TMI question

[heatherbee]

I know TMI doesn't exist among us anymore, but I wasn't sure how else to title this thread

Anyways, I was wondering - other moms who had a tear during delivery, how long until ST was enjoyable? I had a second degree tear (which didn't exactly heal how it was supposed to and I still have pain in the area from the scar tissue). DH and I finally had ST for the first time last night (9 weeks PP) because every other attempt has been too painful. My dr prescribed a numbing cream for me to help with the pain after my 6 week checkup, and while it helped a little bit, it still was not very enjoyable and I was very sore this morning. Did anyone else have a similar experience, or should I call my doctor again?

[sunflowersummer]

We waited three months, then until about six months I think? It took a long time to feel normal, but once we pushed ourselves into it, it was much better. I think it took about a year to get back to normal.

[junkytrunk]

I honestly think it took at least 3 months PP maybe more for it to feel "normal" again. Hang in there. Hopefully your H will understand!

[heatherbee]

Jan 18, 2015 22:32:10 GMT -5 junkytrunk said:

I honestly think it took at least 3 months PP maybe more for it to feel "normal" again. Hang in there. Hopefully your H will understand!

He has been really understanding and patient about it, which has been really helpful.

My doctor freaked me out. At my PP visit she said that if the cream doesn't help and it's still hurting, she would refer me for "pelvic physical therapy" which sounds terrifying. PT for my vijayjay does not sound enjoyable!

[cookiesandwine]

I also had a second degree tear and actually didn't get the all clear at my 6 week check. I want to say it was probably 10 weeks before we tried, and the first few hurt too much to even finish. I'd probably guess 4 maybe 5 months before it was really enjoyable.

[heatherbee]

Glad I asked, my new BMB that I am a dirty lurker on had a thread about ST and so many of the people were talking about how they have been DTD since 4-5 weeks and enjoying it. Crazy people.

[sarahandeddie]

I had a c/s both times and it wasn't really enjoyable for at least 9 months. I'm assuming hormones were mostly to blame.

[lainikins]

I had labia tears, so it might be different, but it took 3 months before I would attempt and then each time it was a little better.

[bantyrooster]

I had a 2nd degree with G. It took awhile. I would have some wine and use lots of lube. Also very slow and lots of foreplay. Its so dry down there. I didn't tear with E but its a war zone, hoping sex is easier this time around.

[laurski81]

I didn't even tear the first time and ST wasn't enjoyable until about 3 - 5 months later. I was just so dry. I second (or third) lots of lube. It just started to eventually get better little by little.

[stegasaurus]

Just hang in there, it'll get better! I didn't even get the all clear until about 9 weeks, but it took months to feel normal.

[roo1582]

I had a 2nd degree tear with Kayleigh and we didn't attempt ST until probably 8-9 weeks PP. It was definitely painful for a while. For me, I didn't start actually enjoying ST again until after 6 months PP, but I think it was a combination of the pain from the tear and being dry down there from BFing. We always had to use a ton of lube. This time they didn't tell me how bad my tears were, and we haven't attempted ST yet...poor DH.

[sarasansh]

I had a 3rd degree tear and also issues with my scar tissue. I think it was about 3 months pp that we tried for the first time and it was really uncomfortable. We actually spent about a 6 month period where we went back to high school style making out instead of full on sex because it was so uncomfortable. And some positions that stretched me differently down there took near 18 months to feel okay again.

[trixi282]

I had a c-sec (after 27-ish hours of labor, never got to 10cm) and ST was really uncomfortable for a long time. It took us a good 6 months to be able to actually have ST for real (without me saying, ok enough we have to stop).... and a good year before it was not totally uncomfortable.

If you had a bad tear, give it time, go slow... really slow. Lots of lube, and listen to your body. If it's painful, stop and try again another time. I would go if it was uncomfortable and just make sure he went slowly, but the moment it got painful we had to stop. It's not worth it to me.

[aylafsu1881]

I had a second degree internal tear. Yeah the tear was all inside. Honestly, sex was horrible for about 5 months PP. It hurt so bad and things felt so tight and tender. I was not cleared for sex until 9 weeks PP and my OB gave me a few tips. According to her lube needs to be your BFF. When you think you have enough, use even more. She also said that you had to practice, practice, practice to help loosen those muscles up and get things comfortable again down there. My H and I did that and it seemed to work. We went slow and he was very gentle, with each time it got a tiny, tiny bit better. It will return to normal, just give it some time and be patient.

I agree is sarasansh. Some positions were def out for me due to the tear and the scar. So find what position works best for you and go slow.

The wine is a good tip as well. I don't think I had sex without wine until LO was like 8 months old.

[aylafsu1881]

Jan 18, 2015 22:41:17 GMT -5 heatherbee said:

Glad I asked, my new BMB that I am a dirty lurker on had a thread about ST and so many of the people were talking about how they have been DTD since 4-5 weeks and enjoying it. Crazy people.

What???

[okiemama]

Jan 19, 2015 8:42:44 GMT -5 roo1582 said:

I had a 2nd degree tear with Kayleigh and we didn't attempt ST until probably 8-9 weeks PP. It was definitely painful for a while. For me, I didn't start actually enjoying ST again until after 6 months PP, but I think it was a combination of the pain from the tear and being dry down there from BFing. We always had to use a ton of lube. This time they didn't tell me how bad my tears were, and we haven't attempted ST yet...poor DH.

Pretty much this exactly. Not quite to 6 mo pp yet so still hoping major improvement comes, but BF has me not even caring lately, makes me feel bad for DH.

[heatherbee]

Thank you guys! Makes me feel like what I'm experiencing is normal and not as worried that something is wrong.

[xanthepants]

2 years? I was recommended to do PT but when I found out what that meant for me - electrodes hooked up inside, I freaked the hell out. Not going to those lengths. It's not the same and probably never will be. I've come to terms with it and just deal unfortunately. I think I'm a rare case though so don't let that freak you out. I had tears inside and outthat did not heal correctly.

[heatherbee]

xanthepants - that sounds terrifying! I'm sorry!

[xanthepants]

heatherbee I know! No way in hell was I going to do that. Must have been invented by a man. Bwahaha.