AW post WWYD *** trigger warnings all of them

[ihatepizza]

*****Trigger warning***



In spring our neighbours had a new baby born at 24 weeks due to IUGR. She has had her fair share of health challenges, mostly neurological. Since I was dealing with IF I don't know much about the situation specifically as a newborn next door was a bit of a trigger, so I respectfully kept my distance. Yesterday, the baby passed away (suddenly but not entirely unexpectedly) and I'm a mess, my heart breaks for this family. They've gone through so much in the last year just to make it here. I'm not sure exactly how to approach the situation but so far I've been thinking:

1) I will not be going to the funeral as I can't hide my pregnancy, am on bedrest and just know in our small town people are going to ask me about my baby during the funeral (some people just don't get it).

2) I will send love in the way I know how, freezer meals (that DH will have to prepare because I'm not allowed to move that much. They are private people so they would not appreciate (nor would know what to do) with a cleaning service and we live 35 minutes away from the nearest restaurant (making gift cards kind of useless)

3) I'm going to have them approach me before I approach them (but I don't want to come off as rude so I will put in the card I'm available to talk at any time)

I have so many feelings about this and selfishly it doesn't help my PGAL/ loss brain as I'm still worried about this baby surviving, especially being on bedrest and constant worry about my cervix.

Any thoughts/ comments/ insights? I want to put this on the loss board/ other boards but there are too many triggers to navigate and I don't want to ruin anyone's day.

[sdlaura]

How incredibly sad. I think you have exactly the right plan - send over some freezer meals, delivered by your husband, with a card saying how sorry you are and that you're always there to talk or help if they need it.

[teachermomtobe]

Such a sad situation. I think you have a very good plan that shows you care while respecting what might be particularly triggering to them.

[mreve]

That's so sad, I agree that it sounds like you have a good plan.

[marshian]

I like your plan. It shows you care in a meaningful way and gives them space to come to you when/if they're ready.

[ihatepizza]

Thanks everyone, I don't think it's enough but I don't think anything is enough. I'm just imagining them having to watch our child grow up and play outside and my heart breaks so much.

[honda13]

I think your plan is very well thought out and kind. I'm sure they will appreciate everything, even if they don't open up to you to talk.

[agm04]

How awful, i am so sorry. i agree with PPs - your plan is sensitive and thoughtful. There's no right answer in situations like this.

[ihatepizza]

agm04 I know, it's heartbreaking, no one should ever have to lose a child