Littles and alone time

[chickypoo2468]

Did anyone notice or feel that when your child was younger (O is 19 months but is still like a baby with gross motor and intellectually. I wish I had an age to compare tobut I have no idea) they did better on their own?
Like when I try to play with O or try to work on therapy stuff he just gets mad or fusses and wants to be held. But it's like up down up down and support him while he tries to jump. When his therapists work with him he seems like he can't do things. But when he's alone in his room he's doing all the things. It's like he learns what he should be doing in therapy, but he won't try it until he's alone later.
It's great that he's trying all these things, but then I feel like he's alone all the time. My only role is to sit quietly and push a button when the song ends so it's hard to stay there sometimes when I have a house full of people and things to do. I want to play and cuddle and stuff but it's a big nope from him. How do you know your balance is ok?

[zaraceligon]

My kids they don't do or behave on their therapies if I'm with them, I have to be outside on the lobby waiting for them to perform the therapy. It also happens at school I cannot be around whenever is a parent visiting day, because they became totally different kids. At home I have seen them doing or playing all what they do at the therapy. And when is all quite they are all in their rooms, each of them doing something different. For my is better to let them be them self, the way I can see how can I interact with them, each kid is so different and I need to figure what or how I can play with all three at the same time. Sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing because they get very complicated, and I start playing with them for a list 20mns them I tell them that I have to finish cleaning or cooking the is no more playing time. Sometimes they understand and sometimes I just have to ignore the behavior. When the see that I'm no putting attention they will start playing together or do something else.

[luvboston]

Hugs ladies, this is very tough.
One thing I have to add is that all kids under 5 naturally learn by watching and then going off and doing things themselves.

So in that way I think it's great that's what happening. The other thing is that home and you are comfort so you may not get anything out of him but showing up a few times a day to remind him your their and to use his body is just as important. Also I once did ABA therapy and some kids didn't respond to ABA when their parents did it but the sunshine program worked better at home so maybe switching the way you try to communicate might be worth looking into.

Your showing up and trying and that's what's important. My kid for example doesn't want someone nagging 24/7 to use his arm and shuts down so instead I gently tap it to remind him and move on with whatever we are doing.

[chickypoo2468]

I'm not worried about him not doing the stuff during therapy, I actually think it's hilarious now that he realizes he can get away so he will just roll off when he's bored with them or when they take his toy. I figure it's a good thing for now. He's mister stone face too so the lack of expression makes it more humorous bc it looks like he just doesn't give a crap.

I'm more worried about him being alone in his room all day long. I mean, he's not, but that's what it feels like to me.

[mrsbuttinski]

It could be what you are seeing is a personality trait- a lot of kids (especially cautious ones) practice skills alone before rolling them out publicly.

Or this could be another red flag for an eventual ASD dx. There is a subset of kids on spectrum who do not seek out or enjoy other people; they're often content to be left alone and will only seek out other people as "tools" to have needs/wants met. Do mention this concern when you have your appointment next month.

The lack of expression could be a flat affect which is also seen in many kids with ASD. I expect the clinician will note this at the appointment if it's an issue.

Cobbling onto luvboston, (did you mean "Sonrise"?), I wonder if setting aside a regular time of day to do a "Floortime" session might help you with specific strategies and goals for engaging your LO while helping you feel better about a balance of working with and enjoying him.

The book is "Engaging Autism", and like ABA it can be a solid approach to improving social engagement. There are some overlaps to Sonrise, but I prefer Floortime for a number of reasons including that if I engaged in DS's dysfunctional behaviors, he has enough on the ball to see it as mocking him. We've discussed it. YMMV. In Floortime, you insert yourself into your DC's world and teach him first that other people (you) can provide a pleasurable experience then you can expand to teach play skills so he can be better at entertaining himself and interacting with others.

www.amazon.com/Engaging-Autism-Floortime-Approach-Communicate/dp/0738210943

ESDM is a kind of hybrid program that combines ABA and Floortime.

www.amazon.com/Early-Start-Denver-Children-Autism/dp/1606236318/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1487765033&sr=1-1&keywords=early+start+denver+model

[chickypoo2468]

I was actually wondering if I could go ahead and look into using some of the tools for engaging kids with autism, or if it would just be wasted effort if that's not his diagnosis. Sometimes the hardest part in handling of all of this has been how distant he seems to be though, so I will definitely look into it. It breaks my heart when my 3 year old son is trying to play and talk to him or laugh with him and O won't even acknowledge him. He cries because he wants to play wth O and I don't even know what to say to make it better.
I appreciate everyone's feedback!

[luvboston]

Have your kids ever tried just getting down on their stomachs and looking at him for a while?

Or putting their feet against his?

[chickypoo2468]

Feb 22, 2017 20:20:20 GMT -5 luvboston said:

Have your kids ever tried just getting down on their stomachs and looking at him for a while?

Or putting their feet against his?

They get down by him and try to talk to him and try to give him toys and stuff. They don't just look quietly but they do get down and close to him and talk gently. Actually, my 5 YO will lay next to him on the floor and just kind of hang out with her hand on him. She gets ecstatic if he reaches out and touches her but mostly he just plays next to her.

I don't think they've done the feet thing. Like straight across with the soles touching?

[luvboston]

Feb 22, 2017 23:37:17 GMT -5 chickypoo2468 said:

Feb 22, 2017 20:20:20 GMT -5 luvboston said:

Have your kids ever tried just getting down on their stomachs and looking at him for a while?

Or putting their feet against his?

They get down by him and try to talk to him and try to give him toys and stuff. They don't just look quietly but they do get down and close to him and talk gently. Actually, my 5 YO will lay next to him on the floor and just kind of hang out with her hand on him. She gets ecstatic if he reaches out and touches her but mostly he just plays next to her.

I don't think they've done the feet thing. Like straight across with the soles touching?

Yes. There was a child I worked with who was similar to your son but older and I couldn't get to him then one day we were sitting across from each other and he had his feet extended and I put my feet against his and we connected. Worth a try.

[chickypoo2468]

We are enrolling in caregiver support through the state Medicaid waiver and have to choose our agency, so the owner of an agency that was recommended came over today. Interestingly enough, he asked what program we are using, I said "Im not sure what that means" and he mentioned Floortime. It looks like they use Gentle Teaching as their main focus, so I need to look into that more.

Just thought it was interesting to hear about Floortime from two totally different sources just days apart. Maybe it's a sign.

I'm actually really excited because he sounded more like their focus is how to get through to the child and engage them and convey ideas rather than just make them do something like all his therapies. I hope it ends up being a good thing.

[chickypoo2468]

Feb 25, 2017 19:33:04 GMT -5 @kitchen said:

Feb 22, 2017 12:10:59 GMT -5 chickypoo2468 said:

I was actually wondering if I could go ahead and look into using some of the tools for engaging kids with autism, or if it would just be wasted effort if that's not his diagnosis. Sometimes the hardest part in handling of all of this has been how distant he seems to be though, so I will definitely look into it. It breaks my heart when my 3 year old son is trying to play and talk to him or laugh with him and O won't even acknowledge him. He cries because he wants to play wth O and I don't even know what to say to make it better.
I appreciate everyone's feedback!

Literally I feel like you are describing my kid. We have the same thing with the sibling wanting to play.

How old is your kid? Does it get easier?