Only me. It's always been only me. I don't mind too much, he works a lot and his job is dangerous. If I worked I would expect help but since I'm home I don't mind doing the nighttime duty alone.
Only me. It's always been only me. I don't mind too much, he works a lot and his job is dangerous. If I worked I would expect help but since I'm home I don't mind doing the nighttime duty alone.
This was my thinking originally because I'm staying home (except DH has an office job), but now I'm having a majorly hard time with the lack of sleep. LO has had a really rough time sleeping the last 2-3 months and I've been getting up sooo many times each night. I just can't imagine seeing DH do something like this and me not wanting (or at least offering) to help.
If you are getting to exhausted he should definitely help ! There have been times I've been in tears because I'm so tired, so I know what you mean !
@kc295905 can DH wash pump parts for you ? I know sometimes when I'm incredibly tired, just dh helping get his nighttime bottles ready is a huge help ! With baseball dinner always conflicts with bedtime so I cook, serve everyone. They eat at the table while I feed him his last bottle. I put him to bed (which has gotten easier so I can't complain) I eat, clean the kitchen, wash the dishes. The older two hop in the shower, read books, say nighttime prayers, go to bed. I then wash bottles for the next day, fold laundry, clean the living room, and then wash the toilet (I have to or it smells like pee because no body in my house can seem to make their piss into the toilet). It's exhausting ! And I don't even have to get up and go to a "real" job ! The worst part to me is not being able to sit down and enjoy a meal !
It's all me as well. DH helped in the beginning. bunattack I feel the same way, if he was doing something like this I know I would offer to help, DH doesn't offer any help until I am upset. @kc295905 I go through the same thing every night too. I'll put them in their crib and it never fails that they will wake up about an hour later.
@kc295905, DD usually wakes up an hour later too. Then for some reason, she'll sleep a longer stretch once I get her back to sleep, but it can be hard to get her down that second time. I feel bad for DS because usually we're doing something together when she wakes up, so I feel like he gets pushed aside He's so sweet and mature about it though!
Like chicorojo said, it is a huge help when DH washes pump parts/bottles and gets bottles ready for the next day. Actually, I go ahead and measure them out at my last pumping of the day, so all he has to do is slap the nipples/caps on them and they're good to go. If he does that, it frees up a little time after both kids are in bed for me to do some laundry or pick up around the house (yay!)
It is mostly me, DH will help if I wake him up or on the really bad nights when DS is loud enough to wake him too.
Something we did early on was have DH take over on a Friday night. At that stage bottles were faster than nursing so DH would give a bottle and I would use the manual pump. It was faster. Then DH had the rest of the weekend to recover. DS became more efficient with nursing so we haven't done it in a while.
There are days where I wish we were doing formula so DH could help more. Even if e does help at night I have to pump or be too engorged to sleep.
DH does a larger portion of bedtime routine. I nurse and undress DS, DH usually does the bath, I get DS dressed, and DH does story and puts DS down while I get dinner started. Our evenings became less stressful once we started having dinner after Ds goes to bed.
We have two sets of pump parts and bottles. Everything goes in the dishwasher at the end of the day and we usually run the dishwasher before leaving for work. So one set gets cleaned while the other is in use.
I'm very fortunate to have a super supportive DH. He almost always changes him in the MOTN if he wakes up and then hands him off to me to feed. He very often changes him when he gets up in the morning at 530. I take care of almost all diaper washing, pump parts, bottles, our laundry and LO laundry and most of the cleaning and bills. DH cooks almost every meal. It's a nice balance most of the time.
I said mostly me with some DH help. If I have to work late or just need a break from nighttime routine, he is usually good about accommodating me. LO sleeps straight through these days, but when he was still waking up for a quick comfort visit I used to get frustrated that DH never got up first. His explanation? I just needed to ask him. That frustrated me - why should I have to ask?! I told him that for any future sleep regressions, we're doing a strict every-other policy (barring extreme circumstances like DH sometimes has to work until 11pm or midnight - I'll let him off the hook then). My theory is we both work more-than-full-time jobs. Why should I have to bear the brunt of the childcare, too? But all in all, DH is good at helping out when needed.
I chose "... few assists from DH." but he only assisted on two occasions, one where she startled in her sleep, started crying and was too flustered to nurse back to sleep. He knew I was super tired, exhausted (not from LO, I think I may have a thyroid issue), and he took her, put her in the carrier and walked around until she fell asleep.
The other was more recent. She pooped, which I think she woke up from, and I figured she'd nurse and go back to sleep. Nope. It was like 5am. She talked, babbled, and was otherwise content. DH got up with her and walked her around for a bit, and she went back to sleep until 7ish?
We bed share. Any time she's stirred at night I've responded to by re-latching her. The only times I've had to wake/get up were when she was congested, couldn't nurse back down, and had to do saline drops and hangout downstairs since our second floor gets stuffier at night on occasion. She doesn't stir or wake up much now. She sleeps 10-11 hours with a dream feed when we go to bed.
We both work but have split schedules so 4 days of the week one of us can be home with the baby but we never get a day off together. I take night time duty exclusively Sunday night through Thursday night. He takes anything besides feeding Friday night and Saturday night. Well that's how it is supposed to work at least. Now the little guy has decided he only likes to be calmed by me so I seem to be handling night time wake ups 90% of the time. But I will totally give my husband credit for trying.
I am a SAHM so I do most overnight duty and don't mind. My husband's job has a large safety element so I want him to be well rested when possible. He does trade off doing bedtime though on the nights that he's home early enough which is nice. The thing that gets me is that he gives up if he can't get the baby to bed. So sometimes it will be 3 in the morning and he'll come back and be like "he's wide awake that's okay right?" then I have to get up still and actually get him back to sleep.
Post by saintelizabeth on Jun 4, 2015 13:25:13 GMT -5
Right now it's 75% me but I'm always open to DH helping more with motn tasks. Overall DH is super hands on with DD. I woke up with her all the time when I was on maternity leave but now I'm back to work and he helps when I ask.
My stance is we both made this baby we are both going to take care of her. Poopy diapers and all
All me for the last 4 months. Basically since I went back to work. Bedtime, motn, all pick up and drop offs. Dh and I both work full time. I'm overwhelmed. I need to talk to Dh soon.
I do it all. Day or night. DH is convinced that LO doesn't like him. Probably because he doesn't do anything with him. It frustrates me to no end because he was not like this with DD.
I'm really tempted to go somewhere by myself for about 2 hours so he can figure it out. I'm pretty sure he'd just say he's tired and put him in bed to cry. He has never cried himself to sleep, so I'm not sure where DH got the idea that this was a good idea. It makes me sad/angry when I get home and he has done this.
I am so sorry - for you and for all the other ladies in this situation. This was the way my ILs were too. My husband has always been really bothered by how unfair he felt his father treated his mother growing up (especially now that he hears about what raising him as a baby was like) so he works crazy hard to make me feel like he's involved and I'm not alone.
All of these husbands who are choosing to do nothing (not the ones with extenuating circumstances like crazy work schedules) need a reality check. Ugh.
Only me. I'm nursing so I needed to do the MOTN feedings. Up until about a month ago she refused bottles, so it wasn't an option to have DH give her a bottle. Plus, he doesn't wake up. I'd have to wake up then wake him to tend to her, and I tried that for about a week (if I had just been up with her 30 minutes prior so I shouldn't need to feed her) but that was more trouble than it was worth. So, 6 months later it's still just me.
When I'm rested and in a good mood I just think about how I will miss being needed so much when my kids are grown up and living on their own. Babies need their mamas.
Okay you can tell me to shut up now
This is so true, my oldest refused to hold my hand today and I almost cried. And he's only 8 !!! I don't know how I will feel when he's grown and has a wife to take care of him.. *tear*
When LO was a newborn DH would help once in a while at night with a diaper change. Granted, he got the flu when LO was a week old so I was doing everything alone for that time. Then H went back to work and well, the routine has stuck.
Now, it's all me. I'm a WAHM, which apparently means he needs more sleep than me. Up until recently LO was still sleeping in our room so it wasn't too bad. Now that we have him in his crib, the help would be nice. I EBF so there's not too much he can do anyway. I don't think he even wakes up when LO wakes up. The nice thing is that I typically only get 1 wake up MOTN and 1 early morning.
Post by stampingqueen on Jun 5, 2015 7:17:16 GMT -5
My husband does bath time, I wash her hair. He put her lotion and pj's on and then I nurse her. Then I leave the room and let him take over to read her stories and put her to bed. Him putting her to bed is a more recent thing. For motn, usually it's me. Lately he's been more involved because we've transitioned to the crib and it's been a tough time.
Post by stampingqueen on Jun 5, 2015 7:17:30 GMT -5
My husband does bath time, I wash her hair. He put her lotion and pj's on and then I nurse her. Then I leave the room and let him take over to read her stories and put her to bed. Him putting her to bed is a more recent thing. For motn, usually it's me. Lately he's been more involved because we've transitioned to the crib and it's been a tough time.
Me. I EBF and he doesn't wake up well. It is exhausting working, getting home stuff done and not sleeping a lot. I get more angry that he sleeps in anytime he can and never offers to get up with the kids BC he is not a morning person.
But working the residential camp and having a 3-11 p.m. shift has allowed him to experience watching baby girl solo, be more confident feeding her pumped milk and purees, and getting her to sleep. I am hoping that after summer some of that will stuck.
He was talking about being tired this week. I still don't think he understands what it is like taking Care of the house, older brother ( who is at his dads during the week), working full time etc., but he better understands.
All that being said he does take out all the trash, mowing/weed eating, a lot of the laundry and helps put D's to bed if I am feeding or take an occasional nap. So not all bad, but way more tested than me. Lol
I have to Aww dh for this one. He knows he handled less sleep better than I do. That being said, we both work 50 hour weeks w/out counting commute. Usually one will go to bed a tad earlier and get motn (if needed) while the other puts her to bed. We switch the next night. We usually have opposite days off so whoever is off the next day gets motn. If we have the same day off then we decide before bed what we are doing. One gets motn and other gets am, each gets a nap if needed . Sucks cuz we don't have a ton of time together, but we don't anyway cuz i have 2 teenage step kids. Anyway. Why can't he do the motn on one of his days off and let you sleep? While I was on leave that's what dh did for me. Having a baby is both parents responsibility, maybe he doesn't know you want more help?
It's all me, all night, every night even though we both work FT. I was managing until 3-4 weeks ago when LO started sleeping like a newborn again. He's up every 1-3 hours, all night, hard to get back down, and up for good around 5am. It's killing me. Will my LO ever sleep again?
DH did better last night. Maybe him having to put her to sleep while I work evening shift the next month will be good. He seems more confident is his parenting skills. Fingers crossed it continues. Though I have given up on him ever getting up early to help in the morning.
I struggle here...I am hearing impaired so I can't wake up for LO. H does not wake up for ANYTHING. Right now, LO sleeps with us or in PnP next to bed (my side, of course). Sometimes he wants H and H will snuggle with him, but if he wakes up in MOTN or super early, it is all me. We are so very lucky LO tends to sleep until I wake him around 7:15-7:30. It's just the night time ritual, and that is all on me.
We both work...H does leave earlier than me, and on weekends, which I work, he makes sure to get himself functional for when I need to leave. I can't complain TOO much, but it does annoy me that 7days a week, it is 100% on me to do all the AM chores. H basically rolls out of bed, showers, dresses, grabs coffee, smokes, bathroom time, gets in car to go to work, or when he doesn't work to take care of baby. Only on weekends, he takes over with baby. Meanwhile, 7 days a week, I let dogs out, change baby, medicate (his!) dog, prepare bottle, feed cats, feed baby, dress for work, clean up kitchen, take garbage out, feed dogs and then either leave with baby (Wed-Fri) or hand baby to H (Sat/Sun). Mon/Tues I then feed baby solids of some sort. Bonus-I remember to grab a bottled water and slim fast shake on my way out the door...
BFP #1 11/22/12 EDD 7/29/13 MMC 1/14/13, D&C 1/16/13 BFP #2 5/7/13 EDD 1/14/2014 EP discovered 5/21/13, lost left tube Referred to RE, BW done August 2013, AMH 0.27, all else normal, HSG clear BFP #3 12/1/13 EDD 8/8/14, MC 12/24/13 January 2014: RE #2, BW repeated, homozygous MTHFR c677t, SHG clear BFP #4 4/7/14 EDD 12/15/14 Our rainbow was born 12/6/14 at 4:26pm!
I'm sorry that you guys are struggling with your LO's sleep, but it's also a relief. I don't know why his sleep went to crap at 5 months, but it's comforting to know it's not just us!
Since H had to go back to work after three weeks and I was nursing, we decided I would do all MOTN feedings and diapers and he would keep his routine so he wouldn't get too off and so he could help me during the day so I could nap or rest. Kept that up the whole time I was on maternity leave and most of the time I've been back at work but I broke down a few weeks ago when I was sick and also H had to wake in the MOTN to bring LO to me because I couldn't get out of bed. I think he then realized how hard it has been at least since I've been back at work. Nothing he can do about the MOTN feeding but he does now prep bottles and clean pump parts. I don't mind the MOTN of the night stuff cause H does have an hour+ commute, mine is 10 minutes, and a more physically demanding job. And I know I will miss these days.
It's a pretty 50/50 split in our house. I have been EPing for the kids pretty much from the beginning because DS never really got the hang of breastfeeding and it took forever for him to get big enough to really have the strength to try. So when they were eating during the night my DH would go grab the bottles while I changed them then I would pump and feed one while he fed the other. Now that they just occasionally wake up needing their pacifier we split checking on them. Pretty much all baby related stuff is split 50/50 in our house. I feel super lucky he is so involved and thankful because if I had to do 100% of the stuff with twins on my own I would have lost it.
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