The silliest things will get you...

[vivela]

I've really been fine all week. Sad about the situation, but fine. I told some friends, talked about it a bit with different people. Today a coworker announced she is pregnant. Ouch, but fine. Then the scheduling department at the hospital finally called to schedule the ultrasound to see how things are progressing. The midwife wanted me in today, but they couldn't find a spot until Thursday, which wasn't working for the midwife. Over the course of the phone calls to get to get it sorted out, I had two different people ask me if I was pregnant (how does one answer that while waiting for it all to be over?) and another person ask what the ultrasound was for. I mean, they look me up in the system first. Can someone not put a note by my name or something? 

Anyway, I got through all this fine. What finally got me was an onion. I went food shopping with my Mom the day before I found out something was wrong. Remembering the stupid food shopping of all things, and how I was still excited and had no idea. 

So taking out a damn onion to make risotto sends me bawling. And now I am exhausted and starving and I haven't made the risotto yet. 

[vivela]

Feb 13, 2015 21:15:09 GMT -5 @sarahwithanh said:

((hugs)) Totally agree, it's the stupid little things. Come over to conceiving after loss. There are lots of great ladies and these things come up for us all.

I will! I've just been waiting for the miscarriage to be fully over. I know there is no rule that says I have to, but I think I just want to get over that hurdle first. I'm lurking a bit. 

[vivela]

I'm doing ok. I think I'm basically miscarrying very slowly. It probably mostly happened earlier this week, when there was more pain and clots, though nothing as tough as most of the other experiences I read about here. But I'm still having minor versions of the same process a couple times a day. It would have been nice to see the doctor a little earlier so I could just be reassured it is all normal. I occasionally google and it seems like there are million different ways it can go and this is one of them.

[Deleted]

::hugs::

[vivela]

Update: Successfully made the risotto with no further drama. It turned out pretty well too.

[stoney1019]

Feb 13, 2015 23:46:18 GMT -5 vivela said:

Update: Successfully made the risotto with no further drama. It turned out pretty well too.

I'm so sorry you are still having some pain and discomfort. I know you probably want it all to be over. I think the grief and sadness will strike when we least expect it. Did anyone watch grey's anatomy last night? Don't if you do watch it - super bad timing with our situations right now!

Great success on the risotto! I've eaten nothing but crap food the last week so kudos to you! we are all here for you. The worse thing that's been setting me off is music and certain songs. 'Night changes' by 1D - woke up not feeling pregnant anymore yesterday and associated the song with that etc....any song that says 'empty' I feel like they are singing about my now empty uterus. It's pretty bad and I mainly listen to silence while driving at the moment.

[grannypantiesrock]

It is stupid things that get me too. Last year we went to the mall before our ultrasound (12/23) to buy gifts for our parents to tell them we were expecting over Christmas (really wasn't fun returning those). This past December--one year later--I was walking through the mall a few days before Christmas and all I could think about was how clueless and elated we were in the same place a year ago. I thought we'd be celebrating our baby's first Christmas, but instead I was grieving a second loss in a year.

[chiapet]

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are still waiting for this to all be over. Big (hugs) to you.

[vivela]

Feb 13, 2015 23:59:05 GMT -5 stoney1019 said:

Feb 13, 2015 23:46:18 GMT -5 vivela said:

Update: Successfully made the risotto with no further drama. It turned out pretty well too.

I'm so sorry you are still having some pain and discomfort. I know you probably want it all to be over. I think the grief and sadness will strike when we least expect it. Did anyone watch grey's anatomy last night? Don't if you do watch it - super bad timing with our situations right now!

Great success on the risotto! I've eaten nothing but crap food the last week so kudos to you! we are all here for you. The worse thing that's been setting me off is music and certain songs. 'Night changes' by 1D - woke up not feeling pregnant anymore yesterday and associated the song with that etc....any song that says 'empty' I feel like they are singing about my now empty uterus. It's pretty bad and I mainly listen to silence while driving at the moment.

It is crazy the things that can remind you! I mostly listen to cheerful pop songs at the moment. This was the first time I've cooked since it happened. Lots of pizza and microwaving. I don't have a ton of energy at the moment. But the house is going to pieces and I can't just sit on my backside and make excuses. There has to be a middle ground where I'm not sitting in a pile of pizza boxes and seltzer cans! H is working like crazy right now, so he can't really do it all himself. 

[jumpingpuddles]

Big ((hugs)) to you. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. I too have the hardest time with the small stuff. The bathroom stall at work where I first noticed spotting, the scarf I knit for myself during the short month I was pregnant, it took me 3 weeks to throw away my hospital bracelet from my D&C., don't know why. I think we can brace ourselves for the obvious hurts, but the small things sneak up on you.

[vivela]

Feb 14, 2015 13:29:25 GMT -5 jumpingpuddles said:

Big ((hugs)) to you. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. I too have the hardest time with the small stuff. The bathroom stall at work where I first noticed spotting, the scarf I knit for myself during the short month I was pregnant, it took me 3 weeks to throw away my hospital bracelet from my D&C., don't know why. I think we can brace ourselves for the obvious hurts, but the small things sneak up on you.

Yes! My coworker announced her pregnancy and I totally held it together because I was prepared for things like that. Then total meltdown over an onion I bought at a certain time. 

[xxkimmy8xx]

So many hugs to you. I'm 3 weeks post D&C and definitely agree the most random things make me sad. Today, I found the last coconut bar in our pantry that I bought when I was pregnant. Just looking at it reminded me of how excited we were when I bought them.

Thoughts and prayers as you go through this time. We're here when you need us.

[stoney1019]

DH and I had a long talk about what happened today because we have friends who are 6 months along (#1 and had a loss last year) and they want to skype with us. He wanted to check it was ok with me. I thought that was sweet. He then proceeded to say while we are on the subject another couple we know just announced their pregnancy for #1 on Facebook (which I am no longer on). I held it together. He thought that meant I was 'ok/over' what is happening with us. He then just showed me their announcement picture - which had the book WTEWYE and he proceeded to ask me if that was the same book we had? (Because of course the next day after BFP I went and spent $100 on pregnancy books). Cue sprinting to the bathroom to ugly cry.

He came and apologized and I tried to explain to him I'll never truly get over it and it's WAYYYYY too soon. He feels really bad now. Men.

Now I'm fighting back the tears and we have company over and im getting really angry now at our situation and can't help but think 'why not us?' 'What's wrong with us?' 'Why isn't it our turn' 'what did I ever do to deserve this' Valentine's fail. Cheers hubby.

[nikolie93]

*hugs* to all the ladies that need it in here. The little things seem to be the ones that hit us the hardest.