After pregnancy do nosy friends ask if you went through IVF?

[nahum]

I became pregnant after going through IVF.  I'm at 7 months.

I am getting really upset and angry every time someone asks me if I went through fertility treatments or IVF.
This doesn't happen with strangers.  It only happens with people I know who are generally aware of my age or age range, which is 45.

At first, the question startled me, because it is a really private question and I feel like if I want to share that information, then I will, without them having to ask.  I have shared my situation with those people who are closest to me and I don't want to share it with anyone else.

I see it as a really rude invasion of my privacy and it's completely none of their judgmental business.  I also get those looks from these same people, like something is wrong with me for having a baby at my age, even though the baby and I are healthy and fine.

However, since these are people I know and I'm some level of friends with most of them, I don't know how to answer them without saying "It's none of your f'in business" and then storming off.  Instead, I am suffering through an angry awkwardness that I handle differently each time and the interaction makes me feel terrible every single time, no matter how I've answered them after being put on the spot.

• What is an answer I can say that won't destroy a friendship but will leave me feeling okay after the interaction?
  
  
• Do other people go through this experience after becoming pregnant through IVF?
  

Thank you.

[mindykeller]

Honey this can be due to the pregnancy hormones. I know people can be very investigative sometimes. The way they ask irritates you. Happened to me when I was pregnant too. I chose to ignore them. It is my life. They have no right to say anything. You should ignore them too.

[nahum]

Thanks, Mindy. Guess I'll try to just bite my tongue and wait for this to pass.
Thank you for your input!

[ellianajhonson]

Hi, hope you may be fine I am impressed by you honestly. At the age of 43, you are going through IVF. You should not bother what other people think about it. It’s your life and your choice. Others don’t have right to bother you for this. My best friend was suffering from the same situation as you.t's a very sensitive information that you are sharing with friends. She shared it with me. I motivated her for that. She was getting treatment from clinics in London. Just say that to everyone that it's your life and your choice. If its destroy your relationship with friends then don’t bother. they don’t deserve to be your friend.M ake new friends and be happy. Best of luck

[ella232]

Honey this can be due to the pregnancy hormones. I know people can be very investigative sometimes. The way they ask irritates you. Happened to me when I was pregnant too. I chose to ignore them. It is my life. They have no right to say anything. You should ignore them too.

[sidneywhite]

Hey there, I hope you are doing well. Dear, don't feel shy after getting pregnant at this age. It is a miracle to have a baby at this age. There are many infertile who wants a baby but they can't. I am also an infertile. I want a baby that's why I went through surrogacy from a clinic of Ukraine. People don't feel good about it. But it is my choice. So dear, do what you need to do. Don't think about others.

[mindykeller]

Apr 19, 2018 15:41:54 GMT -5 nahum said:

Thanks, Mindy. Guess I'll try to just bite my tongue and wait for this to pass.
Thank you for your input!

I know it can be a very tough time. I am here to listen to any rants. You can always reach out to me. I would love to hear about it more. What is the update btw? You are in my thoughts for a very long time for now. I will be waiting to hear from you. 

[melissa]

Hello , dear your thinking is right. People sometimes ask very irritating questions. They should respect the privacy of other people as well. But you don't worry. You just enjoy your pregnancy. Be positive. And hope for the best. People keep on asking. And if someone ask, whom you don't want to answer. Just ignore in such a way that next time they could not ask such personal questions from you.
Dear you seems to be a brave lady indeed. The way you face all the difficult and long waiting phase of IVF is really appreciative. You bear all that with patience. Although you might be disheartened many times due to negative report. But still you managed yourself to try again. And at last you succeeded. This all credit goes to your husband. And your will power is worth appreciating.

[salenaj]

Hi there you are right .your closed one always tries to investigate about you .it's not because they are curious about you.it's because from inside they are jealous of .so just ignore whatever the shit they have said. Be happy in your life .because it's your life and your choice.

[rihannadennis]

It's fine you don't have to be tense of it. Just tell them strongly yes! It happens many times. Like my cousin had surrogacy last year. Everyone used to ask her stuff. So, she had to explain the story all the time. Stay strong! There is no harm in that! Just let them know! Patience and tolerance are the keys to happy life. Don't mind it! People really deserve it to be...The more you get irritated the more it will happen. Now, you have your child. Just stay happy! xx

[rosie]

hi, Nahum .sweetheart just ignore them .no need to take the stress.S some people want to talk soo much .they even don't care about others feelings .i believe you should not be upset if your friends ask about it. take it in positive they care for u .they want to know that r u in any problem . if the friends are close tell them you are not liking if they truly are your good friends .they will stand by you.you can answer them that do u guys really need to know about any surrogacy clinics .in Europe they are best:P after this hopefully they will not ask you again . My best wishes are with you. stay blessed and happy .stay away from negative vibes .keep smiling after the smile most of them will not ask you again ...

[monika]

IVF wasn't a success for us but people are so nosy. I have been trying to conceive for more than 3 years now. However, it really hurts when someone asks if you have children. Questions like these make me so sad. It's not that I am not trying to conceive but these questions make it so difficult. Infertility journey can sometimes get difficult with these types of questions. I can't wait for it to get over. Constantly visiting the doctors and all makes it even more worst.

[Natty]

Hey there. This seems like such a hard time for you. I feel so sad for you. But you should not let such people dampen your spirts. If you do not want to tell them that is your decisions to make. You can tell them that you will share it with them when you are ready.In the mean time focus on yourself and your baby. It is so hot, you need to try to keep yourself as hydrated. It is necessary for both of you. DO not stress over these things at the moment. They are not your priority. Your priority is your health and that of your baby. Stay strong. Love and best wishes.

[dakota1]

IVF it is a blessing. I’ve seen so many people online in these forms and in my circle go through it. Though it is a bit hectic and tiresome. But it does help a lot. I know it’s really been painful to go through. With all the injections and everything. Another thing I do not like about IVF is that it does not necessarily work all the time. I remember my friend went through 3 cycles. None of them worked. It was very disheartening for her. She went for surrogacy then. Luckily it was a success. But this does not mean that one is better than the other. For some people IVF is ideal. While for other it would be surrogacy.

[mirandajames]

Hey. That is a really good question. As a matter of fact, some do. But some people are nice. They care about your privacy. But I had my son through surrogacy about a year ago. And I was worried about this. So, I decided to be open about it from the start. I didn't hide anything from anyone who asked. I mean it was pretty clear obviously. So, I just went on with it. Didn't take offence in it either. It all worked out pretty well. It really is your decision do. Do what you are comfortable doing.

[trisha098]

Most people do. Especially if when you have a baby after being married for a very long time. But telling them or not is totally your decision. Don't feel pressured. It is going to be annoying too. But it'll pass and people will soon forget. So be strong okay? Good luck.

[myraward]

Hi there! I am so sorry for what you are going through. You really to ignore such people. I know they are your friends but ignore them if they can't understand you. Just stay active on this forums and trust me you will feel better. Good luck!

[hindee]

People do ask! It is indeed very frustrating. I don't think anyone should be asking these sorts of questions. This is something that is very personal. However, people can't just keep their mouths closed. I don't usually answer them when they ask such questions. It is even sadder for me because I am still trying. We are going to be starting the second cycle of IVF with a new clinic hoping things work out.

[anna88]

Hey, there, thank you for asking this. Yeah, they do ask. At least mine certainly did! I didn't care much for it though. I was just too happy about it. I really don't think there's anything wrong about IVF. I had a good experience with it.