Intro
Feb 26, 2015 21:48:50 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2015 21:48:50 GMT -5
First off, Im so terribly sorry for everyone here. I never could empathize with loss before yesterday. I am feeling incredibly lonely, isolating, empty, and defeated.
After a terribly stressful week Im back at square one. Last wednesday I had a dating ultrasound. Two empty sacs measuring 5ish weeks when I was supposed to be 8. I knew I couldnt be 3 weeks off because I got my HPT+ january 20th and with a 3 week dating error that would've put me at an O date of only january 29th. I spent the week getting multiple blood draws to the point of my arms bruising.
Approximate betas
thursday 10400
saturday morning 10600
started spotting saturday afternoon so went to er beta 12400
I started wondering if I had a vanishing twin and one was still growing?
beta monday 12600.
My anxiety was getting the best of me, affecting my job and my ability to be a sane parent to my toddler, i went into emerge yesterday. Another u/s showed no growth. Missed miscarriage. My poor babies had left me at 5.5 weeks and my body has failed to notice. I am feeling overly angered and guilty.
I had the worst experience with a male gynaecologist (asshole) in er. He kept repeating failed pregnancy and had no compassion or fucks to give about my loss. he declined giving me a picture of my ultrasound and instead of thinking it may be to keep as a memory he thought i was being a conspiracy theorist and doubting the techs and accusing a misdiagnosed miscarriage. He was also pressuring me into a D&c then and there and basically saying if i chose to miscarry at home the whole god damn world would die from the bleeding i was going to have. I ended up walking out of there and following up with my own ob today.
She gave me the options of waiting it out using miso or having the d&c i originally thought id want to ride it out, partially to let my body do this thing and partially out of the severe desperation that something would start growing but I'm having incredible guilt that my body has been so disconnected from my pregnancy that its gone its merry old ignorant way thinking I was pregnant while my poor babies have been gone for 3-4 weeks already. Im sucking at being a wife and a mom to my 17 months old and I have decided not to prolong this anymore.
My d&c is tomorrow.
eta: copied from another bored and added a few things so i ended up repeating.
After a terribly stressful week Im back at square one. Last wednesday I had a dating ultrasound. Two empty sacs measuring 5ish weeks when I was supposed to be 8. I knew I couldnt be 3 weeks off because I got my HPT+ january 20th and with a 3 week dating error that would've put me at an O date of only january 29th. I spent the week getting multiple blood draws to the point of my arms bruising.
Approximate betas
thursday 10400
saturday morning 10600
started spotting saturday afternoon so went to er beta 12400
I started wondering if I had a vanishing twin and one was still growing?
beta monday 12600.
My anxiety was getting the best of me, affecting my job and my ability to be a sane parent to my toddler, i went into emerge yesterday. Another u/s showed no growth. Missed miscarriage. My poor babies had left me at 5.5 weeks and my body has failed to notice. I am feeling overly angered and guilty.
I had the worst experience with a male gynaecologist (asshole) in er. He kept repeating failed pregnancy and had no compassion or fucks to give about my loss. he declined giving me a picture of my ultrasound and instead of thinking it may be to keep as a memory he thought i was being a conspiracy theorist and doubting the techs and accusing a misdiagnosed miscarriage. He was also pressuring me into a D&c then and there and basically saying if i chose to miscarry at home the whole god damn world would die from the bleeding i was going to have. I ended up walking out of there and following up with my own ob today.
She gave me the options of waiting it out using miso or having the d&c i originally thought id want to ride it out, partially to let my body do this thing and partially out of the severe desperation that something would start growing but I'm having incredible guilt that my body has been so disconnected from my pregnancy that its gone its merry old ignorant way thinking I was pregnant while my poor babies have been gone for 3-4 weeks already. Im sucking at being a wife and a mom to my 17 months old and I have decided not to prolong this anymore.
My d&c is tomorrow.
eta: copied from another bored and added a few things so i ended up repeating.