Post by oldbaylover1024 on May 16, 2017 11:07:38 GMT -5
nomnom - I totally agree. The "need" criteria is BS - they're YH's kids, too. I mean, you have 4u2... I assume you always need help LOL! YH should just jump in, do something, lend a hand, etc. I can't imagine cloth diapering on top of everything else. I hope YH steps up and realizes you're only one person.
As far as the career goes, I've stalled my career to have a family. Working a 40 hr workweek IS scaled back. I could be working at a larger firm making a LOT more money, but the hours are longer and I want to actually see my children. As it is, I don't see C at all in the mornings before I leave for work, so I'm already sacrificing my family time. And during tax season I rarely saw J at all from about February to April.
Frankly, I think this is just a phase and MH's blowing it. A CTJ talk may be in order. Again. Ugh.
loves2shop4shoes - Thank you, dear. Your words mean a lot. I'm not sure we're at a counseling level yet, but if this keeps up we surely will be. I saw a counselor for a while before we got married and it was beneficial for sure. Maybe I need to go individually again, just to get centered. Or have someone tell me I'm being a crazy, demanding, hormonal bitch. Whatever fits
PAL May '17 Siggy Challenge: Picnics - Feminist Picnic
Two MM/C 1/09/12 & MM/C 4/26/12 BFP#3 - Rainbow #1 born 5/11/13 via unplanned C-section Two CP 11/23/15 & 5/13/16 BFP#6 - Rainbow #2 born 2/10/17 via planned C-section
oldbaylover1024 How do you have a CTJ without YH getting pissy about it? (Or is that not actually possible?)
Oh, he's gonna be pissy about it LOL I think that comes with the territory. I mean, even if I said, "It'd be nice if you could help me plan the morning schedule so we can get the kids out the door on time together," he's going to hear, "Hey, Asshole, you don't do anything to help in the morning, so here's a schedule since you're incompetent." Especially since emotions are high.
We have a few rules in our marriage. One is we don't yell. Sure, we have heated discussions, but we don't yell. And we don't name call. If it gets too heated, we walk away for a few moments and try to start over. Sometimes we go to bed mad and sleep on it. It's what works for us.
This time I don't see it ending well. I'm sure his feelings (and mine) will be hurt. But the CTJ has got to happen.
PAL May '17 Siggy Challenge: Picnics - Feminist Picnic
Two MM/C 1/09/12 & MM/C 4/26/12 BFP#3 - Rainbow #1 born 5/11/13 via unplanned C-section Two CP 11/23/15 & 5/13/16 BFP#6 - Rainbow #2 born 2/10/17 via planned C-section
Post by loves2shop4shoes on May 16, 2017 11:19:13 GMT -5
No worries guys. Just a friendly suggestion.
I know for me, sometimes DH hasn't thought something was a big deal, and it took a counselor to make him SEE that it was a big deal and prioritize accordingly.
It's one of those things, I think, where it's good to be proactive. I think if we had started counseling like six months before we did, we could have saved ourselves a LOT of damage to the relationship.
Ultimately, you each know what's better for your relationship than I do. Just trying to be helpful and let you know that there's nothing to be lost from being proactive and yelling smoke before forest fire.
TMI Tuesday May 16, 2017 11:28:10 GMT -5via mobile
Post by pivot on May 16, 2017 11:28:10 GMT -5
oldbaylover1024nomnom Sorry about the H issues. Marriage is hard. Marriage with kids is harder. I hope things get better soon. Big hugs.
IUD was no big deal. I'm waiting at Mellow Mushroom for my friend for lunch. Definitely not sticking to my diet for this meal. Give me all the carbs and cheeeeese.
I'm another fan of marriage counseling. We went at first because I was tired of the uneven division of labor at our house and it didn't matter what I did, H just didn't get it. This was before kids. H didn't think there was a problem and it took going to counseling for him to realize just how much it was messing with our relationship. Other shit came out later so we went back, but it's not always the big stuff that pushes you over the edge.
My biggest thing with H was getting him to understand that he's not "helping". Because we're EFF, 100% of the tasks can be done by either him OR me. And we make exactly the same amount and both work full time. So anything that I do, he is capable of doing it too. Thanks to our time in therapy, he 100% understands that we're both on the hook for all the housework and childcare. We check in with each other at least every other day to avoid little things turning into big things and we both talk about what needs to be done at minimum to keep the house running.
He stayed home with LO for two days and has a much bigger appreciation of what my maternity leave was like. We're still figuring it all out, and if I can go part time things will shift around again, but I'm happy and he's happy and the baby is happy so I'll call it a win.
oldbaylover1024 We have not had enough workable conflict to establish that. So many of the issues have been life-or-death or health-or-disability that the goal is clear even if the exact path isn't. More mundane problems or choosing to give up on something are hard.
PAL May '17 Siggy Challenge: Picnics - Feminist Picnic
Two MM/C 1/09/12 & MM/C 4/26/12 BFP#3 - Rainbow #1 born 5/11/13 via unplanned C-section Two CP 11/23/15 & 5/13/16 BFP#6 - Rainbow #2 born 2/10/17 via planned C-section
I just did a massive return at Gymboree exactly one day before the deadline for returning. The clerk asks me why I'm returning all the [unopened] things. "I don't need all this stuff I impulse bought in the MOTN when I was bored. Ain't no one in my house who even wears an 18m."
This is me nowadays. If I want something for myself, I buy it for myself. If I wait around and try to drop hints for DH to buy it for me, I just get resentful when it never happens. I'm a much better gift giver than my husband is. ::shrugs::
PAL May '17 Siggy Challenge: Picnics - Feminist Picnic
Two MM/C 1/09/12 & MM/C 4/26/12 BFP#3 - Rainbow #1 born 5/11/13 via unplanned C-section Two CP 11/23/15 & 5/13/16 BFP#6 - Rainbow #2 born 2/10/17 via planned C-section
Post by flyinghorses6 on May 16, 2017 15:04:58 GMT -5
musicallyinclined we are between 3-5 I would say too. Probably right around 4 on most days. She loves the 45 minute shut down. I usually get 1 nap that's longer than that.
Speaking of throwing money at problems: we now have dinosaur boxer briefs in every size from 2T to 10-12. In the event it would encourage DS to pee on the potty.
Post by littleredfish on May 16, 2017 17:43:43 GMT -5
Ugh, I have an unknown, painful lump along my lower jaw on the right side. My face isn't swollen, I just have this lump I can move around and it hurts like hell to touch. WTF with the random medical shit while MH is gone? No time for this crap.
Dropped my mom and sister off at the airport this morning, then came home and chilled out with the kiddos. We need to get back into our routine, not grandma routine. DS's shit sleep has been more annoying since he's no longer been going to bed at 7 but lately 9. Cutting into my alone time child! That is precious stuff, not to be messed with.
Sorry to everybody having SO trouble. DH and I hit our low after DD1 was born. He was a useless twit, and he's acknowledged that. We found our communication to be way off and for a while the best way for us was a journal. We'd both write our feelings in it, good or bad so the other could read it and eventually we found that we grew to be more comfortable saying these feelings openly to each others faces. It is SO NOT perfect now, but much better and even better with each kid as time goes on. We didn't think counseling would be for us either so we just had to find our solution.
TMI Tuesday May 16, 2017 21:07:27 GMT -5via mobile
Post by EmMilAlly on May 16, 2017 21:07:27 GMT -5
L is on the tail end (I hope!!!!) of a serious sleep regression. He went from sleeping 6+ hour stretches to waking every hour. Once I realized his evening nap had morphed into his actual bedtime, things got better. Sorry I've been so inactive lately!! I've been a tired grump with not a lot to contribute.
shellbell I'm so very sorry to hear about your coworker. What a tragedy.
littleredfish I've had that movable lump on the jaw thing. It always just goes away but seems to act up when I'm stressed.
Hugs to everyone going through work issues and husband issues. I'm also struggling to adapt to our new normal and anyone who makes parenting, working, or marriage, look easy with a new baby is doing just that- making it LOOK easy. It's really tough and that is normal.
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