I pretty much can't deal with (or maybe don't know how) Naria's loss. Instant tears if I allow myself to think if it at all. So I've just been focusing on the upcoming transfer. Logical me knows it's not healthy to repress it, emotional me is plugging my ears not listening.
I pretty much can't deal with (or maybe don't know how) Naria's loss. Instant tears if I allow myself to think if it at all. So I've just been focusing on the upcoming transfer. Logical me knows it's not healthy to repress it, emotional me is plugging my ears not listening.
Hey ampaints wanna get together and just drink and cry? I am with you on repressing. I don't recommend it but whatever gets you through the day y ' know. Were there counselors you could talk to at the fertility clinic? I know you guys had to do some counseling all together before the adoption. Would they be able to help/ have recs of helpful resources?
@janetheconquerer post wherever you feel most comfortable. I know at times some of us (myself included) will hesitated to post because we just feel like we're being negative or a downer. I thought a place to specifically talk about our challenges might be helpful. Talking is good, it helps to process and deal.
I have been calling my psychiatrist for the past three days and and have been answering questions through her nurse back and forth. Then I call today they say she didn't reply, the dr who is there right now doesn't feel comfortable answering my question and that I'll either have to wait until Monday, call on call after hours and see if they'll prescribe me something, or go to the er. Like wtf people?! I have called during business hours for 3 days why is the simple question of can I increase my xanax not answered.
Post by tuscanlatte on Jan 15, 2017 19:05:06 GMT -5
I was feeling very hopeful for 2017 but with L getting so sick that was a major letdown. I feel like I am barely treading water sometimes. Being unemployed is difficult on my mental health, the not knowing part. I am trying to work on projects around the house, and I did take on a job cleaning/painting my parents condo this week between renters, but still.
I think now that she is starting to improve I need to do a bit of self care. I am actually kind of looking forward to cleaning an empty apartment all day tomorrow with no one else there. I think time with my audio books and by myself will be helpful. I was not taking care of myself at Childrens (for instance one day I realized that I didn't use the washroom for an entire day, because I couldn't put her down and I had no one there to help me). I need a bit of a reset.
So last night was a shit show. C woke up at 1 and h drunkenly snored thru it. I couldn't fall back asleep until almost 3 because my mind was just on repeat of all the issues with h and me. And C kept waking up and H never stirred so that pissed me off even more.
H left for work. I sent a text saying we needed to talk cause we are in trouble and I can't continue like this. He hasn't acknowledged it but has been extra perky and nice on the phone.
My stomach is in knots. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Post by tuscanlatte on Jan 15, 2017 19:18:31 GMT -5
aw @janetheconquerer, what a terrible feeling. No wonder you can't sleep Can you read a novel before bed or something? Sometimes I find that helps to move my mind to a different place. Do you like reading? There was a novel I read when DH and I were really going through shit and it hit home for me. It was a bit cheesy and about a separation (so not the best to get your mind off of things) but it really helped focus my perspective.
tuscanlatte I can see how the time cleaning the apartment could be very therapeutic. Unemployment is definitely tough mentally. Enjoy the alone time tomorrow and take care of yourself.
I'm sorry that things continue to be rough between you and your H. Can you set a time where someone can watch the kids once he's home and you two can sit down and really hash things out. Maybe having a set time would help you relax some.
So I've started giving myself time each night before I go to sleep to purposely think about the miscarriage. I go to bed before H, so I have time where I can just process by myself. I think it's helping, I haven't had a time when I've been overwhelmed by sadness like I was before.
I will say Adriene's Yoga Revolution is saving my sanity. It is keeping me in a good place, mood-wise.
We're hard core TTC. It has been a bit frustrating, since it took 12 months for my period to come back after E and then I got pregnant right away and miscarried at almost 10 weeks. We have tried every cycle since the mc (3 so far). I know this is way shorter than it took a lot of you to successfully conceive, but it is still upsetting to me. I guess the whole thing with taking a year to get my period back kind of threw me for a loop. I thought I was going to have 2u2. I am much better off than I was a couple of months ago. I was a complete wreck for most of Oct/Nov.
ampaints, It sounds to me like you are processing your grief quite well. Thinking about it some and ignoring it some seem to be very appropriate responses. Just do what you need to do to get through it.
Post by tuscanlatte on Jan 15, 2017 20:28:02 GMT -5
esgrunner, I completely understand the pain after a miscarriage. And especially the intense desire to be pregnant again, time really does slow down to a crawl. Hang in there, sending you lots of hugs!!
@janetheconquerer I'm so sorry you're having trouble sleeping (which always just compunds the issues). I don't have any advice because I'm the same way when H and I aren't in a good place. It keeps me up and he sleeps right through it which makes me angrier. But I am sending the best thoughts I have. I hope it gets better.
ampaints I think you are doing a great job recognizing your need to both feel the grief but not let it overwhelm you. I love you and if you ever need to talk or not talk I'm here.
tuscanlatte I'm so aorry than the year has started out so poorly. I'm glad you're getting a bit of a break tomorrow and you'll probably get some endorphins from the work (bonus). I hope you get some time for self care soon.
ampaints, It's natural to feel sad about a loss and it's okay to let yourself cry. You had a lot invested in the adoption and transfer. The extent of your sadness is an indication of how important this was to you. I'm glad you're finding ways to cope with the loss and are feeling less overwhelmed by it. Sending hugs your way.
esgrunner, I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. Whether you've been TTC for a short time or a long time, it's hard to cope when your plans for TTC don't go the way you were expecting. I hope things go well with this next cycle. Good luck, and I look forward to hearing an announcement from you!
packmomma, I'm sorry you're still having trouble sleeping. Are you still dealing with nightmares? If they're related to the haircut incident, your therapist might be able to help you do some exposure work that might decrease the nightmares. I'm sorry the psychiatrist didn't get back to you. That's so frustrating.
aydee they're related more to my existing ptsd that has been exacerbated by this new body attack. Basically I have nightmares that my body is not safe/being attacked/going to be attacked etc. My therapist is actually on maternity leave for January so I'm seeing a new one in the interim. She's nice but it's hard to start all over and just for the month. On the upside last night I didn't have any nightmares. I woke up a bunch but no nightmares so I'll take it.
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