It's been one of those weeks (vent)
May 8, 2015 16:53:31 GMT -5
Post by hydrangea1019 on May 8, 2015 16:53:31 GMT -5
I just needed a place to let it all out. I try and talk about it with DH, but sometimes I feel like I overwhelm him with emotions over our loss.
It started when we watched Grey's Anatomy (Kepner and Avery's story line) and then I watched the birth episode of the Duggars. It just brought up a bunch of thoughts about milestones and holidays that we won't be a family of 3.
Then two days ago I was tempted to go back to my BMB (O15).. and I did... and that was just DUMB. It sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. Excitement for the ladies still there and then anger and sadness over not being there anymore. Then I noticed they were posting about finding out the sex which put me in tears again.
And now Mother's Day is Sunday and my birthday is next week. Mother's Day is self explanatory, but my birthday is a big one. I always said I wanted at least 1 child by the time I was 30. Then when we got pregnant in Jan, I was happy I would be pregnant on my birthday. And now... nothing.
It's my first cycle since my d/c that we can start TTC again. Long story short, we tried last night, but he was super stressed from work, so I didn't push it too much, but then I got frustrated. Then my brain immediately went to "well, we wouldn't have to go through this stress if my body would've functioned the way it was supposed to" which then put me in a really sad place and I finally just broke down.
Two of my friends at work know what has happened. One came up to me before she left for the day and gave me a hug and told me Happy Mother's Day. It took everything I had not to cry.
I know this is all a rambled mess, but I just need to get my thoughts out.
It started when we watched Grey's Anatomy (Kepner and Avery's story line) and then I watched the birth episode of the Duggars. It just brought up a bunch of thoughts about milestones and holidays that we won't be a family of 3.
Then two days ago I was tempted to go back to my BMB (O15).. and I did... and that was just DUMB. It sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. Excitement for the ladies still there and then anger and sadness over not being there anymore. Then I noticed they were posting about finding out the sex which put me in tears again.
And now Mother's Day is Sunday and my birthday is next week. Mother's Day is self explanatory, but my birthday is a big one. I always said I wanted at least 1 child by the time I was 30. Then when we got pregnant in Jan, I was happy I would be pregnant on my birthday. And now... nothing.
It's my first cycle since my d/c that we can start TTC again. Long story short, we tried last night, but he was super stressed from work, so I didn't push it too much, but then I got frustrated. Then my brain immediately went to "well, we wouldn't have to go through this stress if my body would've functioned the way it was supposed to" which then put me in a really sad place and I finally just broke down.
Two of my friends at work know what has happened. One came up to me before she left for the day and gave me a hug and told me Happy Mother's Day. It took everything I had not to cry.
I know this is all a rambled mess, but I just need to get my thoughts out.