When did you return to work?

[cabgirl]

For those of you who work outside the home, how long did you wait after miscarrying or having a D&C to return to work?

I'm having a D&C tomorrow morning, and my doctor wrote me a note excusing me from work until Monday. I'm dreading that already, and honestly don't know how I can ever face going again (I realize that sounds dramatic). I've been crying almost non-stop since yesterday morning when I learned my baby's heart stopped.

I hate my job to begin with, and everyone there unfortunately knew I was pregnant. (One of my coworkers actually told me last week, "at least if you do have a loss, you'll know it's for the best because something would've been wrong with that baby.) To make matters worse, my store sells tons of hard to find organic baby formulas and prenatal supplements, and I serve pregnant women and see babies a dozen times a day. 

I hate that I'm going to need to go in Monday and tell everyone that the baby is gone. I don't want sympathy or consolation, or to hear any of the idiotic things that well-meaning people say to women in this situation. 

I guess my question, aside from when did you return to work, is how did you cope with it once you did? Was there anything that made it easier? 

[kcrkcs]

I second having someone else let coworkers know. I texted my assistant that she needed to cancel my lessons Monday and to please explain why so that I wouldn't. It really eased going back on Tuesday. So with that said I did a half day Tuesday and a half day today. Essentially went in for what I had to do and left as soon as I was done. I won't do any riding/heavy lifting until Friday. I am pretty sure I operated like that for the week after my loss this summer too. It was easier for me because I could excuse myself when I knew I was going to start crying, or send the riders to the opposite end of the field so I could ugly cry a minute. In the end work was a good thing. It helped me to refocus a bit, and so many women shared their loss stories with me. It was helpful for me to talk about it. I also didn't hold back when someone said something stupid I straight up told them what they said was hurtful, I did it nicely but I didn't just swallow the bullshit. Think about a safe place you can bail to when things get to be too much. Ok sorry for another novel. Hugs.

[NariaDreaming]

Feb 18, 2015 14:06:45 GMT -5 theophania said:

Also BIG *hugs* cabgirl I'm so sorry to see you here.

I sent an e-mail to my boss and asked her to handle letting my co-workers know about my loss. That insured that I didn't have to say anything to anyone and most people respected that it probably meant I wasn't up for talking about it.

This is also what I did.

When I got back to the office there was a bouquet of roses on my desk and nobody barged in to talk. I really appreciated that.

[cabgirl]

This is all really good advice. I just sent a message to one of my managers (who is also a friend, and was really excited for me when I shared that I was pregnant), asking her if she would mind letting everyone else know, so I don't have to explain it to everyone when I come in on Monday. I haven't heard back yet, but she's a really nice woman and I'm sure she will. Now I'm mostly concerned about bursting into tears randomly at work. But I guess I'll worry about that when the time comes, and just focus on getting through the night and my d&c tomorrow for now. Thanks for the suggestions everyone.

[bethkate]

I went to work the day after my D&C, but I had already taken four days off from working leading up to that (found out about the miscarriage on a Wednesday and my D&C wasn't until the following Tuesday).

Like pp, I also emailed a few of my coworkers to let them know what was going on and no one forced me to talk about it when I got back.

[nikolie93]

I think it was a good idea to let your manager know so others could be told. That was great advice.

I worked throughout my MC's but they were all natural and I had the ability to work from home.

I know you're scared of the sympathy from coworkers but one good thing about them knowing is they will understand why you may have some bad moments.

Good luck tomorrow *hugs*

[mrsb22]

First of all big (((hugs))) I'm so sorry you are going through this.
My D&C was on a Thursday and I went back on Monday. I was fine physically, but needed the extra time emotionally. I'm glad you emailed your manager to tell your coworkers, in your situation with the other PG women and sensitive environment I think it's really good that they will all know to be sensitive with you. If you find yourself in a conversation that is too hard, try to walk away as soon as you can. My coworker is PG too and it was so much easier for me if I just walked away whenever anyone talked to her about it.
T&P for tomorrow.

[Ann612]

Feb 18, 2015 12:43:44 GMT -5 cabgirl said:

For those of you who work outside the home, how long did you wait after miscarrying or having a D&C to return to work?

I'm having a D&C tomorrow morning, and my doctor wrote me a note excusing me from work until Monday. I'm dreading that already, and honestly don't know how I can ever face going again (I realize that sounds dramatic). I've been crying almost non-stop since yesterday morning when I learned my baby's heart stopped.

I hate my job to begin with, and everyone there unfortunately knew I was pregnant. (One of my coworkers actually told me last week, "at least if you do have a loss, you'll know it's for the best because something would've been wrong with that baby.) To make matters worse, my store sells tons of hard to find organic baby formulas and prenatal supplements, and I serve pregnant women and see babies a dozen times a day. 

I hate that I'm going to need to go in Monday and tell everyone that the baby is gone. I don't want sympathy or consolation, or to hear any of the idiotic things that well-meaning people say to women in this situation. 

I guess my question, aside from when did you return to work, is how did you cope with it once you did? Was there anything that made it easier? 

That drives me nuts.  My point to those people are, "fine, then I'm really upset that something was wrong with my baby!!"  

Physically, I could have returned to work the next day.  Emotionally, it's harder.  I returned on the Monday following the procedure on a Thursday.  You might consider an email to those people letting them know what happened and to ask them to please not discuss it with you (if that's what you want).  

[chiapet]

Big ((hugs)). I had my D&C on a Wednesday and didn't return to work till Monday. I was very close to going into work the day I had my procedure and two days after, but family stepped in and told me to take care of myself. I am glad I took that long to go back, but it was still a rough couple of days going back.

I broke down a few times, but was able to step outside to cry it out or compose myself. Best of luck sweetie, you can do this!!

[jumpingpuddles]

Big hugs, I hope everything goes smoothly. Going back to work sucked for me. About half the people knew already what happened which helped. For me the anxiety beforehand was worse than the actual day was, though, so try not to think too much about it. And after that day was over, it was a million times better.

[littleducky]

I went back to work the day after my D&C and physically it was fine. Emotionally it was difficult, but honestly sitting at home wouldn't have been any easier. Having something to focus on at work was a welcome distraction.

[swivelchair5]

I started miscarrying on a Tuesday while I was on vacation. I was supposed to return to work on Monday, but fortunately I got to work from home for two days due to a snowstorm so I got a whole week to recover emotionally before I had to see anybody. Nobody at work knew I was pregnant, and nobody knows I miscarried.