Help please - special needs question

[skeemer]

Hi all. I'm from the BMB's & I need some assistance. Our church has started a specific ministry for special needs & our goal is to convey that the ministry is for special needs. I'm not very familiar in this area but I'm learning. We have some AWESOME special needs students who need a class that is on their level & an environment that their care givers feel good about.

Here's my question - We need to convey that the class is for special needs but the last thing we want to do is make anyone feel separated or extremely different. What is an appropriate title to call this class? Every classroom door has the name of the class on it. IE: "Nursery" or etc. While we want to celebrate the differences & how unique our special needs students are...it just doesn't feel right to have them walk into a door that says "Special Needs Class". I hope this is coming across the right way. It may be me that has the problem with that & the students could care less. Can anyone guide me? Our kids are so awesome & they deserve the best in this ministry. We just want this to be right & we want everyone to feel respected & loved.

[mrsbuttinski]

I don't like this one bit.

Reminds me of when DS's school got a new principal. The school used to have banners over each doorway announcing the class. The PTO bought them one year. "Kindergarten", "Music", etc right on down to the IU self contained classroom for "Multiple Disabilities". The new principal saw these, blanched and instructed the custodian to burn them immediately. The PTO was asked to buy banners that have the teachers' names on them.

I think part of your problem is that there is no nice way of doing what you propose. IMHO. I'm all about inclusion. Is there some reason these students can't be included with others their age? Is your intention to take every child with a disability or difference and sequester them in a class together without regard to whether their needs can be served as a combined group?

There are some places of worship near me that do a great job around serving the members of their community who need accommodation. Some ideas that might be useful-

The local synagogue includes all kids who are preparing for their bar mitzvah together. Kids with special needs like ASD or Down Syndrome are given a mentor who acts as a kind of aide in the group setting. Instruction is differentiated to the degree the individual needs. Some of the mentors are high school students who are considering teaching careers, others are professionals who volunteer.

The local RC Church gives families options in terms of CCD and First Holy Communion. Students can be mainstreamed with their same age peers or they can participate in a special education CCD class held at a school that serves children with special needs exclusively. Parents can opt to celebrate First Holy Communion en masse with the entire class at either school or individually with their own families on some other Sunday.

There's a UC church which has a big ministry for adults with special needs. Mostly they offer social opportunities for adults with intellectual disabilities who have aged out of IDEA. Their pastor runs a small boy scout troop for those interested in scouting as well as trips into the community, pot luck dinners and even a spring formal.

[skeemer]

Thanks so much for sharing this with me. I like the idea of doing the teacher's name instead of a class name. No, there really is no reason why they can't be included in other classes & them not being included has been the parents decision. So, we are attempting to give the parents/care givers what they are asking for which is a specific environment. I LOVE the idea of a mentor in a larger group setting. I am open to all of your thoughts, advice & any help.

ETA: There have been many offers made to include special needs students with other classes & there are several teachers in our church who have experience with special needs teaching. The Kid's Church program often has little parties like Valentine's Day Cook Out or etc & every student gets an invitation. Sometimes the students will attend & sometimes they don't. But the parents are specifically asking for a program & that's why we are pursuing it.

[mrsbuttinski]

I find it really hard to wrap my mind around a group of parents asking for a self contained church setting. IME, parents want their children as fully included as possible. For kids with more profound differences who are served in special day classes apart fro typical kids, the desire to be included by their church family tends to be even stronger than for those whose kids are more included or integrated in school.

TBH, it sounds fishy. What's driving these parental requests? Where are these children now? How old are they? Have there been instances where these kids were picked on by kids in classes? Were parents asked to come remove them from the class because they were disruptive which undermines the parents' chance to worship? (this is a huge deal for some of my friends who need a contemplative hour each week to recharge their batteries in order to fight the good fight) Is the special class meant to transition the children into the church community? To keep them safe?

[skeemer]

Jan 20, 2015 11:15:00 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

I find it really hard to wrap my mind around a group of parents asking for a self contained church setting. IME, parents want their children as fully included as possible. For kids with more profound differences who are served in special day classes apart fro typical kids, the desire to be included by their church family tends to be even stronger than for those whose kids are more included or integrated in school.

TBH, it sounds fishy. What's driving these parental requests? Where are these children now? How old are they? Have there been instances where these kids were picked on by kids in classes? Were parents asked to come remove them from the class because they were disruptive which undermines the parents' chance to worship? (this is a huge deal for some of my friends who need a contemplative hour each week to recharge their batteries in order to fight the good fight) Is the special class meant to transition the children into the church community? To keep them safe?

I'm about to head out to an appointment so I may not be able to respond for a while. But here's what I know.

1) The students range from 16 years old to 25 years old.

2) To my knowledge, these students have never been picked on nor would my church tolerate it if we knew it were happening.

3) The students currently sit in the sanctuary for the regular adult service. They are terrific & don't seem to mind sitting out there but when their parents or care givers ask what the sermon was on they say they don't know. So it's my best guess that the parents want them to learn in a more fun environment. But again, I don't know for certain.

4) The teachers would NEVER be allowed to ask a parent to come remove their child from a class. I've been there for 3 years & am in leadership so I probably would have heard by now if it had happened. Kids are disruptive, period. Whether they are special needs or not. Every teacher has a way of communicating with the children & helping them to settle down or to get the attention back on the class where it belongs.

5) Now that I've thought about it, I think the reason the parents might be wanting a special class is because there used to be one. Then the person who was doing it moved & the class dissolved. So now after several months, the parents are asking for another class. The other class was very successful, then to go to no class at all I guess isn't a good thing.

[mrsbuttinski]

Jan 20, 2015 11:37:57 GMT -5 skeemer said:

Jan 20, 2015 11:15:00 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

I'm about to head out to an appointment so I may not be able to respond for a while. But here's what I know.

1) The students range from 16 years old to 25 years old.

So older teens and young adults? 

The way you wrote about them, referring to them as kids. At least some of these folks are old enough to vote. It's considered bad form to infantilize adults even when they have developmental disabilities, so be really careful around this. Language can impact attitudes, so treating them with the same respect you would their peers is critical.  

2) To my knowledge, these students have never been picked on nor would my church tolerate it if we knew it were happening.

Great. But it seems they really don't have a home within the church.

3) The students currently sit in the sanctuary for the regular adult service. They are terrific & don't seem to mind sitting out there but when their parents or care givers ask what the sermon was on they say they don't know. So it's my best guess that the parents want them to learn in a more fun environment. But again, I don't know for certain.

It seems like a waste of time if they aren't getting the message or if the sermon isn't one to which they can relate. Has anyone asked them what they want? Perhaps they enjoy part of the music during the service but then would prefer to meet elsewhere in a more "coffee-house" style setting. Any of them past 22 years old has been turfed from school and may not have much socialization and structure in the form of employment. So giving them a chance to connect almost as the 3rd church I mentioned does might work. 

I wonder if you could do some meaningful volunteer work in the context of this group? I have a friend who often does breakfast or hygiene bags for the local soup kitchen or the meals-on-wheels agency with church youth groups; I think this could be an appropriate activity for young adults as well. 

As for what it should be called? Maybe the participants have some ideas about that. 

4) The teachers would NEVER be allowed to ask a parent to come remove their child from a class. I've been there for 3 years & am in leadership so I probably would have heard by now if it had happened. Kids are disruptive, period. Whether they are special needs or not. Every teacher has a way of communicating with the children & helping them to settle down or to get the attention back on the class where it belongs.

Sometimes removing an individual who is overwhelmed is the right call. Maybe they can't handle a full hour in the classroom this week but will eventually get to the place where they can if allowed to leave if they need to.

But remember, these aren't children. The youngest in your cohort are older teens who are being transitioned to adulthood via their IEPs and those 18+ are adults- same as you.

Does your church have adult classes? I wonder if modeling this class on that would make better sense than aligning it with Childrens Church. TBH, if my 21 year old son got an invitation to a Childrens Church Valentines Party by virtue of having a developmental delay I would be enraged.

5) Now that I've thought about it, I think the reason the parents might be wanting a special class is because there used to be one. Then the person who was doing it moved & the class dissolved. So now after several months, the parents are asking for another class. The other class was very successful, then to go to no class at all I guess isn't a good thing.

That makes sense. Especially if the class offered the young adults a more meaningful worship experience and the chance to socialize with peers.


Good luck with this.

[skeemer]

Jan 20, 2015 13:28:09 GMT -5 mrsbuttinski said:

Jan 20, 2015 11:37:57 GMT -5 skeemer said:

I'm about to head out to an appointment so I may not be able to respond for a while. But here's what I know.

1) The students range from 16 years old to 25 years old.

So older teens and young adults? 

The way you wrote about them, referring to them as kids. At least some of these folks are old enough to vote. It's considered bad form to infantilize adults even when they have developmental disabilities, so be really careful around this. Language can impact attitudes, so treating them with the same respect you would their peers is critical.  

Okay, I'll be very cautious about that. Since you pointed it out I can definitely see that it could be offensive.


Somehow I've deleted #2 but - yes, it does pretty much feel like they don't have a home there & that's what we're trying to solve. Being able to come here & ask questions is really helpful.

3) The students currently sit in the sanctuary for the regular adult service. They are terrific & don't seem to mind sitting out there but when their parents or care givers ask what the sermon was on they say they don't know. So it's my best guess that the parents want them to learn in a more fun environment. But again, I don't know for certain.

It seems like a waste of time if they aren't getting the message or if the sermon isn't one to which they can relate. Has anyone asked them what they want? Perhaps they enjoy part of the music during the service but then would prefer to meet elsewhere in a more "coffee-house" style setting. Any of them past 22 years old has been turfed from school and may not have much socialization and structure in the form of employment. So giving them a chance to connect almost as the 3rd church I mentioned does might work. 

I wonder if you could do some meaningful volunteer work in the context of this group? I have a friend who often does breakfast or hygiene bags for the local soup kitchen or the meals-on-wheels agency with church youth groups; I think this could be an appropriate activity for young adults as well. 

As for what it should be called? Maybe the participants have some ideas about that. 

These are all great ideas! Thank you!

4) The teachers would NEVER be allowed to ask a parent to come remove their child from a class. I've been there for 3 years & am in leadership so I probably would have heard by now if it had happened. Kids are disruptive, period. Whether they are special needs or not. Every teacher has a way of communicating with the children & helping them to settle down or to get the attention back on the class where it belongs.

Sometimes removing an individual who is overwhelmed is the right call. Maybe they can't handle a full hour in the classroom this week but will eventually get to the place where they can if allowed to leave if they need to.

But remember, these aren't children. The youngest in your cohort are older teens who are being transitioned to adulthood via their IEPs and those 18+ are adults- same as you.

Does your church have adult classes? I wonder if modeling this class on that would make better sense than aligning it with Childrens Church. TBH, if my 21 year old son got an invitation to a Childrens Church Valentines Party by virtue of having a developmental delay I would be enraged.

We currently do not have adult classes. We have music & go straight into the sermon. The kid's church & various classes get dismissed after praise & worship. I do think you're right, that we need to be extra careful to model this after a more adult environment instead of possibly causing them to feel like we look at them as children. And to be honest, we don't look at them all as children...even though as you pointed out I did refer to them as kids. (As I do anyone younger than me) But we do have every intention of learning how to properly communicate (As you said, I don't want to refer to them as kids when they are grown adults) & benefit this class to the best of our ability. All I know to do as of now is continue the research & ask questions so I can give it my best. 

5) Now that I've thought about it, I think the reason the parents might be wanting a special class is because there used to be one. Then the person who was doing it moved & the class dissolved. So now after several months, the parents are asking for another class. The other class was very successful, then to go to no class at all I guess isn't a good thing.

That makes sense. Especially if the class offered the young adults a more meaningful worship experience and the chance to socialize with peers.


You are exactly right. It needs to be what they need. Not what we think they need. Two of the students have said they would like to do sign language type dramas with music so we're going to incorporate that as well. I have personally heard of churches that are not very welcoming to people with special needs. A lady at our church has told us about some bad experiences. This is heart breaking to me because that is not at all what the church is or should be. Everyone deserves ministry. 


Good luck with this.


Thanks very much for letting me ask questions & for giving honest responses. It really has helped. I hope I'll be welcome here again if I have more questions.