Nervous about seeing pregnant family member

[swivelchair5]

I'm going to my niece's birthday party this weekend and will see my SIL, who is about 25 weeks pregnant, for the first time since my loss 6 weeks ago.  My SIL and I are not close, but she is incredibly sweet.  I also know that she began trying for a second when my niece, who is turning 8, was born, so I am sure she has had her own heartbreaks of some form or another in that time.

I'm trying to predict how I will feel or react but I just don't know.  And I'm not sure if a room of screaming 8 year olds will make this situation harder or easier for me.  

[nikolie93]

Ugh, these situations are so hard, mostly because you don't know how you will react. Does your SIL know about your loss?

I wish I had magic words but I don't. Sometimes these types of things bother me, yet other times they don't. I thought I would be perfectly fine at a baby shower but as soon as she started to open gifts I had to run out of the room.

Just be kind to yourself, you've been through a hard time. If you find that you need to step away, step away. I know that most of us want to be there for/think about others but sometimes we deserve to put ourselves first.

So much luck to you *hug*

[swivelchair5]

Mar 6, 2015 10:45:06 GMT -5 nikolie93 said:

Ugh, these situations are so hard, mostly because you don't know how you will react. Does your SIL know about your loss?

I wish I had magic words but I don't. Sometimes these types of things bother me, yet other times they don't. I thought I would be perfectly fine at a baby shower but as soon as she started to open gifts I had to run out of the room.

Just be kind to yourself, you've been through a hard time. If you find that you need to step away, step away. I know that most of us want to be there for/think about others but sometimes we deserve to put ourselves first.

So much luck to you *hug*

She's knows about the loss but I haven't talked to her since.  She is on DH's side of the family, and I don't know if he has heard from her. (She is DH's brother's wife).

[nikolie93]

Well hopefully she will remember and will be respectful. The only advice I have is to walk away if things are bothering you too much. It sucks that any of us have to be in these situations

[vballbaby]

I can understand why you're feeling nervous. We just cxld our house guests who were supposed to arrive Saturday. She's pregnant and it's all too fresh. I think like you said if your SIL has been trying that long she may have had some issues somewhere along the line. All I can say is that if you need to step away, or leave early because you've had enough, just do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I think one thing I've learned through this process is that we need to put ourselves first and that's not always natural or easy.

[mrssqueegy]

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Be kind to yourself and don't feel bad if you shed some tears or need to step away.

[shytimes]

Definitely agree with what others are saying - giving yourself permission to cry and be sad is important. Hope it goes ok and doesn't hurt too much.

[dukegirlsc]

I hope it goes well, I can't imagine being in that situation at this moment. We have an oyster roast this weekend to attend where there will be no children and I'm still scared to go! Be kind to yourself and take breaks from the action if you need to.

[snakefisherbub]

*hugs* I hope it won't be too bad for you.

[abi]

Don't be afraid to leave to catch your breath for a moment or even leave and not come back. I've forced myself to go to gatherings where there are pregnant ladies and/or babies, and while I was fine in the moment for the most part, once I got home I fell apart.

(((Hugs))) I hope things go well.

[Ann612]

I just experienced something similar myself while traveling for work (seeing a coworker 6 months along when I should have been only 2 months behind her). I got through but it was very difficult. I held back tears at work but once I was back at my hotel, I had myself a little (ok, big) ugly cry.

I honestly would have an escape plan if things get too tough (if not, great) but just in case.

Shortly after our loss my SIL asked if we wanted to baby sit our niece. I was really hesitant, as I wasn't sure if I was ready. Something that helped me was that I thought that this damn shitty thing ruined my ability to be the mom I wanted to be, but I sure as hell was not going to let it stop me from being the aunt I want to be.

ETA:  Good luck.  And don't feel guilty or bad in any way for whatever emotions you feel.  

[rablissful]

I'm dreading seeing my older sister. She's due literally 3 weeks before I was supposed to be. She's actually really upset and feels horrible and asks mom every day how I am. I fell bad because when she texted me the other night I kind of snapped on her.

As others have said, have an escape route. Allow yourself to cry. She may also have experience with this so she may end up being a comfort. You may be surprised. Either way, good luck!

[Winnifred]

Everyone has given great advice to you, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You will get through it, and you will be stronger afterwards. For me, knowing that she may have faced IF herself would help to ease the pain, but I know that is not true for everyone.

I second the escape route plan, just in case. Hopefully this can be a positive step towards healing for you, since we all know that these situations will continue to arise for all of us. Take good care of yourself!

[nikolie93]

swivelchair5, I'm not sure if the party is today and tomorrow but I will be thinking of ya! I hope it isn't too hard on you.

[swivelchair5]

The party was today and all went well. When we had a few minutes to ourselves, SIL asked about my recent vacations (the first when I had my MC, and second the last-minute trip DH and I planned as a do-over vacation), in a way that gave me the option to bring up my loss or not. I decided to talk about it, and she told me she had a loss before too. I know DH doesn't know that, and I don't think MIL and FIL know either. I had a few tears during this conversation but distracted myself by setting up the cupcakes.

I almost cried again when my niece was opening presents, and somebody had also included a gift for the baby. I held back the tears and told myself I would just let it all out when I got home. Although now that I am home, I took off my bra, opened a beer, and I am feeling pretty good, and just glad that it is all over. Thanks for the advice and support everybody.

[babyzebra]

swivelchair5 I'm glad the party went well and that you were able to talk to your SIL.

[vballbaby]

We are a strong bunch of ladies glad it went well. I feel like whenever I shed tears I actually feel better. Vodka tonic also helps

[nikolie93]

I am glad it went ok!