Introducing myself (TW- loss details)
Apr 13, 2015 15:47:44 GMT -5
Post by PiradicalMaid on Apr 13, 2015 15:47:44 GMT -5
A little background- I was carrying this baby as a surrogate for a couple of dads.
I started bleeding last Thursday. They tested my HCG, which was about 11000. I had an ultrasound on Friday that showed a heartbeat of 119. The baby was measuring 7 weeks, which was 5 days behind, but no one was worried. The doctor told us that we now had a less than 5% chance of miscarrying. My clinic left me a message saying I had a viable pregnancy. I know they couldn't've known, but it really did not prepare me for getting bad news today. The dads even announced to everyone because everyone seemed so certain the pregnancy was going well.
My bleeding got worse over the weekend, but I was holding out hope it would still be ok. I had a repeat ultrasound today, which gave us the bad news. It showed that the baby has already passed. All that was left was some placental tissue.
I'm having so many feelings right now (obviously, I guess). While I know I didn't do anything wrong, I feel like I let the dads down. Like, I was supposed to carry their baby, but I lost it. I'm also shocked that I passed the baby and didn't even realized. I guess I thought I would see something or have extreme pain or just *know*, but I didn't. I'm sad because we have to wait three more cycles to try again and there has already been so much waiting in the surrogacy process. I'm worried that something will go wrong again. Also, SO and I are planning our wedding and we were just thinking about a tentative date, so I'm disappointed that is uncertain now, and I feel like I'm disappointing *her* on top of everything- but really she's been nothing but supportive, I'm just overwhelmed with emotions right now.
Sorry for the dump. I have a lot to process, and I'm still reeling a bit.
I started bleeding last Thursday. They tested my HCG, which was about 11000. I had an ultrasound on Friday that showed a heartbeat of 119. The baby was measuring 7 weeks, which was 5 days behind, but no one was worried. The doctor told us that we now had a less than 5% chance of miscarrying. My clinic left me a message saying I had a viable pregnancy. I know they couldn't've known, but it really did not prepare me for getting bad news today. The dads even announced to everyone because everyone seemed so certain the pregnancy was going well.
My bleeding got worse over the weekend, but I was holding out hope it would still be ok. I had a repeat ultrasound today, which gave us the bad news. It showed that the baby has already passed. All that was left was some placental tissue.
I'm having so many feelings right now (obviously, I guess). While I know I didn't do anything wrong, I feel like I let the dads down. Like, I was supposed to carry their baby, but I lost it. I'm also shocked that I passed the baby and didn't even realized. I guess I thought I would see something or have extreme pain or just *know*, but I didn't. I'm sad because we have to wait three more cycles to try again and there has already been so much waiting in the surrogacy process. I'm worried that something will go wrong again. Also, SO and I are planning our wedding and we were just thinking about a tentative date, so I'm disappointed that is uncertain now, and I feel like I'm disappointing *her* on top of everything- but really she's been nothing but supportive, I'm just overwhelmed with emotions right now.
Sorry for the dump. I have a lot to process, and I'm still reeling a bit.
IMHO it's only understandable that you're feeling so overwhelmed by all and everything right now. From Friday to today is like the biggest of opposites. <hug>
DH: 51
