Post by tjr42px on Jan 21, 2017 1:51:43 GMT -5
::tears a page from diary::
It drives me crazy when my kids don't sleep. Yet, that warm nasally nuzzle as I rock the little one or the way the big one presses against me as close as he can, always get me.
My wife isn't very affectionate, but I can tell when she remembers it means something to me, and she awkwardly reaches for my hand like a middle schooler not quit sure what to do on a first date...I melt because she gets me and she tries.
I work with some of the most amazing people in the world. They endure things no one should have to and then go out and be amazing moms, dads, partners, sons, daughters, etc. And somewhere in there they show the slightest hint they could use help and let me into the most intimate parts of their lives. The scary parts, the stressful parts, the vulnerable, embarrassing, guilt riddled parts, the real and metaphorical battlefields of their experience. They share self doubt, their irrational (yet completely rational) thoughts and feelings. They open their hearts, minds, and souls searching for someone to help guide them when they feel they can't any longer. I'm usually good at leaving work at work and being present with my family. But this was not one of those weeks. I've been a mess, until it just sort of started to click.
It's cliche but I reached that point when the little things became huge. Ive been angry with my older son for not listening like a 5 year old typically does, frustrated with DS2 for essentially being two, annoyed with DW for being wrapped up in her stuff and not asking about or listening to mine. But I got to experience those emotions with them. Not everyone gets to do that. Those I was privileged enough to journey with over the last week reminded me, it's so often the little stuff that makes the biggest difference because it's really not so little. It's just what we are accustom to and don't always give it the appreciation it deserves. I'm floored and humbled every day and they thank me. Me?!?
I learned way more about myself and life, and they consistently have an impact on me in ways they will never know. Everyday I'm in awe of the strength, courage, ability to love, forgive, and hope in a better tomorrow that can exist in a person. This isn't an election related post, just a reflection about this particular week I would have written solely in a journal, but for some reason wanted to share.
There are few men here, but I continue to randomly type posts because I notice the views far outweigh the posters. So, to you men and you lurkers lurking this...if you're going through some shit, know you aren't alone. Consider the small things. Consider the positive impact you undoubtedly have on others that you probably aren't aware of. And if you've been positively influenced, consider letting that person know it. It could be huge for them. I was thanked by a man the other day for "saving [his] life." Yet, when he walked into my life 8 months ago, I did my job. I did what any decent human being would. I listened, sat with, and genuinely cared about him. I doubt I really saved his life, but I do know he has forever changed mine. He is one of the many I often think about, draw strength from, and will never forget. He was shocked when I told him this. But it's true.
This week was full of those type of moments. An emotional roller coaster and I'm still clutching my lap bar for dear life because the ride hasn't come to a complete stop... going back and forth between not wanting anyone to touch or talk to me when I get home because I can't take any more stimulation and wanting to never let the hugs end. It's taking far longer to put the kids to bed than normal these past few days. I rocked DS2 for 40 mins tonight before W came in wondering where I went. Way too many "tomorrow may never come" moments this week...I'm reminded we ought to be kind, be gentle, be forgiving; To one another, but equally important...to ourselves.
It drives me crazy when my kids don't sleep. Yet, that warm nasally nuzzle as I rock the little one or the way the big one presses against me as close as he can, always get me.
My wife isn't very affectionate, but I can tell when she remembers it means something to me, and she awkwardly reaches for my hand like a middle schooler not quit sure what to do on a first date...I melt because she gets me and she tries.
I work with some of the most amazing people in the world. They endure things no one should have to and then go out and be amazing moms, dads, partners, sons, daughters, etc. And somewhere in there they show the slightest hint they could use help and let me into the most intimate parts of their lives. The scary parts, the stressful parts, the vulnerable, embarrassing, guilt riddled parts, the real and metaphorical battlefields of their experience. They share self doubt, their irrational (yet completely rational) thoughts and feelings. They open their hearts, minds, and souls searching for someone to help guide them when they feel they can't any longer. I'm usually good at leaving work at work and being present with my family. But this was not one of those weeks. I've been a mess, until it just sort of started to click.
It's cliche but I reached that point when the little things became huge. Ive been angry with my older son for not listening like a 5 year old typically does, frustrated with DS2 for essentially being two, annoyed with DW for being wrapped up in her stuff and not asking about or listening to mine. But I got to experience those emotions with them. Not everyone gets to do that. Those I was privileged enough to journey with over the last week reminded me, it's so often the little stuff that makes the biggest difference because it's really not so little. It's just what we are accustom to and don't always give it the appreciation it deserves. I'm floored and humbled every day and they thank me. Me?!?
I learned way more about myself and life, and they consistently have an impact on me in ways they will never know. Everyday I'm in awe of the strength, courage, ability to love, forgive, and hope in a better tomorrow that can exist in a person. This isn't an election related post, just a reflection about this particular week I would have written solely in a journal, but for some reason wanted to share.
There are few men here, but I continue to randomly type posts because I notice the views far outweigh the posters. So, to you men and you lurkers lurking this...if you're going through some shit, know you aren't alone. Consider the small things. Consider the positive impact you undoubtedly have on others that you probably aren't aware of. And if you've been positively influenced, consider letting that person know it. It could be huge for them. I was thanked by a man the other day for "saving [his] life." Yet, when he walked into my life 8 months ago, I did my job. I did what any decent human being would. I listened, sat with, and genuinely cared about him. I doubt I really saved his life, but I do know he has forever changed mine. He is one of the many I often think about, draw strength from, and will never forget. He was shocked when I told him this. But it's true.
This week was full of those type of moments. An emotional roller coaster and I'm still clutching my lap bar for dear life because the ride hasn't come to a complete stop... going back and forth between not wanting anyone to touch or talk to me when I get home because I can't take any more stimulation and wanting to never let the hugs end. It's taking far longer to put the kids to bed than normal these past few days. I rocked DS2 for 40 mins tonight before W came in wondering where I went. Way too many "tomorrow may never come" moments this week...I'm reminded we ought to be kind, be gentle, be forgiving; To one another, but equally important...to ourselves.