is in school. No way to 3 in daycare.

I haven't had my body to myself in over 3 years between pregnancy #1 and breastfeeding into pregnancy #2. Once I'm done BFing DS2, I'm not sure I'm going to want to do the whole pregnancy/baby thing again. Although I was looking through squish pics of DS2 yesterday and got pretty sad...

[origamimommy]

Lolololololol

NEEEEWP.

[mladerri]

Dh and I just discussed this today. I'm still on the fence, dh is an absolute no. I told him I'd want a few years in between but the cost and being outnumbered and the fact I'm a single mama very frequently makes me lean towards we're done. I'm not on bc but we rarely dtd since I haven't slept in two months. I have a feeling when ds2 is around 2-3 I may want another... only time will tell.

Dh questioned why I'd even want another. I just looked at both my boys and said how could you not want another??

[athn64]

No way in hell. Despite DH saying accidents happen, I am done. This is also why I am in charge of BC

[Kevinmac]

We want another. DH said we will discuss at six months the timing so we have 1.5 more months to go. I'm older, so I would like to sooner rather than later and want them closer in age. We might go to Mexico in April, so I have to ask my doctor the recommended wait time because of Zika. DH isn't really a baby person so part of me wants to have another soon to get the baby stage out of the way-although I'll miss it terribly.

[origamimommy]

I have been thinking about this and right now we are a hard pass. I have a Mirena right now, and if we do have a third, it would be in another 4 years or so. I feel like I would want another baby, I love having babies, but I hate being pregnant and I would like to start doing fun things as a family, and to start over again when the oldest is 8. I don't know. We'll see. While I was pregnant I thought for sure one more but now I feel pretty done. We will see what happens in the future. But right now it's a hard pass.

[amiet79]

We're done. 3 is enough. DH has his pre-op for his vasectomy scheduled for the 24th. We're using condoms for now, but I haven't had a period yet and probably won't until DS2 is around a year. That's how it was with my other 2. I'm considering maybe getting my tubes tied down the road, but we'll see.

[carolinaheart]

If I had to give an answer, I'd say yes. We have tentative plans to try January '18-ish.

That being said I really think I may have PPA. Also, I know it's silly but how can I love another baby like I love this one?! Those things make me think twice.

[manybellsdown]

Nov 14, 2016 15:20:35 GMT -5 carolinaheart said:

If I had to give an answer, I'd say yes. We have tentative plans to try January '18-ish.

That being said I really think I may have PPA. Also, I know it's silly but how can I love another baby like I love this one?! Those things make me think twice.

I'm really sorry to hear about the PPA. Do you have support?

One thing I can promise is that you will completely, totally, fully be able to love another like you do this one.

[carolinaheart]

Nov 14, 2016 21:46:35 GMT -5 manybellsdown said:

Nov 14, 2016 15:20:35 GMT -5 carolinaheart said:

If I had to give an answer, I'd say yes. We have tentative plans to try January '18-ish.

That being said I really think I may have PPA. Also, I know it's silly but how can I love another baby like I love this one?! Those things make me think twice.

I'm really sorry to hear about the PPA. Do you have support?

One thing I can promise is that you will completely, totally, fully be able to love another like you do this one.

DH is pretty supportive but I don't think he really understands.

Lately, it's been getting better instead of worse though.

[Outofhiding]

Nov 13, 2016 18:14:37 GMT -5 microworm said:

Probably done at 2. But we aren't doing anything permanent to prevent. It's unlikely but if we do then it would be after DS1 is in school. No way to 3 in daycare.

I haven't had my body to myself in over 3 years between pregnancy #1 and breastfeeding into pregnancy #2. Once I'm done BFing DS2, I'm not sure I'm going to want to do the whole pregnancy/baby thing again. Although I was looking through squish pics of DS2 yesterday and got pretty sad...

+1 about not having my body to myself in about three years. I will be 40 next year and we have decided to stop at two.

[bgkc4]

I want another one, but I can't say if/when that will happen. DH is okay with eventually having one more, and has said he'll get a vasectomy after the second; which is fine with me. Right now I'm not on BC, but I also don't have a period. Also we rarely dtd because baby.

My biggest issue with having a second is that I don't feel like I deserve another. I've had such a difficult time adjusting to motherhood that I feel like having another would be selfish. I am struggling mentally. Like carolinaheart, I suspect PPA. I am actually going to see someone today, after months of making excuses and resisting. I'm very stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like if I can't handle one baby, I certainly can't handle a second. It makes me sad every time I think about it, because I don't want DD to be an only child.

[pbandj714]

Big hugs, bgkc4. That's a huge step in the right direction. I hope you have a good experience with a professional. You are such a good mom!

[titania]

Hugs bgkc4! I'm so glad that you are going to see someone today, as I know you have wanted to. And I agree with the above you are a wonderful mom! Probably waaaay too hard on yourself.

[carolinaheart]

Nov 15, 2016 12:11:35 GMT -5 bgkc4 said:

I want another one, but I can't say if/when that will happen. DH is okay with eventually having one more, and has said he'll get a vasectomy after the second; which is fine with me. Right now I'm not on BC, but I also don't have a period. Also we rarely dtd because baby.

My biggest issue with having a second is that I don't feel like I deserve another. I've had such a difficult time adjusting to motherhood that I feel like having another would be selfish. I am struggling mentally. Like carolinaheart, I suspect PPA. I am actually going to see someone today, after months of making excuses and resisting. I'm very stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like if I can't handle one baby, I certainly can't handle a second. It makes me sad every time I think about it, because I don't want DD to be an only child.

Oh, I'm so sorry you're struggling too! I have to say I don't know what I'd do if I was working too right now so you are a rockstar!

I definitely feel you on the not deserving another feeling. I feel like I can't even be the mom L needs so I how could I possibly stretch myself even thinner for another child?

I'm glad you're going to see someone though. I've thought about but I always come back to this being in my head and I'm being dramatic. No one else has noticed anything wrong or anything so I feel like I'm doing okay, I guess.

[GOmamab15]

Big hugs bgkc4 and carolinaheart

[bgkc4]

Thanks titania. DH says I'm too hard on myself also. I just have never felt so weighted with responsibility to get things right. I'm constantly worried. I read a news article about lead poisoning last week and I asked DH if we can get the house tested for lead paint. I spent 4 days obsessing over it and we don't even have paint peeling off of anything in our house. I also had a mini-meltdown over the fact that DH and I haven't gotten flu shots yet (we're getting them but I wanted it done by Nov. 1st and obviously that date has come and gone). I know concern is normal for a new mom, but I don't sleep at night over my worries. Sometimes the baby is asleep and I'm up worrying about random things. The worst part is that I have the presence of mind to know its not normal, yet I cant stop.

[bgkc4]

Nov 15, 2016 12:55:07 GMT -5 carolinaheart said:

Nov 15, 2016 12:55:07 GMT -5 carolinaheart said:

Oh, I'm so sorry you're struggling too! I have to say I don't know what I'd do if I was working too right now so you are a rockstar!

I definitely feel you on the not deserving another feeling. I feel like I can't even be the mom L needs so I how could I possibly stretch myself even thinner for another child?

I'm glad you're going to see someone though. I've thought about but I always come back to this being in my head and I'm being dramatic. No one else has noticed anything wrong or anything so I feel like I'm doing okay, I guess.

Yes! You articulated my thoughts perfectly. I always find a hard way to describe it, but you hit the nail on the head. If I can't be the mom dd needs right now, "how could I possibly stretch myself even thinner for another child."


As for you questioning whether this is just an issue made up in your head, it probably isn't. I also feel a (false) sense of security and comfort in the fact that (other than DH) nobody seems to notice my unraveling. Work is going fine, I'm involved with the PTO at daycare, I'm still active with social and service oriented community organizations.  But I remind myself that the standard isn't whether other people think I'm coping well; my own feelings and actions are the true measure. I remember when DD was just out the hospital and had her first pedi appointment, they had me take one of those PP questionnaires to screen new mothers. Apparently I failed it, because the pedi said my score was  "a little high" and she followed up with a few more questions before eventually changing and rescoring my quiz to bring it down a few points. I laughed it off thinking she was being dramatic. Now here we are at almost 6 months. So I'm going to be proactive, instead of reactive. I don't have the answers, but sitting on my hands isn't helping.