saltandvinegar ,If he's under 2I think he definitely still needs the nap. Bedtime stuff is SO HARD! One other thing you could try is just sitting in the room as him...and like over the course of a week just sit closer and closer to the door each night. I also did that before H took over. It could just be a weird clingy phase too. Like S2 who is now just under 3.5, is starting to get real clingy again when we drop him off places and won't take naps at my parents' because he's afraid we've left. That started a few months ago. And of course S3 is starting to get clingy now when we drop him off too and he's 13 months.
saltandvinegar, maybe you can compromise with him. You stay in there for 10-15 minutes and then leave. Before you start your bedtime routine tell him exactly what you're going to do and then do it every night. If he cries, do the Ferber method instead of the extinction method. Go in every 3-5 minutes for a few nights and slowly extend the time until he doesn't cry anymore. That way, he is getting his cuddles and comfort from you, you don't have mom guilt, and you aren't miserable laying in there for an hour every night.
I can see a compromise easing the mom guilt, but honestly your kiddo is not going to see it as a compromise. And some kids need more of a clean break (but this is probably fairly kid specific).
Good luck though, figuring out seep stuff is hard and there is no easy way to go to know the perfect answer for your kid and your family.
saltandvinegar My 2 year old recently started fighting naps. He would play in his crib for 2 HOURS before I finally rocked him to sleep. So I did some research and apparently there's a 2 year sleep regression that I didn't know about. So just stay consistent and hopefully it'll pass in a few weeks.
saltandvinegar, maybe you can compromise with him. You stay in there for 10-15 minutes and then leave. Before you start your bedtime routine tell him exactly what you're going to do and then do it every night. If he cries, do the Ferber method instead of the extinction method. Go in every 3-5 minutes for a few nights and slowly extend the time until he doesn't cry anymore. That way, he is getting his cuddles and comfort from you, you don't have mom guilt, and you aren't miserable laying in there for an hour every night.
I can see a compromise easing the mom guilt, but honestly your kiddo is not going to see it as a compromise. And some kids need more of a clean break (but this is probably fairly kid specific).
Good luck though, figuring out seep stuff is hard and there is no easy way to go to know the perfect answer for your kid and your family.
I think it would work just fine as long as you explained that you would only being staying a short time and being consistent every night. That way, you work the cuddles into the bedtime routine. Personally, I like having that one-on-one cuddle time like that. One day, sooner than you may think, your kids aren't going to care whether you're cuddling them and having those little moments.
For ex: it worked for me to keep rocking my DD when we sleep trained her. I didn't want to give it up but I was tired of rocking her for an hour to only have her wake and screaming when I tried to lay her down. So I decided on my new bedtime routine, which included rocking (and still does). She knows exactly how long I rock her and then I lay her in bed. It was a great compromise. Honestly, this is a very similar situation.
Post by laurenash323 on Jan 19, 2017 21:36:01 GMT -5
Dd doesn't always nap for us on the weekends (always naps for the sitter) so we just started making her have "quiet time", she can have books and stuffed animals in her crib but she has to stay in their quietly for an hour. Most of the time she'll end up falling asleep anyways and it seems to be less of a fight since it kind of just tricks her into napping.
Married to dh since 2012. Ttc journey: Miscarriage at 8 weeks February 2013 DD born march 2014 Miscarriage at 6 weeks September 2015 Miscarriage at 16 weeks, our angel Sebastian 1/23/16 Pregnancy number 5!! Edd 9/2/17 (my moms brithday!)
I don't have any pacifier-specific advice, but I will say you HAVE to be consistent. Otherwise, he'll just figure if he cries long enough, you'll come in and lay down with him. Tell him the deal, do your routine, say "Mommy will see you in the morning. I love you, good night" or whatever you want to say... then leave. Perhaps if he is crying for a certain amount of time (whatever you feel comfortable with, 10 minutes?), your DH can go in and remind him: "It's time for bed, buddy. We'll see you in the morning. Good night" etc. Nobody lay down with him.
ETA: oh yes, the nap. Is he napping too late in the day? If my DD isn't up from her nap by ~3:15, she's not tired enough to go to sleep right away at bedtime. She's 2.5 though.
I think this is our problem. I hate hearing him cry when he just wants to spend time with me though. I have all kinds of mom guilt over not seeing him all day as it is. agh. Having kids is so tricky. They just know how to pull at your heartstrings.
I understand. I have no advice bc my 2.5 dd still loves her pacifier to sleep and we bedshare. Just sending support.
Dd doesn't always nap for us on the weekends (always naps for the sitter) so we just started making her have "quiet time", she can have books and stuffed animals in her crib but she has to stay in their quietly for an hour. Most of the time she'll end up falling asleep anyways and it seems to be less of a fight since it kind of just tricks her into napping.
My DD is the same. Although, sometimes it takes her longer to fall asleep so I make her have quiet time for at least 1.5 hours. I'm not ready to quit naps.
I think I will probably always make my younger kids have a quiet time. I didn't do it with my older son but I wasn't a SAHM back then.
Thanks everyone. I think I may try a combo of all of these. DH has tried to put him to bed but it doesn't seem to be too much different. Maybe we will try that again tonight though and just let him CIO as @wicky , mentioned. It makes me so sad to hear him like that because he just wants me to come lay with him though.
I think he still needs a nap but right now they are long (like 2.5 hours sometimes) maybe if we cut that back it would help too.
+1 to shortening the nap. Our son will be 2 in April and we have been waking him up by 2:30pm (after 2-2.5 hours) for the last few months so that he's tired around 7:30. I think we actually need to move it up to 2:15 now but I'm in denial about it.
Maybe you could also try to play up the importance of his stuffed dog (or introduce a special new cuddly) so that it becomes more of a soothing/security item for him. Our son has a cuddly and we talk about it all the time--how great a friend it is and how it stays with him all night, etc. It sounds weird but it seems to have worked to make it a really special thing that he always looks for at bedtime.
saltandvinegar ,If he's under 2I think he definitely still needs the nap. Bedtime stuff is SO HARD! One other thing you could try is just sitting in the room as him...and like over the course of a week just sit closer and closer to the door each night. I also did that before H took over. It could just be a weird clingy phase too. Like S2 who is now just under 3.5, is starting to get real clingy again when we drop him off places and won't take naps at my parents' because he's afraid we've left. That started a few months ago. And of course S3 is starting to get clingy now when we drop him off too and he's 13 months.
This is what we did last night and it actually worked pretty well. I just sat in the rocking chair right next to his bed and waited until he fell asleep. Ideally I will be able to move it further away from his bed each night too. This is also nice because I can sneak my phone under a blanket and listen to a podcast with my earbuds (or browse TCF) instead of laying there and doing my best not to fall asleep.
He also had an earlier nap yesterday which I think helped a lot.
Yeah I think with that age, you want no more than 5 hours between waking up from nap and going back to bed but if it's only like 3 hours he may not be tired yet either.
Post by salmon2017 on Jan 20, 2017 12:10:26 GMT -5
Here is a question for moms who already have two: When should I be introducing the idea of this baby to my toddler? He is 18 months old. I am not sure at what point he will really understand what's going on ......
DD lost and born 9/18/2013 at 24 weeks (Trisomy 18) DS born 6/16/2015 (at 39 weeks 6 days, after emergency cerclage at 23 weeks and 14 weeks of bed rest)
Post by saltandvinegar on Jan 20, 2017 13:11:05 GMT -5
salmon2017, - We told DS already (21 months). He likes babies and his babysitter was pregnant this summer. He still doesn't get it though. I don't think it will really make sense until the baby comes home from the hospital.
Here is a question for moms who already have two: When should I be introducing the idea of this baby to my toddler? He is 18 months old. I am not sure at what point he will really understand what's going on ......
DS was 2 years and 4 months when DD was born. We told him after our first appointment (10-11 weeks) that I was pregnant. So he was probably close to 2 when he told him. He told us he was the baby! But he warmed up to the idea. We just kept talking that I had a baby in my tummy and he was going to be a big brother. That sibling bond is so much fun to watch. He loves her so much and has from day one. I have a picture of the day before she was born of him snuggling with my belly as he was snuggling with "baby sister."
Post by LittleStarSweeper on Jan 20, 2017 13:23:46 GMT -5
Awww, caybeh, that's so sweet. Thanks for the advice. I'm really looking forward to watching the sibling bond develop between DD and baby. Gotta remember to get a belly snuggling pic before this is all over. 😊
Here is a question for moms who already have two: When should I be introducing the idea of this baby to my toddler? He is 18 months old. I am not sure at what point he will really understand what's going on ......
DS was 2 years and 4 months when DD was born. We told him after our first appointment (10-11 weeks) that I was pregnant. So he was probably close to 2 when he told him. He told us he was the baby! But he warmed up to the idea. We just kept talking that I had a baby in my tummy and he was going to be a big brother. That sibling bond is so much fun to watch. He loves her so much and has from day one. I have a picture of the day before she was born of him snuggling with my belly as he was snuggling with "baby sister."
More things making me cry! This is too, too cute. Not a good day for professionalism in my cubicle as I sniff to myself.
DD lost and born 9/18/2013 at 24 weeks (Trisomy 18) DS born 6/16/2015 (at 39 weeks 6 days, after emergency cerclage at 23 weeks and 14 weeks of bed rest)
DS was 2 years and 4 months when DD was born. We told him after our first appointment (10-11 weeks) that I was pregnant. So he was probably close to 2 when he told him. He told us he was the baby! But he warmed up to the idea. We just kept talking that I had a baby in my tummy and he was going to be a big brother. That sibling bond is so much fun to watch. He loves her so much and has from day one. I have a picture of the day before she was born of him snuggling with my belly as he was snuggling with "baby sister."
More things making me cry! This is too, too cute. Not a good day for professionalism in my cubicle as I sniff to myself.
Here is a question for moms who already have two: When should I be introducing the idea of this baby to my toddler? He is 18 months old. I am not sure at what point he will really understand what's going on ......
I would just start bringing it up in conversation. Especially when your belly pops, you can talk about how a baby is in there.
I casually mentioned it to DD yesterday but I don't think she gets it and she is 2.5 with a younger brother so this isn't her first rodeo, lol!
Post by laurenash323 on Jan 20, 2017 14:12:34 GMT -5
As far as telling toddlers...we talked during my last pregnancy to DD about having a baby brother/sister, she obviously had no clue what we were talking about. After my loss she didn't miss a beat and never brought it up (she was just under 2 at the time). This time around, she's almost 3 and I think she GETS it, but don't think she will fully understand it until the baby is really here!?
Married to dh since 2012. Ttc journey: Miscarriage at 8 weeks February 2013 DD born march 2014 Miscarriage at 6 weeks September 2015 Miscarriage at 16 weeks, our angel Sebastian 1/23/16 Pregnancy number 5!! Edd 9/2/17 (my moms brithday!)
salmon2017 , - We told DS already (21 months). He likes babies and his babysitter was pregnant this summer. He still doesn't get it though. I don't think it will really make sense until the baby comes home from the hospital.
Our son is 21 months too and I can't wait to tell him! I don't think he will totally get it but we're still going to wait to bring it up until after we announce to the rest of the family in a few weeks. He spends the day with Grandma every Friday and it would be pretty awkward if he managed to tell her before we did!
Thanks for starting this thread leviosa ! For STMs with kids currently in daycare/preschool, do you plan to continue to send your older child/children while you're on mat leave/home with the baby? How many hours/days per week will they go?
DS currently does 3 days (8:30-4) at nursery each week while I'm working and will move up to the preschool later this year on the same schedule. I will be on maternity leave for at least 6 months and we're thinking about keeping him in preschool just 2 mornings per week at this stage. I'm interested to hear about other STM's plans and how things played out for our third+ time moms.
I'll probably post again later on to ask the somewhat related question of how I'm supposed to breastfeed a newborn for hours every day while also keeping track of an intrepid 2.5yo.....
Post by springbeduk on Jan 21, 2017 21:48:12 GMT -5
lightside I'm wondering about that too. I would keep dd in probably 3 days a week, but her daycare is an hour away near school, so ... Will have to see if she can go to one near home. But mat leave here is so much shorter ( though I should be able to swing 12 or so weeks not just 6, I think, but still) it'll be for a funny short time. Though could probably include the summer too. And dh will probably say just keep her home, but - she is really social and loves daycare and gets a lot out of it. And we don't have friends or relatives with little kids nearby to be another social option for her. Plus I will need breaks from three-year-oldness, I'm sure!
Post by laurenash323 on Jan 22, 2017 7:44:55 GMT -5
lightside I plan to send dd to daycare still. Dh will probably get a couple weeks of leave as well, so she may stay home a few days here and there during that. She'll be 3.5 by the time baby is here and they do school at her daycare, so I really don't want her missing and it'll hopefully be an excuse for me to get up and moving in the mornings (I'll remind myself how crazy I am and come back and read this after baby is here.)
Married to dh since 2012. Ttc journey: Miscarriage at 8 weeks February 2013 DD born march 2014 Miscarriage at 6 weeks September 2015 Miscarriage at 16 weeks, our angel Sebastian 1/23/16 Pregnancy number 5!! Edd 9/2/17 (my moms brithday!)
FTM question and a little TMI (although I kind of feel like there's no such thing anymore with all the crazy body changes we're all going through): I am pooping pretty much once a day for the most part which is normal for me but it is NOT comfortable (it's hard and hurts most of the time). Is it ok to take a stool softener? I'm assuming that could help with this problem?
Post by laurenash323 on Jan 22, 2017 12:13:37 GMT -5
CK1 yes...start stool softener and fiber (Metamucil) if you're having issues already. I ended up in the ER last pregnancy with terrible cosntiaption. Also a cup of coffee always helps me get things moving.
Married to dh since 2012. Ttc journey: Miscarriage at 8 weeks February 2013 DD born march 2014 Miscarriage at 6 weeks September 2015 Miscarriage at 16 weeks, our angel Sebastian 1/23/16 Pregnancy number 5!! Edd 9/2/17 (my moms brithday!)
FTM question and a little TMI (although I kind of feel like there's no such thing anymore with all the crazy body changes we're all going through): I am pooping pretty much once a day for the most part which is normal for me but it is NOT comfortable (it's hard and hurts most of the time). Is it ok to take a stool softener? I'm assuming that could help with this problem?
I'm not a doctor, but I'd say, first -- increase your water intake. You need to drink LOTS of water while pregnant. If that doesn't help and you're still uncomfortable, call your OB's office tomorrow to check about taking a softener. The nurse or your doc will let you know what you can take/do to make things more comfortable.
ETA: I second the Metamucil idea. I took it every day starting in second tri last time because I was so scared of becoming constipated. It's sort of a pain to drink... but it's better than the alternative!
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