New here waiting to miscarry

[oneofthesethings]

Hi. Dh  and I decided to start trying last April and I called my OB/Gym to have my IUD removed, he had retired and after my family docs failed attempt to remove the device I was referred to a new OB and after a several month wait for an appointment finally were ready to go last   November.  I got a positive pregnancy test in February and until last week there was no sign anything was wrong.  Thursday morning I had light bleeding and went to ER at the advise of my family doc.  I should have been 9 weeks 3 days.  The blood work was normal but the doctor was unable to find a heartbeat on the bedside US and I was sent to another department for a transvaginal US.  I waited several hours for the results and when they came  in the doctor was in surgery.  The nurse literally handed me a print out of the US report and the doctors card and told me to call his office and book a follow up appointment after the Easter long weekend.   No one discussed the results with me in any way.

The report dated the fetus at 6wk3d and again found no heartbeat, it also mentioned a bleed in the sac. From my doctor Google fest this weekend my interpretation of this report is that I had a missed miscarriage at around six weeks, there is no way my dates could be that far off.  The bleeding is still light and intermittent but I've had several episodes if several hours of intense cramping and backache this weekend. I will call the doctor on Tuesday.
I have felt sad and periodically anxious throughout the weekend.
I am angry at a medical system (I  am in Canada so it's free but inefficient) where it takes a over six months to get an IUD removed (significant particularly because I will be 37 this year) and the news that you're miscarrying is not significant enough that anyone not a doctor or nurse actually has time to tell you/discuss it with you.

I am confused about what to expect and  am planning my week/work travel this week as normal because I have no idea what to expect.


And I am glad to have  found this board, the posts I've read here have  been very helpful.








[hollyberry]

I am so sorry for your loss! So so many hugs. I am also a fellow Canadian, but I am in Germany atm and that is where I have had my losses. I would also be very angry with the system if they treated me that way. I can't believe they didn't give you any info, on what to do, what to expect. That's really awful. Do you have a option to go to another hospital to get the info that you need, or even a walk I clinic. I am sorry I have no advice since I had D &C's with both my losses, so I don't have info on natural misscarrages.
I hope you dr. Can at least get you in first thing tomorrow! *hugs*

[nikolie93]

I am so sorry you find yourself here and that you're going through all of that. I am a bit ragey listening to your story about how you haven't had much medical help through this. *hugs*

You have every right to feel anxious, you're waiting for something to happen and you aren't sure what that is or when it will hit.

All 3 of my losses were natural and all three were a bit different so it's hard to say. You say you are planning to work/travel. How far will you be traveling?

May be some TMI below:

Some women may have experienced just a bad period when miscarrying but I am going to be honest with you, I wouldn't travel and I would hesitate to go to work, especially if you're far from home. My 3 MC's were much more than a bad period. I had severe cramping and bleeding. I was going through at least a big pad an hour (you can't use tampons) and it was very messy with lots of large clots.

I lost a lot of blood with my 2nd loss but I was also 10 weeks along and it was twins so that may have played a factor. My other losses were earlier, like yours, but I still wouldn't have wanted to be at work I actually went to the ER for 2 of mine.

I suggest having some Motrin or Tylenol and a heating pad ready. My heating pad really, really helped me.

Good luck, and like I said above, that was my experiences. Some ladies may come in here and say that things weren't bad for them. There is a post in here about experiences, you may want to take a moment to read through that.

More *hugs*

[oneofthesethings]

Thank you both for your replies.  I need to leave tomorrow for an all day meeting on Wednesday. It is a 3.5 hour drive so I was going to leave tomorrow and stay overnight.  I haven't had a chance to discuss with my boss yet, but thanks for the  feedback that perhaps this isn't a good plan.  I will definitely dig up my heating pad.

[nikolie93]

I know it's hard to take time off from work sometimes but I really wouldn't advise a 3.5 our drive or even staying over night away from home. Not only do you have to deal with the physical pain but the mental pain can be just as bad when things finally start happening. I had to cancel my business trip during one of mine so I know how that feels

[followthesun]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the way your medical care has been handled. As nikolie93 mentioned, you may want to change your plans just in case. You will also need emotional healing time, which can get overlooked when dealing with the physical aspects of a loss. Know we are here for you if you need support.

[crazycatlady6]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here stunned at your medical system and they just handed you a piece of paper and that was it. Mind blown.

I also agree that going on a business trip out of town is not a good idea. I cannot speak for the physical pain since I had a D&E but the mental pain was intense and there was no way I could've worked. Also, if the mental part of it all hits you while you are away, then driving home is not a good idea when you are going to be a distracted driver. Like followthesun said, we are here for you and will help you with advice and support.

[babyzebra]

oneofthesethings I am so sorry for your loss and I feel horrible for the way you were treated. No one deserves to leave the ER with that many questions and no explanation of what is going on.

I had a natural miscarriage about a month ago. The tough part about your traveling plans is that you don't know when the bleeding will pick up and you will start to pass large clots and tissue. I did make a 2 hour overnight trip to a conference after my bleeding had started, but before I passed any tissue. Looking back, that was really foolish because I really had no idea when things would pick up. I luckily was able to get home before I miscarried, but that is not something I would have wanted to go through alone in a hotel bathroom. Let me know if you want more specifics about what to expect with a natural miscarriage. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. ((Hugs))

[starfishy]

I'm sorry for your loss and that you had to find out that way. I am so angry and upset for you.

As for work, it's so hard to say. I had planned to go to work since I had a d&c planned but started to miscarry overnight and hemorrhaged and had to go to the hospital- I'm so glad I wasn't at work. So, I probably wouldn't want to be 3.5 hours away from home.

I have found so much comfort from this board and I hope you do too. I will be thinking Of you.

[rablissful]

So so many ((hugs)) to you. I'm so ragey at everything you have gone through this weekend. This is a great board for healing and peace, as well as for some serious venting.

I would also caution against going so far away. As PP have said, some natural mc are nothing more than a really crappy period, but others can be much more serious. I was VERY lucky in that I was on a vacation from work when I miscarried. I went through several pads in an hour and passed a lot of tissue. I probably should have gone to the ER but after an hour and a half of intense bleeding it got much better. That being said, it was very traumatic. It would really suck to be in the middle of an all day meeting so far from home when everything passes. I actually ended up taking two days off after the vacation (I'm a teacher) because I was just not ready to go back mentally and was not sleeping and had a second episode of heavy bleeding the Sunday night.

I hope you figure out what is right for you though. All the ((hugs)), thoughts and prayers.

[vballbaby]

oneofthesethings, I'm sorry you find yourself here and that you got such impersonal attention from the hospital staff. I hope your family has been more supportive. I think I agree with the other ladies, I wouldn't want to be too far from home but it's so hard to pinpoint when the m/c will take place if you're going to go naturally. I'm sorry I'm not more help, I had a D&C with mine as I did not want to wait.

[swivelchair5]

I'm very sorry for you loss. If you haven't yet looked at the miscarriage experience and advice thread, I really recommend it.

I agree with previous posters that you should stay close to home at this time. I miscarried while I was on vacation and I really wish I had the comforts of being at home at the time.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. What a horribly long holiday weekend you must have had... I experienced one natural miscarriage at ten weeks, and I agree with the previous statements about staying close to home. I labored for three days and the pain was the worst I had ever experienced. They're not always so painful, though - that was probably a worst-case scenario type of situation. You'll know when the roughest part of the miscarriage is beginning - I would definitely recommend snuggling up at home over anything else. Even if you feel ok physically, it can still be a rough time emotionally... If you have any questions about the natural route, I'm an open book. Huge hugs and be safe in the coming the days.

[nikolie93]

oneofthesethings, how are you doing today? I've been thinking of you!

[amandaree]

I am so sorry for your loss and even more sorry for the poor treatment you received from the doctors and nurses. That makes it even more hurtful. So so sorry.

[oneofthesethings]

Thank you all so much for your support and sharing your stories, you replies  have been so helpful.

nikolie93, thanks particularly for checking in.  I registered a complaint regarding how things were handled in Emergency. on Tuesday and received a call back and apology from the OB who will see me on Friday. 
I have been bleeding/ passing tissue/clots all week. My nausea and appetite have subsided and my tight pants aren't so tight over the last 2-3 days.  I should be almost 11 weeks now.  When I spoke with the doctor Tuesday he stated he'd do a follow up US and that I should come in with the tiniest glimmer of hope, however if things were as it seemed that we proceed with either a DNC or a pill to complete the miscarriage, I am leaning towards the pill and will dig around in the advise/experiences thread for a bit more info.  Also maybe it's unfair of me but I am pissed by his encouragement to come with a "glimmer of hope,". Of course I'd like to have hope but encouraging false or unlikely hopes is no kindness to me.....

[danenikki]

I'm so sorry for the poor treatment. I also hate for you that you are sort of in limbo. I know that is a terrible place to be. I completed my mc with cytotec a little over a month ago feel
Free to pm me if it comes to that.

[hollyberry]

Happy to see your update, I have been wondering how things were progressing for you. I am sorry its been slow going for you. I have only had D&C's so I have no advice about the pill, but I would say you may as well give it a try, since you have already started bleeding. I am still in shock that the hospital was so awful, I am glad you complained. Good luck at your appointment tomorrow. * hugs*

[hollyberry]

Happy to see your update, I have been wondering how things were progressing for you. I am sorry its been slow going for you. I have only had D&C's so I have no advice about the pill, but I would say you may as well give it a try, since you have already started bleeding. I am still in shock that the hospital was so awful, I am glad you complained. Good luck at your appointment tomorrow. * hugs*

[nikolie93]

Apr 8, 2015 20:58:15 GMT -5 oneofthesethings said:

Thank you all so much for your support and sharing your stories, you replies  have been so helpful.

nikolie93, thanks particularly for checking in.  I registered a complaint regarding how things were handled in Emergency. on Tuesday and received a call back and apology from the OB who will see me on Friday. 
I have been bleeding/ passing tissue/clots all week. My nausea and appetite have subsided and my tight pants aren't so tight over the last 2-3 days.  I should be almost 11 weeks now.  When I spoke with the doctor Tuesday he stated he'd do a follow up US and that I should come in with the tiniest glimmer of hope, however if things were as it seemed that we proceed with either a DNC or a pill to complete the miscarriage, I am leaning towards the pill and will dig around in the advise/experiences thread for a bit more info.  Also maybe it's unfair of me but I am pissed by his encouragement to come with a "glimmer of hope,". Of course I'd like to have hope but encouraging false or unlikely hopes is no kindness to me.....

Did you end up not traveling for work? I hope you at least get to be at home during this shitty time. Don't forget that if the bleeding ends up soaking more than a pad an hour, you may want to go to the ER. 


1. I am so glad you registered a complaint because that was not acceptable at all. 

2. I am so sorry you're in limbo, that is one of the worst places to be *hug*

3. I am sorry but I feel all ragey hearing the "glimmer of hope" comment. I will never understand why they feel it's ok to say that. I am sure they think they are helping but they really aren't during a time like this. I think you're feelings of pissiness are justified in this situation. 

4. I only have experience with natural MC's so I am of no help regarding the other options. 

5. I have no idea why the hell I numbered these responses and I realize it's dumb. Please excuse my project management mind  

[crazycatlady6]

I'm glad to see your update, I have been checking here off and on to see if you had posted one.

WTF goes to your doctor in his "glimmer of hope" statement. Giving false hope is cruel and hurtful. Ugh.

(((Hugs)))