My kid is a psycho...

[allisong87]

DS1 will be 2 in May. He has been testing all of our patience lately - attacking the dog, throwing toys, biting, hitting, etc. I know this is par for the course and is probably intensified with the new baby being home but how do you get a child at this age to understand discipline? And with that, what are appropriate forms of discipline for this age? I've read that the time they should be in timeout is equal to their age in minutes. He doesn't seem to understand this still as he is so young. I've tried redirection, trying to get him to just sit still for a few seconds and having him actually sit in timeout when it gets really bad. Nothing is working. He is a very energetic child as it is...oh yea and he's also not sleeping well for the past 2 weeks, which is the absolute cherry on top!

Any advice, tips, tricks you have would be wonderful!!! 🙂

[ilovelamp]

I find a lot of Janet Lansbury's articles to be helpful in some way. It may not be a solution, maybe this article will help you understand better how your son might be feeling at this time with the new baby.
www.janetlansbury.com/2013/04/helping-kids-adjust-to-life-with-the-new-baby/
Sorry if I'm not any help, but I hope that you can get him to adjust and get some relief!

[acorn99]

I dont have any great words of advice, but I just want to say it will get better. My DS was about the same age when my DD was born and we had some bumpy roads. I spent a lot of time redirecting and picking my battles. He was also adverse to timeout and I had a hard time finding discipline that worked with him. He is just now at 2.5yo starting to get any benefit from timeout as our form of discipline. I found that much of the time (as long he was not causing anyone harm) ignoring him was my best choice as much of what he was doing was seeking attention.

I realize I didn't really answer your question, but I just wanted you to know that things will get easier. Good luck.

[spooko]

You're kind of stuck in "redirect" hell right now. I definitely wouldn't tolerate the behaviors and a stern NO ___ along with removing myself/the toy/whatever is what I'd go with. But that far away from 2yo yet and I think it's still a bit early for formal TO or actual "discipline".

[mena]

We have the same kid. DD is 2.5 though and has responded to time outs pretty well. I'll be stalking this thread! GL to you!

[veganontuesdays]

Hello twin. Nothing is working on our end either. Timeouts, redirecting, walking away, stern talking, yelling, talking about his nice hands, speaking calmly. So I will be following this thread.

Thank you Universe for at least making him cute so that I don't take him back to the hospital.

[jojo]

That was a tough age for DS too. We started using 123 Magic around this age and he took to it pretty well. We did timeouts for anything physical. We chose a spot in the house (we have window benches in our living room) for him to sit at. He didn't always stay there, at first we kept putting him back there. After a while he would stay but just cry.

I also think a big thing is telling them when they are doing something right. Getting positive attention has really helped DS focus on doing the right things. He's also 3.5 now and has far better self control, so it gets better.

[brachysira]

We don't do timeouts. If he's assaulting the dog, you may need to remove him from the situation by putting him in his crib for a bit or something, but we never had tried to make our children stay in the corner or whatever. I like "aha parenting" and very much recommend the book "peaceful parent, happy siblings." Can you just hold your child to stop the behavior and say "that hurts!" Give him language like, "I know you're mad that we had to turn off Elmo, but throwing toys can hurt people and might break them." Try to get time with just him without the baby so he's not always feeling in 2nd place. Leave the house and do things unless his behavior is too out of control. If it is, at least play outside. Focus on getting him the sleep he needs.

[McBenny]

I don't really think it is par for the course but I don't want to take that piece of hope away from you so...

[brachysira]

Oh, and I think Daniel Tiger actually has taught my kid some emotional skills. And also, if you are home all day, maybe grandma or a baby-sitter can take the big kid out for some fun a few times/week just so you get a break and he gets some energy out.

[McBenny]

Feb 16, 2017 15:42:59 GMT -5 brachysira said:

We don't do timeouts. If he's assaulting the dog, you may need to remove him from the situation by putting him in his crib for a bit or something, but we never had tried to make our children stay in the corner or whatever.

ok but you do realize that removing him from the situation and placing him somewhere AKA crib is the same as a time out?

[robotpcr]

What's been working here (and by that I mean, the last few days so no idea long term) is a 20ish second long timeout in her crib. That's for the big stuff. So if she tries to bite, hit, or kick me. I'll give her a warning first, try to explain that we're gentle and then if that fails and she tries it again I scoop her up and plop her in her crib for 20 seconds. Light on so it's clear this is not sleeping time. Removing myself does not work anymore. Redirection does not work, she keeps trying to do it. And my kid has all the words, so it's not that. If she throws a toy or a book I generally don't do a timeout, I take it away, which is apparently equally as bad in her mind.

[brachysira]

Feb 16, 2017 15:57:27 GMT -5 McBenny said:

Feb 16, 2017 15:42:59 GMT -5 brachysira said:

We don't do timeouts. If he's assaulting the dog, you may need to remove him from the situation by putting him in his crib for a bit or something, but we never had tried to make our children stay in the corner or whatever.

ok but you do realize that removing him from the situation and placing him somewhere AKA crib is the same as a time out?

But it's not a "thing."  Like, we don't say "now here's the timer and you sit there."  Sometimes I say, "you two have been at each other all morning and so everyone has to play in their room for a while." That's not the same as trying to work them up by insisting on a time out and putting a screaming child back on the stairs 85 times until they sit for a minute.  We try to keep things cool.

[brachysira]

Feb 16, 2017 16:12:48 GMT -5 dragonflyinn said:

Feb 16, 2017 16:07:43 GMT -5 brachysira said:

But it's not a "thing."  Like, we don't say "now here's the timer and you sit there."  Sometimes I say, "you two have been at each other all morning and so everyone has to play in their room for a while." That's not the same as trying to work them up by insisting on a time out and putting a screaming child back on the stairs 85 times until they sit for a minute.  We try to keep things cool.

That's not how timeout looks though-- it's not "trying to work them up." My daughter has a specific timeout chair and she stays there. Yes she cries at first but then she sits there quietly until I come get her. Then we talk about what happened & we hug & move on. We keep it cool too.

*to clarify- I really only have issue with your word choice here.

I'm not saying not to do what works for you.  I think some kids are better suited for it than others.  Since OP was saying it didn't seem to work, I was suggesting our approaches.  

[k3am]

Feb 16, 2017 16:07:43 GMT -5 brachysira said:

Feb 16, 2017 15:57:27 GMT -5 McBenny said:

ok but you do realize that removing him from the situation and placing him somewhere AKA crib is the same as a time out?

But it's not a "thing."  Like, we don't say "now here's the timer and you sit there."  Sometimes I say, "you two have been at each other all morning and so everyone has to play in their room for a while." That's not the same as trying to work them up by insisting on a time out and putting a screaming child back on the stairs 85 times until they sit for a minute.  We try to keep things cool.

This is a timeout.. 

Time-out (also known as social exclusion) is a form of behavioral modification that involves temporarily separating a child from an environment where unacceptable behavior occurred.

[McBenny]

Feb 16, 2017 16:07:43 GMT -5 brachysira said:

Feb 16, 2017 15:57:27 GMT -5 McBenny said:

ok but you do realize that removing him from the situation and placing him somewhere AKA crib is the same as a time out?

But it's not a "thing."  Like, we don't say "now here's the timer and you sit there."  Sometimes I say, "you two have been at each other all morning and so everyone has to play in their room for a while." That's not the same as trying to work them up by insisting on a time out and putting a screaming child back on the stairs 85 times until they sit for a minute.  We try to keep things cool.

It doesn't matter what you call it. It's the same as time out. Time out is all about removing the child and having them to sit to calm down or reflect.

I mean you can call it what you want and rationalize it as you want to but I was just pointing out that it's really the same thing. And no, not all children are screaming and drug back to a spot on the stairs. If that's the case you are doing it wrong.

I just laugh at people when they say with airs that they don't time out and they still are doing a very similar thing. It's hilarious to me.

[brachysira]

It's simply not a timeout if you put the dog in a crate or tell the child to play in a different space than the dog. OP asked about "timeouts" as in punishments, not moving the child away from hurting an animal. And I said "may" because maybe there's another solution, such as telling the child not to hit the dog that would work. But MAY because maybe that's all that would work. But whenever I post a solution, 4 regulars on here attack me, so I guess I'll stop.

[McBenny]

My dogs get a time out. Judge away judgers.

[McBenny]

I don't think attack means what you think it means.

[cribs4life]

Feb 16, 2017 17:54:14 GMT -5 @juliagulia said:

I want a time out right now. Who do I talk to about this?

I was just going to say this

[McBenny]

I will take a time out and step away from thread cause I don't want anyone to think they're being attacked but I will come back.

[mowkey]

My 3.5 year old took about 12 weeks to not be a massive pain in the ass after his sister arrived.

[lupineaura]

I don't want to wade too far into the time out debate, but remember...

Punishments only work if you are also reinforcing desired behavior. Reinforcement actually changes behavior more quickly and permanently than punishments. So, in addition to time out or whatever punishment, really think about the replacement behavior you want, and make a huge deal when your toddler engages in it. For example, gentle hands with the dog.

"Wow! You pet the dog so gently! Great job!" and a hug. Be sure you are teaching what "gentle hands" looks like.

[Deleted]

Bring out the whole arsenal

Model the behavior you want over and over ad nauseum

Catch them being good and praise for acting the right way. While it's happening and mention it later like tell dad about it where they can hear. Tell dad about bad behavior where they can't hear-praise in public reprimand privately

Pick your battles But don't turn your back on em cause you can't trust they will exercise impulse control so everyone stays safe.

Redirect or physical barriers between child and dog or smaller siblings.

And for some kids time out or in their room alone ramps them up because they need help calming down and refocusing themselves on the positive. So for those kids holding them still so they can't hurt the dog or sibling or taking them to another room and staying with them there works better than time out alone in their crib or in the stairs or a special chair.

[rocksforludo]

I put my M15er on timeouts. He laughs at me which is not what I'm used to from previous experience with his sister. She goes into nuclear meltdown.

There is really no point to this post except to say I'm constantly amazed at how different they are.

[lupineaura]

Feb 16, 2017 20:39:01 GMT -5 rocksforludo said:

I put my M15er on timeouts. He laughs at me which is not what I'm used to from previous experience with his sister. She goes into nuclear meltdown.

There is really no point to this post except to say I'm constantly amazed at how different they are.

I'm still in denial that our M15ers are kids for whom time out is an option and not tiny innocent little babies who couldn't fathom head-butting their siblings.

[jvega1]

Feb 16, 2017 22:00:18 GMT -5 lupineaura said:

Feb 16, 2017 20:39:01 GMT -5 rocksforludo said:

I put my M15er on timeouts. He laughs at me which is not what I'm used to from previous experience with his sister. She goes into nuclear meltdown.

There is really no point to this post except to say I'm constantly amazed at how different they are.

I'm still in denial that our M15ers are kids for whom time out is an option and not tiny innocent little babies who couldn't fathom head-butting their siblings.

The head-butting is M's go to. He probably only has 15 words or so and I know that's contributing to his frustration but yeah, another M15 mama here dealing with the same.

[jvega1]

Feb 16, 2017 20:39:01 GMT -5 rocksforludo said:

I put my M15er on timeouts. He laughs at me which is not what I'm used to from previous experience with his sister. She goes into nuclear meltdown.

There is really no point to this post except to say I'm constantly amazed at how different they are.

M is so so different than his siblings. I was just telling dh yesterday that M has been sucking the life out of me since the day I found out I was pregnant. He's been....difficult.