WWYD - Resignation

[mae0111]

I could really use some advice.  I'm so deep in this and I'm not seeing straight.

So as you know, I resigned from my company after 16 years.  I'm relatively senior, directly report to CMO of a multi-billion dollar firm.  But more importantly, I have a ton of institutional knowledge, and there's been so much turnover lately, there's no one else to fill in a lot of holes in projects.  But I miss my kids, and this job has changed me for the worse over the past 4 years.  So I need to repair my relationships with my kids, especially DD1.  She's been lashing out a lot lately, and she needs my attention.

So I resigned at the beginning of March with a plan to leave at the end of May.  There were several counters - go part time, reduce my scope, become a contractor/consultant - none of which would get me the balance I'm seeking.  So I made an offer - I'd stay on FT until mid-Nov, and in exchange, I'd be given a full severance package.  Managers were receptive, but HR shot it down.  So I told them I was back to the original plan - leave at the end of May.  I let my nanny know, and she's actively seeking employment.

So now they've come back again.  Would I be willing to stay on for "several" weeks past my proposed end date, working from home, coming in to the office "only when necessary".  This isn't possible without childcare.  So here's my question...

Do I counter with this: keep me on the payroll as an FTE, full benefits, for X weeks after my departure (6-8?).  I will not come into the office.  I will not be working full time.  I will not take on any new projects.  I will be available only for questions and consulting, or to participate in meetings as needed.  I will schedule meetings on my own time, and will not be forced into participation.

OR - do I just leave?

It's been almost a month since I resigned, and there's been no movement to tell my team (11 reports, 7 more open spots).  I have been in this "new" job since September, and I'm still being pulled back into my old job several times a week. There is no plan for a replacement, and senior management has just poached my #2 and clear successor for another position.  My team will be hung out to dry.  BUT... I need to consider my own mental health.  


TL:DR - Should I stay at my job longer than planned to protect my team and earn a bit more cash, or should I run screaming from that insane asylum?

[k3am]

Honestly, I would just be done with it. You gave them options that would accomplish their goal and work for you, they made their choice. You're not leaving them hanging out to dry, they're choosing the path.

I also wouldn't trust their vague time frame of "several" weeks, or what "only necessary" means.

[rere26]

Based on your feelings about how this job has affected your relationships and family life, and if the money is not absolutely necessary, I would make a clean break and be gone.

[mustardseed2007]

It'd be nice if they acknowledging they needed you and so were making things appropriately worth your while, but they aren't. That's their loss. Not yours. I would tell them no, and tell them they need to let your team know you are leaving.

I mean, bottom line, I would only do what you wanted to do. You don't want to do this, so don't.

[twinmomma]

I'd just make a clean break and run away. At this point, you know they're going to take advantage of whatever time you offer up, so I think it'll give you a greater peace of mind to just be done with it. As much as it sucks to leave your team behind and feel like you're screwing them over, they also have the chance to leave and find a better company. You can't take care of all of them and yourself. Put you and your family first. (Speaking from experience and giving the advice others gave me when I left my last job)

[2chatter]

Not your circus.
Their poor planning is not your problem or your responsibility.

[xctsclrx]

Just leave. Are they even talking about paying your for your time after your proposed end date? Kinda sounds like they aren't. This isn't really your problem since you have given the more than enough notice

Honestly I would just leave. That gives you the summer with the kids.

[billybumbler]

I wouldn't stay. They sound so disorganized and I doubt they will honor the agreement and you'll be more stressed. You offered them a pretty good deal and they didn't fight to secure it for you.

I feel sorry for your team but you resigned so Ultimately they are not your responsibility.

[akafred]

No wonder they think they can take you for granted. It's like you're asking them to . Clean break all the way.

[helenahhandbasket]

I think I'd leave when originally planned. I'm so sorry this has been a less than smooth transition for you.

[erinshelley21]

You need to just leave. They are coming back to you again because they realize they've wasted time finding a replacement. It is not your responsibility to help them survive anymore. They've had two chances to keep you: when you worked there and when you presented them with options after you turned in your resignation.

[ss265]

Another vote for a clean break. You gave them 2 months notice. That is more than adequate. They need to figure things out. I know that you feel bad about your team but that's on your management. Given that they just poached your clear successor tells me that they don't think that you will really leave.

[sandandsea]

Yep. Adios! And enjoy the time with your family.

[mae0111]

Thank you all so much for your perspective. To answer some questions, they would pay me for my time, but nothing beyond my standard salary. There's no incentive to stay other than to get a few extra paychecks. That would be nice, but I don't think it's sufficient.

You are all right - I proposed what I considered to be a fair deal. They countered with a crap deal. I continue to feel so guilty about leaving - it's like I have Stockholm syndrome. It's such a huge mess.

Thank you all for the perspective.

[indyrowergirl]

+1 to run for the hills.

I would be concerned that they wouldn't respect any negotiated boundaries/end dates/schedules, and then would throw you under the bus at the end. (mae really slacked off there at the end! She didn't even come in to the office! << even though you negotiated this, I doubt that they would frame anyone's expectations appropriately.)

[somebabiesmom]

You had two goals in quitting: 1) leaving a crappy job and 2) bonding with your daughter/fam. Neither of these goals are met by staying - no matter what the form.

Also, wouldn't the you from the beginning of March be pissed off at the you now for considering going back on the difficult decision you made back then? Do yourself a favor and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You quit. Reap the rewards. Start planning what you want to do when you're gone.

If you want to do anything for your old team, let yourself be an example and slip them your contact info if they need references.

[liziz]

Just leave. They will figure out how to do things without you.

[librarychica]

Honestly, I might have moved up my end date when they proposed that crap. Be done.

[mommyatty]

In 6-8 weeks, I'm guessing their plan would be to get you to extend. So no.

What would they do if you just told your team? That's the part that would be killing me, feeling like I wasn't being honest with the people I lead. Is there some contract clause that prevents you from announcing your own departure?

[mae0111]

You are all so right. I feel so awful that I'm totally cutting my team off, but I need to do it.

[mae0111]

Apr 6, 2017 13:05:08 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

In 6-8 weeks, I'm guessing their plan would be to get you to extend. So no.

What would they do if you just told your team? That's the part that would be killing me, feeling like I wasn't being honest with the people I lead. Is there some contract clause that prevents you from announcing your own departure?

They want time to spin this into something really positive.  I'm really curious as to how they plan to do that.  I've built a really successful career, and I'm simply walking away from it.  I'm leaving a decent amount of money on the table to do it - not everything, but not nothing.  People don't do that for no reason.  

[justcheckingin73]

I would stick to your original plan. Anything they come back with sounds like more of a headache for you than anything. It sucks for your team and I understand why you are looking out for them but it doesn't seem like your company has your best interests anywhere in their radar. 

If you're still considering it, I would offer them your hourly contract rate and terms (I will work on no new projects, I will only be available from this time to this time, etc) so that you're in control. 

[xctsclrx]

mae0111 , Wasn't it you that said your boss had started doing desk checks?

I understand loyalty, but to get loyalty you have to give it as well. Your management doesn't really seem to care about their employees. As for your team. I would give the bosses another 2 weeks, then I might let it slip to the right person for it to get around quietly. I mean what is the worst that can happen? They fire you?

Edited for spelling

[justcheckingin73]

Good point, indyrowergirl. 

[mae0111]

xctsclrx, yes, that's him. I'm totally NOT considering this out of loyalty to my managers - it's 100% out of loyalty to my staff. Some of these people have worked for me for over 10 years. I've been acting as a buffer against the mess in senior management, and they regularly thank me for it. One person has been having a particularly hard time with things (I treat her more as a peer - she's VP level and doesn't need day to day management - just some guidance here and there and counsel on sticky situations), and she's been saying, "Thank God you're here... I can't imagine this place without you... I love working on your team..." She's only been with me for 6 months, joined as part of a reorg.

That stuff kills me. No one will look out for them, because no one is looking out for me.

[2chatter]

mae0111 - several folks have walked away in our large financial services Firm. Several others have returned after they walked away for a period of years. It's pretty common where I am - people rely on their spouse's income or their trust for a period of years and just --- leave. They don't need to spin anything. They just lack the skills to handle the transition. They sound terrible.

[akafred]

Omg I don't blame you for feeling torn regarding the staff. Is there a reason you can't tell them or drop some hints, at least to the best and most senior people? Because in their shoes I would need to know so I could start applying externally.

[twinmomma]

mae0111, I just want to offer you so much support during this. I felt the exact same way when I left my last job. I told people it was like being in an abusive relationship. It was really emotional and difficult to just walk away from the team I had built up and taken care of for so long. They all knew things were a shit show behind the scenes, but I always buffered it for them. So when I left, none of them were completely shocked. And after they finally knew, several of them thanked me for what I had done for them and told me that they knew I had been putting up with too much for too long. They were all genuinely happy for me. I really hope and believe that your team will feel the same way when you tell them. You deserve some peace and quiet and some stress free time. You and your family will feel so much better when you can escape the toxic environment. *hugs*

[saraml13]

Apr 6, 2017 13:22:58 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

xctsclrx, yes, that's him. I'm totally NOT considering this out of loyalty to my managers - it's 100% out of loyalty to my staff. Some of these people have worked for me for over 10 years. I've been acting as a buffer against the mess in senior management, and they regularly thank me for it. One person has been having a particularly hard time with things (I treat her more as a peer - she's VP level and doesn't need day to day management - just some guidance here and there and counsel on sticky situations), and she's been saying, "Thank God you're here... I can't imagine this place without you... I love working on your team..." She's only been with me for 6 months, joined as part of a reorg.

That stuff kills me. No one will look out for them, because no one is looking out for me.

I know you care about the team you have built up and the people you have come to know well. But they are not your problem. They are adults. They will either step up when you are gone and find a way to manage, or they will leave and find something better. I mean someone at a VP level really should be able to handle change.

[mae0111]

twinmomma, thank you - I appreciate it. I don't know a lot of people in this situation. I think it's different when you're jumping to a new opportunity, rather than running away screaming.

Part of my angst about leaving is the fact that, for the first time since I was 12 years old, I will have no income. I'm 41. That's a long time, y'all. And that's scary as hell. DH is super supportive - he knows I will go back to work some day, and he really doesn't care when. He just wants me to focus on getting back to my happy place.