GTKY- a couple of questions

[runnergirl812]

How long have you been in your step children's lives?

7 months

How many step children do you have, ages?

4 total: 9 (boy), 6 (girl), 5(girl), and 2 (boy).

How much time to get to spend with them?

We get the oldest, who lives with BM#1 and her husband, for summers and holidays. BF Skypes him weekly.

The younger 3 are by BM#2, BF's ex wife. Since BF has custody, she seems them EOWE and during the week when she deems to pick them up for a couple of hours here and there.

Do you already have kids of your own?

Not yet. Hoping to in the future.

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you?

I have a PhD in Immunology, but I'm no longer in academia after finishing 5 years of grad school and 2 years of a postdoc. I work for a large pharmaceutical company as a publications manager. I love my career. My job? Eh. It ebbs and flows on how much I'm attached to this place. I'm a writer, I'm a scientist, I'm an introvert, and I'm loyal to my friends. I enjoy the beach and hope to live there (or close by) one day. My anxiety is a direct product of being a perfectionist, fear of failure, and an overthinker. It just is and has always been this way.

ETA: I'm still finding my place as a soon to be stepmother. BF and I are talking marriage and how to navigate all these extra people who have (or want to have) input or influence on our lives. I'm trying to become and maintain being the "soft place" for my bf to land when he deals with his Ex and work. I try my hardest not to put him in the middle of her demands and my wants, without coming out on the "losing" end. A lot of our decisions and my reactions to them have been made easier by figuring out what's best for the kids and putting feelings aside for them. BF is a great parent. BM#2 is not. So I'm working on not judging her with my notions of what makes a good/bad parent and just fill in the gap by supporting my BF. I am not nor will ever be their mother.

[CurlieWhirlie]

How long have you been in your step children's lives? Ummm...four years, or so? I met them when DH and I were friends and co-workers. Only have I been a permanent fixture in their lives for about two years, and officially became a step mom when DH and I married in December. But of course before that I was the mother of their half-brother last April.

How many step children do you have, ages? Two, both boys, ages almost 11 and almost 9.

How much time to get to spend with them? They are with us every other weekend during the school year, half of all school vacations during the year, and then hopefully every weekend during the summer.

Do you already have kids of your own? Yes, I have a 5 year old from a previous marriage, and DH and I have an almost 1 year old. Both boys, also.

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you? One very important part of my blended family situation is my relationship with my XH. We are very close, we co-parent really well together, and he and DH get along well. We all still consider him a member of the family, as do my parents. It's really beneficial to us all, I think. DH's relationship with his XW isn't so great, she's really angry still (years later) and that can cloud her judgement when it comes to what's best for the kids. Even though she's a good mom and doesn't ever intentionally hurt her kids, there are lots of things I think she does to their detriment just because she wants to hurt DH.

[jess9802]

How long have you been in your step children's lives? I first met SS nearly six years ago; DH and I have been married a little over 3.5 years.

How many step children do you have, ages? One, 15 years old and a sophomore in high school.

How much time to get to spend with them? He lives with us during the school year but spends Christmas and summer breaks with his mom.

Do you already have kids of your own? Yes, DH and I had a son together in June 2012.

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you? Being a stepparent can be a challenge, but it has been the greatest unexpected blessing of my life.

[kcones88]

How long have you been in your step children's lives?
- Since birth? LOL. My husband and I started dating when DD was about 5 or 6 and she hasn't seen her birth father in many years, so he's really the only father figure in her life. 


How many step children do you have, ages?
Just 1, she turned 9 this past January.


How much time to get to spend with them?
We live together 100% of the time.


Do you already have kids of your own?
- DH came into the relationship with no children of his own, but we are working on our first together. Hoping we'll be blessed with a baby soon.


Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you? - In terms of relating to the other members of this group... I'd say our biggest struggle as a family is the relationship between my daughter and my husband and making sure that I allow him equal opportunity to parent her. We also have to deal with DD asking questions about her birth father and why he's not around. So far, she's handled it really well but I'm sure as she gets older, the questions will become more difficult to answer.

[bliz1712]

I'm late, sorry. I just found this board recently and then was on vacation for a bit.

How long have you been in your step children's lives? I started dating her Dad/my H now, just after she turned one. We are going on 10 years.

How many step children do you have, ages? 1 girl, she's 11

How much time to get to spend with them? She lives with us FT and sees her Mom EOW, but sometimes doesn't always go to her Mom's.

Do you already have kids of your own? We now have a 2.5 and 11 month old.

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you? I agree with PP comment about not being her Mom and I agree with it. However, in my situation I'm really the only parent that steps up for a lot of things. Her Mom has never been to her choir, band, or any school functions. And until this year hasn't seen her play more than 1 game of basketball. There are plenty of times where both the biological parents will not step up and so I do it. EX. to be in basketball you have to volunteer during a tournament. neither of them will do it so it falls on me. I love my SD and truly consider her my own, but sometimes it's frustrating being the only one that cares to do stuff for her.

[fikmama1986]

Hi, I'm late to the party but I just found this board recently and lurked a bit before posting.

How long have you been in your step children's lives?
I've been in my step kids' lives for almost 3 years.

How many step children do you have, ages?
I have 2. One boy, 9, one girl, 7.

How much time to get to spend with them?
We are supposed to be on a 50/50 schedule but in reality we have the kids 6 days a week and mom asks for one overnight every week or two. It's a rarity that we don't have them .

Do you already have kids of your own?
I'm 10 weeks out from having my first. Kids are really excited!

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you?

This is my first marriage, first experience with blended families and soon to be my first child coming out of my uterus. Seems like there is so much going on! BM has the kids very rarely and isn't particularly supportive of their academic or extracurricular activities which can be very frustrating. It's more frustrating than usual now because she has just had her 4th child (moved in with the child's father but it's not a good situation) so the kids are requesting to see her frequently and talk a lot about the new baby. Totally understandable!! But it is tough when I've been the primary female caregiver for 3 years and suddenly mom is more appealing than me. But enough whining. I look forward to getting to know everyone and participating on this board!

[ladyannibal]

How long have you been in your step children's lives? About 9 months now.

How many step children do you have, ages? Just one, he's 5.

How much time to get to spend with them? Depends on his mother's mood. Sometimes it's a week and sometimes it's just the weekend.

Do you already have kids of your own?
Not yet, but I'm baking number 1!

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you? I...don't know how to answer this. I'm more of an "ask and you shall recieve" type of person. I don't mind sharing anything but I'm terrible about blurting information out without a prompt.

[crunkal]

How long have you been in your step children's lives?
Since they were 6 months old. 


How many step children do you have, ages?
Two 4 yo. twin girls. 


How much time to get to spend with them?
It has been full time since Feb. 26. Currently going through a custody battle. 


Do you already have kids of your own?
No, 6 previous miscarriages. Currently TTA.


Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you?
See above ^^^
Just recently experienced my 6th miscarriage. We are battling terrible baby mama for full custody. It is a long story. To make it short, she is terrible mother, we currently have protective custody, and she has only called them once the entire time, and only visited once because we were giving her money. She doesn't deserve these girls, and I cannot wait for this all to be over. 

[Ilumine]

How long have you been in your step children's lives?
Since 2006.

How many step children do you have, ages?
I have two. SD is 27 and SS is 19.

How much time to get to spend with them?
I met SD when she was 18 and going off to College. She lived with me for the summer between Freshman and Sophomore year.

SS lived with us for 6 years. I was his full time parent (long story about DH's parenting).

Do you already have kids of your own?
I have a 6 yo DD

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you?
Oh my....

[bbwbb]

How long have you been in your step children's lives?
I have been in their lives since 2006.

How many step children do you have, ages?
Two - 13 almost 14 SS and a 9 almost 10 SS

How much time to get to spend with them?
It's split about 60/40 right now. We have them together almost all summer and every other weekend, but most other weekends we usually have one of the two.

Do you already have kids of your own?
Yes a 2 1/2 son and a 1 year old daughter

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you? I will answer any question asked, but volunteering the information freely is hard for me.

[mrspearl]

How long have you been in your step children's lives? 10 years.

How many step children do you have, ages? Just the one, he's 12. I actually adopted him 8 years ago though, so he's not actually my stepson.

How much time to get to spend with them? He lives with me and DH full time.

Do you already have kids of your own? I have a 15 year old DD who we get EOWE and two evenings a week, and I'm pregnant with baby #3.

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you? I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but feel free to ask any questions.

[littleapplemom]

How long have you been in your step children's lives? Since Feb 2009, he was 6.

How many step children do you have, ages? One SS, 12yo

How much time to get to spend with them? DH has full custody so we have him every day. BM has visitation, she chose to move 5 hours away and visits once a month (if that).

Do you already have kids of your own? We have a 9mo boy, SS is an awesome big brother.

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you?
Not sure what to give up here...if I wrote a book about our whole story no one would believe it and it would be classified as fiction. SS is special needs, has abandonment issues, and he is currently on a week long trip to BM's which DH and I didn't want to send him on. I'm a little ragey about it ATM so I'm looking for somehwere to vent that isn't to DH, he feels bad enough having to send him.

[ladyannibal]

Sending hugs, littleapplemom!

We don't have custody of our stepson but I hate sending him back home to BM because he cries so much.

[evenkeeled]

How long have you been in your step children's lives?

I have been a fixture in their lives for about 5 years now. We have been married almost 3 years.

How many step children do you have, ages?

I have three stepkids. Stepdaughter - 21 years old, and twin stepsons - 17 years old.

How much time to get to spend with them?

We have had a very strained relationship with the stepdaughter due to the divorce. Things are just now getting better and my pregnancy has really helped it (fingers crossed!)

Do you already have kids of your own?

I am pregnant with our first one.

Last question to keep it short... Anything else that you wouldn't mind sharing to help us get to know you or understand you?

Step parenting is a marathon not a sprint.