Toddler behavior/discipline book recs

[Susan0utLoud]

We are struggling with bad behavior. Have you read any good books on toddler behavior and/or discipline recently that you recommend? There are so many books out there, I don't know where to start.

[scout251]

I've mentioned it before but I really like How To Talk So Little Kids will listen. Easy to read (although I'm still not done with it) and at the end of each chapter it gives a nice bulleted list of the strategies they talked about. It also gives real life anecdotes from parents so you can really picture the strategy being used. I'm just getting to the second part that goes over food battles, getting ready for school/bed, etc.

[scout251]

I will screen shot a few pages in the morning so you can get an idea of how it's written and what not.

[athn64]

I have No More Tantrums.

[footloose]

I really liked 1, 2, 3 Magic for when my foster kids were young. It eventually got to the point where I could be across a room at gymnastics or something and I could hold up 1 finger and then if it continued then held up 2 fingers and 9 times out of ten they would stop because they knew 3 meant a consequence.

It saved me getting pretty angry at repeated offenses since I didn't always have to engage. Saying 1 - 3 was enough.

Now I need to take that advice again since today was just me being frustrated at a lot to do in little time and I yelled for her to stop and her face makes me feel bad.

[athn64]

here's a link. Apparently it's an older one, I got it from my mom.

link

[Susan0utLoud]

I'm particularly interested in disciplining him when he goes after dd, which is often. He has zero effs to give if we take things away or do timeout.

[SpinsOffResonance]

I like this one
The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition www.amazon.com/dp/0553384422/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_kZvczb1CT68A9

[scotty138]

I'm just here to see other responses. DS1 is so rough with DS2. They don't share well and DS1 has started to push, hit, and bite. DS2 just wants whatever DS1 has. It's a mess.

[becole]

May 2, 2017 21:36:26 GMT -5 Susan0utLoud said:

I'm particularly interested in disciplining him when he goes after dd, which is often. He has zero effs to give if we take things away or do timeout.

Have you tried putting him in his room alone?
My DS1 who doesn't care about timeout either really responds well to being in his room. He will kick the door and scream while it's happening but when we comes out- attitude is adjusted.

[emmagk]

Susan0utLoud, scotty138, I've not read it but Siblings Without Rivalry is written by the same people as How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and it gets great ratings on amazon. link

[scout251]

I didn't read this chapter yet but took pictures of it in case it's helpful for any of you.

[emmagk]

scout251, i just ordered a copy of that book but i'm not convinced it will work with my kid doing the imagine part. If i said imagine if we ate all the cookies he'd be like 'ok i eat all the cookies, i need more cookies so i eat them all'

[scout251]

May 3, 2017 7:53:16 GMT -5 emmagk said:

scout251, i just ordered a copy of that book but i'm not convinced it will work with my kid doing the imagine part. If i said imagine if we ate all the cookies he'd be like 'ok i eat all the cookies, i need more cookies so i eat them all'

I really thought that would happen too but was pleasantly surprised. There are also a bunch of other tools too but that was the only one that popped into my head. My DD can be very exhausting and strong willed, especially since her sister was born, but I can absolutely see the difference when I try and keep my cool and use the strategies as opposed to losing my temper and demanding things. I'm also not perfect and still lose my cool more than I would like because, like I said, she's relentless sometimes.

[microworm]

Glad you started this thread because last night I was thinking I was doing an awful job parenting. I just ordered that book.

[emmagk]

May 3, 2017 8:12:22 GMT -5 microworm said:

Glad you started this thread because last night I was thinking I was doing an awful job parenting. I just ordered that book.

I've been really struggling with feeling like i'm massively failing at parenting recently. DS went from being a really sweet kid to being the uncontrollable bratty kid everyone is judging at the grocery store. 

[microworm]

May 3, 2017 8:16:59 GMT -5 emmagk said:

May 3, 2017 8:12:22 GMT -5 microworm said:

Glad you started this thread because last night I was thinking I was doing an awful job parenting. I just ordered that book.

I've been really struggling with feeling like i'm massively failing at parenting recently. DS went from being a really sweet kid to being the uncontrollable bratty kid everyone is judging at the grocery store. 

I feel the same way. At dinner with the ILs this past weekend, DS1 slapped H in the face. I was mortified because he never used to hit. It didn't help that BIL/SIL thought it was hilarious and said we are going to end up on Dr Phil because our kid beats us up.

[Susan0utLoud]

May 2, 2017 23:57:28 GMT -5 scotty138 said:

I'm just here to see other responses. DS1 is so rough with DS2. They don't share well and DS1 has started to push, hit, and bite. DS2 just wants whatever DS1 has. It's a mess.

This is where we are at, too. It's awful. I'm sorry.

[Susan0utLoud]

May 3, 2017 7:14:48 GMT -5 becole said:

May 2, 2017 21:36:26 GMT -5 Susan0utLoud said:

I'm particularly interested in disciplining him when he goes after dd, which is often. He has zero effs to give if we take things away or do timeout.

Have you tried putting him in his room alone?
My DS1 who doesn't care about timeout either really responds well to being in his room. He will kick the door and scream while it's happening but when we comes out- attitude is adjusted.

Yes, we have done this and continue to. I'm not sure it really does anything though. He'll be quiet in there reading or playing with something and then walk right out and pop her in the head.

[emmagk]

Susan0utLoud, have you tried taking away his trucks as punishment? I know some people aren't down with that but whatever works right?

I remember watching a super nanny or something a while ago and she took away the kids toys and put them in a clear bin when time outs weren't working. They could see the result of their actions and could work to earn the toy back.

[scout251]

Susan0utLoud does there seem to be a general trend of when he is hitting her? Like is she messing with his toys, getting your attention? Also, there is a section in the book that talks about times when the strategies might not be as effective and it made me think of your J. Basically, when a kid is overwhelmed or pretty much at his breaking point, they begin to lose control. The example they gave was a little boy who just left his school/caregiver, moved, started a new school, etc. When his mom asked him to just cut his nails, he lost it but it was more about that instance being the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I know your whole family has had a rough few months (Cot was born, your mom was ill and his childcare changed, had a new babysitter, dealing with his speech). That's a lot for a little kid, or anyone really. All this to say, you are a good mom, he is a sweet, loving boy, but he's got a lot to work through also. I really hope you find some strategies or things that help in the pages I posted or in another book that's suggested.

[Susan0utLoud]

May 3, 2017 9:10:22 GMT -5 emmagk said:

Susan0utLoud, have you tried taking away his trucks as punishment? I know some people aren't down with that but whatever works right?

I remember watching a super nanny or something a while ago and she took away the kids toys and put them in a clear bin when time outs weren't working. They could see the result of their actions and could work to earn the toy back.

We do take trucks away, it's hit or miss. We currently have fire truck sitting on top of a tall cabinet because he pushed Cot down in her crib. How long do you take them away for?

[emmagk]

May 3, 2017 9:18:07 GMT -5 Susan0utLoud said:

May 3, 2017 9:10:22 GMT -5 emmagk said:

Susan0utLoud , have you tried taking away his trucks as punishment? I know some people aren't down with that but whatever works right?

I remember watching a super nanny or something a while ago and she took away the kids toys and put them in a clear bin when time outs weren't working. They could see the result of their actions and could work to earn the toy back.

We do take trucks away, it's hit or miss. We currently have fire truck sitting on top of a tall cabinet because he pushed Cot down in her crib. How long do you take them away for?

I generally continue a punishment until DS says sorry. Before he could verbally say it he had to give me a hug and kiss, then i'd explain why he was in time out/ lost a toy and that if he did it again it would happen all over again. Then give the toy back and move on. 

I have no idea if this is an 'approved' method but it works for us when he's being violent or distructive

[lrmrtn]

May 3, 2017 8:21:46 GMT -5 microworm said:

May 3, 2017 8:16:59 GMT -5 emmagk said:

I've been really struggling with feeling like i'm massively failing at parenting recently. DS went from being a really sweet kid to being the uncontrollable bratty kid everyone is judging at the grocery store. 

I feel the same way. At dinner with the ILs this past weekend, DS1 slapped H in the face. I was mortified because he never used to hit. It didn't help that BIL/SIL thought it was hilarious and said we are going to end up on Dr Phil because our kid beats us up.

Well, they have the right to judge since I'm sure they will be parents of the year. *eyeroll

[footloose]

scout251 I find my worst frustration moments are in the morning when I need her to listen and get ready so I can leave for work. There is no room for error as my job is a type that is dependant on others so you can't be late.

Is there an area in the book that talks about that? Maybe how to motivate when she is fooling around?

[scout251]

May 3, 2017 10:41:01 GMT -5 footloose said:

scout251 I find my worst frustration moments are in the morning when I need her to listen and get ready so I can leave for work. There is no room for error as my job is a type that is dependant on others so you can't be late.

Is there an area in the book that talks about that? Maybe how to motivate when she is fooling around?

Yes, there is. When I get home I will post that chapter for you!

[Susan0utLoud]

May 3, 2017 9:11:01 GMT -5 scout251 said:

Susan0utLoud does there seem to be a general trend of when he is hitting her? Like is she messing with his toys, getting your attention? Also, there is a section in the book that talks about times when the strategies might not be as effective and it made me think of your J. Basically, when a kid is overwhelmed or pretty much at his breaking point, they begin to lose control. The example they gave was a little boy who just left his school/caregiver, moved, started a new school, etc. When his mom asked him to just cut his nails, he lost it but it was more about that instance being the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I know your whole family has had a rough few months (Cot was born, your mom was ill and his childcare changed, had a new babysitter, dealing with his speech). That's a lot for a little kid, or anyone really. All this to say, you are a good mom, he is a sweet, loving boy, but he's got a lot to work through also. I really hope you find some strategies or things that help in the pages I posted or in another book that's suggested.

I think it's mostly attention seeking behavior. When one of us is holding Cot, he will hit us and/or her. We've tried the pay more attention to her when he hurts her but it seems to make him more agitated and angry. He goes full ape most of the time at that point and then we have to just make sure he's in a safe place to thrash it out.

I am exhausted thinking about and trying to fix these issues.

[footloose]

May 3, 2017 10:48:12 GMT -5 mary97 said:

footloose, does she bring a special toy to daycare? DD always brings an extra lovey in with her each day for nap. If she misbehaves in the morning she does not get to bring in her extra lovey. This has helped out a lot in the mornings because once I tell her you can't she will act better. I will bargain and tell her she gets a second chance but the second she acts up no lovely. Only twice did I have to act on it.

That is a good idea. About 3/4 of the time she grabs a toy so I can try this. Thanks

[Susan0utLoud]

May 3, 2017 7:15:44 GMT -5 emmagk said:

Susan0utLoud , scotty138 , I've not read it but Siblings Without Rivalry is written by the same people as How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and it gets great ratings on amazon. link

This seems like it might be for older kids based on the reviews I'm reading? I like the idea of a book focused on siblings. 

[scout251]

Susan0utLoud it's so hard to find the balance when you're dealing with 2. The big doesn't hit DD2 or me but she does other asinine things when I'm feeding her or giving her attention like throwing toys up in the air, touching/getting things she knows she's not supposed to, jumping on the couch, etc. Sometimes it helps if I ask her if she wants to pick out a book for us to read together or get a toy that she can show the baby but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I just tell her that I know it's hard when I have to pay attention to the baby and can't pay attention to her. Sometimes I lose my patience and snap at her but I always try to apologize later and tell her I shouldn't have gotten angry like that. I imagine this will get worse as the baby gets mobile and starts touching her stuff.