Finally getting around to this. I knew I was OAD while I was pregnant, DH was unsure. I have a family history of pre-e and was on activity restrictions. In hindsight it wasn't that bad at all but because I actually did need to end up being induced for pre-e. All that said, the labor and delivery was a great experience for me which makes me even less inclined to have more babies. I feel like I knocked the ball out of the park!
DH has four siblings and at first wanted more kids. However, he recently got a sever PTSD diagnosis and he feels that it's best if we stop at one. That way he'll be able to better work though his therapy.
We're very happy with our choice and we feel very complete as a family of three.
My daughter is 2.5. Shortly after her birth I suffered a severe inflammatory arthritis attack that left me unable to walk temporarily. It's been difficult to control and I have to take several medications. In order to get pregnant I would need to be off them for several months. It's not worth the risk to me and I don't want to not be able to care for my daughter. I also had extremely low fluid that lead to delivering at 36 weeks.
Post by klongoria11 on Jan 20, 2015 21:33:39 GMT -5
I lurked a bit on the other site, but thought I might join in now that we are over here. I am a OAD fence-sitter and MH is OAD by choice. I had an uneventful pregnancy with DD, but battled with PPA and my relationship with MH struggled for various reasons. We are still trying to mend our relationship and now disagree with the size of our family. Financially it would probably be wisest to be OAD, but I can't help but feel that I am missing something. I'm hoping by being in this forum I can come to terms with being OAD. I hope you will have me.
Hi, ladies. I never posted here on TB, but we have always been 99% sure we are OAD. DD Is almost 2 1/2. I had a very easy pregnancy, delivery, and PP. Our daughter breastfed well, slept well, is healthy, beautiful and intelligent. We feel so blessed to have her, and we aren't sure we want to chance having a difficult pregnancy and/or infancy. Having only one child allows me to SAH (although I choose to work 12 hours per week) and afford everything we need. Having a second child isn't completely off the table, but the more we think and talk about #2, the more sure we are OAD.
Hi All! Intro'ing here for the first time, though I was very active in the May13 BMB. We are OAD by choice - definitely by DH's choice, but for a number of other reasons: DD was (and still is) a high maintenance baby, I had an ok pregnancy (had GD, and all the normal pg woes), it took us two years to get pg the first time around, and now I would be AMA, so not sure I'd want to try again. Finances is a big aspect of it for us... we might reconsider if we thought we could handle paying for two in daycare and not lose our house! Also, I'm getting to the point where I enjoy sleep, and not making bottles or pumping, and soon will be out of diapers... and I really enjoy getting to lavish all my attention on DD and experiencing all the fun things that come with each new stage.
Hi All! Intro'ing here for the first time, though I was very active in the May13 BMB. We are OAD by choice - definitely by DH's choice, but for a number of other reasons: DD was (and still is) a high maintenance baby, I had an ok pregnancy (had GD, and all the normal pg woes), it took us two years to get pg the first time around, and now I would be AMA, so not sure I'd want to try again. Finances is a big aspect of it for us... we might reconsider if we thought we could handle paying for two in daycare and not lose our house! Also, I'm getting to the point where I enjoy sleep, and not making bottles or pumping, and soon will be out of diapers... and I really enjoy getting to lavish all my attention on DD and experiencing all the fun things that come with each new stage.
Post by shaynap123 on Jan 21, 2015 20:04:06 GMT -5
I am O&D not my choice. We lost our first daughter at 17 weeks in March of 2007. I had a uterine septum removed after that so I assumed that was the end of my issues. We got pregnant with Ds in 2008, a few months after we got married, and the pregnancy was fine until I hit 32 weeks. I developed pre eclampsia as well a placental abrupt ion. He was born at 33 weeks and spent 5 weeks in the nicu.
Dh and I weren't being very careful and I ended up getting pregnant in the late fall of 2009 when ds was 5 months old. That pregnancy was fine until one morning I woke up at 29 weeks in massive pain. Drove to the hospital and discovered I was bleeding severely internally. If I would have waited a few hours to go, then I probably would have bled to death.
At this point, I have my tubes tied and my ds has special needs. He keeps me busy that Im way past having baby fever. For our daughter lost at 29 weeks, we had a funeral and burial. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to ever go through that again. Anyways it's nice to read the other stories meet you guys.
I'm 99% sure we are OAD by choice. I always said no children or two children because I just couldn't wrap my head around an only. My pregnancy was technically high-risk due to some known clotting factors, but I had excellent care and a smooth experience. When LO was about two weeks old, I had a close brush with death thanks to major reaction to my preventative care medi. Our decision to be OAD is based on a few things: I am 36 and DH is 42, it's hard to think about putting myself at that level of risk now that leah is here, and my only desire to have another is out of a socially-conditioned "should." DH is happy OAD but is open to more if I change my mind. At 18m, I'm more sure now than before. But... The door is a tiny bit open. Just this week, we decided to swap out IUDs rather than go for vasectomy or essures.
Hello all! I was a long time lurker on the other board so decided with the move over here I would intro. I'm OADBC. I always wanted at least 2 children but once I got pregnant that desire just disappeared. I'm not sure why. My DD was a persistent brow presentation at birth (which they almost caught too late and which almost cost us both of our lives) although even before this I was sure I didn't want another. My SO is also in a very time intensive profession and I find myself parenting alone 99% of the time and I can't imagine having to share my time with another little one. I honestly have no concrete reason for wanting to be OAD, I just know in my heart that my little duckling is all I ever needed. She'll be 1 this weekend and I go back to work tomorrow so I'm hoping to be able to start contributing here regularly.
My heart goes out to all of those who have suffered losses as well as those who are here NBC.
OAD by choice. I was indifferent to having kids and a bit of a kid hater DH had that manly need to forward his genes. Then out of the blue baby fever hit me. We went back and forth on the number with him wanting two, I kid you not, "in case the first one is an asshole". I convinced him that if we focused attention on just one he probably wouldn't turn out bad and we'd have more time and money to do things. I was an only and I turned out just fine.
Since having DS I can say im more certain than ever. I hated being pregnant even though I had a fairly easy pregnancy. I hated the newborn phase even though he was so cute. Teething, diapers and starting solids all suck too. I just really don't think I'd survive mentally doing it all again with a toddler on top of it.
I am OADBC and a fence-sitter. I'm pregnant now and although it has been a good experience so far, I am having a hard time imagining doing it again. But I understand that could change. H would probably be up for more kids so I cannot say we are in total agreement.
Sometimes I struggle with this reality as I grew up in a large family and loved it! There's no way we could afford that same lifestyle now, however.
Anyway, just wanted to intro and express my gratitude for this group. I didn't know you existed on TB!
Very similar situation to this. H and I were on the fence about having a baby to begin with but figured we would probably regret it more not having a family. I guess time can only tell, but if we are OAD, it will most likely be by choice. I am excited to meet our LO and I know we will love him/her. The idea of focusing on one child and having more freedom (financial and energy-wise) to lead a similar lifestyle like we had prior to conceiving is the appeal.
I know that's very privileged for me to say, so I apologize if it comes off as insensitive for those who are OADNBC. My heart goes out to you ladies as well as those who have had losses
So, I hope it's ok that I say hello to you all here, even though I don't know what will (or will not) be coming down the road later. Happy to know that this board exists regardless!
We are on the fence with one and done for a few reasons:
1) Kids are so damn expensive! I want to be able to travel with LO, pay for a lot of his college tuition, etc., and that would be very hard with two kids.
2) I had preeclampsia my first pregnancy. Luckily everything turned out alright, and I know some people have it the first pregnancy and not the second. However, I still don't know if I want the chance of possibly going through that again.
3) For the most part LO is an awesome little guy--good sleeper, good eater, not too fussy with teething, etc. He has his moments of defiance now as a toddler, but definitely manageable. I am afraid if we have another, he/she will be the exact opposite: super fussy, super picky, wake up constantly, etc.
Looking over my reasons, I guess they are rather selfish, but it is what it is!
ETA: After going back and reading everyone else's stories, I really feel selfish now! :-( My heart goes out to those of you who experienced losses or severe medical issues.
We are on the fence with one and done for a few reasons:
1) Kids are so damn expensive! I want to be able to travel with LO, pay for a lot of his college tuition, etc., and that would be very hard with two kids.
2) I had preeclampsia my first pregnancy. Luckily everything turned out alright, and I know some people have it the first pregnancy and not the second. However, I still don't know if I want the chance of possibly going through that again.
3) For the most part LO is an awesome little guy--good sleeper, good eater, not too fussy with teething, etc. He has his moments of defiance now as a toddler, but definitely manageable. I am afraid if we have another, he/she will be the exact opposite: super fussy, super picky, wake up constantly, etc.
Looking over my reasons, I guess they are rather selfish, but it is what it is!
ETA: After going back and reading everyone else's stories, I really feel selfish now! :-( My heart goes out to those of you who experienced losses or severe medical issues.
Don't feel selfish! It is not selfish. That is what the naysayers would say and we are not them. Your reasons are practical and it's recognizing your own limits. And how is it selfish to say you want to focus your time and energy on one rather than have to split those things with a sibling? That is looking out for your kid. One could argue splitting everything and having a sibling is selfish
I am so happy this is a choice you can make for your yourself and it hasn't been dictated by circumstances.
Hello all! I intro'd on TB board, but didn't participate very often--hope to do more so now. I'm OADBC, but technically a fence-sitter still. I had a great pregnancy, pretty easy L&D, and honestly other than being a poor sleeper, DD was a pretty great baby. I just don't know that 2 children fit into our family's lifestyle. I'm a WM and love both my family and career. I worry about how 2 children might change that dynamic, and I honestly just don't feel any baby fever. DD is 20 months, and DH and I both said we would re-evaluate when she's 2, but have now pushed that back to when she's 2.5-3 due to some career opportunities/advancements for both of us. The longer we wait, the more firm I feel our OAD decision will be. We have a pretty stellar family of 3, and I'm pretty content with that
We are on the fence with one and done for a few reasons:
1) Kids are so damn expensive! I want to be able to travel with LO, pay for a lot of his college tuition, etc., and that would be very hard with two kids.
2) I had preeclampsia my first pregnancy. Luckily everything turned out alright, and I know some people have it the first pregnancy and not the second. However, I still don't know if I want the chance of possibly going through that again.
3) For the most part LO is an awesome little guy--good sleeper, good eater, not too fussy with teething, etc. He has his moments of defiance now as a toddler, but definitely manageable. I am afraid if we have another, he/she will be the exact opposite: super fussy, super picky, wake up constantly, etc.
Looking over my reasons, I guess they are rather selfish, but it is what it is!
ETA: After going back and reading everyone else's stories, I really feel selfish now! :-( My heart goes out to those of you who experienced losses or severe medical issues.
Don't feel selfish! It is not selfish. That is what the naysayers would say and we are not them. Your reasons are practical and it's recognizing your own limits. And how is it selfish to say you want to focus your time and energy on one rather than have to split those things with a sibling? That is looking out for your kid. One could argue splitting everything and having a sibling is selfish
I am so happy this is a choice you can make for your yourself and it hasn't been dictated by circumstances.
Hi, I've lurked this board a lot and want to join in! We're OAD but ambivalent due to circumstances. I have PCOS, so it took us longer than anticipated to get pregnant the first time, which ended in a missed miscarriage. For my second pregnancy, I had GD and then started to have BP issues towards the end, in addition to being AMA. I was a basket case the whole time and didn't enjoy being pregnant at all. So now I'm staring 40 in the eyes, my husband will be 46 and we have doubts about being able to physically take on a second child. Plus my husband is still paying student loans for his bachelor's and is about to start work on a master's degree, so time and money will be even tighter. If we won the lottery...
We are OADBC. Pregnancy was fine for me. I had a traumatic delivery but not in the way others here have. My MIL passed away while I was in labor. While we tried very hard to be happy and enjoy the birth of our son, it was pretty somber. While DH was trying to cope with losing his mom he had a hard time being a dad. I did way more than my share of everything and ended up with PPD, and a lot of resentment toward DH. DS also is MSPI and the first couple of months figuring that out were absolute torture. We realize if we had another LO it would be different, but we just have no desire to do it again. Other than that, it's mostly just what others would consider selfish reasons. We want to be able to still be able to afford travel and other things, and we also both enjoy time to ourselves.
OAD kind of by choice. We went through 4 IVFs and 4 FETs before I got PG w/ DS on my 5th IVF. First pregnancy out of all of them. I was 38 when I had him. The pregnancy was easy, but with my age, how long it took, and other factors - DH and I decided to be OAD.
In some ways I know it's the right choice. $$ for one, DHs schedule (he works on a tugboat - 2 weeks on/ 2 off). And I really don't know how much of a kid person I really am. I adore DS and am so proud to be his mom, but I also see where I'm impatient and get frustrated easily. I think about how it would be w/ 2 kids and it kind of scares me.
BUT on the other side- DS is the only grandchild. No immediate cousins. As our immediate families are so small, it makes me feel bad. Will be be left alone down the road/ BUT- I focus on what he does have and that's a HUGE extended family, and many of these people are having kids right now. We go up to NYC twice a year to spend time with one section of the family.
Plus, we live in a great neighborhood and he's made some good friends. I just try to support this and will continue to do so.
He's a really great kid and I really just need to have faith that he'll be someone that people like, that he's a good friend to them, and that he'll be surrounded by many even if it's not immediate family.
Post by TheEleventhHour on Jan 28, 2015 11:47:25 GMT -5
ECB Welcome! I am not a huge kid person either - I get exactly what you mean. I can get frustrated easily too. I don't think I could handle two very well. I think having to wrangle two kids would take a toll on my mental health for sure!
Post by mamaturtle on Jan 28, 2015 13:48:46 GMT -5
Hi OAD!
I am a fence sitter and DH is OAD by choice. DH is OAD because DS was diagnosed with ASD 2 years ago. He is more fearful than I am about the chance of having another with ASD. A lot of financial and mental reasons come to play with why we can't have another.
I have lurked OAD on TB but never posted. I would like to participate here to help me come to terms with being OAD. You all sound awesome!
We are OAD by choice. Before marriage, DH said 1-2 kids and I said 2-3 (ha!). I thought the compromise would be 2, but after our DD, we didn't really talk about any more until she was almost four. That was when DH wanted to be OAD, but I didn't. That division was hard for a while, but I've come to terms with OAD and I'm enjoying the many benefits! Great pregnancy, except for morning sickness, great delivery, but man, recovery was pretty bad afterwards! No major complications, but it was a slow process.
We are OADBC/fence sitters. DD is 2.5. No pregnancy complications. She's a great kid with plenty of trying toddler moments but were lucky to have her. I think I'd like another, but when I drill down into it, I'm not sure H and I would be good parents to two kids. We're both kind of selfish with our time. We're both terrible when sleep deprived. Maybe it would've been ok if we'd had them close together because the tiny needy human stage wouldn't stretch out so many years with two kids going through it concurrently. If we had a second kid when DD was 4, that would be NINE YEARS of our lives when we had daycare payments. I'm not sure our marriage would survive a second kid! And finances. There's a lot we want to do in life.
And yet the baby fever is still there. Hormones, why you gotta make me want to act stupid?
Hi all! We're fence sitters. We always assumed we would have 2, but after ds (8mo), we're reassessing the situation. We were lucky - pregnant quick, easy pregnancy, easy delivery and ds is pretty amazing. When we think about the newborn period and how it was so much harder than we imagined, we're rethinking adding a second. As of right now, it's not workable financially. I'm returning ft to work in May and dh will be staying home with ds and working on a casual basis.
DH says that he would jump at another if he knew it was going to be a girl. We're closet OADBC and going to reassess in a couple years and see how we feel/where we are financially.
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