So we didn't really have to deal with this too much last time since everyone was caught off guard at 34w. Due to the distance we live from family, no one arrived until after DS was born, and since he was in NICU visits had to be kept short and to a couple people at a time. My fam stayed at the house and watched the dog until I was released and the ILs stayed at a hotel but only for a couple nights.
I loved having that time just the three of us and that everyone left before we came home. This time my parents will head up to take care of DS and be the ones to bring him to meet his baby for the first time. The ILs are the tricky part and I'm trying to get ahead of it since they tend to make their own plans and then tell us what they're doing. I'm thinking we let them know when I'm in later stages of labor (they have double the drive my parents do), and let them know they're welcome to stay in a hotel and visit for an hour or so at the hospital, but that we want to be alone as a family of 4 when we get out.
So we didn't really have to deal with this too much last time since everyone was caught off guard at 34w. Due to the distance we live from family, no one arrived until after DS was born, and since he was in NICU visits had to be kept short and to a couple people at a time. My fam stayed at the house and watched the dog until I was released and the ILs stayed at a hotel but only for a couple nights.
I loved having that time just the three of us and that everyone left before we came home. This time my parents will head up to take care of DS and be the ones to bring him to meet his baby for the first time. The ILs are the tricky part and I'm trying to get ahead of it since they tend to make their own plans and then tell us what they're doing. I'm thinking we let them know when I'm in later stages of labor (they have double the drive my parents do), and let them know they're welcome to stay in a hotel and visit for an hour or so at the hospital, but that we want to be alone as a family of 4 when we get out.
Does that seem reasonable?
It's reasonable. I say, your baby, you just gave birth, your home, etc., your rules.
We live far from family so didn't have to deal with this with DS. My mom flew in a week ahead of my EDD so she was the only one around. It will be the same this time. She'll fly in a week ahead, this time stay home with DS instead of be at the hospital with us.
My MIL came in when DS was two months. She'll be coming in this time when he's five months.
I like not having to play hostess or share those early days with anyone, so this works perfectly for us.
Yes bepandnick that is totally reasonable! How long are they going to stay this time? Just a quick visit? If so maybe you could ask them to wait until about a week old to come so you can all get adjusted and they can visit longer that just a quick meet the baby?
Yes bepandnick that is totally reasonable! How long are they going to stay this time? Just a quick visit? If so maybe you could ask them to wait until about a week old to come so you can all get adjusted and they can visit longer that just a quick meet the baby?
Either way I'd only expect them to stay a couple days, but I'd like to avoid them just sitting there all day and either staring at me or trying to take the baby
Last time we had talked about them coming after a week or so but then they decided to get in the car and drive 8+ hours once they found out I was in labor. 🙄.
I live around all my family and dh's parents and sister. We have a large extended family as well as church family that will come to the hospital or within a few days of being home. It is like a circus! With my last baby as soon as the placenta was out dh was bringing the kids in to meet A. After that it was our parents and siblings. Then a steady flow of people. I was all like people I want a shower. I'm all completely naked and having skin to skin time with all these people in the room. I told dh is anyone had an issue with it to wait to come in. That didn't work like I expected!
Either way I'd only expect them to stay a couple days, but I'd like to avoid them just sitting there all day and either staring at me or trying to take the baby
Last time we had talked about them coming after a week or so but then they decided to get in the car and drive 8+ hours once they found out I was in labor. 🙄.
Would it be prudent to not tell them until baby arrives since they have a history of making their own plans? I'm unsure of your relationship with them but their changing the plans last time would make me wary
That would be my first choice, but I'll need to get DH on that team. Lol
bepandnick I think whatever you ask of people is reasonable, because it's your comfort (and your baby, and your H) that people should be worried about.
Our plan is to ask people to wait until after he's born to come to the hospital...I don't want anyone there while I'm in labor. We'll welcome visitors starting a few hours after he's born...after we've had a little bit of time together as a family of 3.
Last time I was so overwhelmed with visitors. My parents, inlaws,and siblings we're waiting and came in while I was still being stitched. W was born on a Saturday morning so we had a steady stream of visitors from 7:30am til 10pm. I didn't even have a chance to shower or talk to H about naming our kid. Then MIL basically moved into my hospital room (like she ate my lunch while I showered and refused to leave for the lactation consult. She just sat there for 9 hours while I made awkward conversation and wanted to punch her).
Once we got home it was 3-5 visitors every day for the first week or two. H was at work so it was a lot to entertain and visit when I was so tired.
I'm not sure how, but I will get some time and space this time, especially from MIL. I thought about asking her to watch W so she wouldn't be there while o was in labor like last time, but I've been told that's mean.
I will demand that I get to do skin to skin without visitors this time, that W will be the first to meet her, and that we will be alone for that, and that I will shower before seeing people. I won't be a pushover this time.
It's hard because like I want my family around, just not H's, haha. So I have to remind myself that he probably wants his family there and that they're excited for their grandchild.
Can you approach it as "I'd live the extra hands and eyes on DS when H goes back to work, so how about the week after we get in and settled for a few days?"
Then conveniently have other visitors planning to come in on Wednesday so they'd need to leave, and if on Wednesday those visitors suddenly can't come, well shoot!
Last time I was so overwhelmed with visitors. My parents, inlaws,and siblings we're waiting and came in while I was still being stitched. W was born on a Saturday morning so we had a steady stream of visitors from 7:30am til 10pm. I didn't even have a chance to shower or talk to H about naming our kid. Then MIL basically moved into my hospital room (like she ate my lunch while I showered and refused to leave for the lactation consult. She just sat there for 9 hours while I made awkward conversation and wanted to punch her).
Once we got home it was 3-5 visitors every day for the first week or two. H was at work so it was a lot to entertain and visit when I was so tired.
I'm not sure how, but I will get some time and space this time, especially from MIL. I thought about asking her to watch W so she wouldn't be there while o was in labor like last time, but I've been told that's mean.
I will demand that I get to do skin to skin without visitors this time, that W will be the first to meet her, and that we will be alone for that, and that I will shower before seeing people. I won't be a pushover this time.
Thank goodness my hospital has visiting hours that strict!! I hope to get the nurses on my side about visitor lengths. Also would have murdered anyone who ate my gross hospital food #hangry
Honestly the only visitor I expect is MIL and I do want her to visit as soon as is feasible, but I also want to be able to have privacy for learning to nurse again, getting my bottom stitches checked, and just ogling my baby.
If any of DH's cousin's/aunts want to visit I am going to say after a. DS has met baby, and b. at least a week has passed.
My DS is travelling with his paternal grandparents the week I am due so other than MIL I want him to be the next to meet her. Ideally she will come two weeks early so he is still in town when she is born. Or not ideally...
I have invited my parents (live five hour flight away) to come for an extended stay, hopefully coinciding with DH going back to work. My mom is a rockstar and the only person I would tolerate staying with me indefinitely. I know she will help with Laundry, cooking, cleaning and even midnight wake ups all the while being supportive and unassuming. I figure my dad can help with yard work since that is normally my job not DH!
Our hospital does a golden hour post birth where it'll just be the three of us and whatever staff is necessary at first. Then we move to the recovery room, but no one can come in from the waiting room without our permission. So at least we've got that going for us.
I wish we could split up the time with DS between both families but my ILs aren't physically capable of caring for him and neither of us trust him in their care alone.
Your baby your rules!! Totally agree. We had people staying at my house while I was in the hospital but told them they would need to leave when we got home. I also didn't tell anyone when I went into labor until I was already at the hospital.
I hadn't even thought about this and now I have all the anxiety. MIL is very pushy and VERY her way or the highway. She and FIL will have DD, but I really want time with just DD and the baby before MIL comes in... I guess we will have to talk to them about waiting to come in. She is the type of person who will want to hold the baby and never give him back. FIL is a lot more sensible though. So I suppose if we say anything he will set her straight. Ahh. Just one more thing to worry and stress about.
I assume both of our families will be there and waiting to meet baby. I won't let them in while being stitched up if that's needed. I haven't decided yet if my mom and MIL will be allowed in for delivery.
There are quiet hours each day where they don't allow any visitors. My parents will be staying at our house while I'm in the hospital since they live two hours away. My mom may stay for a few days after we're home to help out.
I know I'm in the minority, but I didn't have any visitors in the hospital. We didn't tell anyone I was in labor, and didn't call anyone until several hours after he was born. Our families are all 5-6 hours away, and it was a week after our due date, so it took a few days for people to come visit, and they were able to schedule their visits so we didn't have everyone there at the same time.
We told our parents ahead of time that we didn't want visitors in the hospital. My mother was not surprised, but my MIL thought I was crazy. She got over it pretty quickly, or at least pretended to. We waited a few hours to tell them because I wouldn't have put it past her to jump in the car with her bags already packed and be there ASAP. But it turned out they were on a trip at the time, so they didn't come for a few days.
This time, either my mom or my ILs will have to come stay with DS, so it will be a different story. We will have them bring DS to the hospital, but not until we're ready for them.
I echo "your baby your rules". It's best to voice them ahead of time so everyone knows what to expect. My family and in laws were very respectful and so were all the church family for the most part. We didn't want visitors at the hospital other than family, and only a couple ladies unwittingly broke that rule. I'd been awake for like 30 hours at that point and ds was gone having blood tests in the nursery so they didn't stay long. It's just too much, trying to deal with visitors while figuring out nursing and being exhausted and sore and ugh. Nope nope nope. Have your own baby if you're so anxious to cuddle one.
Post by Crisco Salad on Apr 5, 2017 10:18:02 GMT -5
We had no visitors at the hospital and I loved it. I'm hoping we can duplicate that again. The only person who knew I was even in labor was my mom and she lives a 12 hour drive away. My MIL did come over about 3 seconds after we got home, but it was also mother's day and she happened to be in town for that. She didn't stay too long but she was drenched in perfume so as soon as she left, I changed J's whole outfit and threw the blanket he was wrapped in in the laundry.
This time, we don't know yet where we will be living but I will very likely have a scheduled induction so my parents will come ahead of time to watch J. I may allow them at the hospital with J or since we live a few minutes from the hospital, I might have MH go home and get J to come meet his sisters.
I guess I'm in the minority that I would like visitors as long as they are ok with having my boobs out occasionally. I don't want any house guests right away but I would love to have a daily visitor or a few a week. The constant stream sounds awful though. That would suck even if they were just coming over to have a beer during non-new baby times!
My mom visited last time - she didn't tell me she was coming but she lived close and I didn't mind having her there. Don't want any other visitors though. Maybe have mil bring DS but I'm hoping for a quick discharge so DS can meet ds2 at home
I guess I'm in the minority that I would like visitors as long as they are ok with having my boobs out occasionally. I don't want any house guests right away but I would love to have a daily visitor or a few a week. The constant stream sounds awful though. That would suck even if they were just coming over to have a beer during non-new baby times!
I agree. I didn't mind having visitors. Most people didn't stay that long, and it was an exciting time. But I had DS at 6pm and most visitors didn't come until the next day, so I had time.
The house guests was a little annoying unless they were bringing food. Which pretty much everybody did. My only advice with that is to just excuse yourself when you need to be alone with baby or want to breastfeed alone. People understand (or at least should). The second night home from the hospital we had EVERYONE over (it was a Saturday night). Everyone was eating, chatting, having a great time and I felt like death. I didn't even say anything and left DS in the mama roo and went into the bedroom and went to sleep. When people noticed I left, everyone excused themselves and left.
I guess I'm in the minority that I would like visitors as long as they are ok with having my boobs out occasionally. I don't want any house guests right away but I would love to have a daily visitor or a few a week. The constant stream sounds awful though. That would suck even if they were just coming over to have a beer during non-new baby times!
I agree. I didn't mind having visitors. Most people didn't stay that long, and it was an exciting time. But I had DS at 6pm and most visitors didn't come until the next day, so I had time.
The house guests was a little annoying unless they were bringing food. Which pretty much everybody did. My only advice with that is to just excuse yourself when you need to be alone with baby or want to breastfeed alone. People understand (or at least should). The second night home from the hospital we had EVERYONE over (it was a Saturday night). Everyone was eating, chatting, having a great time and I felt like death. I didn't even say anything and left DS in the mama roo and went into the bedroom and went to sleep. When people noticed I left, everyone excused themselves and left.
I would have a really hard time leaving a group like that. I'm glad you were able to. This is a problem I have to get over. FOMO. I remember my sister's house being a bit of a zoo when her daughter was first born. She had a c-section and could barely stand up but she had maybe 15 people at her house and we were all sitting in lawn chairs in the backyard passing around the baby having a great time. I had no idea at the time how hard that must have been!!
I think it's reasonable to request whatever you and DH are in agreement on - if neither of you want a ton of visitors, it's ok to go that route. Personally, after delivering 3 weeks early in the car with DS, I'm in the camp that there's no point in planning because god only knows what's going to happen this time around. 😂
When I was pregnant with DD, I thought I'd be overwhelmed with a ton of visitors at the hospital. But then it turned out that I enjoyed the company. And then when DS was born, I was really bummed and sort of miffed that more people didn't come to visit us at the hospital. Of course, he was born on July 3rd, so I think most people were at parties or on vacation.
I noticed some people commented about visitors at home. I'm in the camp that I don't mind visitors at the hospital. I'm not so open to an open stream of visitors at our house though. With two kids, a dog, and a new baby, my house will be a wreck, and the idea of people popping in to a house that is a pigsty really stresses me out.
I noticed some people commented about visitors at home. I'm in the camp that I don't mind visitors at the hospital. I'm not so open to an open stream of visitors at our house though. With two kids, a dog, and a new baby, my house will be a wreck, and the idea of people popping in to a house that is a pigsty really stresses me out.
"You can hold the baby after you wash twenty dishes"
I noticed some people commented about visitors at home. I'm in the camp that I don't mind visitors at the hospital. I'm not so open to an open stream of visitors at our house though. With two kids, a dog, and a new baby, my house will be a wreck, and the idea of people popping in to a house that is a pigsty really stresses me out.
"You can hold the baby after you wash twenty dishes"
I think I'll make a sign on my door that says that. Perfection. 1 dish = 1 minute of baby snuggles.
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