POLL pregnancy announcement threads

[milkeyway]

Working on SAIF rules/culture. What's your opinion on BFP posts with trigger warnings.

[milkeyway]

My thoughts are that I do not lurk the TTC threads or pregnancy threads so I tend to miss out on the news and being able to celebrate in the news which makes me sad.

[bocaburger]

Jan 27, 2017 22:26:15 GMT -5 milkeyway said:

My thoughts are that I do not lurk the TTC threads or pregnancy threads so I tend to miss out on the news and being able to celebrate in the news which makes me sad.

I agree with this. But then again, I am not currently TFAS. I may feel differently when I'm back in the trenches.

[dp21]

Thanks for starting this.

[MellyKnu]

Jan 27, 2017 22:26:15 GMT -5 milkeyway said:

My thoughts are that I do not lurk the TTC threads or pregnancy threads so I tend to miss out on the news and being able to celebrate in the news which makes me sad.

This exactly.

[luvboston]

No it can be terribly painful for others with a prolonged journey tfas. Paging blueinred to explain what her experience was.

[TJ]

Jan 27, 2017 22:26:15 GMT -5 milkeyway said:

My thoughts are that I do not lurk the TTC threads or pregnancy threads so I tend to miss out on the news and being able to celebrate in the news which makes me sad.

I agree, and feel like such a heel when I find out 6 months later and never congratulated them.

But I also see how hard bfps are for those who are OADNBC.

[rainbowbridge14]

I could be fine either way truthfully because this isn't something that personally triggers me. However, I do lurk the ttc and pregnancy threads so I feel like I do end up seeing them anyway. A board announcement would make it easier to notice, but I do worry about how it might affect those who are struggling and can understand wanting to have it confined into specific threads so it isn't accidentally blind siding someone.

Also I feel like on 3T BFP threads were partially a goodbye, signaling a move to PAIF. Since no one is leaving SAIF in the same way to move in I wonder what purpose it serves other than to broadcast the information in an easily accessible way.

[TJ]

Ok... so what if we had a bfp check in? Like, a running thread that people could post bfps in. So when you're feeling strong, you can check it. But when you're feeling vulnerable, you can easily avoid??

[kaf7]

Maybe a specific check in for just bfp would be a good idea as TJ said. I agree that I miss big news by not routinely reviewing the check ins and that now it doesn't trigger me, but for the better part of 2 years on SAIF it did.

[sumbeach]

Doesn't bother me to see with a TW. We don't get drive bys and I haven't even seen a single BFP stand alone post over here.

[dp21]

I'm currently trying to TTCAS and it's been a hell of a time with 2 IVF failures and warning (a loss).

I can see both side of things. I think the check-in will be a good middle ground and we could have info about the check-in in the sticky so people know to look for it with a link.

I like that we are building this community together and trying to take in different perspectives!

[gsancho]

I like the BFP check-in idea. I see both sides, so I don't see too passionate either way. Honestly, I don't look in TTCA and only look at the Pregnancy Check in once in a while. But a BFP thread may be a good middle ground for any new BFP announcements or those who are in the early weeks and not ready to dive into the pregnancy check ins right away?

[turquoisequeen]

Agree with the single running check in of bfps that would be bumped if someone posted and people could look at it when ready. I think many of us go through stages and even days where bfp announcements bother us more than other times depending on what is going on.

[kaf7]

So, just mulling this over some more. I have already stated my opinion on bfp posts. But another thing I don't see by not checking the ttca threads is when ladies have a loss or cancelled cycle etc. They might need just as much support or more. So do we also need threads announcing negative news? Or do we just leave those to the pre existing checkins as they stand? Does that mean the bfp should just stay in the ttca or PG checkins?

I couldn't tell you who has been struggling with much of anything right now and that's on me....but I think as we've already pointed out, it gets buried in check ins sometimes. Perhaps sometimes we just need to put our news out there.

I have no strong feelings about any of this....just putting it out there for consideration and discussion.

[bocaburger]

kaf7, that's a really good point. What if we had a monthly board-wide check-in? It could be informal and everyone just jumps in when they have news to share (good or bad), or it could be formal based on the board roster we're creating.

[dp21]

kaf7, I think I'd be ok with a loss announcement if people felt they needed that extra support out of their check-ins. I felt supported in my check-ins so didn't need it (also part of multiple check-in including two in 3T/IF). So between my three, I was good. But if someone is just on SAIF, our check-in is really really small and it's not weekly. I think I would support someone posting out of it to get support in time of need because bad news sucks and it's soo defeating.

I think negative news is different from positive news. People seem to be able to rally around those struggling and it doesn't hurt like a BFP. Let me know if I'm wrong about this, but this is more of how I feel about it.

[mrsrodgersaz]

Jan 28, 2017 8:00:01 GMT -5 sumbeach said:

Doesn't bother me to see with a TW. We don't get drive bys and I haven't even seen a single BFP stand alone post over here.

+1

Although TJ's idea of a running BFP thread could be a good compromise. Would it be stickied so it doesn't get lost?

[dp21]

Jan 28, 2017 9:43:52 GMT -5 mrsrodgersaz said:

Jan 28, 2017 8:00:01 GMT -5 sumbeach said:

Doesn't bother me to see with a TW. We don't get drive bys and I haven't even seen a single BFP stand alone post over here.

+1

Although TJ's idea of a running BFP thread could be a good compromise. Would it be stickied so it doesn't get lost?

We will put a link to it in our sticky thread w rules we are creating.

[milkeyway]

Jan 28, 2017 9:28:47 GMT -5 bocaburger said:

kaf7, that's a really good point. What if we had a monthly board-wide check-in? It could be informal and everyone just jumps in when they have news to share (good or bad), or it could be formal based on the board roster we're creating.

This could actually be a good compromise all around! It would get us all in the same thread giving and getting support.
I also would be ok with a running BFP thread.
Just to be clear those of you that are triggered by announcements would a thread titled "BFP OPP trigger warning" be triggering?

[karabear4409]

Personally, I would want someone to post an individual loss post (with a TW). I think those people could use support of the entire board. Posts within check ins tend to get so lost.

I think the BFP check in is a good compromise. I personally am not triggered by other BFPs on this board, but I want to be sensitive to those who are.

[mnj05]

Jan 28, 2017 10:18:14 GMT -5 karabear4409 said:

Personally, I would want someone to post an individual loss post (with a TW). I think those people could use support of the entire board. Posts within check ins tend to get so lost.

I think the BFP check in is a good compromise. I personally am not triggered by other BFPs on this board, but I want to be sensitive to those who are.

I agree with this.

[TJ]

Jan 28, 2017 10:18:14 GMT -5 karabear4409 said:

Personally, I would want someone to post an individual loss post (with a TW). I think those people could use support of the entire board. Posts within check ins tend to get so lost.

I think the BFP check in is a good compromise. I personally am not triggered by other BFPs on this board, but I want to be sensitive to those who are.

Third

[kaf7]

milkeyway, I found those thread titles triggering when cycles were going poorly.

Thanks for the input everyone. I agree that there is something different about announcing bad news and getting support....but I am also a person who has never had a loss so I just wanted to make sure it wasn't just my perspective on things.

[ruthie]

Jan 28, 2017 10:18:14 GMT -5 karabear4409 said:

Personally, I would want someone to post an individual loss post (with a TW). I think those people could use support of the entire board. Posts within check ins tend to get so lost.

I think the BFP check in is a good compromise. I personally am not triggered by other BFPs on this board, but I want to be sensitive to those who are.

Fourth.

[bluefairy5]

Jan 28, 2017 16:37:20 GMT -5 firstbbq said:

I'm not really clear on what a "BFP checkin" is. Like, just a continuous "post your BFPs here!" thread? This seems weird. But maybe it's just me.

Since 3TIF seems to have abandoned the board-wide BFP announcements, I don't know why we'd have them here.

I am one that's pretty sensitive to BFPs lately; mostly because I'm trying to come to terms with the idea of OAD. I still want to be able to congratulate those BFPs when I feel ready to see them. But that's why I lurk the TTCA and Pregnancy checkins when I'm up for it.

I don't really see a need for any other kind of thread. If you're actively TTCA, you can announce there, or if it's a surprise and you want people to know, you can join the Pregnancy thread. Right?

A loss post with a TW for someone seeking support sounds totally reasonable. I've never had a loss, but this to me is what the board is about... giving support to those who need it.

I've been mobile all weekend so far so no vote yet, but +1 to everything here.

[mrswillie]

Jan 28, 2017 10:18:14 GMT -5 karabear4409 said:

Personally, I would want someone to post an individual loss post (with a TW). I think those people could use support of the entire board. Posts within check ins tend to get so lost.

I think the BFP check in is a good compromise. I personally am not triggered by other BFPs on this board, but I want to be sensitive to those who are.

Fifth.

[Deleted]

Personally, I'm trying (hard!) to convince DH to try for one more. He's very much stuck at "no, twins are enough." And it hurts like hell to know I may never even get the chance to try for a (younger) sibling. I think a BFP check in would hurt a lot less than seeing individual BFP announcements.

[Deleted]

I agree with firstbbq.

I come here when I'm sensitive to bfp type posts, and even seeing a general bfp check-in would trigger me on those days.

[fightersince83]

I don't think I would have loved seeing BFPs all over the board as individual posts. But I did like having the TTCA thread and being able to lurk that later so I could congratulate ppl. I felt like that was enough. Going forward I don't think it'll bother me but we will be done having children so I think that's why I won't mind. I know when we were getting ready to go through IF treatments again a lot of the old feelings came right back so that's something to keep in mind for other members that may not be done.