~~~ WEEKLY GOAL SETTING: 7/20/15 ~~~

[icequeen]

Hi y'all,

I hope y'all had a good weekend! Let us know how your goal setting and execution went last week and set some new goals if you are up for it. Please follow the format below and also be sure to include any trigger warnings you feel are appropriate. Thank you!

Goal:
Short or long term?
Why is it important?
How am I going to accomplish it?

[Deleted]

Hi all! I'm looking forward to seeing everyone's updates.

I was 50/50 last week. I did not blow up again at my husband or son. I did fall into a pit of self-loathing after a really intense couples therapy session on Thursday. It sucked, big time. I am feeling better now, though still a bit sensitive.

Goal: I need to focus again on getting to yoga regularly.
Short or long term? Both!
Why is it important? I need to relieve some of the tension that has been building up lately, and keep it up to stay in a good place.
How am I going to accomplish it? Tell DH my goal is to go once a week, and ask him to help me schedule it. (I did not do this last time I set this goal).

Goal: Talk to my therapist more about my depression.
Short or long term? Short.
Why is it important? I initially told him I wanted to focus more on anxiety, secondarily low-self-esteem issues, and said my depression was mostly under control with meds. Clearly, that isn't true. It has dawned on me (duh) that the low self-esteem is a symptom of my depression, and while the meds do help, I could use some better techniques for managing the critical voices in my head.
How am I going to accomplish it? I guess I'll jot it down in my notebook to bring with me to our next session.


Goal: Make an appointment for my annual check-up with my OB, so I can talk to her about using a different form of hormonal birth control.
Short or long term? Short.
Why is it important? I'm on BCPs and while they do help with the mood swings, I still get down during the week of non-hormone pills, and it's really just not working. I need something more steady, maybe go back to the Depo shot?
How am I going to accomplish it? Make time this week to call and make an appointment.

Also, if anyone has any thoughts on how I can manage myself better during couples therapy sessions, I'd appreciate it. I think last week I let our therapist push me too far. I really want to show to DH that I am committed to working through our issues, so I go in there with the mindset that I'll do whatever I'm asked to. That did not work out so well last week.

[somebirdswalk]

***Trigger Warning: Self-harm***

My week went pretty well, though last Monday was a challenge! Not too long after posting my goals I had urges to harm, but I stomped around and deep breathed it out

I managed to get some better sleep about half the week, ate and drank water more but didn't eat/drink enough the entire week.

This week my goal is geared toward stress relief/coping. It's a short term goal and I plan to focus on guided meditation, food/water, sleep, and exercise to help me achieve it. It's important because it will help me build resilience so I don't bottom out as much. I had a pretty good "cool" going during pregnancy, and I want to get back to that-I know it won't happen in just a week, but I can start!

Those sound like awesome goals for this week, @rocknrollfriend, I know how much difference BC can make, I hope you find a better fit

Confession I have been misreading your handle as "rocknrollfried" and imagining some sort of rockin' fried chicken. Heehee

[rosied]

My week went pretty well. Didn't really meet my "taking care of myself" goal but I did get some exercise in.

this week:
Goal: work through emotions tied to MH's health. I tend to just brush off my emotions and push through
Short or long term? short term in the idea it is something I need to do here and now but long term in its benefits
Why is it important? I need to allow myself to have emotions and to actually deal with them. By brushing them off I will only be prolonging them and not accepting them
How am I going to accomplish it? If I need to cry I am going to cry. I won't force through it and then cry when I am alone. Also talking to him about things will be so big.


@rocknrollfriend, when MH and I went to therapy we had a few really hard sessions where I left feeling like it was hopeless. Our therapist pointed out that MH had a habit of saying something really nice (ie "She has been very caring this week..." and then saying "But she forgot to walk the cat". We noticed that even if he wasn't trying to be negative the usage of "but" changed the sentence completely in my mind and it killed me. That may be something to think about at your next session. Limit the "buts" and see if your H is more receptive. I hope that helps!!

[icequeen]

@rocknrollfriend, I like that you are enlisting YH to help you schedule the yoga. It is important that he realizes it is important to you, and maybe your therapist can also reiterate the benefit this activity will have on you. I hope you can find a class close to home so you do not have to be confined in the house, because I think that would be counterproductive. As for therapy, how are your sessions set up? The way we do it is that we have an hour session, and I get 15 min alone, DH gets 15 min alone, and then we talk together for 30 minutes. That way if you feel like your therapist might push you too much then you can tell her to change her strategy.

somebirdswalk, I am so proud of you for resisting your compulsion to self harm. I know the urges are so powerful and it is just so much easier to do the behavior and feel better immediately than to go through the stress and difficulty of pushing through it to feel better. You are so strong! As for the diet, have you tried meal planning? Or cooking larger dinners so you can leftovers for lunch the next day? It might also be a good idea to keep some snacks in your purse or at work like protein bars, trail mix, cheesesticks or fruit.

rosied, I still think the exercise counts toward your goal and you did a great job with fitting that in. I forget if you are seeing a therapist, but if you are it might help to talk to them about how to sort out, process your feelings, and then express them in a constructive way to YH. If you are not seeing anyone, I would write YH a letter explaining how you feel and then the both of you can discuss it. It is important for him to know that you are only approaching him about his health out of love and concern, not that you are accusing him or unhappy with him.

* Trigger warning: ED/PG mentioned *

I am pretty pleased with how I did this week, for once. I was able to concentrate on separate meals instead of full behavior free days, and as a result I kept down 4 meals (1 cheat meal). Also, instead of just maintaining my weight at the OB visit, I gained 7 pounds in the last month and my electrolytes are almost perfect. For this week:

Goal 1: Keep down 4 meals on separate days this week (2 cheat meals)
Short or long term? Short
Why is it important? I have to give as much nutrition to the baby as I can.
How am I going to accomplish it? Meal planning, talking to MH about going out to eat somewhere.

Goal 2: Not lose any weight
Short or long term? Long
Why is it important? I have to continue to gain weight during PG in order to have a healthy child, and also because if I lose weight, I will be inclined to keep losing, and I cannot afford to do that.
How am I going to accomplish it? Shutting down ED voices immediately, verbalizing my anxieties, not weighing at home.

[Deleted]

lol somebirdswalk, I hope I didn't make you crave fried chicken!

thanks icequeen and rosied for the therapy suggestions. Our sessions are supposed to be 75 minutes long, though they often go over, and last week went way over. It's DH and I together the whole time. If there's some pressing issue we need to talk about, we do that, otherwise we pick up where we left off at the last session. The basic method is that we really slow things down to look at the underlying emotional needs behind specific issues between us, and identifying our triggers and how our negative cycle plays out. Because a lot of my issues are also the cause of our relationship issues, we often cover those in some depth, and that is often what is so exhausting to me. Also, a recurring issue for me is that I feel responsible for any negative event or feelings DH is having, and I keep getting caught up in that which makes it hard for me to listen objectively. Not sure if that makes sense. Last week was just overwhelming; I was already feeling down, we talked in depth about my anger, then felt guilty for what DH was talking about, and the session went long.

Also icequeen, YEAH for gaining weight!! That is great, and you are doing awesome. Keep up the hard work!

[rosied]

Also I feel like the more you do couples therapy it does get a bit easier. I felt the same way (feeling like I was responsible for the negative events or feelings) and once I reached that point where I was satisified with what I was producing as a partner the therapy really started to click for me. I wish you to the best of luck with your sessions!

[somebirdswalk]

@rocknrollfriend, No cravings just an entertaining visual of a fried chicken instead of Michael J Fox doing the Johnny B Goode scene at the prom from "Back to the Future." I don't like it when raw chickens are animated but for some reason a fried chicken is much more friendly!

Keep up the hard work everybody! Glad to hear of victories!

[bocaburger]

I did really badly last week. I let my anxiety take over and did not meet any of my goals. This week, my overall goal is to stay positive and move forward.

Goal: Grocery shop and cook for the weekend.
Short or long term? Short term
Why is it important? This is something I struggle with a lot. We invited some friends over and I can't expect H to do all the work.
How am I going to accomplish it? Plan the meals in advance. Go shopping early in the morning before the store is crowded. Set aside a few hours on Friday for cooking.

Goal: Organize my to-do list.
Short or long term? Short term
Why is it important? I feel like there is a lot to get done in the next few weeks but I don't know exactly what. I feel more anxious when I don't know what I need to get done and I'm afraid I'll miss something important.
How am I going to accomplish it? Set aside time tomorrow to get it done.

Goal: Don't watch tv except when eating (I cant talk while I eat because it takes me too long so H and I usually watch an episode during dinner).
Short or long term? Both
Why is it important? I use tv to avoid facing my emotions, but I get sucked in and can't stop watching, sometimes for hours at a time. Sometimes I worry that it's almost an addiction.
How am I going to accomplish it? Set a hard and fast rule. When I feel the urge to watch tv, go for a walk or change tasks. Think about why I have the urge and if I'm suppressing feelings, work through them instead.

[Deleted]

LOL somebirdswalk!

bocaburger, I'm impressed with your resolve to stay positive and move forward. I turn to to-do lists when I feel anxious and overwhelmed too. Usually, just the act of writing all the tasks down eases a lot of the anxiety. I also like to categorize them into long-term, medium-term, and short-term, so they feel less overwhelming like I need to get them all done RIGHT NOW! GL with your goals this week.

[kaeguri]

icequeen, so happy to hear about the weight gain! Keep at it girl, you got this!

rosied, I do that too. I tend to shut down, bc I can't process emotions, especially negatives ones, very well. I found out putting on act made everyone else around me not realize what was actually going on, and that people wanted and were willing to help, they just didn't know I needed it bc I always seemed ok. It took me awhile to realize it was ok to show emotion, to cry and yell and vent if I needed to. If talking to your H is hard for you, maybe use PP's suggestion and write it out? That's how I did it, it was so much easier for me to organize my thoughts like this. FX for you!

I know I'm late to this, but better late than never, right?

**TRIGGER- Pregnancy mentioned, GAD, depression**

Per my last therapy session, I need to stop lying to myself and recognize when I'm stating a falsehood vs. something that is true. For example, I tell myself I fail at taking care of myself, so I'm worried about taking care of a tiny human. My therapist helped me realize that this is not true, I have worked multiple jobs and paid bills and put myself through school all on my own since I was 19, without ever having to rely on anyone else. I can take care of myself.

Short or long term? Long term, step 1- Learn to recognize if my negative thoughts are based in truth or the wanderings of my stressed out mind.

Why is it important? I need to be able to recognize and be more aware of my thoughts before I let them spiral out of control into a full blown anxiety attack and I fall back into my depression.

How am I going to accomplish it? Every time I say/think something negative, stop and think about where I'm coming from with it. Try to come up with examples that prove my thought wrong. If I can't, write it down for later. If I can, kick myself and move on. Lol.

[Deleted]

Jul 24, 2015 9:50:08 GMT -5 jennykat said:

Well, I have managed to fail spectacularly at both of my goals for this week. I can try to get myself back on the wagon for my food goal, but the other one will have to wait until next week. Feeling very upset.

You can do it.