All the questions any FTMs have that the STMs can help with go here. So just ask whatever you want and we will let you know what worked (and likely what didn't) for us.
For instance......bedtime routines with 2 LOs. I do bedtime with all my kids by myself (my H works a lot so it's usually just me at home) and it took me awhile to get a good rhythm. So if you have any questions about that, I can definitely help.
Post by saltandvinegar on Jan 19, 2017 11:33:18 GMT -5
leviosa, Funny you should mention bedtime. This doesn't have anything to do with a new baby except that I would like to have this solved before I have another one to worry about too.
So DS (will be 2 in March) used to go to bed great. He had his bink/pacifier and his blankie and we would go through our routine and put him in his crib and he was out like a light within 10 minutes. No crying or fussing. I thought I was just an awesome mom. I mean, why do others have so many problems with this Jokes on me. Now he has given up his bink and is in a toddler bed because he could get out of his crib. This is where the problems begin. We do the routine like always (bath, jammies, brush teeth, read, tuck in). He just will not settle down to go to sleep. He wants me to lay with him but he just tosses and turns and wants to play. So we try leaving him and making him stay in his room. There are so many tears. Last night I let him cry for about 15 minutes and then I went in and laid down with him. I still have to lay down to get him to fall asleep, even if he is on the edge of sleep he is up immediately if he thinks I'm leaving.
I should add that he naps just fine for both sitters that he has. He does not nap for me at all anymore. I have given in and I drive him to sleep because it's not worth the hassle and the tears anymore (his and mine) when I just want to enjoy the weekends with him.
Any suggestions? I'm at a loss. Last night took 45 minutes to get him asleep and by the end I'm exhausted and just want to go to sleep too.
leviosa , Funny you should mention bedtime. This doesn't have anything to do with a new baby except that I would like to have this solved before I have another one to worry about too.
So DS (will be 2 in March) used to go to bed great. He had his bink/pacifier and his blankie and we would go through our routine and put him in his crib and he was out like a light within 10 minutes. No crying or fussing. I thought I was just an awesome mom. I mean, why do others have so many problems with this Jokes on me. Now he has given up his bink and is in a toddler bed because he could get out of his crib. This is where the problems begin. We do the routine like always (bath, jammies, brush teeth, read, tuck in). He just will not settle down to go to sleep. He wants me to lay with him but he just tosses and turns and wants to play. So we try leaving him and making him stay in his room. There are so many tears. Last night I let him cry for about 15 minutes and then I went in and laid down with him. I still have to lay down to get him to fall asleep, even if he is on the edge of sleep he is up immediately if he thinks I'm leaving.
I should add that he naps just fine for both sitters that he has. He does not nap for me at all anymore. I have given in and I drive him to sleep because it's not worth the hassle and the tears anymore (his and mine) when I just want to enjoy the weekends with him.
Any suggestions? I'm at a loss. Last night took 45 minutes to get him asleep and by the end I'm exhausted and just want to go to sleep too.
saltandvinegar I have not made the transition to toddler bed with DS so I don't have any real advice. But I wanted to clarify - did the bed switch and getting rid of the pacifier happen at the same time? I was just thinking that maybe that was too much at once. Maybe he could keep the pacifier for a while till he gets used to the new bed?
DD lost and born 9/18/2013 at 24 weeks (Trisomy 18) DS born 6/16/2015 (at 39 weeks 6 days, after emergency cerclage at 23 weeks and 14 weeks of bed rest)
Post by saltandvinegar on Jan 19, 2017 11:52:22 GMT -5
salmon2017, Unfortunately yes. It wasn't really the plan though. He was in a toddler bed for about a week and everything was going pretty well. A few times he tried to get up and I just tucked him back in. Not bad at all. Then one night he bit a hole in his bink. He didn't want any of the others we had. I tried to get him a new one the next day (the same exact one - a red dog wubbanub) no luck. He was just done with them. I cut the pacifier off of the stuffed dog and he still sleeps with it. It just doesn't do much to help soothe him to sleep anymore.
So I guess the question really becomes, did anyone give their LOs pacifiers and how did it go when you tried/did wean? At this point I don't even want to introduce the next baby to a pacifier.
DD had a pacifier. She gave it up shortly before 2. I wasn't home one night, and DH couldn't find the pacifier, so he just put her down without it. She asked for it a few times but I just told her it went bye bye. She is still in a crib, however.
When we transitioned DS to a bed, he did great until DD was born. Then he would not stay in his room. There was lots of tears. He also was fighting naps, so I decided naps must be his bedtime problem. I let him drop naps completely and bedtime went so much better. Oh and he was 2.5 went this all went down.
saltandvinegar, do you always do bedtime or does your SO ever do it? Last year when our DS2 was just under 2.5, he would do something similar. And one night, I was just so worn out, I asked my H to do it and he was in and out in 5 minutes. No tears.
Post by saltandvinegar on Jan 19, 2017 12:43:11 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. I think I may try a combo of all of these. DH has tried to put him to bed but it doesn't seem to be too much different. Maybe we will try that again tonight though and just let him CIO as @wicky, mentioned. It makes me so sad to hear him like that because he just wants me to come lay with him though.
I think he still needs a nap but right now they are long (like 2.5 hours sometimes) maybe if we cut that back it would help too.
Post by LittleStarSweeper on Jan 19, 2017 12:46:49 GMT -5
I don't have any pacifier-specific advice, but I will say you HAVE to be consistent. Otherwise, he'll just figure if he cries long enough, you'll come in and lay down with him. Tell him the deal, do your routine, say "Mommy will see you in the morning. I love you, good night" or whatever you want to say... then leave. Perhaps if he is crying for a certain amount of time (whatever you feel comfortable with, 10 minutes?), your DH can go in and remind him: "It's time for bed, buddy. We'll see you in the morning. Good night" etc. Nobody lay down with him.
ETA: oh yes, the nap. Is he napping too late in the day? If my DD isn't up from her nap by ~3:15, she's not tired enough to go to sleep right away at bedtime. She's 2.5 though.
Every once in awhile DS tries to push the boundaries with us. Don't judge, but he turned 3 in October and is still in his crib. He loves it and has always been an amazing sleeper so I haven't seen a reason to mess that up. But, every once in awhile he will freak out at bedtime and tell us he's not sleepy. We just do our bedtime routine as usual and put him in there. If he cries for more than 5 min we go in and tell him firmly that it's bedtime and he needs to go to sleep. If he asks to go potty or get a drink we oblige, then put him immediately back to bed. He knows he's not going to get us to let him stay up so he usually gives up at that point and lays down.
I don't have any pacifier-specific advice, but I will say you HAVE to be consistent. Otherwise, he'll just figure if he cries long enough, you'll come in and lay down with him. Tell him the deal, do your routine, say "Mommy will see you in the morning. I love you, good night" or whatever you want to say... then leave. Perhaps if he is crying for a certain amount of time (whatever you feel comfortable with, 10 minutes?), your DH can go in and remind him: "It's time for bed, buddy. We'll see you in the morning. Good night" etc. Nobody lay down with him.
ETA: oh yes, the nap. Is he napping too late in the day? If my DD isn't up from her nap by ~3:15, she's not tired enough to go to sleep right away at bedtime. She's 2.5 though.
I think this is our problem. I hate hearing him cry when he just wants to spend time with me though. I have all kinds of mom guilt over not seeing him all day as it is. agh. Having kids is so tricky. They just know how to pull at your heartstrings.
I have a question that I've been wondering about... I've been seeing my gynecologist for 10 years. I love all 3 doctors at the practice but their office is a little far from where I live now and the hospital is right across the street from their office. It was never a problem because for the most part except for a couple years in the middle, I only had to go there once a year. It's about 40 minutes from my house and just over an hour from my office. I'd hate to have to find a new doctor and stop seeing my current one after all this time but I'm not sure if being kind of far from where I live/work will be problematic down the road. Do you guys think this is/will be an issue or am I just overthinking it? Curious what your opinions are.
I don't have any pacifier-specific advice, but I will say you HAVE to be consistent. Otherwise, he'll just figure if he cries long enough, you'll come in and lay down with him. Tell him the deal, do your routine, say "Mommy will see you in the morning. I love you, good night" or whatever you want to say... then leave. Perhaps if he is crying for a certain amount of time (whatever you feel comfortable with, 10 minutes?), your DH can go in and remind him: "It's time for bed, buddy. We'll see you in the morning. Good night" etc. Nobody lay down with him.
ETA: oh yes, the nap. Is he napping too late in the day? If my DD isn't up from her nap by ~3:15, she's not tired enough to go to sleep right away at bedtime. She's 2.5 though.
I think this is our problem. I hate hearing him cry when he just wants to spend time with me though. I have all kinds of mom guilt over not seeing him all day as it is. agh. Having kids is so tricky. They just know how to pull at your heartstrings.
I KNOW! It's so hard to stay consistent when they're crying for you. My DH helps me stay strong on many occasions. Can you do some extra cuddles with DS when you get home in the evening? Before bedtime routine, I mean.
Post by LittleStarSweeper on Jan 19, 2017 13:22:25 GMT -5
That's a tough one, CK1 . When you get farther along, instead of going once a month, you'll go twice a month, and then once you're ~35 weeks along, you go every week. You may even go more often if you're high risk or if there are any complications, etc. On the other hand, finding a new doc you like may be quite a challenge. Plus, having to get your records transferred can sometimes be a pain.
You really have to weigh how much time you want to spend in the car with how much you love your doc. I'd say, though, better to make a decision ASAP than to wait.
edit: spelling
ETA: Oh and FWIW, I just recently switched docs because the OB I saw for my last pregnancy is moving his office 40-minutes away. BUT I was/am not super-attached to him (he didn't even deliver DD)... so that made my decision easier.
LittleStarSweeper I'm wondering if I should tell my coworker that I'm pregnant (we're close and I know I can trust her not to spill the beans to anyone else before I do) because I recommended my doctor to her and she delivered her son at that hospital just last year so maybe she'll have some insight to help me make a decision. The travel time in general doesn't really bother me, I drive 40 minutes to work as it is, but I'm picturing going into labor and not getting to the hospital in time because I am ridiculously irrational today lol
LittleStarSweeper I'm wondering if I should tell my coworker that I'm pregnant (we're close and I know I can trust her not to spill the beans to anyone else before I do) because I recommended my doctor to her and she delivered her son at that hospital just last year so maybe she'll have some insight to help me make a decision. The travel time in general doesn't really bother me, I drive 40 minutes to work as it is, but I'm picturing going into labor and not getting to the hospital in time because I am ridiculously irrational today lol
Yeah, no worries about not getting to the hospital in time. You'll be fine there. The hospital I delivered at last time was 30+ minutes away, plus my DH took a wrong turn on the way there (he was nervous 😉) and we still made it in PLENTY of time. By plenty of time, I mean ~12 hours. LOL
I'd say if you love your doc and the practice, stick with it. You have such a long history and no doubt your OB knows you well now.
saltandvinegar ,If he's under 2I think he definitely still needs the nap. Bedtime stuff is SO HARD! One other thing you could try is just sitting in the room as him...and like over the course of a week just sit closer and closer to the door each night. I also did that before H took over. It could just be a weird clingy phase too. Like S2 who is now just under 3.5, is starting to get real clingy again when we drop him off places and won't take naps at my parents' because he's afraid we've left. That started a few months ago. And of course S3 is starting to get clingy now when we drop him off too and he's 13 months.
LittleStarSweeper That's mostly what I was leaning towards but I was like am I crazy for not just finding a doctor closer to where I live now vs where I lived 10 years ago? Even just talking it out here that quickly made me feel better about sticking with my current doctor so thank you!
LittleStarSweeper That's mostly what I was leaning towards but I was like am I crazy for not just finding a doctor closer to where I live now vs where I lived 10 years ago? Even just talking it out here that quickly made me feel better about sticking with my current doctor so thank you!
Sure! Glad I could help. You're not crazy if you really love your doctor(s).
saltandvinegar, my first was like that. He needed me to lay with him until he fell asleep. I just rolled with it until he got older. With my DD, she just passes out. She won't even get out of bed to go potty, I have to go in and get her.
Have you tried turning one of those projectors on for him to look at on the ceiling? It may be enough of a distraction that you could leave he room.
Post by salmon2017 on Jan 19, 2017 13:58:44 GMT -5
CK1, something else to consider is whether this current doctor is on board with your pregnancy and childbirth plans. I was with an OB/GYN for years but once I got pregnant the first time I switched because I wanted someone who really supported "leaving me alone, letting nature do it's thing" as much as possible. Your priorities for a doctor may have changed now that you are pregnant......
DD lost and born 9/18/2013 at 24 weeks (Trisomy 18) DS born 6/16/2015 (at 39 weeks 6 days, after emergency cerclage at 23 weeks and 14 weeks of bed rest)
saltandvinegar, do you always do bedtime or does your SO ever do it? Last year when our DS2 was just under 2.5, he would do something similar. And one night, I was just so worn out, I asked my H to do it and he was in and out in 5 minutes. No tears.
This sounds like a great idea. When I night weaned L, my DH had to go in to him at night for almost a week. Otherwise, he just thrashed and screamed at me. Maybe he just needs a reset and having your H set a new normal may work.
saltandvinegar, maybe you can compromise with him. You stay in there for 10-15 minutes and then leave. Before you start your bedtime routine tell him exactly what you're going to do and then do it every night. If he cries, do the Ferber method instead of the extinction method. Go in every 3-5 minutes for a few nights and slowly extend the time until he doesn't cry anymore. That way, he is getting his cuddles and comfort from you, you don't have mom guilt, and you aren't miserable laying in there for an hour every night.
Post by salmon2017 on Jan 19, 2017 14:33:35 GMT -5
saltandvinegar, I am super impressed that when you lay with him you don't fall asleep! Thank goodness DS is still in a crib, otherwise I would be in there, snuggled up with him, and gone till morning.
DD lost and born 9/18/2013 at 24 weeks (Trisomy 18) DS born 6/16/2015 (at 39 weeks 6 days, after emergency cerclage at 23 weeks and 14 weeks of bed rest)
saltandvinegar , I am super impressed that when you lay with him you don't fall asleep! Thank goodness DS is still in a crib, otherwise I would be in there, snuggled up with him, and gone till morning.
Well... see I never actually said that I didn't fall asleep. It's about 50/50 this week, sometimes DH has to come in and make sure I'm not out for the night. This is part of the problem. I only have about an ounce of motivation left by this time and after I lay down it is gone. I'm useless in the evenings now which means I have to wake up early to pack lunches and get everything ready instead of getting my workout in. Everything is now coming full circle from the wellness thread.
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