**** Weekly Check In 3/31/15 ****

[booksntea]

icequeen - sorry this week was rough for you too...from my experience of you on this board, you are very compassionate person. Maybe you could try to take small steps in being more gentle with yourself. Something that helped me was thinking about the concept of the inner child who needs our love, nurturing and unconditional compassion.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2015 13:16:12 GMT -5 booksntea said:

icequeen - sorry this week was rough for you too...from my experience of you on this board, you are very compassionate person. Maybe you could try to take small steps in being more gentle with yourself. Something that helped me was thinking about the concept of the inner child who needs our love, nurturing and unconditional compassion.

I agree with this. Hope you are having a better couple of days icequeen!

[Deleted]

I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply until now. I've needed to pull back a bit from my internet time. Big hugs to all who need them, I have been lurking and am glad to see you all offering each other support.

Please state your diagnosis and/or status: anxiety and depression, under treatment.


How is your week going? It's been pretty good until yesterday afternoon. My emotions have been more even. I'm still struggling with feeling totally safe and open with DH. We had to reschedule our weekly therapy appointment to tomorrow, which is my birthday, which is not necessarily a great way to spend a birthday.


Any struggles or accomplishments you would like to share? DS had is his 3-year checkup yesterday and he hates going to the doctor. We bribed him with (all-natural!) gummy worms and a lollipop, but I think it was too much sugar for him. He was a mess by the time we got home and all evening, crying for no apparent reason and kind of jittery like on a sugar high. All the snot made his earache worse (no infection so far, just extra fluid built up from his cold last week), and on top of all that I think he's constipated. So I'm just a big ball of worry today and feeling down. He's at daycare and I'm wishing I was just home with him.


Any changes in medication or recent appointments? No, I'm going to wait until we get the insurance transition sorted out until I try to find my own therapist.


GTKY: If there was a movie being made of your life, which actress would play your character? Maybe Lisa Kudrow? I'm kind of goofy and spacey like Phoebe on Friends.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2015 13:16:12 GMT -5 booksntea said:

icequeen - sorry this week was rough for you too...from my experience of you on this board, you are very compassionate person. Maybe you could try to take small steps in being more gentle with yourself. Something that helped me was thinking about the concept of the inner child who needs our love, nurturing and unconditional compassion.

I was thinking the exact same thing. I suffer from negative self-talk as well, but I recently had an epiphany in yoga class (it happens often!) while in a supported child's pose - I had this vision of being soothed and cared for like a child, and started to cry because that is not how I typically think of myself. I try to bring up that vision now whenever I notice that I'm putting myself down. It does seem to help.

[KayVeeKay]

Just wanted to give an update. My psych is putting me on Cymbalta and will follow up with my appointment next week to see how I'm doing.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2015 14:27:33 GMT -5 KayVeeKay said:

Just wanted to give an update. My psych is putting me on Cymbalta and will follow up with my appointment next week to see how I'm doing.

I hope everything goes well!

::hugs::

[helloamanda]

Sorry I've been MIA guys

icequeen You are definitely, 100% NOT a fuck up! Last week you made me feel SO much better about myself! You are a wonderful person! I know it's hard to get bad news from the RE, and they don't sugar coat it! Sending you lots of hugs! I hope the last few days have treated you better!

KayVeeKay I'm also on Cymbalta! When I first started it gave me terrible shakes for about a month, but they went away! We also spread it out to 1 pill in AM and 2 in PM. I hope it works for you!



Please state your diagnosis and/or status: Major depression and anxiety

How is your week going? Ugh. I am so effing sick of having migraines! I've had 2 in less than a week, with all the nausea and vomitting. Allergies aren't helping either, and I got put on a nebulizer for the time being and I hate it too lol They wanted me to start Topamax for my migraines, but it's #1 side effect is kidney stones, which I've had 2 surgeries for in the past, so I said hell no! I got put on an extreme diet starting Sunday, and a bunch of supplements. We have to completely stop TTC while I'm doing all this, which really sucks. I don't even remember the last time we bought condoms!!

Any struggles or accomplishments you would like to share? Today I had therapy and she had me journal about how I was going to avoid self-pity and it actually helped me. I felt like I was being really negative, so I tried to make it positive at the end and she said I did a good job I wrote out an outline for the story I've been writing, but haven't had much time to write it because of the migraines.

Any changes in medication or recent appointments? All the same. I'm thinking of trying essential oils, for anxiety and the migraines. Anyone have experience with them?

GTKY: If there was a movie being made of your life, which actress would play your character? Melissa McCarthy, for sure. We could be sisters, except I have red hair

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2015 16:35:46 GMT -5 helloamanda said:

Sorry I've been MIA guys

icequeen You are definitely, 100% NOT a fuck up! Last week you made me feel SO much better about myself! You are a wonderful person! I know it's hard to get bad news from the RE, and they don't sugar coat it! Sending you lots of hugs! I hope the last few days have treated you better!

KayVeeKay I'm also on Cymbalta! When I first started it gave me terrible shakes for about a month, but they went away! We also spread it out to 1 pill in AM and 2 in PM. I hope it works for you!



Please state your diagnosis and/or status: Major depression and anxiety

How is your week going? Ugh. I am so effing sick of having migraines! I've had 2 in less than a week, with all the nausea and vomitting. Allergies aren't helping either, and I got put on a nebulizer for the time being and I hate it too lol They wanted me to start Topamax for my migraines, but it's #1 side effect is kidney stones, which I've had 2 surgeries for in the past, so I said hell no! I got put on an extreme diet starting Sunday, and a bunch of supplements. We have to completely stop TTC while I'm doing all this, which really sucks. I don't even remember the last time we bought condoms!!

Any struggles or accomplishments you would like to share? Today I had therapy and she had me journal about how I was going to avoid self-pity and it actually helped me. I felt like I was being really negative, so I tried to make it positive at the end and she said I did a good job I wrote out an outline for the story I've been writing, but haven't had much time to write it because of the migraines.

Any changes in medication or recent appointments? All the same. I'm thinking of trying essential oils, for anxiety and the migraines. Anyone have experience with them?

GTKY: If there was a movie being made of your life, which actress would play your character? Melissa McCarthy, for sure. We could be sisters, except I have red hair

Yes I think a few people here use essential oils (myself included). You should be able to find a thread I started on this board awhile back. I've been using lavender, clary sage, and bergamot at bedtime to help me relax and clear my mind so I can sleep. I should be using it as needed for anxiety, I think, but I haven't figured out how to make it more transportable yet.

[icequeen]

KayVeeKay, I'm sorry you feel like you are getting worse. I have definitely been thinking about you. I'm glad you updated and went to the walk-in clinic. I hope the Cymbalta helps. Have you made any decisions regarding your job and/or move?
booksntea, I understand about the nanny paranoia because I actually had a nanny borderline hurt my child, and we had to fire two nannies before we actually found the right one. I would be very inclined to believe that if you do not see any harmful activity going on in the home, it is unlikely that it is happening on excursions outside of the home. If you are concerned about what happens off camera, limit the amount of time she is allowed to leave the home.
@rocknrollfriend, happy belated birthday! I'm sorry you had to spend it in therapy, but it's so wonderful to see you keeping up with appointments and that you and YH are staying motivated and working together. It is inspiring. MH and I had a really good talk last night, too, and got through a bunch of issues that we were causing friction between us. I also bribe with food, and it was a healthy snack! Also, your DS not feeling well and being riled up may not have had anything to do with the food you gave him. It's not fair to make you be the cause of all evil here. In regards to your other comment, I should really pay more attention in child's pose more!
helloamanda, thank you so much for the reassurance and sweet words. I feel better already. I like that you are journaling and writing your stories. You know I'm a huge fan of journaling for emotional release. It really seems like you are making an effort to move forward in therapy and not getting hung up on the things you are not able to do like TTC or lose weight quickly. You are making progress steadily, and that's most important. I am on Topamax, and I have no side effects, other than feeling full faster, which might not even be a bad thing for you if you are trying to lose weight. The Topamax helps me tremendously.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2015 12:47:03 GMT -5 @led said:

Apr 2, 2015 10:43:20 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

Hopefully, they can keep your levels low. It's a powerful drug.

It is, but nothing else is working and thorazine is typically what I get when I'm inpatient, so I know it works. We're hoping to keep it at a low dose since it's on top of the haldol and we are trying to avoid EPS. What I'm not looking forward to is the talk about me wanting to get pregnant and what to do about meds then. I'm terrified of that conversation.

EPS Symptoms are difficult. My left hand has a perma tremor which sucks because i'm left handed. Mine is more likely a result of prolonged stimulant use, but I still really hate when random people point it out to me.
My psych and my gyn have conflicting opinions about Lithium during pregnancy so i'm just sticking with it until i'm told to do otherwise.
I'm really keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you that they can get on a dose that is low, but still effective for you.

[helloamanda]

I just needed somewhere to vent a little and thought here would be appropriate...

I am trying the diet the weight loss clinic has me on and it's so gross and I already want to quit. I feel like a failure and I'll never lose weight. The shakes they gave me taste so gross that I'm going to try to get over there tomorrow to get another flavor. I'm just feeling sorry for myself already.

[Deleted]

icequeen thank you for your reply. DH and I had a good session and I was able to enjoy the rest of my birthday. You're right, I tend to blame myself for everything, and I felt really bad that DS was feeling so bad. I hope you can find some of the unconditional love that I'm sure you show your child and honestly, all of us!

[KayVeeKay]

helloamanda It makes me feel like I'm drunk or high. I'm on the lowest dose and take it at night before bed. I don't think I could handle any more than that.

icequeen I definitely appreciate it. As for the job, we are looking at options. DH has to stay at his current job until late July per his contract, so hopefully he can join me then. If he has to stay longer, I don't know what we will do.