I'm sorry we're all here. Here's my story.

[rnmommy]

Last Wednesday at 6 weeks 5 days I had some light spotting. I called the doctor's office and because I was over 6 weeks they wanted to see me.  The doctor did an u/s in the office and I didn't see a heartbeat. He told me that I wasn't 6 weeks, asked why I thought I was and if I had a positive pregnancy test. He said he saw a small sac and told me he needed to talk to me in his office. He told me he was sending me for a beta and if it was low, he'd have me do a second one. I asked him what the chances were that the pregnancy was viable and he said he didn't know. 

So, my hcg came back at 688 and he had me repeat it on Friday. That one was 728. What was supposed to be my initial prenatal appointment was scheduled for Monday and the doctor I saw then confirmed a missed miscarriage and told me that the baby stopped growing at about 5 weeks. She did confirm that there was a gestational sac and told me that it doesn't even develop until hcg reaches 3000.  She also confirmed that it was not an ectopic pregnancy.  I elected to go with the wait and see option because Cytotec is not compatible with breastfeeding and I still nurse our 17 month old.  I'm trying to avoid a D&C because our (almost) 13 year old knows nothing about this pregnancy (I don't ever tell her until I see a heartbeat) and I don't know how well I would be able to hide a D&C recovery.

Now, I wait. My light spotting has increased slightly. Cramping is occasional and not bad.  Honestly, I just want it to start so it can be done. I hate that I'm pregnant, but not pregnant.  There's still an embryo inside of me but it will never grow into the baby we so wanted and already loved.  Once this is over and I have a period, we'll try again.

I wish  none of us ever had to experience this situation and pray none of us ever will again. Much luck to all of you and thank you for "listening."

[swivelchair5]

I'm sorry you find yourself here. I hope you don't have a long wait.

[leahks77]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish that nobody had to experience this as well. This board can be a little quiet at times, so if you want to, feel free to come join us on the Loss After Living Children board whenever you are ready. Take care of yourself during this time. Thinking of you.

[hollyberry]

I am so sorry for your loss! We all share your feelings! I really hope that the process goes fast and your healing can start! * hugs*

[starfishy]

I'm sorry to see you here. The woman here are very supportive.
I will be thinking of you through the next few days.

[vivela]

I'm sorry for your loss. I know how frustrating that waiting period can be, where you feel like you are stuck in limbo of pregnant/not pregnant. It is an unsettling feeling. I hope the process is fast and relatively painless for you.

[hydrangea1019]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Take care of yourself and keep us updated. ((HUGS))

[nikolie93]

I'm sorry for your loss and that your are in limbo. MC's suck but it's even worse when you know it's going to happen but have to wait. I hope it passes for you quickly. We are here for you if you need it! *hugs*

[rnmommy]

Thanks, ladies. Bleeding started Friday and I had wicked cramping for about 4 hours. Motrin took the edge off, but that was some serious cramping. I'm still having light bleeding but I never got the "soak a pad every 20-30 minutes for 2 hours" type of bleeding that my doctor told me to expect. From what I've read online though it seems the amount of bleeding varies. The baby stopped growing at 5 weeks and I should be 8 weeks 1 day today, so I'm guessing there just wasn't a ton to get rid of? Every time I go to the bathroom and there's anything that isn't blood I find myself saying, "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." I know it isn't my fault, but I still feel guilty that I couldn't keep our baby alive. Hopefully all the bleeding will be done soon because wearing a pad is akin to wearing a diaper. I'm totally a tampon girl.

[vancitygirl]

Big hugs your way! Lots of love! I went through this a few weeks ago and I tremendously feel your pain. Give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically and if you need us in this board don't be shy to let your heart fly free.

[hollyberry]

So many hugs! I know its hard not to feel guilty, but it is definitely not your fault!

[muscari]

So sorry for your loss ((hugs)) It sucks having to be here but this ís a great place for support.

[rnmommy]

I haven't had any bleeding since yesterday. I'm hoping the worst is over. Emotionally I'm doing pretty well. I know not everyone does, but I take comfort in knowing that the baby likely had severe chromosomal abnormalities. It helps me believe it's not a failure on my part that caused this. Other than the severe 4 hours of cramping on Friday it wasn't too painful for me. I'm thankful for that although I saw stuff come out of me that I hope never to see again. I'm so ready to try again for one more take home baby.

[nikolie93]

I am glad it hasn't been that bad and that you are doing ok emotionally. I'm sure you know this but make sure you wait until the Dr clears you. Sometimes the wait sucks

[hollyberry]

Glad that is was all better then expected. Now you have time to heal emotionally. How long were you told to wait before ttc again? I definitely understand the feeling of wanting to hear back on the horse asap!

[TPFKAlsgabriel]

Sorry to hear about your loss. (((hugs)))

[rnmommy]

The doctor just said no sex until the 2 weeks of on/off bleeding stopped due to the risk of infection. I think ideally they want to wait until the first period is over just for dating purposes. She never said anything about waiting for any other physical reason.

[hollyberry]

Oh ok, well thats good news for you. I have noticed that it seems as though people who have a natural loss can get started earlier rather then later. I have had D&C, s with both my losses, and with both had to wait 3 months. Its a long time. I always feel like I am loosing so much time just waiting, but I will follow directions. It's so hard though. Its has been nice however to be completely ready emotionally, I am not sure if I would be after 1 month, but now, I am just ahout there and ready to burn the bench. Good luck

[tiresiastheblond]

May 23, 2015 22:23:01 GMT -5 rnmommy said:

Thanks, ladies. Bleeding started Friday and I had wicked cramping for about 4 hours. Motrin took the edge off, but that was some serious cramping. I'm still having light bleeding but I never got the "soak a pad every 20-30 minutes for 2 hours" type of bleeding that my doctor told me to expect. From what I've read online though it seems the amount of bleeding varies. The baby stopped growing at 5 weeks and I should be 8 weeks 1 day today, so I'm guessing there just wasn't a ton to get rid of? Every time I go to the bathroom and there's anything that isn't blood I find myself saying, "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." I know it isn't my fault, but I still feel guilty that I couldn't keep our baby alive. Hopefully all the bleeding will be done soon because wearing a pad is akin to wearing a diaper. I'm totally a tampon girl.

Hugs, rnmommy.  I'm glad you're doing OK.

And oh my god, yes, to the bolded.  Going through my days with a huge wad of poly-cotton (I guess) between my legs is making an already sucky situation about a thousand times worse.  Tampons all the way!

[rnmommy]

On the plus side, my doctor told me I could wear tampons, as long as I changed them frequently, after what she described as the "crescendo." Thankfully the bleeding appears to have stopped and there's no longer a need for anything.

[PiradicalMaid]

May 29, 2015 11:48:13 GMT -5 rnmommy said:

On the plus side, my doctor told me I could wear tampons, as long as I changed them frequently, after what she described as the "crescendo." Thankfully the bleeding appears to have stopped and there's no longer a need for anything.

My doctor said the same, but I was too nervous!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome and I'm glad your bleeding has stopped.