1. I'm feeling physically well. I'm still spotting very lightly, but that is par for the course for me anyway so it isn't really bothering me.
2. Coworker wanted to talk about newly pregnant coworker at lunch today, which was painful. Some others who know what happened did a pretty quick job of changing the subject for me though.
3. DH was very sad when the miscarriage happened, but he's stopped talking about it altogether now (two weeks later). I've mentioned it a few times but he just goes silent and doesn't respond unless I ask a direct question. He's also uncomfortable discussing when we might start trying again, assuming things continue to go normally. It's fine, I don't really need him to talk about it right now, but I do worry a little about him dealing with all this in a healthy way.
1. I'm feeling positive about getting my first post D&C AF this week. It took just around 4 weeks, and it felt like a mini-victory, or at least a sign that my body is moving forward.
2. I'm in charge of a large staff of youngish females, and it is a special kind of hell arranging maternity leaves for others whose EDD's are similar to what mine was supposed to be. Watching them hit the milestones I'm missing (telling everyone, gender reveals, bumps in maternity clothes) is a constant painful reminder of what I have lost. And it sucks. Often. Sigh.
3. MH is amazing, and has been very open to talking about my feelings but hasn't talked much about moving forward or a next time. When we got our chromosome results (Trisomy 22), the doctor recommended genetic counseling, but he didn't seem to want to talk about that. I will approach him again. Perhaps it was just the difficulty of hearing what happened and that it brought those emotions back. We will see.
Post by rablissful on Feb 27, 2015 17:41:51 GMT -5
1. My SO's positivity. I was a mess when he got home after the midwife called with my hcg levels, and he just kept telling me he loves me, it happens, we'll try again and still have a baby. Since then he's been trying to keep me busy and trying to making me laugh. I know he's hurting too, but I appreciate him trying.
2. Baby stuff coming in the mail. My in laws bought us a high chair that came in on Wednesday (when we got the news) and a car seat cover came in today. My SO's work also sent us flowers. All the reminders are hard.
3. I know he's hurting but at the same time he knows it's common. He couldn't stay at work Thursday and came home, then took today off as well. His mom had a miscarriage before she had him so he has hope for a future baby. He seems to be coping better than me.
vivela, great idea for a thread. Thanks for starting it. vivela and followthesun, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with those situations at work. That has to be so hard. rablissful, I agree, the reminders are rough. I'm so sorry about things coming in the mail. ((hugs)) to everyone who can use one today.
1. What is something positive that is bringing you comfort right now? We're looking into rescuing a dog. We were discussing it before I got pregnant, but when it did happen, we decided to put it on hold. Now we're going to go ahead. We went to a shelter this afternoon and found a dog we really liked. I've been wanting to adopt one for ages. This is really the only thing that's made me feel better so far.
2. What is something you want to vent? One of my coworkers sent me a message on Facebook this morning, out of nowhere, that said, "it is time to start to live. stop feeling sorry for yourself or you will drag yourself in to depression. sad woman drives man away & makes chances to try again impossible." I haven't seen or spoken to this woman since before my loss. I've been out of work for a week and a half now, and let them know yesterday that I'd be gone til next Friday (because the weekend after my D&C, I unfortunately had an ovarian cyst that burst and caused a lot of pain, internal bleeding, and a hospitalization, and I am still recovering). I've only been at my current job for a few months, and I don't know this woman well. I was extremely angry and offended, and responded explaining the situation to her and telling her how uncalled for I thought her comment was. She has since apologized profusely, but I'm still not happy about it. I feel like when I do go back to work, I can expect at least a few more inappropriate comments, and now I'm dreading it more than ever.
3. If you conceived with a partner, how are they doing with everything? He's doing well. At this point, I think he mainly just feels terrible that I'm having such a hard recovery and such a difficult time emotionally. He's forever positive, and looking forward to being able to try again.
cabgirl I have a rescue and he's the best! We adopted him shortly after we moved in together. His cuddles at night are holding me together. I can't believe your co-worker! I would have gone off on a tirade! ((Hugs))
Post by snakefisherbub on Feb 28, 2015 3:07:19 GMT -5
1. What is something positive that is bringing you comfort right now?
It sounds weird in a way but it brings me comfort to know it's finally over and I can move on.
2. What is something you want to vent?
I'm a little upset with my friends in particular. I know it's an awkward situation and there's not really anything you can do for me but they haven't really reached out to me. I told them last Friday and they sent me flowers which was sweet and thoughtful but I haven't received any calls or texts just even to say I'm thinking about you, or I hope you are doing ok. I've had more people online and especially here reach out to me more than my irl friends. I dunno it kinda hurts.
3. If you conceived with a partner, how are they doing with everything?
He has been amazing. I know he's hurt too but he just keeps telling me that he's here for me. He's forcing me to take it easy and doing everything right now. He says we can try again whenever I am ready. He's just been what I need even if at the start he did say a couple of no no things(Things happen for a reason.)
Post by constanthope on Feb 28, 2015 10:43:35 GMT -5
Thanks for the check-in vivela, and so many ((hugs)) to all of the ladies on this board! snakefisherbub this is really a type of loss that unfortunately most people don't understand. Bring honest with those that are close to me, even with all the shitty shit has helped them realize this isn't something you can just move past. I hope you can find that IRL soon.
1. I just had my HSG done yesterday, and while I was there my nurse went over a lot of test results with me. My RPL panel came back all normal, as did most of my day 3 hormone levels. My TSH was a little high, 4.3, so I'll be starting on Synthroid to lower it. If that's what I have to do in order to be successful next time, I'll take it!
2. The HSG results were a little confusing. The nurse called me back at 4:35 yesterday (office closes at 4:30) to tell me I need to take additional antibiotics because even though my tubes are clear, there was a pocket where the dye filled up and they want to be sure that won't cause infection. Could be nothing, but they have to wait for the ordering doctor to review it - so happy weekend to me!
3. I think the hardest thing for MH to face is that there's nothing he can do to "fix" me. He's having a hard time when I have a couple "good" days in a row, then have a terrible one, just not understanding that grief comes in waves. But no matter what, he's my best friend and teammate, and we both are confident that we will get through this together ❤️
If it's ok I'd like to check in here...there's not too many places I feel comfortable talking right now.
1. What is something positive that is bringing you comfort right now? The fact that my pregnancy symptoms have subsided today, making it a little easier to naturally feel better, at least for the moment. I should have my D&C Tues or Wed (mtg with my OB Monday).
2. What is something you want to vent? I really can't stand the "it happened for a reason" or "it's natural selection" comments seriously, fuck that. What's the "good reason" or silver lining for loss? I think my DH has heard it so many times that I actually heard him saying the same thing on a phone call yesterday. I didn't say anything, he's just going through the motions as well so I'm not about to start an argument over it.
3. If you conceived with a partner, how are they doing with everything? My husband has been wonderfully supportive, loving, and grieving along with me - he's really been there for me, for us. He was really shaken and it was hard to see him cry for the first time in 7 years when we couldn't find the heartbeat. He's doing better, we both are, and today we are accepting things. He went out to play volleyball so that'll be a good release for him.
Hey guys, late as usual... 1) I am grateful that work has been slammin. It will help pay for all this shit, and it helps keep my mind focused. Plus I am grateful for wine. 2) I feel like I have everything to vent, and nothing. Everything seems just not right, but not bad enough to bitch about. Still bleeding which blows. 3) I think it is very fortunate that hubs had major knee surgery yesterday. It has given him/us something to focus on. He had a moment where he said he didn't know if he could go through this again, but that was pretty short lived and mostly for my sake. He is back to occasionally bringing up when we can try again, I joked that we could play naughty patient/sexy nurse
I am sorry for the things everyone is struggling with but sending lots of hugs!
cabgirl, that is straight up crazy... But I guess some people have no social skills? Really I can't imagine what her excuse is for writing that to you. kcrkcs, also grateful for wine. Maybe a little too much wine once or twice... vballbaby, I've been lucky not to get those comments, they make zero sense to me. Of course there is a "reason" it happened, but it is not some mystical, comforting one.
1. What is something positive that is bringing you comfort right now? My son. He is such a light in my life.
2. What is something you want to vent? It seems like everyone on the planet is asking when are we going to try for a sibling - they don't all know about the miscarriages. I've just started telling anyone who asks that I've had 7 losses, which usually stops the nonsense but not always. Oddly enough our parents and extended family have not been pushy at all, at least there's that. It's co-workers and acquaintances that have been the most annoying.
3. If you conceived with a partner, how are they doing with everything? Not well. I think he's ready to throw in the towel on TFAS, which is where I was after our last m/c but he pushed to try one more time. He's not ready to talk about trying again, that's for sure.
vballbaby, I just wanted to say that of course it's more than okay for you to check in here. And I know exactly what you mean about the "it happened for a reason" comments. Obviously everything happens for a reason. That doesn't make it any easier. Sure, maybe my loss happened because the baby wouldn't have been able to grow properly and turn out healthy. How is that any less devastating? We all loved and wanted our babies, and knowing that there might have been something wrong from the start doesn't make it any easier to lose them. I'm pretty sure this is up there on the list of the worst, dumbest things people can say. I'm sorry you've had to hear it more than once. (Hugs) to you.
Married 01-04-2013 *AMA* 40 in June 2015 **1-19-15 Childless, not by choice" 1st EDD- 12-02-13 MC 5/1/13 @4w6d 2nd EDD 11-13-14 MC 4/15/14: discovered 1st twin @5w 2nd twin @10w 3Rd BFP- 10-10-14 EDD 6/16/15: MC 10-16-14 @5w2d
1. What is something positive that is bringing you comfort right now? After weeks of feeling hopeless and so much friggin pressure to get pregnant again, I spoke to a friend about adoption. Now I feel like it's not "biological baby or no baby at all", but "biological baby or adopted baby". This is bringing me such happiness. We're still going to try our hardest, but DH and I agreed that on my 35th birthday we will reassess if needed and start the process to adopt.
2. What is something you want to vent? I just signed up for Stitch Fix. It's really cool, but the questionnaire to sign up includes the question, "are you pregnant?". Ugh.
3. If you conceived with a partner, how are they doing with everything? Better than me. He is so hopeful and really confident it will happen for us. He has many reasons to think that - I just work a little more off emotion than logic right now.
vballbaby and cabgirl, I def CANNOT stand the "everything happens for a reason" shit!
And kcrkcs I am absolutely grateful for wine as well!!
yeah no. There is no logic or reason to this. If there was, we would all still be pregnant right now and the crack whores of the world who wind up getting abortions anyway would have lost it instead. That is a stupid catch all phrase that no one really thinks about before saying.
cabgirl, the dog is a great idea. If we weren't already maxed out on pets (2 cats and 1 dog is plenty for us), we totally would have done this. It would just be so awesome to have something new to be excited about.
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