PgAL Brain

[wineoclock]

We finally started doing concrete things to get ready for the baby like washing clothes and placing them in the nursery that has been empty in my home since my last loss. This is triggering some paranoia and doubt surrounding actually bringing this baby home.

How is everyone else doing with finalizing things for baby and remaining positive about the last few weeks of pregnancy and upcoming birth?

[sdlaura]

I've felt this way with every pregnancy. We've had a bunch of unrelated losses - an ectopic pregnancy, regular MC, and a late loss for medical reasons, so I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. That said, I'm also an analytical person, and I know that based on stats, it's so highly likely that if we made it this far, we'll get to take home our babies. That's what I try to focus on!

[lindsay]

Trying to be positive when I feel kicks. But I'm getting paranoid as I near the end, especially because of this PUPPP rash where I'm putting all kinds of creams and sprays on myself. The doctor said it was fine but I'm applying like 10x the recommended amount so not sure about that. Also decided to take a dandelion root pill to see if it helps, which the doctor didn't endorse. Ugh. I just want babies here safe and sound, and to feel better.

[lotsoflotts]

wineoclock sending lots of hugs your way!! PgAL is a hot messy roller coaster of emotions. I've found that I've needed to step away from google and statistics, because even though statistically things are in our favor at this point, I don't really want to know the chances that something will go wrong. My last pregnancy, I needed all the information to soothe my anxiety, but I've definitely flipped on this one and have been better overall just taking it day by day and not looking at numbers.

[teachermomtobe]

wineoclock, hugs to you! I have similar feelings. My baby shower gave me some anxiety, like I would jinx it by celebrating this pregnancy. At times all I want to do is nest and other times I walk by the nursery and think "what if we don't ever get to use this stuff?" It's hard. Our birth class gave me so much emotion because I actually pictured us with a take home baby. PgAL brain is real but I try to keep it at bay the best I can so as not to miss the joy of this pregnancy. Even movement baby makes gives me a little more confidence and makes me fall in love with her even more.

[cateyes]

May 1, 2017 5:30:26 GMT -5 teachermomtobe said:

wineoclock , hugs to you! I have similar feelings. My baby shower gave me some anxiety, like I would jinx it by celebrating this pregnancy. At times all I want to do is nest and other times I walk by the nursery and think "what if we don't ever get to use this stuff?" It's hard. Our birth class gave me so much emotion because I actually pictured us with a take home baby. PgAL brain is real but I try to keep it at bay the best I can so as not to miss the joy of this pregnancy. Even movement baby makes gives me a little more confidence and makes me fall in love with her even more.

All of this. I still feel like I am numb at times and in disbelief this is actually going to result in a take home baby. I find myself irrationally planning "worst case scenarios" and how I will deal. I think it is a major coping mechanism. As the time gets closer, I have started to be able to embrace it more, but still have reservations. Hugs to both of you! 

[violetrose]

Hugs to all you ladies. Today is the due date of my loss last year. I'm trying not to think about it too much but it's still hard. One of my friends is due today too and we found out we were pregnant on the same day. She's currently in the hospital having contractions and it's giving me all sorts of feels.

[leloyd]

Gentle ((hugs)) ladies. PgAL brain is such a roller coaster. I hope some of the worry and anxiety eases up for you.

[wineoclock]

Thanks internet friends! Sometimes it's nice to hear that these feelings are valid and understood by others.

teachermomtobe the "I don't want to jinx it" is exactly how I feel too. Like superstitious about prepping, which I know in my rational mind is silly, but I can't seem to shake it.

cateyes I also do the "what will I do if..." Scenario game. I hate that game. 😫

violetrose that's incredibly tough. There was a coworker who was due the same time as me with my loss and watching her get to the milestones while we didn't was awful. She wasn't even a friend but you can't escape work people.

I'm trying to remember that I'm doing everything I can do to bring home this baby and worrying won't change the outcome.