Baptism question

[sterl724]

I know religion is a sensitive thing for many people, so don't feel obligated to answer/share.

H and I are in total agreement that we want to baptize C. However, H is Catholic (And from a very devout Catholic family) and I'm Lutheran (also very involved in the church). I know whatever we decide, some family members are going to be pissed/have something to say. We have always avoided the baptism discussion, even prior to kids, because we disagree and we're both stubborn.

There are a lot of reasons for and against each that we've discussed. It seems that for every pro for one religion, there is also a con/counterargument.

So without getting into a religious debate - are you baptising your LO? If you and SO ate different religions, how did you decide which route to go?

[Deleted]

I'm still struggling with this myself.

I want church to be a regular part of our lives I just can't seem to make a commitment right now.

Do you guys go to separate churches or do you and DH go to one over the other regularly?

[sterl724]

It varies. One is a little closer but the other is at a more optimal time. Sometimes we go together (especially depending on the time) sometimes separate. (Which makes the decision harder. If we regularly attended one together, we'd go that route.

[landonsmom15]

Man this is tough! I'm also Lutheran and Isaiah will be getting baptized soon. DH is also Lutheran though. So, sorry I don't have advice! But I'd say as long as the kid is baptized as a Christian, it doesn't really matter. Confirmation (down the road) will probably be a bigger discussion/decision for your family.

[callmeKD]

Yes babies are getting baptized. We are both catholic so we don't have your conundrum. What are the pros and cons of each church/religion? (In your opinion and your H's opinion)

[amacbaby]

We just got all the kids baptized on Easter but we are both Episcopalian so we didn't have to choose. You said other people will be pissed but are you and your H leaning one way or the other (if you didn't have to worry about anyone else)?

[erinshelley21]

H is Catholic. I didn't go to church growing up and never converted but would consider myself a Christian. Our kids will be baptized Catholic though. It's important to H's family and him.

[sterl724]

May 13, 2017 22:04:31 GMT -5 amacbaby said:

We just got all the kids baptized on Easter but we are both Episcopalian so we didn't have to choose. You said other people will be pissed but are you and your H leaning one way or the other (if you didn't have to worry about anyone else)?

That's what is so hard. He very much wants it done in the Catholic church and I very much want it done in the Lutheran church. I know it doesn't matter what other people think, and they can just keep their opinions to themselves, but that is definitely adding stress that no matter what we do, because someone (especially one of the grandmothers) isn't going to like it.

We did talk about it last night, and h made a comment that really made me think about doing it Catholic, but I'm still really conflicted. As a Christian and a religious person, I know the really important thing is that we baptize him

[moutonrouge]

We're both atheists so we won't baptise DD. I wasn't raised with any religion, so I don't have a lot of context. ILs are incredibly devout Catholics but their children have all slowly left the church.

[jellykat2]

I'm catholic and my H was raised Lutheran. Neither of us are very religious now, but knew we wanted our kids baptized. The deciding factor for us was that for a catholic baptism the sponsee/godparent had to be catholic. That would exclude my H's brother from being a godparent - which was important to both of us. In the Lutheran church the godparent just needs to be Christian.

[sterl724]

May 14, 2017 9:21:42 GMT -5 jellykat2 said:

I'm catholic and my H was raised Lutheran. Neither of us are very religious now, but knew we wanted our kids baptized. The deciding factor for us was that for a catholic baptism the sponsee/godparent had to be catholic. That would exclude my H's brother from being a godparent - which was important to both of us. In the Lutheran church the godparent just needs to be Christian.

This is a major issue for me as well, as it means that my brother and SIL can never be godparents together since neither is Catholic.

[erinshelley21]

jellykat2 the requirement is giving us a hard time on who to make godparents. Thankfully our priest has said only one godparent needs to be Catholic.

[kristhegirl]

My husband is co-godparent for his best friend's son, who was baptized Catholic. I believe the other guy (best friend of the mother) is Catholic.

Just a thought.

Also is godparent more than an honorific in your lives?

[sterl724]

May 14, 2017 10:31:45 GMT -5 kristhegirl said:

My husband is co-godparent for his best friend's son, who was baptized Catholic. I believe the other guy (best friend of the mother) is Catholic.

Just a thought.

Also is godparent more than an honorific in your lives?

We've discussed doing H's sister and my brother if we baptize C Catholic (only one needs to be Catholic.) It's mostly honorific, but that SIL and her husband or my brother and his wife would be who we would ask to take him if something happened to us.

[kristhegirl]

May 14, 2017 10:42:52 GMT -5 sterl724 said:

May 14, 2017 10:31:45 GMT -5 kristhegirl said:

My husband is co-godparent for his best friend's son, who was baptized Catholic. I believe the other guy (best friend of the mother) is Catholic.

Just a thought.

Also is godparent more than an honorific in your lives?

We've discussed doing H's sister and my brother if we baptize C Catholic (only one needs to be Catholic.) It's mostly honorific, but that SIL and her husband or my brother and his wife would be who we would ask to take him if something happened to us.

Well, guardianship is completely unrelated to godparent! We're certainly no one's guardian.

Ugh, that reminds me, we need to do our wills.

[seadragon2013]

DD will be baptized this summer in the Reformed church next to my parents' house. I am Episcopalian, but grew up attending this church and the pastor is a family friend who runs a socially liberal, inclusive parish (very important to our family). DH is an atheist and isn't willing to profess to believing in a god, but is happy to attend and support me for special events like this.

[bookish]

My family is very Catholic, but H and I decided to attend and get married in a Methodist church. We baptized DS1 Methodist and held our breath expecting to get a lot of comments about it. While it was clear that my family was uncomfortable in the church, they all showed up and no one said anything (at least not to us). I know my parents feel like they are bad parents in that when you baptize in the Catholic church you agree to raise Catholic and they feel like they failed in that I no longer identify as Catholic. Personally, I feel like they did something right in that I am in my 30s and have the desire to attend church at all!

[suelou18]

We will baptize in the Catholic Church. DH is a non practicing Lutheran and I am a practicing Catholic. We are raising the kids Catholic. We aren't sure when or where yet, depends on MIL's health and ability to travel. I would love it to be in our church, but may be closer to her.

[Deleted]

May 14, 2017 21:51:41 GMT -5 corinne said:

DH and I both attend a nondenominational church that doesn't baptize, but instead does child dedications. So we will be doing that.

Would it be weird to have a baptism at both church's?

That wouldn't really work though because I *think* both churches consider it a promise to commit to said curch.

[britab]

We will have DD dedicated. It's us committing to raise her to know God and the church committing to help us. We go to a Baptist church, so people are baptized when the themselves commit to the faith, usually as adults.

That's a challenging situation. Are you planning on raising her in a particular church? I'd do it there. The foundation of the faiths are the same, so I hope family would be civil.

[mikaela20]

May 13, 2017 22:08:29 GMT -5 . said:

I was raised catholic. I don't currently attend Mass. H is athiest. At this point we are not baptizing. Which is kinda weird to me since I went through all the sacraments and taught religious ed for years both in high school and after we were married. We even got married in a catholic mass.

At this point, if I go back to Mass ever, he is cool with me bringing her, as long as I am cool with him teaching her about other religions as well and him explaining his viewpoint. Which doesn't bother me at all.

This is like me and my H. I was raised a Catholic but we rarely attended mass growing up. My mom tried to take us but it just didn't happen often.

My H is an atheist.

I consider myself a non practising catholic right now and we decided to not baptize . We will teach ds about religion and various ones and will let him decide if he wants to follow one.

[missi]

My older daughters were both just confirmed in the LCMS type of Lutheran church. At least in the Lutheran church, a Catholic baptism is recognized as having been baptized. I think it goes the other way as well. I.e. for the long term either works. Tiny was baptized mid March.

Maybe that helps?

[missi]

Also, I was raised Lutheran, my dh Catholic.. He became a Lutheran last year.

[glb30]

We're doing the baptism next weekend. H is fairly religious. (Goes to church every Sunday) I'm a lazy cradle catholic. (Raised catholic, educated at all catholic schools, occasionally join H at church)

DD is being baptized with my nephew who is 2 weeks younger than her. I'm my nephew's godmother.

It's sort of stressful, but only bc I feel like I am a different brand of catholic than my husbands family. I disagree with some of the "rules" and stances on social issues and don't want that passed to my daughter. H is in agreement that we can explain having some independent ideas is okay though.

[glb30]

May 14, 2017 11:34:07 GMT -5 kristhegirl said:

May 14, 2017 10:42:52 GMT -5 sterl724 said:

We've discussed doing H's sister and my brother if we baptize C Catholic (only one needs to be Catholic.) It's mostly honorific, but that SIL and her husband or my brother and his wife would be who we would ask to take him if something happened to us.

Well, guardianship is completely unrelated to godparent! We're certainly no one's guardian.

Ugh, that reminds me, we need to do our wills.

Growing up, I was always taught that my god parents would take me if something happened to my parents. This was so distressing bc my sisters had different godparents! I was kind of a peacemaker child and never asked my parents for clarification.

And OMG- we need to update our will.

[glb30]

And I should add that I want to send J to the high school I went to. The only non-catholic friend I had scored in the 99th percentile on the entrance exam, and he was waitlisted, and had one catholic parent.

[Deleted]

May 18, 2017 22:07:55 GMT -5 glb30 said:

And I should add that I want to send J to the high school I went to. The only non-catholic friend I had scored in the 99th percentile on the entrance exam, and he was waitlisted, and had one catholic parent.

Huh?

[glb30]

May 18, 2017 23:16:56 GMT -5 @priss08 said:

May 18, 2017 22:07:55 GMT -5 glb30 said:

And I should add that I want to send J to the high school I went to. The only non-catholic friend I had scored in the 99th percentile on the entrance exam, and he was waitlisted, and had one catholic parent.

Huh?

Lol- sorry. That was super confusing. Little sleep + glass of wine = confusing posts.

The HS I'd like to send J to is catholic, and admission is competitive. To be accepted, and not be catholic, you basically have to score a perfect score on the entrance exam.

[Deleted]

May 19, 2017 5:58:54 GMT -5 glb30 said:

May 18, 2017 23:16:56 GMT -5 @priss08 said:

Huh?

Lol- sorry. That was super confusing. Little sleep + glass of wine = confusing posts.

The HS I'd like to send J to is catholic, and admission is competitive. To be accepted, and not be catholic, you basically have to score a perfect score on the entrance exam.

Ok I get it. So if your Catholic you get in no problem?

I went to the same small public school K-12. I dont know anything about other school stuff.