No Children at Baby Shower

[ombradellarosa]

My mum doesn't want to have children at my baby shower. Aside from concerns about behaviour, she can't afford to feed everyone's kids. My question is, how does one handle this? We are aware that if the child's name is not on the invitation, they are not invited and that should be enough. However, she doesn't expect people to know and follow that rule so something more direct will probably be needed. She has a lot of respect for the Baby Shower Board, so I told her I would ask here. Is there an appropriate way to include this information on the invitation? I can't picture how to do this tactfully, but the only other thing I could think of was having her tell people when they RSVP and I expect that people who bring uninvited kids might not RSVP. She said babies in arms are all right so "Adults Only" doesn't seem to fit. Please help! Thank you in advance.

[Deleted]

The only way to handle it is to only put the name of the person who is actually invited on the invitation. Most people are smart enough to know that "Jane Smith" means only Jane Smith, and not Jane and her five children. If people respond with "My daughters and I will be there," then the hostess can politely tell them "Sorry, but this is an adults only affair. We cannot accommodate your children."

There really is no tactful way to put "no children" on the invitation.

[Bluedaisy]

I agree with PP that people should get this and that it's the only polite way to do it. That said...where I'm from kids are ALWAYS invited to showers. I've never been to one without kids. Part of this is because showers are in peoples houses and very casual (it doesn't cost much more to fee the extras). So even if the invite was sent with only the name of the mom I'd guess that half of the people would still bring kids. That's probably a local thing though so hopefully that won't happen. If the shower is at a venue like a restaurant or club they definitely should get it, I'd also suggest to try find an invitation that looks a little more formal and has more formal wording. It might help people to get the idea.

[speedymarie]

If people don't RSVP the hostess can call them. At that point, when the person says "I'll be there" the hostess says ok, i have you down for one" which hopefully opens it enough to the tacky to say "oh, my kids are coming too" and hostess can shut it down at that point.

[billyhorrible]

Mar 11, 2015 8:03:49 GMT -5 Bluedaisy said:

I agree with PP that people should get this and that it's the only polite way to do it. That said...where I'm from kids are ALWAYS invited to showers. I've never been to one without kids. Part of this is because showers are in peoples houses and very casual (it doesn't cost much more to fee the extras). So even if the invite was sent with only the name of the mom I'd guess that half of the people would still bring kids. That's probably a local thing though so hopefully that won't happen. If the shower is at a venue like a restaurant or club they definitely should get it, I'd also suggest to try find an invitation that looks a little more formal and has more formal wording. It might help people to get the idea.

It must be a local thing, around here the only people who bring kids to showers are nursing moms.  I've never been to a shower with a child over the age of 6 or 7 months.   Because no one wants to take attention away from the MTB.

[Bluedaisy]

Mar 11, 2015 17:19:39 GMT -5 billyhorrible said:

Mar 11, 2015 8:03:49 GMT -5 Bluedaisy said:

I agree with PP that people should get this and that it's the only polite way to do it. That said...where I'm from kids are ALWAYS invited to showers. I've never been to one without kids. Part of this is because showers are in peoples houses and very casual (it doesn't cost much more to fee the extras). So even if the invite was sent with only the name of the mom I'd guess that half of the people would still bring kids. That's probably a local thing though so hopefully that won't happen. If the shower is at a venue like a restaurant or club they definitely should get it, I'd also suggest to try find an invitation that looks a little more formal and has more formal wording. It might help people to get the idea.

It must be a local thing, around here the only people who bring kids to showers are nursing moms.  I've never been to a shower with a child over the age of 6 or 7 months.   Because no one wants to take attention away from the MTB.

Ours are after baby is born so MTB really isn't the center of attention because everyone wants baby cuddles! 

[ombradellarosa]

Thanks ladies for the input. I felt like it would be rude to say "no kids" but I was really hoping there was a way around it. I'll tell Mum your suggestion speedymarie, that might work best. People from my church tend to bring their kids places more so than the average, I think. I know people should know better than to bring someone not on the invite and should at least ask, but there is at least one person who brought her child to a baby shower my mum hosted before and the girl was very disruptive and impolite. I am really hoping that doesn't happen again. I wasn't there, but it sounds like the girl was awful. Then again, I have to let go of things that are out of my control! Thank you once again for your input.

[ECB]

Mar 12, 2015 2:12:24 GMT -5 ombradellarosa said:

People from my church tend to bring their kids places more so than the average, I think.

In all honesty, to these people, when you see them at church, once the invitations are out, I would absolutely say something to them. It can be conversational, but a gentle "Looking forward to seeing you at the shower. It will be nice to have some adult time with my friends before the baby comes", or what have you.

[Deleted]

ombradellarosa, I had the same question and a lady at work said to include a basic itinerary in the invitation. Something like: Mingling, Games, Q & A, Gifts. then at the bottom to say something along the lines of 'all activities are for the adults. If children are brought, they need to be able to adequately participate in the activities.'
Not the greatest, but then its less face - to - face confrontational.