Post by barackollama on Mar 28, 2015 22:38:39 GMT -5
Okay, so I'll start off by admitting I'm a major over-planner that loves throwing parties. I'm totally fine throwing the baby shower by myself. I don't think the test dried before I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do and it's now solidified. I'm wondering if that's rude of me? She's my sister but she has other friends who love her. We all worked really well together planning the bridal shower last year. It's not that I don't want their help. It's that I want to do my ideas with additional input and assistance if someone offers it. Can I tell someone that offers "thanks so much, I've had so many ideas and would love help putting it all together" or is that kind of rude?
Post by somerandomchick on Mar 29, 2015 2:23:34 GMT -5
You're throwing a shower for your sister, and her friends are offering to help? Is that correct?
Honestly, if you can't let go of your ideas and are going to want to be completely in control you should just say no to offers to help. Her friends would rather hear 'I've got it all under control ' than get locked in a power struggle with you over whether it's baby ducks or jungle theme. If your sisters friends are determined to throw a shower, some do a friend shower and a family shower, so that's one idea
I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do and it's now solidified.
Is this with at least your sister's input? I ask because your description of yourself... are leaving room for ANY input from Anyone else, namely your sister?
I don't know what to tell you. She has friends who are excited and want to help. Maybe they are fine to just help put your ideas into play, but they might also like to have a say. Why do you get all the fun just because your a self-admitted overplanner? Why doesn't some of that "over" planning include recognizing that she has other people in her life that want to be involved? After the bridal shower, you should have known perfectly well that her friends would probably want to help w/ a baby shower. Why didn't you reach out to them at the start?
Post by barackollama on Mar 29, 2015 8:16:57 GMT -5
I didn't reach out at the beginning because this is the beginning. She hasn't told anyone yet. And this is me recognizing there are others who may want to be involved.
Definitely not a power struggle. I guess I did a poor job explaining. It is entirely too early to even be thinking about the party but I am anyway. I saw a theme that i liked and noticed some if the elements were similar to what im doing for my daughter's birthday next month. Random things like the fillers for centerpieces, colorful napkins, etc... I could buy things in larger packs when I shop in a few weeks and have both covered. Then I started worrying that I was being rude.
Honestly, I hadn't thought about involving my sister in the planning. I thought it was standard that you ask the guest of honor for the invite list but they aren't involved in the planning? It's that way around here anyway.
Okay, so I'll start off by admitting I'm a major over-planner that loves throwing parties. I'm totally fine throwing the baby shower by myself. I don't think the test dried before I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do and it's now solidified. I'm wondering if that's rude of me? She's my sister but she has other friends who love her. We all worked really well together planning the bridal shower last year. It's not that I don't want their help. It's that I want to do my ideas with additional input and assistance if someone offers it. Can I tell someone that offers "thanks so much, I've had so many ideas and would love help putting it all together" or is that kind of rude?
I was really confused by your OP, it looked at first as though you were throwing a shower for yourself. I see now that it is for your sister.
My opinion is that if you are willing to do all the work yourself and bankroll the whole thing, then you should be able to throw a shower yourself. Like others have mentioned, there's such a thing as having separate friends and family showers and I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm kind of jealous actually because my mum is throwing one big shower for everyone and I am really concerned about the amount of people all at one party. I would rather have had a few smaller showers with separate groups. Anyway, as long as there would be enough friends and family to have at each (and a shower doesn't need more than eight people to be fun!) I think it would be lovely.
As far as the opinions of the MTB, I don't think she has to be all involved in the planning. As long as the theme is something that suits her and she wouldn't hate, the date works for her, and the guest list has her input, that's all she has to say on it. She shouldn't actually be too involved anyway. It would be nice for her to sit back and not have to worry about it.
A few questions: has your sister accepted your offer? Does the theme you love so much suit your sister or is it because it coordinates with the birthday party you are planning for someone else?
I think this is something you need to talk to your sister about, I love my sister dearly but I literally cringed when she offered to throw me a shower because we are so different. At the very least your sister will know if or what her friends have offered. If they offered first she might want them to plan the shower instead of you.
A few questions: has your sister accepted your offer? Does the theme you love so much suit your sister or is it because it coordinates with the birthday party you are planning for someone else?
I think this is something you need to talk to your sister about, I love my sister dearly but I literally cringed when she offered to throw me a shower because we are so different. At the very least your sister will know if or what her friends have offered. If they offered first she might want them to plan the shower instead of you.
This.
Also, while I don't think the MTB needs major input beyond if a date is good or the guest list, it would be nice if the theme you're so strongly gunning for at least sort of went with what she likes/wants. It's not necessary, per se, but it is a nice thing to do. Most themed showers I've seen are either around the sex (which neither you nor she know yet, if it's that early) or the nursery theme (ditto). Are you using, example, zebra print and she hates it, just because it's what you're already using. Or, say, lots of pink or flowers that might not be her taste if the baby is a boy (I realize boys can like pink and flowers, but I probably would think that came off as 'these are the decorations I had lying around' if I went to a baby boy shower with really girly colors and such).
Have you made a concrete offer (Sis, I want to throw you a shower) and has she accepted? I think you need to slow your roll. If she's not ready to talk shower yet (and I wasn't until after 1st tri), then suck it up, buy stuff for your daughter's party, and talk shower later.
Again, the MTB doesn't have to have input, and shouldn't micromanage, but this just strikes me as a bit squirrelly.
Post by barackollama on Mar 29, 2015 16:46:02 GMT -5
I get your points and want to address some of them. We've discussed me throwing the shower. We are extremely close and I am very familiar with her tastes. She and her husband are very much into superheroes. Like the bottom half of their house is done in superheroes and video games. There are some very cute ideas for superhero themed showers.
Post by barackollama on Mar 29, 2015 17:19:51 GMT -5
Eh, enter too soon. Anyway thanks again. It sounds like most of the concerns were that I wasn't being considerate enough to my sister. For the rest, if in a couple of months someone offers to help I'll just accept, tell them what I was thinking of doing and see if they had some different ideas. The location is the main thing I'm thinking of anyway. We're small town and there aren't many places to have showers that aren't church gyms. I know of 4, only 2 of them have food, and only one is affordable. I really don't want to make the food for this shower. Her best friend helped a bunch with the bridal shower but will have a baby a month before we'd likely have sister's shower. So I'm totally fine paying someone else to cook for this one (and don't expect anyone to help cover the cost.)
I'll buy the extra stuff. Worst case scenario, I get offers to help and they have different ideas. It's not like there won't be other parties.
Post by somerandomchick on Mar 29, 2015 20:47:05 GMT -5
For what it's worth, I think there's a difference in how much of a jerk you sound like if you say 'thanks for your offer to help, and I've already bought a bunch of stuff for a ducks theme ' vs'thanks for your offer to help, I'll accept only if you are okay with a ducks theme'
If you've already bought some stuff for what you're planning then it seems perfectly sane to want to use that theme
Maybe try to have a few tasks put aside that you can pull out if people offer. If you've got decorations and the invitations set, maybe you can ask someone to plan some games, or to help out with things like food or drinks. Some people might come with ideas of their own, but you can guide them towards tasks that you can find ways to let go of or that don't mean as much to you. Then if you don't get offers, you can do those ones yourself as they need to be taken care of. I would not recommend asking someone to bring drinks and then giving them a shopping list. Instead tell them how many people are coming, and make sure they know to bring drinks for everyone. Or if someone offers to make cupcakes, just show them the theme and let them run, don't send them millions of tutorials on how to make roses on cupcakes or whatever. I know it's hard, but when you trust people to get the job done within your micromanagement, you can wind up with a better and more fun final product.
This totally made me think of when Monica put Phoebe in charge of cups and ice... how much cooler did things wind up?
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