Post by NatalieDavid on Jun 3, 2015 7:47:58 GMT -5
My cousin and I found out we were pregnant 1 day apart from each other. We learned we were due 2 days apart. She has a four year old LO. We were texting everyday checking on each other and comparing symptoms. Now I'm stuck with nothing and she has a beautiful LO and abother on the way. I feel horrible for hating her right now but I do. We were both actively trying so I shouldn't feel so much resentment toward her. But I want to delete her from my life. I know she's just trying to be nice and check on me. But when she asks how am I doing I want to tell her how bad things really are but instead I just write "ok" so she leaves me alone. I will never understand how this happened to me and she gets to go on with her pregnancy. I would never wish ill for her but why did this happen to me? I hope I'm not alone in feeling this way toward others and maybe you can offer advice with how to cope.
Post by swivelchair5 on Jun 3, 2015 12:39:48 GMT -5
Sorry you are going through this. It will get easier. My sister-in-law and I surprised the family with our pregnancies on the same day. After my loss, she kept her distance, and when I did see her, she let me lead the conversation. Of course when I see her, I am still reminded of my loss, but it's not as overwhelming as it was a few months ago.
I'm sure your cousin would understand if you need to ask her to keep her distance for a few weeks.
I am sorry younare dealing with this, and it is completely normal to feel resentment and jealousy especially since younwere so close together. It's hard to undo the plans that you were making together with you LOs.
It does sound like she is trying to reach out, and when you are ready, it may be helpful to you to open up to her, tell her its bad, tell her how much it sucks, be honest. Having a person irl to talk to feels good. But if you are not ready that ok, we are here! *hugs*
Me: 36, DH 32 Bfp#1 June 2014 edd: Feb. 22, 2015,mmc: Aug. 5,2014,D&C Bfp#2 Feb. 2015 edd: Oct.12, 2015, mmc: Mar. 7,2015, D&C
DX: Me: slightly hypothyroid, taking meds DH: SA Showed all low levels, urologist appointment showed all was normal, so no reason why the levels were bad.
Plan: IUI #1 Aug. 25mg clomed, to help boost egg quality - BFN IUI #2 Sept. 25mg clomed, BFN IUI#3 Dec. BFP!! TWINS Edd: Aug. 22, 2016
Post by teenybenoit on Jun 3, 2015 16:38:14 GMT -5
(((Big Hugs))) I'm sorry you are going through this. I had a close friend pregnant in November when we found out I was pregnant too and we were texting everyday and so close. Then I mc and all of a sudden she stopped texting me. Then I got pregnant again in March and when we found out I didn't say anything to her because of course I feared that I was going to lose again and because she wasn't so supportive during my first loss. I mc again about 2 weeks ago and I heard nothing from her. Now she was posting today about how her and her SO were headed into the nearest town to where she lives as her due date is approaching and I couldn't comment and I felt angry too. Why couldn't she be more supportive of me when I needed it? Why was she allowed to have a baby and I have lost 2 angel babies in the same amount of time. It's completely normal to be angry and to feel resentment. It's ok to feel all the emotions coming at you. I hope you find some comfort here and this is a group of great women. Take care.
I am sorry you're going through but as others have mentioned the feeling of resentment can be pretty normal for ladies in our situations. It's also normal to feel bad or guilty about that.
I am going to play devil's advocate a bit here. I just want to chime in as someone who is much further out from losses than most of you ladies so I have been through all of the stages of emotions already. I know that for most of you, things are still raw so it's hard to look past certain things or understand them.
I am not trying to downplay your current thoughts/feelings/emotions and I am not saying you are wrong in feeling them. Trust me, I was there. Take all the time you need with how you're feeling, those feelings are justified.
I am not saying all the below are right, but in my experience and talking to others after the fact, it's what I have learned. I also like to try and put myself in others shoes when trying to work through things.
1. Looking back now I have realized that the way some people react may not be because they don't want to support you, it's that they don't know how. MC is a hard topic to talk about for many, especially if they are currently pregnant. Everyone knows that MC's aren't contagious yet some still have that irrational fear.
2. If no one has ever been through it, they really can't relate and find it hard to have any concept of what you're going through.
3. So many people are "fixers" and MC's, along with all of the emotions that go with it, are something that they feel they can't fix. So they stay away from it.
4. The ones that are pregnant may feel really bad for you and they feel as if they talk to you,they will end up pitying you. No one wants pity. They may also feel bad about being so happy about their pregnancy that it makes THEM feel guilty.
5. Some people are just fucking selfish and think only of themselves.
Married 01-04-2013 *AMA* 40 in June 2015 **1-19-15 Childless, not by choice" 1st EDD- 12-02-13 MC 5/1/13 @4w6d 2nd EDD 11-13-14 MC 4/15/14: discovered 1st twin @5w 2nd twin @10w 3Rd BFP- 10-10-14 EDD 6/16/15: MC 10-16-14 @5w2d
Post by PiradicalMaid on Jun 4, 2015 10:40:40 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss and that you have close relationship that has become triggering.
I agree that I think she would understand if you said you need some space right now, since it sounds like you would prefer she not reach out.
Feeling resentful and angry is so normal and I do think everyone here can understand. I can only imagine how difficult it is with someone so close to you. I was/do get mad at strangers I see with bellies, so the complexity of it being someone you love must feel overwhelming at times. Try to be gentle with yourself and know that your feelings are just part of the process.
Post by NatalieDavid on Jun 10, 2015 7:54:31 GMT -5
Warning triggers mentioned...
So a few days ago on FB my cousin wrote, "felt the baby kick for the first time." It stabbed me like a knife! I was upset the whole day because of it. My stomach hurt I was so jealous she was getting to feel this and I wasn't. I think her journey makes me so upset bc we were sharing the experience since we were due two days apart. I haven't felt any sort of anger for other pregnant people on fb or IRL. Mostly when I see pregnant people it gives me hope of carrying a healthy baby to term. Hopefully it gets easier as time goes on. I think I'm getting a little stronger everyday.
NatalieDavid, I definitely think that the fact you two were a couple of days apart and you went into your journey being able to experience it with her, makes it so much harder than other random pregnancies.
I do think it will get a bit better. Once you start getting stronger don't get discouraged if you take a few steps back. You can be good for a while and then have a bad day.
Married 01-04-2013 *AMA* 40 in June 2015 **1-19-15 Childless, not by choice" 1st EDD- 12-02-13 MC 5/1/13 @4w6d 2nd EDD 11-13-14 MC 4/15/14: discovered 1st twin @5w 2nd twin @10w 3Rd BFP- 10-10-14 EDD 6/16/15: MC 10-16-14 @5w2d
Resentment is completely normal and I feel the same way. One of my cousins is expecting her 2nd child next month and she's always passing her 1st kid off to someone else so she doesn't have to take care of him. It makes me wonder why she ever wanted another one and why she gets to stay pregnant when I didn't. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I wish none of this ever happened to any of us.
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