When does it get better

[chickypoo2468]

For those years into this, and I know all situations are different, but do things ever get easier? I feel like I'm in a permanent funk. I'm burnt out on life and I just want my old life back. I'm to the point where I can't even get dressed or make a meal without it feeling like that will be the decision that breaks me. I feel like if we get a diagnosis and maybe have a better idea of the prognosis, then my brain will handle things better, but I realize that that's not exactly true and the actual diagnosis doesn't change him or his needs.
Everything just feels so hard and I just want to cry all the time. I've always struggled with depression and anxiety, and I realize that I'm not the only mom with a SN kid and I probably just need to suck it up but I'm having issues doing that.

[mirandah]

Hugs. My anxiety decreased significantly once we found a supportive SN child care program and I no longer had to juggle work and toting him around to a bunch of therapists. I feel more calm and at ease knowing there were others who cared about him and it wasn't all on me to figure things out.

School-age was hard because you lose a lot of that family support that ECSE brings. My anxiety peaked in kindy but came down again in first grade when we found an amazing psychiatrist who led us down a path which brought a lot of improvements for DS. She basically took the reigns and told me DS would be fine, which made me feel a lot more calm and optimistic about the future.

I hope you're feeling better soon. In the meantime, this board can be wonderfully therapeutic.

[zaraceligon]

For me it gets better, in my situation is a bout three things that has helping me to make it better. There are personal small tolls the without them it will make my life more harder and messy. The first thing is to accept my kids my husband and my self, the second is to practice more my Buddhist and the third is to have a bullet journal. It hasn't been easy to do it but finally I have seen the results of thiis. Have fait MK, it definitely gets better it takes time and a lot of patience.

[freezorburn]

Self care is so, so important. Especially if you are aware of a history with depression. This is a long game, and it's that much more important to call on your coping skills and/or develop new ones.

Have you been able to find respite care?

Also, it's totally okay to feel the way you do. You've always struck me as someone who is able to be honest with others and with yourself, about what you are feeling. And that puts you ahead of the game because that is way healthier than living in denial. So you have that going for you.

I'm not going to tell you if it gets better or not. We are all different. I can relate to wanting to have my old life back. It's part of grieving for the hopes and aspirations that we have for our families, as we face the day-to-day realities.

I can tell you that for us, things are better now than they were a year ago. But I also know that life is about to throw me a few more curve balls. In slow motion. And I/we will have to adapt, yet again.

Personally I find comfort in planning and action. Long term plans, short term plans. Things to look forward to and coming up with a vision for where I want to take my life. Action in finding a new job, building up my community. So even when my brain and my heart are spinning their wheels, not sure how to get unstuck, other parts of my life are moving forward.

I try to stay in motion during time of stress, and when I am at highest risk of depression. By that I mean staying busy in all sorts of ways, and not isolating myself but not overextending myself either. This is what helps me. it may be different for you. I hope you can find the balance you need to take care of yourself.

[chickypoo2468]

freezorburn I actually did find respite care! I felt like it meant me just ditching him, but it came up a couple more times and we actually ended up with it basically handed to us when we applied for another service. But the program sounds amazing and like it will benefit the whole family. It's so much more than just a babysitter like I had thought. We haven't started yet but we meet a couple people next week.

[cam]

Hugs! I'm sorry you are feeling like you are at your breaking point. I think there are phases of feeling frustrated, maxed out, etc mixed in with the "I've got this" phases as well as those in between. I do think there are generally more neutral to good times overall, especially as time goes by, but no phase seems to be all that easy if you know what I mean.

[luvboston]

@chicypoo2468 hugs this is so fucking hard!

I was feeling exactly like this for the last month. One of the hardest things I find is not having a diagnosis because it doesn't allow you to make peace with the situation you have been given as there is so much unknown.
I equate this situation with having a miscarriage because it's the same in terms of the intense sadness, despair, grieving and moving on.
One thing that helped me cope with multiple miscarriages was knowing that I had no control so there was no point in continuing to kill myself everyday because whatever was going to happen was going to happen and I just had to live through it and know that I would be ok no matter what happened, because I survived.
There will be times of despair but you will wake up a week later and the sun will be shining and it will have passed.
You have to mourn the child/life you thought you were going to have to allow yourself to move forward.
Also you need to remind yourself that you are doing everything in your power to help your kid, there is nothing more than you can do then that. This is what I hold onto everyday.
At some point you will wake up and this life you have now will be the new life and you will embrace and just be happy being a mom and doing the special needs mom things like going to therapy and rearranging body parts for the millionth time just like you would be helping your other kids. If your son isn't making progress it doesn't matter because the train is moving forward and the rest of the family is moving forward and you as the mom are doing what needs to be done eventually he will move forward or learn to be the way he is now.

I made the decision to go back and live life and get out of out acute horror bubble BC I couldn't stay in it for another year. It's a choice because nothing has changed with DS. Also my other kids were suffering and I need to save everyone not just ds1.

[djtippietoes]

Do you have a therapist that you can talk to? Other SN moms in the area that you know? I find that for me, talking it out is very helpful.