Baby mama drama (not wp related)

[helenahhandbasket]

Just the quickest recap because I know we have some new members.

My SO's friends, who are married, decided last year to try an open marriage. The husband and the wife both got into relationships. The wife found out a few months into the relationship that she was pregnant, wasn't sure who the dad was (her husband or the boyfriend). They broke up with their respective partners and decided to stay together.

Update:
After a lot of back and forth on if they should do a paternity test, the wife (let's call her J) decided to have a test done. Her husband (let's call him G) is NOT the father, the boyfriend is.

As far as I know, they are keeping this out of the courts and have agreed to 4 overnight visits a month, in which the baby (who is just 2 months old) stays over with the now ex boyfriend. However, the ex boyfriend lives about 50-60 miles from J, who is still living with G and their 2 older girls. Did I mention that they all live with G's parents?

Anyway, from my stalking, I've learned that the ex boyfriend lives in the town next to me. He also seems very into the baby- he plastered pics of the baby all over his Facebook and the newly decorated baby's room he set up in his house. He has 2 teenagers from a previous marriage so he's not going into fatherhood cold, but he's an older dad- I'd guess he's late 40s- and in one of the pics he posted several of his friends congratulated him on the birth of his granddaughter😬

There are so many other layers to this, but you cannot make this stuff up. My engagement party is next weekend and both G and J will be there as a couple and I'm dying to see the interactions between them.

[xctsclrx]

That has got to be super confusing for the other kids involved, but I am glad that they didn't hide the baby from the birth father. That would have been bad in the long run I think.

That being said I do not think I would let my 2 month old go overnight 50-60 miles away from me, but that is just me.

[CoverGirl82]

Oh wow, helenahhandbasket! I've been waiting for an update from you on this. I had been hoping the baby would be the husband's so they could move on from the drama. Hopefully things continue to work out among the wife, husband, and ex-BF. Does the baby have the ex-BF's last name?

[helenahhandbasket]

xctsclrx I had the same initial reaction as you, but she's not breastfeeding so I guess as long as he sticks to the schedule she has in place, it's ok?

CoverGirl82 I am not sure. I don't think anyone had the nerve to ask.

[callmeKD]

wowsa

[mlee116]

Wow...this is such an interesting way to live.

I mean, I'm glad they figured out a way to make it work for all parties. I agree with xctsclrx that it has to be super weird for the older kids. And I don't think the overnight visits would work for me either...not for a 2 month old.

[k3am]

Oh man... I didn't realize you lived in Port Charles.

[somebabiesmom]

It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the... How does that go?

I'm not sure I'm mature enough to deal with this situation. But I would have known that before agreeing to an open relationship, so...crisis averted.

Maybe if you can spin this to all the kids as being a "modern family" and rolemodel how to admit mistakes, deal with the consequences, and look on the bright side - it might work. But it would take *me* a solid 10 years to get past the first thought that comes screaming like a freight train into my brain which is, "F---, THIS SUCKS!!!"

[supertrooper1]

Maybe J can join the sleep over 4 nights a month?

[tas1883]

WOW! Glad they let the birth dad know what is up and that he is getting to see his kid and is excited about it but no way would I be letting my 2 month old have overnight visits that far away.

[helenahhandbasket]

somebabiesmom I am loving your diplomacy here.

There are so many more details that I left out, trust, this has not been handled in a mature manner. These are not kids, all of the adults involved are in their 40s (not that it totally matters, but at that point in your life you should have some things worked out, like how to protect yourself from an unwanted pregnancy - both as a man and as a woman)

[xctsclrx]

helenahhandbasket, I mean it will probably be okay, but 2 months is awfully young with a man you really don't know.

This entire situation is something else.

[helenahhandbasket]

May 10, 2017 10:44:04 GMT -5 xctsclrx said:

helenahhandbasket, I mean it will probably be okay, but 2 months is awfully young with a man you really don't know.

This entire situation is something else.

Exactly, I totally agree.

[k3am]

May 10, 2017 9:51:06 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the... How does that go?

I'm not sure I'm mature enough to deal with this situation. But I would have known that before agreeing to an open relationship, so...crisis averted.

Maybe if you can spin this to all the kids as being a "modern family" and rolemodel how to admit mistakes, deal with the consequences, and look on the bright side - it might work. But it would take *me* a solid 10 years to get past the first thought that comes screaming like a freight train into my brain which is, "F---, THIS SUCKS!!!"

My cousin is in a somewhat similar circumstance and has handled it with what it some ways seems amazing grace, but at the same point, I'm wondering WTF is she doing it for? 

(If you're curious, she found out 8 years after the fact that her husband had cheated on her. He's got an 8-year-old son - the mom passed away - and now he's come to live with them. We don't know any of the nitty gritty - did she know about the affair prior to this? Had she known about the son, etc, etc - but we do know that she's still married to her husband and has welcomed the son in with open arms. I'm not sure how I would handle that. There would definitely be a LOT of f-bombs.)

[helenahhandbasket]

Wow, k3am, that does sound incredibly graceful of your cousin.

[k3am]

helenahhandbasket, I really wish I knew her or any of the family well enough to get the backstory, but mostly we just get sporadic details from my aunt and then see the facebook pics online.

I am guessing (oddly, hoping?) that it's not all sunshine and roses, because I don't think it should be, but even then, she's a better person than I am.

[Deleted]

OMG. You can't make this stuff up. How crazy.

[kimberlyb]

This board has made me realize how boring my friends and I are. I have no juicy stories to share so I have to live vicariously through you all.

[mustardseed2007]

Thank you so much for the update. I really needed that for the day.

I am glad they are starting this whole thing now so they can work out the kinks in this whole thing. I mean as the child ages things will change but they can maybe get some practices in on co-parenting while the kid doesn't really know what's going on.

I agree about not being the type who could send my 2 month old baby to stay with a guy I didn't know that well, particularly when he also lives far away. So note to self, don't do this kind of thing ever. (not that I would)

[oldbaylover1024]

I audibly gasped. What a story! I mean, I hate calling it a story when it's actually someone's life. Wowsers.

So... are you going to sit them all at the same table at your wedding or... ?

[rere26]

Wow.. this is...wow. I don't get out much.

[billybumbler]

Thanks for updating, helenahhandbasket! :-P

It's a weird situation for sure, but I'm glad the dad is involved in the child's life.

I have a (male) friend who had an affair with a married coworker. She got pregnant and said the baby was his. She wanted him to leave his long term girlfriend and she'd get a divorce and be with him. He said he'd be involved in the child's life but didn't want to be with her. She then changed her story and claimed the baby was her husband's and cut off all contact with my friend. To this day we don't know if my friend is the father or not.

[mommyatty]

Can we address that he either has a grandkid the same age as this baby or is passing this baby off as a grandchild?

I'm always amazed at people who coparent with grace. I like to think I would manage it, but I'm seriously not sure I would. And taking in the product of an affair? Really, really don't think I could, though I commend anyone who can act logically in that situation and realize the most innocent party is the child.

[sudokufan]

mommyatty, I didn't get that he's passing the kid off as a grandchild. People just make the assumption. I'm only 41 but I've been asked if I'm grandmom

What a story..

[helenahhandbasket]

May 10, 2017 12:42:20 GMT -5 mommyatty said:

Can we address that he either has a grandkid the same age as this baby or is passing this baby off as a grandchild?

I'm always amazed at people who coparent with grace. I like to think I would manage it, but I'm seriously not sure I would. And taking in the product of an affair? Really, really don't think I could, though I commend anyone who can act logically in that situation and realize the most innocent party is the child.

No that was probably confusing.

The baby daddy has two kids from a previous marriage, they look like maybe in the 13-16 age range. Someone -a fb friend of his- saw a pic of him posing with the baby and assumed one of his kids had a baby. Lol. He corrected them though.

[helenahhandbasket]

May 10, 2017 13:19:12 GMT -5 sudokufan said:

mommyatty, I didn't get that he's passing the kid off as a grandchild. People just make the assumption. I'm only 41 but I've been asked if I'm grandmom

What a story..

Right exactly, he's probably late 40s? But totally grey/ grey facial hair, so maybe looks older than he is.

[somebabiesmom]

So it's good that they're being honest with the family about who the father is. But how do explain the existence of the new father? Which is better? "Kids, I cheated on your father with this guy?" Or "Kids, your father and I had what is called an 'open relationship.' I slept with this man with daddy's knowledge and consent, based on our agreement that he also sleep with others with my knowledge and consent."

[helenahhandbasket]

May 10, 2017 14:14:36 GMT -5 somebabiesmom said:

So it's good that they're being honest with the family about who the father is. But how do explain the existence of the new father? Which is better? "Kids, I cheated on your father with this guy?" Or "Kids, your father and I had what is called an 'open relationship.' I slept with this man with daddy's knowledge and consent, based on our agreement that he also sleep with others with my knowledge and consent."

This is the 64,000 dollar question.

[erinshelley21]

What an update.

[akafred]

A friend of mine (formerly on TB as a matter of fact, but you don't know her) was the product of an affair. Her dad did not leave his wife. Mom had custody of course (because this was back in "the day" and there was no court ordered agreement), but she did have visits at his house with her dad and "stepmom". I can't even imagine.