Solo Outings

[richzep]

Just curious to see how many of you take your kids out solo.

My twins are 20 months and my oldest just turned 3. I don't have help so unless I stay home 24/7 (where my oldest is insistent on killing the twins), I have to leave the house by myself. The four of us go everywhere together. Grocery store, park, playgrounds, library, lunch, etc.

But almost everyone around me keeps telling me I shouldn't be out on my own because the kids could run off in different directions, I'm an easy target for kidnappers, etc.

I feel like I'm pretty responsible. They're always in strollers or strapped to me or a leash or something. If at a park, my eye is constantly on them. I'm blessed to not have runners and on occasion that they have after I've warned them, I pack them up and go home instantly. So they've kind of learned not to mess with me particularly in public.

Still I'm told I'm being unsafe and I keep getting articles and videos sent to me (mostly by my immediate family) about kids getting kidnapped. It's giving me nightmares. I'm woken up constantly due to these morbid thoughts and I'm getting so frustrated.

When you take your kids out, do you always have help with you or do you just not go to open places? Or you do and your family and friends aren't lunatics like mine.

[schmella]

Can I just say WTF to whoever is sending you kidnapping articles?!?!
Even in highly rated daycare scenarios, the adult to child ratios range from 3 or MORE children per adult. I can't even... What planet do they live on?
I take my kids out alone. Sometimes I meet up with friends who have 3 or more kids, and someone has to pee and then it's one adult to 4+ kids and OMG WE ALL MAKE IT HOME!

[LydiaDeetz]

I agree with WTF sending you those sorts of articles?!

I'd also like to know how often, REALLY, are children kidnapped from IKEA and sold into the sex slave based solely on a mother's fb post? I know y'all know what I'm talking about... seriously, when do these scenarios actually play out and the mother is attacked in the parking lot by the 2 menacing men and her child human trafficked? I'm not trying to be a smartass either.

I worry about the same things, but I haven't been out solo yet (3u2). I also haven't seen anything on the news about a local mom being attacked and her baby abducted from Costco either.

[DVMmomma]

Agreed with pp. I go out with my 3 all the time now. Granted 2/3 of mine can't walk. I have noticed however that my older kid is actually better behaved and listens better since we've added the other two to the mix. I think there are inherent risks in everything we do. While valid, they can't run our lives. I'm to the point now that if I stayed home all the time, I might end up throwing my crew out the window. Getting out keeps us sane and happy.

[bocaburger]

Seriously, what is wrong with people. You are doing great. My kids are happier and better behaved when we get out of the house, and they're not even old enough to really do stuff yet. Everyone going stir crazy stuck in the house all day is a lot more dangerous, in my opinion, than exposing them to the incredibly slim possibility of encountering a kidnapper. And it sounds like you take all the necessary precautions.

I am one of 3 girls. We had a larger spread of ages though. My mom took us everywhere. We ran all her errands with her. My parents taught us about "stranger danger" and how to get help if we were lost. Once I got "lost" at JC Penney (my mom knew where I was the whole time but I couldn't see her so I thought I was lost). I found the customer service desk and had them page my mom. I was like 5 or 6 years old at that point, obviously Danny is not going to go find the service desk right now... but the point is, take precautions and teach your kids how to stay safe. Don't stay indoors all day losing your mind because someone emailed you a stupid article. Live your life.

[richzep]

@wineandcupcakes the internet IS scary. Way too much easy access to crazy info.

schmella I've used that excuse. The reply "the daycare is within 4 walls. The kids can't run away and nobody can easy come in". :/

LydiaDeetz those stories scare me too but I'm sure it's super rare. When my kids were 3u2, it seemed a bit easier because the twins weren't walking. So they were in a stroller all the time. Now with all 3 running, it's more difficult but still totally doable.

DVMmomma yeah, the earlier days was a bit easier when the twins didn't mind being in the stroller. But still now, it's not that bad. It's manageable and I go literally everywhere with them.

bocaburger thank you! I try to take all precautions. It's never 100% of course but I can't drive myself crazy.

[mc13]

Mine aren't as mobile as yours, but I regularly take the 3 of them everywhere on my own. We are 5-6 hours from our families so it's not like I have any option here. I do feel like I am hyper-vigilant about my surroundings and where my kids are but I think most mom's are. So pretty much, I agree with everyone else. You have to live your life and having 3 kids is your life.

[schmella]

richzep, most of the daycares in my area take kids to the park, zoo, public pool, library, etc. And if an outsider isn't concerned about the liability I'm pretty sure it's because it's a non issue

[richzep]

schmella no way! I didn't know that. That's good to know.

[Deleted]

Throat punch to whoever is sending you those articles.

I've been going out, solo, with my kids since before they were 1 year old. (Can't remember the exact age.) Somethings, like food shopping, I do prefer to do alone because it's just easier. But otherwise, Target run? My (now) 3.5 year olds come with me. Okay, so I prefer to have my husband with me if we go to the park or something. (Two sets of eyes - less likely for anyone to wander off or get hurt.) But I do stores, the mall, the library, even McDonald's and indoor play areas on my own with them. I've taken them on my own to the town hall to get them signed up for preschool/preschool playdates. It's really not a big deal (okay, so I "only" have twins and no other kids to keep an eye on) and they are typically pretty well behaved.

Seriously, throat punch to the kidnapping article person.

[aydee]

I regularly take all 3 kids out by myself and I have since my first two were born. It's vital for everyone's sanity and also just getting shit done.

I can safely say that kidnapping is the least of my worries. The kids are never far enough away from me for that to happen and I watch them like a hawk. I would never let them loose in a big crowd by myself, but we're rarely in a situation like that. I have no worries at all at a park, the library, the grocery store, etc..

Like you, my kids aren't really runners (if they were that would change things), and I've also always had a really low threshold for them wandering off in different directions. Probably the most challenging time was between 12-18 months when both kids started walking. We would go to the park and I would let them out of the stroller knowing and accepting that we might only last 1-2 minutes before I stuck them back in the stroller because I couldn't safely corral them on my own. They learned quickly not to wander too far from me if they wanted to keep exploring. I seriously felt so accomplished the first time we all survived 5 minutes of them loose in the park, lol!

richzep, It sounds like there are some very anxious people in your family. Don't let them make you feel crazy or reckless. You're doing a great job and are one badass mom to be able to get 3 young kids out by yourself on a regular basis!

[richzep]

aydee I really needed to hear that. Thank you! And yes super high anxiety family members. None of which have ever been stay at home moms and the ones that are have 24/7 nannies, maids, etc. I have none of those and it's a constant shock for them that I'm doing things on my own. They just don't get it and constantly ask why I'm not hiring help. I want to tattoo "I got this" on my forehead.

[requiressnacks]

richzep, your family is crazy!!

You are doing an amazing job and imagine how boring life would be if you sat home and looked at each other all day. I say keep on keepin on!

[hollyberry]

I find this crazy, i mean what are you supposed to do, never leave the house? I only have the twins, but we will leave the house.

[jd]

So people would seriously prefer you to stay home all day with 3 young kids? That is ridiculous.

Also, this kidnapping nonsense drives me up the wall. I'm a criminologist, and I can assure you that a stranger kidnapping our kids is one of the last things we need to be worried about as parents of young children in the U.S. You're their mom; you're going to take every precaution and that is enough.

People need to stfu and stop making parenting harder than it already is by creating fictional problems.

[richzep]

jd that's actually really comforting to hear. Thank you!

[bocaburger]

Took the babies out this morning. Spoiler alert: no one got kidnapped.

[dke2010]

I take all three of my girls out by myself. Like you, I can't stay home 24/7. If I'm going somewhere for the whole day, like the zoo (1.5 hours away), I normally take a friend or relative just to make the trip easier. Continue doing your thing!

[richzep]

bocaburger lmao!!

[nic1231]

Usually it's just me and the twins, granted they are only 2 months old. Very rare occasion my son comes but he is 8 and easily managed... Actually very helpful. I'd do my best to ignore /just delete the stories,that's ridiculous they send you that stuff.

[richzep]

@feegan thank you!!! You've all helped ease my discomfort.

[beachy]

I'm constantly going places with all 3 by myself. I'm limited to places that I can function with all 3 since they're all still young, but I do it. My husband has been in and out lately for days and weeks at a time so I would lose my mind if not. We have no family within even 10 hours so I'd be screwed waiting on others.

All 3 of mine are climbers and runners so I can't really do open parks and playgrounds. But there's a few playgrounds that are fully fenced in so I take them there. Once the twins (almost 22m) are a little older and can listen better and are more stable it will be easier to do other places. Like my girl twin climbed to the top of a 10 foot playground structure and was leaning out the openings laughing. Total heart attack! Thankfully we also have a huge fenced in yard so we go out there a lot too.

Basically what I'm saying is that I don't let fear of being kidnaooed stop me. I'm only stopped by my limitations of them running off and getting hurt. My mom sent me the IKEA article and I told her she was insane. Also think about how many parents are out by themselves and NOT paying attention, yet we don't hear about things actually happening. Just the hyper vigilant parents who thought they saw a predator.

[mrsbaldwin2012]

I only have the twins, but my god I would go insane if I never left the house!! You are doing great, mama! Don't let people make you scared or make you think you are doing something wrong. It's easy for people to give their opinion when they aren't in the situation. I take the girls out at least 3 times a week by myself and I'm sure that will increase once the weather is nicer.

[piccyami]

A story just came out about some shady people being shady at our public library, but none of the moms in my MOMs group were like "we're never going out again." Most everyone thanked the poster for sharing her story and we started having a good conversation about going out safely with multiples. Some MOMs will only go out with help, even if that means meeting up with another MOM and her kids.

[shemarie82]

I don't really go here, but I have twins that are almost 3 and we are going away for the night to a hotel and I am mostly excited but a little terrified to go by myself. I take them everywhere if we are local but we will be 2.5 hours from home. A double stroller and lots of snacks and I should be good to go, right?