WWYD re: boundaries

[foolofatook]

Posted my first baby bump picture on FB today. We have been referring to this baby as "Sequel" (second child, I'm a writer -- it's cute). Well, my estranged biological grandfather with whom I have a minimal relationship came on there and posted, "exactly WHAT do you think you are naming my great-grandchild??" I replied with "we don't have a name yet since we don't have a gender." He came back with: "well, then what on earth is Sequel?" 

I replied firmly that it was just a pet name, but we would hope that any name we chose would be met with acceptance from the family since we have the prerogative to name our own children. My birthmother immediately leapt to his defense, calling me rude and spoiled, saying that there was no need to be harsh to my "dear grandfather."

Fuck. I'm just ready to cut this part of my family off. I just don't know if it's wise with a baby coming, or if this makes it wiser, or WHAT to do. 

Hugs and advice appreciated. Hope this was clear because I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. 

[bookitup]

Hugs. Block them or set them to limited on your Facebook. I am absolutely appalled they would write shit like that on your FB, and as far as I'd be concerned, that would be their ticket out of viewing things on your account.

[kathol]

Totally agree with bookitup! Block them from following you and viewing your content on Facebook. Or unfriend them.... My mother was the same way on my FB, not understanding it's MY Facebook & I could post/reply wtf I wanted to. This is your child & you can call YOUR child whatever tf you want. No need to explain anything to someone you have no relationship with.
Sorry they've upset you! (Hugs)

[andindria]

Jan 24, 2015 17:25:25 GMT -5 bookitup said:

Hugs. Block them or set them to limited on your Facebook. I am absolutely appalled they would write shit like that on your FB, and as far as I'd be concerned, that would be their ticket out of viewing things on your account.

This completely. There is a time and place for every conversation and your family really needs to learn when that is. Facebook is totally not the place for drama at all let alone family drama. They need to be limited at what they can or can not see.

[yl]

Tritto on blocking them or giving them limited access to what they can see on your fb. If they are going to act like that when you share your personal information with them, they don't deserve access to that information.

I'm sorry. *hugs*

[bkml]

I agree with the PPs. But if you don't want to block them (I tend to be less confrontational), I would at least delete their comments. Don't let them taint that beautiful picture you posted.

[imavera]

BLOCK! After you've given yourself some time to think about it, then you can decide if you want to go the next step and un-friend. At the very least, hide them from any baby-related posts you may put up.

FWIW, I think Sequel is an adorable nickname

[golfanista]

Jan 24, 2015 17:25:25 GMT -5 bookitup said:

Hugs. Block them or set them to limited on your Facebook. I am absolutely appalled they would write shit like that on your FB, and as far as I'd be concerned, that would be their ticket out of viewing things on your account.

This!! Seems they just lost the privilege to share in your joyful news.

[yelah250]

I would give them limited access...grandpas don't understand social media from what I've seen.

[Elizabeth]

*hugs* Sorry, they upset you. I agree with all the pps. I also think that your grandfather and mother were the ones who were out of line and rude to you on your public facebook. I would definitely delete their comments and limit their access, especially to any information about your precious Sequel.

[ashslatts24]

Okay first of all "sequel" is hilarious!

Secondly, it's not their damn kid and if you wanted to name it sequel while that would be interesting, it is your choice. Idk why people feel the need to create drama, and it sounds like the tone with which he asked the question implied you didn't know how to appropriately name your children, which is incredibly rude. FWIW grandparents can be weird because they're from a much different generation. Maybe he legit just didn't understand? But for your birth mom to call you spoiled and rude is bullshit and she needs blocked.

[EmMilAlly]

Ugh - I am annoyed for you just reading this. It sounds like both your grandfather and mom rushed to post emotional "me centered" replies without really reading your post. I would probably just hide future baby posts, but then again I don't know the whole back story. I can't stand when people rush to involve themselves in conflict over social media and it's even more inappropriate when a baby to be is involved! Sorry you have to deal with this.

[Tgrrl]

Sorry you had to go through that. I have no different advice to offer. Hugs.

[gamergirl360]

So many hugs to you! I am not good for advice with this sort of thing, but I feel like PPs covered it and made some good points. Hang in there, and remember we're here for you!

[meggos1988]

Jan 24, 2015 18:23:22 GMT -5 ashslatts24 said:

Okay first of all "sequel" is hilarious!

Secondly, it's not their damn kid and if you wanted to name it sequel while that would be interesting, it is your choice. Idk why people feel the need to create drama, and it sounds like the tone with which he asked the question implied you didn't know how to appropriately name your children, which is incredibly rude. FWIW grandparents can be weird because they're from a much different generation. Maybe he legit just didn't understand? But for your birth mom to call you spoiled and rude is bullshit and she needs blocked.

All of this!
I call my lo nugget or peanut or baby squish. Whatever comes to mind. In the early u/s it looked like a gummy bear shaped mushroom and I would joke that because I was carrying it and would give birth to it I could call it what ever I wanted. Your having fun, this is an exciting time for you. Don't let the negativity tear you down!

[foolofatook]

My sister actually stepped to my defense. I'm getting pretty upset but thankful for an adoptive family that loves me and doesn't take this bullshit lying down.

All I know is: I have moved them ALL to limited profile/restricted. I am pretty sure that blocking and defriending is the next step.

[luckystar]

One thing I will add is that you should set your boundaries and make them known prior to the baby's arrival, because afterwards it's much messier and more difficult to do, and more feelings are involved on both sides of things. I'm so sorry you have to even worry about stuff like that.

[cch24]

Jan 24, 2015 17:25:25 GMT -5 bookitup said:

Hugs. Block them or set them to limited on your Facebook. I am absolutely appalled they would write shit like that on your FB, and as far as I'd be concerned, that would be their ticket out of viewing things on your account.

I agree with this as well. My mother actually posted on my FB that we're having a girl before we shared with everyone and I ripped her a new one. The stuff people put on Facebook is ridiculous, I mean do they even think before they type? Even if you were going to name him/her sequel that's you're decision as it's your child so they should be supportive and keep their nasty comments off FB. I'm sorry you had to deal with that ((hugs))

[beachy]

I'd definitely put them on a restricted list from what you post. I have my ILs on one (and H knows about it) because they insist on sharing all my posts to their own walls and it infuriates me. Not your kid, not your pics or info to post.

[thiscoffeechick]

Just echoing what others have said. "sequel" is an awesome interim name. Your "grandfather" has no sense of humor and it's obviously your Mom's insecurity about the dynamic that makes her rush to his defense.

[mrsgeyser]

Oh the crazy family crap drives me nuts! I also have a set of parents and extended family who are extremely inappropriate on Facebook (like telling my friend who is dying of colon cancer that it is 100% preventable and he should've gotten checked). I always delete their comments and have either blocked or unfriended most of them - my stepmom who logs in as my dad mentioned it once, I just acted like I didn't know what happened (but I'm passive aggressive and didn't want a showdown over Facebook).

[3timemom]

My husband and I both deleted his mom and blocked her. She would share every single one of our pictures on her page and she was "friends" with people that we had problems with and they were always posting on the pictures. We had a big argument over it all. We basically said we can't control what you do with your own pictures but we can with ours.

I'm sorry your dealing with this from family. It's crazy people think they can say whatever they want about your life.

[laceecaitlyn]

You're nicer than me. I would have really pretended I was naming my kid Sequel and told him to mind his bidness. I am all for cutting off anyone who can't be supportive or quiet at the very least, family or not. Do whatever will bring you peace.

[Deleted]

I agree with others and think you should either restrict or block them from seeing your posts. It's unbelievable how rude people can be, especially on social media. Just remember this is your experience and you can call your baby whatever you want. It's hard but try not to let anyone ruin your excitement.

[cgiles120812]

I agree and would block.

[doctaco]

This blows. But, I will say one thing I learned from my first pregnancy is that people feel entitled to inappropriate reactions to names no matter what. We didn't name our son until after he was born to keep from hearing the shitty comments - we heard them anyway.

Your bio grandpa lacks your subtle wit. It sounds like he lacks a lot of any kind of wit. But, keep in mind that certain people act inappropriately when it comes to a new baby (just like some people get whack about weddings) AND on top of that you have pregnancy hormones that are likely adding to your reaction. I wouldn't make any drastic moves based on this alone.

[dancinbeans27]

Jan 24, 2015 20:09:03 GMT -5 foolofatook said:

My sister actually stepped to my defense. I'm getting pretty upset but thankful for an adoptive family that loves me and doesn't take this bullshit lying down.

All I know is: I have moved them ALL to limited profile/restricted. I am pretty sure that blocking and defriending is the next step.

I have had some "toxic" in my family prior to the existence of Facebook. My mom just completely cut them out so we don't talk to that side. I think that moving them to a limited profile was a good move, but if you have to definitely go for the block. Just because someone is family does not mean they get to treat you poorly, I'm glad that you have a sister who stepped up and a family that loves you (knowing that makes everything else easier). 

Many supportive thoughts your way!

[mischiefmama]

WHY ARE THEY ON YOUR FACEBOOK?!?! And at the very least why are they not on some blocked "only get the weather related status" list.

[foolofatook]

Jan 26, 2015 14:18:44 GMT -5 mischiefmama said:

WHY ARE THEY ON YOUR FACEBOOK?!?! And at the very least why are they not on some blocked "only get the weather related status" list.

They're on my Facebook because I am weak. 

[foolofatook]

Jan 26, 2015 18:02:23 GMT -5 @traceyos said:

I set up mine so I need to approve all comments, just until I'm 100% public about the baby. Something to think about if you have a lot of people you can't trust to have the smartest comments.

Stuck in the damn quote box. 

That is a great idea! I might have to do that! Can you have it so certain people get approved or is it a broad-coverage thing?