*snip* This may sound weird but L didn't really feel like she was *mine* until after her 2 day check up with the NICU. It was like getting permission to be her mom for real now.
This doesn't sound weird to me at all. DS2 is 16 days old and has been home with us for 10 of those, and I still don't feel like he's really mine. Sometimes I forget that I even have a second kid. Almost every time we drive past the hospital where he was born (it's in plain view of the highway that we take to get from our house to most of the local shopping and restaurants), I still find myself feeling anticipation for my "upcoming" hospital stay to give birth to him...
I didn't feel like DS was mine until we had him home for like a month. I think it's pretty normal to have that experience, especially if something unexpected has happened, or if something has kept you apart. It was so embarrassing but the first time I visited him in the NICU, I couldn't even tell which baby he was of all the babies. :/
This doesn't sound weird to me at all. DS2 is 16 days old and has been home with us for 10 of those, and I still don't feel like he's really mine. Sometimes I forget that I even have a second kid. Almost every time we drive past the hospital where he was born (it's in plain view of the highway that we take to get from our house to most of the local shopping and restaurants), I still find myself feeling anticipation for my "upcoming" hospital stay to give birth to him...
I didn't feel like DS was mine until we had him home for like a month. I think it's pretty normal to have that experience, especially if something unexpected has happened, or if something has kept you apart. It was so embarrassing but the first time I visited him in the NICU, I couldn't even tell which baby he was of all the babies. :/
it gets better for sure
That was me too with L. My family kept showing me pictures of her and I had zero feeling of her being mine. Im ashamed to admit that i even looked at some and felt she was ugly. It's like your mom brain tries to protect you somehow by dissassociating. I just didn't really recognize her. I pushed all my feelings down and just felt like a post op patient. It wasn't until I had my syncope that I ended up losing it and sobbing my face off.
Final countdown for me until my test on Thursday! I'm getting so anxious. I should REALLY be studying right now. I'm spending all day today studying, then all day tomorrow, then Wednesday off (and my MIL gets here) then Thursday test day! Then I can finally settle down before baby. Hoping it all goes in that order.
., that's me pretty much every day. Is this poop or a baby? Is that pee or fluid? It's all so fun and attractive.
kristhegirl, my toddler has watched an embarrassing number of movies in the last few days and I don't even have a 2nd outside baby yet. I'm like "8am? How does Nemo sound!?" Anything to get her to not need me entertaining her.
I'm also part of the group getting the snow this week. "10-20+ inches" coming tomorrow. I'm so done with winter but part of me is all like "maybe the baby will decide to come b/c it's the middle of a snow storm?". In reality I know I still have probably 3+ weeks left and it makes me want to cry. At least DH has tomorrow off so I don't have to do any of the shoveling or snow blowing this time.
Got our living room lights installed this morning! Everything is so bright now! I LOVE having the projects that only need to be done once done - the check off the list feels so much more permanent than the ones I know will have to be done again regularly (ie deep cleaning the house).
I've been kinda scared to admit this to anyone but DH, and I'm pretty ashamed but..eberyone talking about it is making me feel less alone.
DD's birth was so frightening that the last few days is the first time she's felt like my baby. I've been feeling extremely guilty about this because with DS I fell in love with him right away.
I mean, I KNOW things could have been way worse. I was a little naive to just assume I'd have another experience like with DS. I love thinking about his birth and thinking about DD's make me anxious and sad. It doesn't help that I didn't get to see her, except for a quick glance before she got rushed away.
All the talk about feeling like your baby isn't yours..I think I've said it before but I felt zero connection to DD1 for the first 6 weeks. I took care of her only "because I got myself into this and have no choice now". It sounds awful, but I'm always really upfront with my ftm friends so they know that if they feel any of those feels that they aren't alone. It's hard and feeling guilty is also normal, but it does pass (in my experience)! Whenever someone asked "isn't being a mom amazing!?" I would give a half smile and just say "..yeah.." while thinking "really? Because this just sucks."
Also, don't be afraid to talk to a Dr if you are concerned, I wish I had and I now know to do that if I feel the same way again.
Post by erinshelley21 on Mar 13, 2017 12:13:49 GMT -5
Weight check is done. She didn't gain but she didn't lose either. Which is impressive because she shits herself 2x the amount she should according to the tracking sheet they gave us. We have to go back later this week since her first pedi appt isn't until next Thursday. I am so relieved.
We're here. Little man is growing by leaps and bounds.. and eats like it. We're still often at every 2 hours for feedings. He is seriously currently asleep at the breast. I'm loath to wake him as he is comfortably sacked out on a pillow in my lap and I can function at the computer with him there. lol
I do think it just takes time. I mean, we hardly know these kids this early in the game. I didn't have that instant love with DS, and I think a lot had to do with the sudden shock of him arriving and then him going to NICU because of the breathing issues. I didn't see him for hours and all I remembered was that he had a lot of hair. It took like a month or so to really bond with him. I was weirdly mourning the end of my pregnancy and dealing with the sudden shock of -you have a baby now- as there was no indication I would have gone early. Plus post partum healing nonsense. But now we have a wonderful bond! Omg and he will be 2 next month!
DD arrived (quick and feisty like the wild thing I see that she is LOL) and she stayed in my room almost the whole time. Meconium was dealt with quickly and there were no additional problems. It was weird. I was like WTF (but in a good way lol).
All this to say... don't feel bad if you feel distant from your new babies! Hang in there....growing and birthing a human is a wild event....it only makes sense that it we might need some time to process the whole thing, even in a typical situation.
I'm in a slight panic this morning. Baby's movement has decrease significantly over the past week and I've tried to calm and rational about it, but it's rough. I barely "passed" the NST on Friday (nurse's words) and was doing kick counts all weekend long. The numbers were okay, but she still hasn't been moving as much as she was previously. I knew better but did a google search and that has me spiraling. I'm waiting for a call back from my OB this morning to see what's next. I haven't felt baby move since last night around 11pm (it's about 7:40am here now) so I'm not sure what's next. I know stressing about this only makes it worse, but I'm hoping writing it out can help ease some worries and pass time until I get a call back.
Does anyone know if you can use a Target gift card at a target starbucks? I have just a little left over on a baby shower gift card, and I want coffee.
Sending you hugs and good thoughts skk. I ended up in L&D for decreased movement a couple of weeks ago and I know how scary it can be. Please send keep us updated.
Lots of love to everyone struggling with their birth experience. I shared before that I still have bad feelings related to DS's birth and I'm sure it contributed to my PPA. Please be gentle with yourselves and don't be afraid to talk to your doctor if you think you need some help. I ended up taking Zoloft for a few months PP last time and it really made all the difference. It's not a life sentence nor is it a failure if you need a little extra help.
Thanks everyone, it's good to know it's not just me. The weight check was good, he gained a few ounces and the doc said his jaundice looks fine, it's resolving on it's own. He finally has a clean bill of health. I'm hoping to get his birth story written soon, we had so many little scary things go on.
I'm sorry you're dealing with something so stressful and scary skk. I hope your LO gives you some movement very soon and your OB gives you some direction.
Life was definitely a bigger adjustment with DD. We didn't know what life with a newborn would be like and were more used to coming and going as we pleased. Now with DS, our lives already revolve around one kid, so adding another one to the mix isn't as stressful. I also know the newborn stage doesn't last forever. I was telling DH last night that sometimes with the middle of the night wake ups I remind myself that I'll only be doing this for a relatively short time longer and then I won't be doing it again. It makes it easier to deal with. The time is definitely going faster with this one though.
Life was definitely a bigger adjustment with DD. We didn't know what life with a newborn would be like and were more used to coming and going as we pleased. Now with DS, our lives already revolve around one kid, so adding another one to the mix isn't as stressful. I also know the newborn stage doesn't last forever. I was telling DH last night that sometimes with the middle of the night wake ups I remind myself that I'll only be doing this for a relatively short time longer and then I won't be doing it again. It makes it easier to deal with. The time is definitely going faster with this one though.
This makes me very happy to hear! I'm hoping I can have a similar perspective this time, too.
Life was definitely a bigger adjustment with DD. We didn't know what life with a newborn would be like and were more used to coming and going as we pleased. Now with DS, our lives already revolve around one kid, so adding another one to the mix isn't as stressful. I also know the newborn stage doesn't last forever. I was telling DH last night that sometimes with the middle of the night wake ups I remind myself that I'll only be doing this for a relatively short time longer and then I won't be doing it again. It makes it easier to deal with. The time is definitely going faster with this one though.
I was actually kind of excited to go through the NB stage again. It was rough with ds due to his weight issues so I've been looking forward to having a redo. It's helping me not focus on the 2 hours of sleep I get each night plus the couple cat naps.
@cosmiccav you finally described the feeling I have been having- mourning the end of my pregnancy. I really didn't like being pregnant, so I am shocked to find that I feel like I "missed out" on the last 5 weeks. It's almost like I wasn't "ready" to meet her yet, and feel a like I was cheated those last couple weeks of it just being the two of us. With that being said, I've noticed the feeling has faded as I get to know her more. ☺️
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